


Wonderful Unknown

by ArtisanGriffinKane



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kabby AU, Kabby eventual angst, Kabby first time, Kabby in wooden cabin, Kabby on a boat, Kabby sex in a tent, Kabby sex under the nothern lights, Kabby smut, Kabby under Aurora, Linctavia (minor), Multi, Pictures, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Thelonious vs Marcus, alaska landscape, basically it's a romantic comedy so no blood or war sorry not sorry, domestic kabby, i love this so much already, jealous Marcus, kabby and a lake, kabby sex, linctavia's baby, princess mechanic (minor), sheriff kane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-11-18 13:46:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 147,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11291901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisanGriffinKane/pseuds/ArtisanGriffinKane
Summary: Listen to this playlist if you want to enter into this story's mood completely.https://open.spotify.com/user/11128821534/playlist/5NtpwIRpXI78GlHSVUaV07Abby Griffin had always been a hopeful woman, till the day her husband had died. After a year of mourning him, she accepts a job offer coming from the little town of Arkadia (Alaska). She will move there with her daughter Clarke, where Sheriff Kane and a new bunch of kids will help them start all over again, far away from the chaotic Los Angeles and their own demons, under the Aurora and the immense Alaska indigo sky.





	1. Are We There Yet?

**Author's Note:**

> Ok finally words had started to flow out of my head again, I added pictures in this story, because I wanted to give it a try, tell me if you like it or not! For the rest, let this story begin, and start this new journey with me, would you? 
> 
> Want some music while reading?
> 
> The chapter and its title were inspired by this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOYOce5iU0g
> 
> The song that Clarke listens to (short before the end of the chapter): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRn8Sl6-sRo

 

 

 

Abby Griffin had always been a _hopeful_ woman. She had grew up surrounded by the warmth of her mother's spirit, her father had died when she was too little to create a memory of him, and so her mother had been her focal point, her inspiration, teaching her how being good and hopeful could be the key to succeed in life.

 

 

Abby had always been the kind of woman you need to look at, not because of her obvious beauty, but because she had always carried a _light_ with her, the kind of light that can lit up a room and that can make you feel the _need_ to talk to her, to be part of that light, even if just for a moment.

 

 

Her _spirit_ had been one of the many reasons Jake Griffin had fell in love with her at first sight. When they met for the first time, it was a warm sunny day of spring. Jake was in his favorite cafe, right outside his campus, sipping at his usual morning black coffee, lost in thoughts. Abby had rushed in carrying several medical books under her arm, a blue pen hanging from her lips, so focused on something in her mind, that she almost crashed against a waitress. She had mumbled an apology and had walked toward him, scattering her stuff on the counter, pointing her index finger toward the bartender, “Can I have a cappuccino please?” she had asked, without looking at him.

 

The sun was sneaking inside from the giant windows that overlooked the street at their backs, and she was framed by a golden halo that accentuated the natural color of her hair. Jake had started to stare and stare, without realizing he was actually doing so. He couldn't say if he was staring at the way she was chewing on her pen, her eyes already lost in the anatomy book opened under her nose, or at the way her lips had turned into a slight smile when she had swallowed her first sip of cappuccino. He couldn’t say which one of the many details of that girl had been the one that had made him say “Hello”, but when she had turned toward him, raising a curious eyebrow and flashing him a warm smile, he knew it didn't matter, because he already knew he was gonna fall in love with every each one of them.

 

Instead for Abby, falling in love with him had been a _slightly_ slower process. She had always thought she wasn't going to have a family, children, a marriage, a nice house with a little landscaped garden, these things had never crossed her mind. She was a woman of science, medicine had always been her dream, her final goal. But when she met Jake, suddenly the plans she had built in her head had started to shatter into pieces, raising again into something she couldn't yet define, but that she _somehow_ liked already. That kind young man had started to make room for himself inside of her mind, and her heart, even if she didn't know that yet.

 

When he invited her out for dinner a week later, she had said yes without a second thought, because she simply couldn't find a reason to say no, even if her medicine's books had _glared_ at her the entire day, reminding her that she had a real important exam to give in short time, and that she surely couldn't waste her time around a cute boy with a _sexy_ smile. When he had left her at her room several hours later, whispering a goodnight, without kissing her, disappointment had started to settle in the tip of her stomach, but she had said to herself that she had no reason to be sad, it was just their first date after all, and she could wait.

 

When on their third date he hadn't kissed her yet, she had started to ask herself if he was the most _patient_ man on earth, or if he maybe didn't actually want to do that. So, when he walked her back at her room, and offered her his usual goodnight, walking away from her _again_ , she had stopped him, resting a hand on his arm.

 

The way his body had flinched at her touch had made her withdrew rapidly, shifting her weight awkwardly on her feet. He had looked at her then, waiting for her to say something, she had inhaled deeply and then had collected the courage she knew she had somewhere inside of her. She looked up and met his gaze, his blue eyes were so intense on her, his expression was calm but she could see, trapped inside of his features, a multitude of emotions that he was keeping locked up, hiding them from her. At that she had blinked and waited, until her lips had parted and had asked him the thing she _desperately_ wanted him to do, since over two weeks by now. “Kiss me.” she whispered, her eyes flew to his lips, Jake had froze, and then, when she had looked up at him, she could see how dark and _needy_ his eyes had turned. Her breath get caught in her throat at the sight.

 

“God I thought you were never gonna ask me.” he growled, and in a second her back was pushed against the door, and his hands were everywhere, wondering over her curves, growing burning waves in her belly. His warm wet lips so strong on her, but yet so gentle, she had felt so alive in that moment, that when her hand squeezed the handhold and opened the door, Jake's body guiding her inside using his hips, she hadn't thought even for a second about the exam she had the next day, her books could be _damned_ , because Jake Griffin was devouring her lips and she had never felt more desirable or more alive in her entire life.

 

That night they made love, and several others followed.

 

When she turned 22 he asked her to marry him. Not under the stars or in front of a beautiful sunrise no, but in her living room, under her roof, the sound of the rain prickling at the cold windows at their side, a hot steaming cup of dark chocolate in her hands. He had been staring at her for a while in silence, while she was curled up on the couch, she had looked up at some point and had raised an eyebrow. “What?” she had asked, he had shook his head, shrugged and then smiled warmly.

 

“I love you.” he whispered.

 

“I love you too.” she answered. Then he kept staring.

 

“What is it Jake?” she had asked eventually, shaking his shoulder with impatience.

 

“I just can't stop thinking about how perfect this moment is.” he whispered, stroking her knees with on of his hands, Abby at that smiled.

 

“I want this to happen everyday, _for the rest of my life_.” he said then. And Abby froze, she could feel it in the sound of his voice, she knew already where this was going. She kept quiet and Jake kept talking.

 

“I want to wake up every morning with you by my side. I want you to walk around in _our_ apartment wearing my shirt. I want you to make us hot chocolate and listen to the rain in _our_ living room for the rest of my life. I want _you_ with _me_ for the rest of my life.” he whispered, Abby's heart was racing. “Jake...” her eyes were already filled with tears and her cheeks were catching fire, she wasn't able to say anything more than his name, she could just keep listening.

 

He smiled to her, that lopsided, warm, familiar smile she had learned to love during their months together, he took her hand in his, setting aside her mug, and leaned closer, lowering his voice, his blue eyes had never been brighter. “I want you to marry me Abigail Walters.” he whispered, stroking with his thumbs her knuckles. “I want you to be my wife, because I am utterly, completely, desperately in love with you.” when he had then fell silent, Abby had stared at him, watery eyes, panting heavily, her heart had grew so big that she was feeling pain in her chest. “ _Please_... say yes.” he then whispered, when she had kept quiet for too long. Her lips had stretched into a smile then, and she had leaned toward him, her lips marking her _yes_ over and over again on his mouth.

 

They both had fell off the couch then, giggling, and had made love over and over again on the floor, all night long, Abby's answer echoing upon them as a promise of happiness.

 

* * *

 

 

Their honey moon had been a gift from her parents. Fifteen long days lost in the wildlife of Alaska. At first she had thought she was going to spend her honey moon wrapped up into giant coats, scarves all around her face, gloves caging her hands, freezing to death side by side with the love of her life. But that had been a _silly_ thought.

 

 

Alaska had been _amazing._ Beautiful landscapes, shimmering blue lakes, high mountains framing the endless indigo skies above them. They also had the chance to camp for a week on the shore of Lake Clark. There they had fell in love with the nature of that place, and there they had promised to themselves to get back one day.

 

They never returned to Alaska together. But when they got back home they carried with them something more than just souvenirs and little trees carved in wood, and exactly nine months later, their daughter was born.

 

They decided to call her Clarke, as to honor the lake where they had conceived her, under the sparkling northern stars, surrounded by snowy mountains and that shimmering blue lake.

 

From the day Clarke came to life Abby understood that all the things she had thought about herself, had been lies. She was a woman of science, yes. Being a doctor was still what she wanted, absolutely. But a family, that family she had never been able to see in her future, was already there and was the most beautiful plan, the brightest dream, the real final goal of her life.

 

Abby Griffin was a hopeful woman, and she was happy.

 

_Until, 17 years later, fate decided it wasn't time for her to be happy anymore._

 

__

 

The car accident that took her husband, and Clarke's father, away from them, had turned off her warm light.

 

Abby Griffin wasn't sparkling with hope and love anymore, Abby Griffin wasn't that hopeful beautiful woman that could lit up rooms with a smile. Abby Griffin simply wasn't Abby Griffin anymore.

 

The only thing that kept her lucid, and that _literally_ kept her breathing, was the need to be there for her daughter. Clarke had grew up surrounded by love, the unconditional and instinctive love of a mother and a father. She wasn't ready yet to say goodbye, the accident hadn't even gave them the chance to do that properly.

 

There's a time and a place to die for everybody. Abby had always been aware of that, and she had taught to Clarke how briefly life is, how important is to live it, day after day. But how can you teach to a 17 years old girl how to get over the death of her father? Especially when you can't do that yourself?

 

The year that followed changed the women deeply. Clarke had closed the world outside, finding relief in the silence of her mind, where her father was still alive. She had lost herself in the art, she had always loved to paint, and had started to cover her room's walls with drawing and paintings, but instead of using bright colors and peaceful images as she had always been used to, she drew in black and gray now.

 

 

 

She drew wrecks of ships at the bottom of the sea. Tornadoes devouring entire cities. Storms consuming landscapes and all the life around. And dozens and dozens of car accidents. Cars crashing against trees, walls, falling down a cliff, burning, exploding, got destroyed in every possible way.

 

Every drawing was detailed, her skilled hands had been able to frame the perfect shade of desperation she had inside of her heart, and every time that Abby had found herself in her room, she had felt that hollow in her heart growing painfully, living the void around, consuming her from the inside.

 

 

 

_Until a call came._

 

 

 

It was a warm day of spring, Abby was sitting in her kitchen, her eyes lost outside her window, looking at everything all together and nothing in the specific. She was so lost in thoughts that the phone had to rang four times before she actually heard it.

 

“Doctor Abby Griffin.” she said instinctively, her voice monotonous.

 

“Abby?” a familiar voice called her name from the other side of the line. She frowned, trying to get with whom she was talking to, but the voice preceded her and gave her the answer. “It's Jackson.” he said, and then was when she widened her eyes, and a tiny smile appeared on her lips.

 

Eric Jackson had been one of her students years ago. He had lost his mother because of cancer, that had been the reason he decided to became a doctor. He was brilliant and had a genuine and kind heart, that had been one of the things that had always made Abby so proud of him. They had shared few years together, him learning, and her teaching. He had grew so close to her that had became basically part of the family, Clarke had always adored him, Jake too. Until one day he got a job offer, in Alaska, where her mother had been born. She had pushed him to accept the offer, he had always wanted to work in a little clinic, treating few patients a day, being able to make them feel at home. And so that was the perfect chance for him. After a month he was gone, flying miles and miles away from her.

 

“Jackson! Oh my god, it's been a while.” she said and then bit the tip of her tongue, regretting her words immediately.

 

It had been a while, it had been exactly a year and a month, when Jake had died and Jackson had called her, apologizing in advance because he couldn't make it to the funeral, Jackson worked and lived in Alaska, and they were in Los Angeles, she had imagined he couldn't make it there in time, but had appreciated to hear from him after so long, they had talked for five hours that day, she had cried and he had listened, as the good friend he had always been for her.

 

“Yeah...” he whispered, the way his tone had changed told her he was thinking the same thing. “I'm sorry, is it a bad time? I can call you another day if you prefer.” he said, and Abby shook her head, even if he couldn't see her.

 

“No Jackson it's fine, is good to hear your voice again.” she said then, leaning over the table.

 

At that the young man smiled, she could hear it in his voice when he spoke again. “Is good to hear your voice too Abby.”

 

“So, how are things going on over there at the clinic?” she asked, smiling again, her eyes roaming in the sky outside her window now, getting lost between the clouds. Jackson sighed out.

 

“Well, that is exactly the reason I'm calling you.” he said then, and Abby blinked at that, half worried and half curious now.

 

“What is it?” she asked, toying with a pen on the table.

 

Jackson inhaled deeply and for a moment everything was silent, Abby almost thought he had hang up on her, but then he sighed out and started to talk again, “Dr. Harris died a month ago.” he said, and Abby could hear a hint of sadness in his voice.

 

“Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.” she whispered, and it was true. Dr. Calvin Harris had been the one that had offered Jackson the job, he was about to retire soon and wanted the clinic to be in good hands once he was gone, that time had come sooner than what she had expected.

 

“Thank you, but that's not the reason I'm calling you.” he said then, clearing his throat. Abby waited patiently for him to say something. “I've heard that you... that you quit your job at the UCLA.” he said abruptly, his tone lower now.

 

Abby at that pursed her lips. She had quit the job she had in the best hospital of Los Angeles, that was true. She couldn't simply work anymore there when Jake had died, the hospital had offered her to take some time for herself, she was one of the best surgeon they had, they needed and wanted her to keep working for them, every hospital in Los Angeles and beyond wanted the famous Dr. Griffin in their stuff actually. But Abby knew deep in her heart that she wasn't able anymore to work, and that she needed to stay at home, where her daughter was, because every time that she walked outside the door, her heart and mind staid at home, and this made her useless as a doctor.

 

And so she had quit her job, permanently. The hospital had informed her that there was always a chance for her to get back, whenever she felt ready to do that, she had thanked them, saying that she would keep that in mind. But had walked outside the doors of that building knowing that she was never going back.

 

“Yeah I did. But I decided that, you know... with Clarke and everything that had happened... I just needed some time with my daughter.” she whispered, not sure she could explain to him why she had to go away from there. Why she couldn't keep working day after day as if her life could somehow still go on as usual, as if she could move on. She couldn't move on, she didn't know how to do that, she probably even didn't _want_ to do that.

 

“Yeah I figured. But since it's been almost a year now, I wanted to call you.” he said then, and Abby at that stopped thinking and started to listen carefully.

  
“I want to offer you a job.” he said, and at that Abby froze, the pen in her hand stopped jumping up and down between her fingers.

 

“Wait, a job?” she asked, frowning, as if she wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

 

“Yes, a job.” he said again, confident in his words. Abby pursed her lips at that and cleared her throat.

 

“What kind of job? And where?” she asked, because suddenly her mind was working fast and she wasn't sure she was getting the whole thing.

 

“Well you are still a doctor, right?” he asked her, and Abby was sure she could hear the hint of a smile in his voice.

 

“Yes I am.” she whispered.

 

“Then you are exactly what I'm looking for. I need someone here Abby, I need someone that I trust and that is good at this, and you are that person.” he said. Abby bit at her lower lip and shook her head.

 

“Wait, are you saying that you are offering me a job at your clinic? The clinic that is in Alaska?” she asked then, leaning over her table. She heard him chuckle softly.

  
“Yes Abby, I'm offering you a job here in Alaska.”

 

“Alaska...” she whispered absentmindedly, and her mind suddenly fell quiet, her heart beating heavily in her chest.

 

Working in Alaska. She didn't know why but that thought made her smile.

  
“You know, I could imagine every kind of reasons why you would be calling me, but this one? This surely wasn't on the list.” she said then, standing up from her chair, and pacing the kitchen with long slow strides.

 

“I know, is a bit presumptuous of me, and I know it may sound as crazy. But Arkadia is a beautiful town, we are not that far away from Anchorage, and is not that cold as you may can think. Also.. the view is spectacular, not to mention the aurora and the midnight sun.” he said, the sound of a smile in his voice. Abby chuckled.

 

“I bet is amazing, but Alaska? Is a bit faraway from Los Angeles, don't you think?” she said, leaning over her kitchen counter, she heard Jackson laugh at that.

 

“That's exactly the point, you told me this few years ago, don't you remember? Starting over? In a place where I knew nobody, where I could find a new beginning?” he said, his voice growing more serious and intense. Abby smiled, she had said that, and suddenly she started to get the reason why he was offering her the job, not because _he_ needed her, but more because _she_ needed him. She knew that because it had been the reason why she wanted him to go years ago.

 

“Doesn't it sound beautiful Abby? Starting over?” he asked her, his voice low, a whisper that stroked her mind and soothed her tormented soul, she hummed.

 

“It does.” she whispered.

 

“Then why are you still thinking? I am offering you a job with me, side by side, and I know you miss me,” - at this she chuckled and nodded, even if he couldn't see her - “And I have also a house for you and your daughter, is a beautiful cottage in the woods, twelve minutes from the clinic. Is a really peaceful place. Clarke could get really inspired by our landscapes.” he said eventually, sighing out.

 

Abby closed her eyes and pictured herself sitting on a wooden porch, the stars shimmering above her head, the scent of scotch pines and grass in the air. Her bones melted under her skin at the thought, her mind grew lighter, her heart hummed in pleasure.

 

“Are you still there?” Jackson asked her when she kept quiet for too long, she hummed.

 

“Yes.” she whispered then, opening her eyes again.

 

“Oh good, so what do you-” but Abby cut him off, “No I mean, _yes._ I want the job.” she said then, surprising even herself at that, her heart jumped in her throat.

 

_What was she doing?_

 

“Seriously?” Jackson asked her then, she could picture him stiffening his back on his chair, gripping at his desk, his eyes widening in surprise, and she bit at her lower lip, squeezing her eyes and swallowing loudly.

 

“Yes, seriously.” she said then, firmly, growing confident in her own words. And at that she heard Jackson laugh, warmly, and she couldn't help it and laughed herself.

 

“Oh my gosh Abby, you are making me so happy right now.” he said, his voice sparkling with joy.

 

“But first I have to talk to Clarke.” she said then, clearing her throat, and wiping away a tear from her cheek.

 

_When did she start crying?_

 

“Of course. Listen, talk to your daughter and then call me back when you want, I'll be waiting ok?” he said, and Abby smiled.

 

She hanged up promising him to call back as soon as possible, he reassured her that she could take her time, and that he could wait as long as she needed.

 

She didn't know exactly what had pushed her to say yes, she surely hadn't woke up that morning thinking to move to Alaska. But when he had offered her a _new beginning_ her mind had stopped working and her heart had answered for her. That _yes_ had been filled with the _need_ to start all over again, with the desire to find something better somewhere else, where the ghost of Jake wasn't around, reminding her of all that she couldn't have anymore.

 

When Clarke came back in the evening, she told herself she could wait after dinner to talk to her. When she was washing the dishes and Clarke walked in the living room in silence, she told herself she could wait another hour. When Clarke fell asleep on the couch with a book on her lap and Abby kissed her goodnight, she told herself she could wait till the morning.

 

When morning came and Clarke was already gone to school Abby cursed herself under her breath, and decided that as soon as she was back at home she was going to talk to her.

 

* * *

 

 

And so that was why now she was sitting at their kitchen table, while Clarke was tapping on her phone, her face expressionless. “Honey? There's something I have to tell you.” Abby said, squeezing her fists on the wooden surface, Clarke hummed but her blue eyes kept staring at the bright display.

 

“It's important.” she said firmly then, and Clarke got the hint, blocking her phone and putting it on the table.

 

“What?” she asked then, leaning her cheek on her open palm, looking at her. Abby sighed out, collecting her thoughts.

 

“I got a job offer, and I accepted it.” she said then, looking at her reaction. At first Clarke remained expressionless and then frowned slightly.

 

“Haven't you said you weren't going to work for the hospital ever again?” she asked her, a hint of _judgment_ in her voice. Abby smiled kindly.

 

“In fact it isn't at the hospital.” she said.

 

“Uh. So? What is it?” she asked, even if she didn't seem interested in getting an answer. Abby pursed her lips then and offered her her best smile.

 

“It came from a clinic.” she said, knowing that giving her the information piece by piece was torturing her, but she had to take some time to find the courage to spit it out.

 

“Oh, so you will cure the rich people now?” Clarke asked her, suddenly really interested in the white flower at the center of the table. Abby shook her head.

 

“No, not exactly. Is not that kind of clinic.” she said. _Get to the point._ Her mind reproached her.

 

“Why? How many types of clinics exist?” asked Clarke, frowning and snatching a dry leaf from the flower stem.

  
“Is a clinic in a small town.” she said then, focusing her attention on what Clarke was doing.

 

“What small town?” she asked, as if the meaning of the word _town_ hadn't yet sank into her mind.

 

“A town in Alaska.” she said then, leaving the information hanging in the air between them. Clarke at that stopped torturing the plant and blinked, focusing on her again, Abby stiffened her back, her throat dry, she cleared it with a cough.

 

“Wait, what?” she asked, squeezing her eyes, as if like that she could rewind time and hear her words again.

 

“I accepted a job in a local clinic in Arkadia, that is a town in Alaska.” she said then, looking her daughter straight in the eyes. Clarke fell silent at that and pursed her lips.

 

“You're joking.” she said then, raising an eyebrow, Abby simply shook her head.

 

“You're telling me you want to move to Alaska?” she asked her, leaning over the table, her voice growing louder. Abby dived her nails in the palm of her hands.

 

  
“Yes.” she said then, her voice cracking slightly.

 

“Are you out of your mind mum?” Clarke snapped, gripping herself at the table.

 

“Clarke listen-” but her daughter cut her off, raising from her chair and running her hands in her hair.

 

“No don't! Why would you want to move to Alaska?” she said, her cheeks flushed, she was angry. Abby swallowed and stood up, preparing herself to face her daughter, raising her chin.

 

“I wanted to talk to you first, I just said I want to go, but I also said that first I had to ask you.” she said then, lowering her tone, hoping her daughter would follow her lead in that argument, at that Clarke stopped moving and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

 

“Good, then you can tell them I said no.” she growled, raising her chin and stiffening her back, as if she was the adult there. Abby blinked.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard me mum, you wanted my permission, I am not giving you that, that's it.” she said it as if like that she was done talking to her. Abby tilted her head and pointed her index finger toward her.

 

“No Clarke I didn't say that.”

 

“Yes you did.” she groweled.

 

“No. I said I was about to _ask_ you, but not for your permission, I was about to ask you what you thought about this, I wanted to talk to you about it.” she said then, approaching her. Clarke withdrew.

 

“Well we talked and I said no!” she shook her head in disbelief and walked away, heading toward her room.

 

“That's not how a talk works Clarke!” she yelled, following her. Clarke groaned and then turned toward her.

 

“I don't care! I don't want to move to Alaska mum. That's my home, this is were I grew up, this is were my friends are, this is where I want to stay.” she said, turning her back toward her, heading to her room.

 

 _This is where Jake died._ She couldn't stop from thinking.

 

“I can't stay here.” Abby whispered quietly, Clarke stopped at that.

 

“I can't Clarke.” her voice was fragile now, cracking under the weight of her words. “If I will stay here any longer... I'm afraid I will not be able to breath anymore.” she said, tears prickling at her eyes. She wasn't about to cry, she couldn't, this wasn't how she wanted this to go. It wasn't fair toward Clarke for her to break. She was the adult, she was the mother, she was the one that had to be strong. But it was so hard now to be strong, she was so tired of being strong.

 

“Mum...” Clarke whispered, turning toward her, she was suppressing tears herself now. If Clarke had a weakness that for sure was seeing her mother cry, it had always broke her, always.

 

“I'm sorry.” Abby said, sniffing and wiping away a tear from her cheek. “I'm sorry Clarke, I shouldn't.. I- “ but her daughter cut her off, closing the gap between them, wrapping her arms around her. At the contact with the warmness of her daughter's hug, Abby collapsed in tears, and sob after sob she soaked Clarke's blue shirt.

 

“I'm so sorry.” she kept whispering, as a prayer. Clarke nodded, kissing her head, Abby could feel her own tears falling down her cheek.

 

“It's ok mum. It's ok.” she whispered, her voice calm now, she was suppressing her sobs, so that she could give her the space to let it all out, so that she could be the strong one this time.

 

They kept hugging and crying for a while, then Clarke walked her over the couch and they sat down, Abby tried to stop her tears, but she had kept it together for so long that now it was impossible, her mind had no control over them, her body was collapsing under the weight of her emotional brake. And Clarke held her, minute after minute, hour after hour, she held her till she fell asleep in her arms, lulled by the familiar beat of her daughter's heart.

 

* * *

 

When she woke up few hours later it was pitch black outside. The city was quieter but was still alive, the blinding lights of Los Angeles shivered in the horizon. Abby blinked, adjusting her eyes to the darkness, she then stretched out a hand, and felt the soft blanket that Clarke had probably lowered over her before she had walked in her room to sleep.

 

Abby sighed out and stretched her muscles, lifting slowly from the couch, waiting a long moment before standing up completely and walk toward her room, to get some proper sleep in the few hours of dark she had left.

 

When she walked in front of her daughter's room she peeked inside, Clarke was curled up in a ball, her black drawings surrounding her as omnipresent ghosts and demons, she had to suppress the usual need she had to wash them all from the walls, saying to herself that her daughter had the right to mourn for her father as long as she needed to. It was better to scratch a wall then her own skin after all.

 

When she was about to close the door and give her the privacy she deserved, a bluish light got her attention, Clarke's laptop was still on, resting on the bed's foot. She sighed and walked in, to shut it off and put it in a safer place, she could still recall every computer Jake had to buy for her, she had the bad habit to fall asleep with it open on her lap and this of course meant that the next morning she would find it on the floor, pretty much useless.

 

She tiptoed inside the quiet room, when she took the laptop in her hands, and carried it toward the desk, her eyes fell on the web page that was still open. She blinked, her eyes hurt when the blinding light hit her irises, but she squeezed them and peeked slightly, adjusting to it. Then was when she saw it.

 

 

 

The last thing Clarke had been looking at was the “ _Official Alaska State Website”._ At that Abby looked at her daughter, breathing quietly under her blue blanket. She pursed her lips and sat down on the chair, her eyes roaming over the many pages that Clarke had opened.

 

When she opened them, one after the other, her eyes started to fill with tears.

 

_University of Alaska System_

 

_TravelAlaska.com “Maps + Places To Go”_

 

_Weather underground – Weather of Alaska_

 

The more Abby kept looking at what Clarke had been searching, the more her heart grew bigger in her heart. She had listened to her, she had _felt_ her sadness, she had understood, and while Abby had been sleeping senseless on the couch, she had started to search things about Alaska, as if like that she was giving her the _permission_ she had never asked for, but that deep down wanted, to move somewhere else.

 

Abby kept reading herself some of the information the website provided, then when her eyes started to burn and her body couldn't stay still on the chair anymore, she stretched her muscles and turned off the computer. When she leaned over Clarke to kiss her on the forehead, she mumbled something, Abby frowned and waited to see if she was actually talking or if she was just dreaming.

 

“I'm ok with moving in Alaska.” she mumbled again, taking the blanket off of her mouth. Abby widened her eyes.

 

“Are you sure?” she asked her in a whisper. Clarke nodded.

 

“Yeah, but tomorrow, now I'm too tired.” she mumbled again and rolled on her side, falling asleep in a matter of seconds. Abby at that smiled and kissed her again on the head, whispering a “ _Thank you.”_ on her hair and walking outside of the room.

 

When she laid down on her bed again, few minutes later, she fell asleep with a smile on her lips, her dreams filled with mountains and lakes she had never seen, the scent of wet grass and rain filling her lungs, leaving her breathless.

 

Abby Griffin had a new road ahead of her now, and at the end of it she could see something that looked like a sparkling light. Something that looked like _hope_.

 

* * *

 

 

Packing up an entire life isn't an easy or fast process.

 

Especially if you are about to leave the house you have learned to love in, growing up your child, creating a safe place for you, her and the love of your life.

 

Abby knew it was just a house, and that what she was holding in her hands now were just curtains, that she could still take with her if she really wanted to. But she had made a promise to herself.

 

_Start over again._

 

She needed to do this, it was devastating, but she couldn't move on if she couldn't even let go of a curtain. At the thought she felt sick to her stomach.

 

_It's just a building. Your house is not where the walls are, is where your heart is, is where Clarke is._

 

She swallowed and looked up outside the window of her bedroom. The fact that _home_ now wasn't about Jake too still forced tears down her eyes. A year. It had been a year, but pain hadn't vanished, not even a bit.

 

She had somehow got _used_ to feel it, because in the end you can get used to everything, even the monster under your bed can start to feel as a friend if you give it the time. But how to get used to the demons inside?

 

 _What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,_ one of Clarke's favorite song said.

 

 _True_ . But what if she didn't want to be stronger? What if she had been strong enough already? What if she would have preferred to be fragile, but with Jake at her side? She had never needed to be strong when he had been there with her. And many times Jake had said to her that between the two of them _she_ was the strong one.

 

She had always shook her head at that, saying that she had never felt stronger than him, she simply didn't feel weaker. At that he would have kissed her on the lips, murmuring her how he loved his beautiful strong woman, and they would have fallen on their bed, making love until their skin caught fire.

 

Her stomach grew warmer at the thought, her heart ached in her chest. She closed her eyes.

 

 _Don't go there Abigail._ She said herself. _Don't get lost._ She inhaled deeply from the nose, and exhaled form her mouth, squeezing her hands around the softness of the white curtains of her bedroom, then she let them go.

 

_Move on._

 

And so she did. She moved on the next thing she had to leave behind. Every object lightened up a memory she had thought she had been able to blow off, but of course they were all still there, vivid in her mind and in her heart.

 

The mirror in front of her closet brought to her memories of how Jake loved to kiss her neck when she brushed her hair before bed. Until she would moan, feeling desired and safe in his strong arms. A tear rolled down her cheek. _This had to stay behind._

 

The bathtub in their bathroom awakened the ghost of the touch of his hands on her wet skin, his fingertips traveling from her wrists to her shoulders, his lips following the same path, catching all the warm drops, sending shivers down her spine, right to her core. It was too big to bring it with her anyway, and she hadn't use it since he was gone, _even this one had to stay._

 

The carpet on the floor made her stop in her tracks, picturing herself smiling while kneeling on it, Jake at her side, their arms outstretched when Clarke had moved her first steps, falling down in their arms. She swallowed down a sob and knelt down, rolling it up, _this one had to come with her_ , it was more than the memory of him, it was a memory of _them._

 

When her eyes fell on the bed, she knew where her mind was about to go. She closed her eyes, trying to shield her heart from the memories that suddenly were flowing in her. The hot kisses, the way he dived himself in her, that still made her womb shiver and throb, the bites at her skin that still prickled at her skin, the echo of his deep and low moans in her ear, the words of love, the promises he had marked on her naked body. The way he had loved her, the way she had loved him, everything was there, in the fabric of every blanket, in the scent on the soft pillows, in the shape of his body that sometimes she still could see. She didn’t need to think about it twice, _it had to stay here._

 

Every room brought up a memory, and every memory awakened in her pain and exhaustion, but somehow, even if she wasn't aware of it yet, with every memory she lightened up, with every laugh, touch, word, sound or scent she remembered, she was giving herself a chance to let him go.

 

Jake would never fade away, she was aware of that. He would always be with her, in her heart, in her memories. He was in her daughter's laugh, she could hear him in the sound of her joy. He was in the blue of her eyes, many times she had to advert her gaze from her after the funeral, because looking at her made it too hard for her to breath.

 

But even if he was everywhere around her, she _hoped_ that, one day, remembering him would be less painful. She had to hold on to that possibility to move on. And so day after day, box after box, tear after tear, a month passed and they were ready to move on, to leave Los Angeles behind them.

 

Five bags, ten cartboard boxes, two flight tickets and a series of calls later, they were on a flight to Alaska.

 

 

 

“Do you think we will get the chance to see the _Aurora_?” Clarke asked her, chewing at her creamy snack.

 

Abby smiled, “I guess so, we will be near Anchorage, where we are gonna land, and as far as I know, there you can see them.” she smiled “And by the way Jackson told me that... so.” Abby added, when Clarke had raised a doubtful eyebrow toward her.

 

“Good, at least there will be something beautiful to see.” Clarke said, while throwing the colorful wastepaper in the little trash in front of her seat. Abby smiled.

 

“Alaska is beautiful Clarke.” she whispered, and sighed out, flashes of her honey moon coming back at her. But her heart wasn't aching when she traced back on that memory lane. Alaska kept a good memory of Jake, there Jake hadn't died, there Jake had loved her and had blessed her with a daughter. There everything was ok, there she was gonna be fine.

 

“Yeah well, to me it seems a little boring. I mean ok I get it, beautiful landscapes, mountains, lakes, whatever. But there is a movie theater there? A library? A Walmart?” she said eventually, pointing at her a index finger when Abby had kept nodding a positive answer at every each one of her questions, on the last one she stopped and frowned.

 

“I don't think they have a Walmart.” she said, at that Clarke shook her head.

 

“Good, then I am gonna take a flight back to LA asap.” she joked, sighing out and relaxing better on her seat. Abby smiled.

 

“I bet you will love it, Jackson told me that Arkadia is special, is a little shining pearl in the middle of the wonders that Alaska has to offer.” she said, using the exact words he had used with her in their last phone call, Clarke at that chuckled.

 

“Gosh mum, you sound as a _promotional flyer,_ it's done already, you _trapped_ me on this flight, I don't have enough money to go back anyway, so relax.” she said then, looking at her with her bright blue eyes, Abby chuckled.

 

“Well, then I'm happy I haven't raised your allowance.” she joked back, drawing a chuckle from her.

 

“About that, since I am such a _great_ daughter and _I_ let you move us to the _other side_ of the world, don't you think you should give me a little bit more than fifty dollars per week?” asked Clarke, flashing her a bright smile. Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Honey, first of all you should pay more attention at your geography lessons, secondly... why do you need more than 200 bucks per month?” she asked her, raising a curious eyebrow, Clarke at that shrugged.

 

“I was just thinking that since I will be forced to live in the middle of _nowhere_ , you could be more generous, but that was just a thought. I mean, you don't have to be a great mother just because I am a great daughter and-” Abby plastered her hand against her face at that, silencing her. Clarke chuckled.

 

“I got it, now shut up.” she said, shaking her head, but chuckling when her daughter nudged her on the side.

 

“You know that I love you right?” Clarke whispered suddenly, at that Abby swallowed and looked at her, her bright blue eyes looking at her carefully, as if she was somehow afraid that she couldn't find that certainty in her eyes. Abby nodded.

 

“I know honey. I love you too.” she whispered, stroking her cheek, Clarke pursed her lips in a shy smile, then she nodded and relaxed on her back again, putting her headphones on.

 

“To the moon and back?” she whispered as when she was a little kid, her thumb hovering on the play button of her phone's music player. Abby smirked and nodded.

 

“To the moon and back.” and at that Clarke smiled brightly and pressed her thumb on the display.

 

Abby sighed out, feeling the way the weight on her shoulders had started to lift itself from her. The notes of the song Clarke was listening to, reached her from her headphones.

 

“ _I wanna believe in your love again_ _,_

 _Despite what anybody says_  
_Cause it ain't enough to mean it_  
_When you feel it once_  
_And you know it_  
_So just say it”_

 

 

Abby smiled, closing her eyes, a smile gracing her lips. The song kept her company, until Clarke turned toward her and saw that she was mouthing the lyrics, she smirked at that and took off one of her earphones, offering it to her. Abby blinked when the music melted with her memory of it and smiled back at Clarke, leaning toward her, their heads touching while them both kept listening to the song that Clarke had listened over and over again during the last month. When she got obsessed with a song it was almost impossible to take it out of her head.

 

 

“ _I will take your side_

 _You make me feel like I've been waiting my whole life_  
_And I could die_  
_To find that simple kind of love_  
_You can't deny_  
_Just say it”_

 

 

They kept listening at it in an endless loop, until them both fell asleep, their heads never parting, their hands had found their way to each other at some point, entangled in a beautiful embrace.

 

 

 _4 hours_ and _52 minutes_ later they were landing at the _Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, surely here doesn't seem _that_ bad.” Clarke said, her black trolley bouncing behind her.

 

“Yeah we still have to take another plane though.” Abby said, looking at her wrist watch. Clarke sighed out.

 

“You are saying that actually there are flights to _the middle of nowhere_?” Clarke joked, looking at her with a smug grin. Abby chuckled.

 

“We will take a smaller plane to _Hope_ and from there a car to _Arkadia_.” Abby said, at that Clarke nodded, pursuing her lips.

 

“Sure. Be honest mum, there's no job nor a house, this was just a trap to make me travel endlessly from point A to point B to point C, wasn't it?” she said, raising an eyebrow. Abby chuckled at that and kissed her on the temple.

 

“Is not that bad honey, come on, we have a plane to take.” she said, walking inside the airport, Clarke snorted, following her.

 

 

The flight from Anchorage to Hope hadn't been comfortable as the one from LA to Anchorage, they had been forced into a tiny plane that had been filled with _too many people,_ and had bounced and coughed all the way to the airport. Once they had been able to get down from it, Clarke had basically rushed toward the ground, kissing it, her palm wide open on the dirt.

 

“Oh come on Clarke, it wasn't _that_ bad.” Abby said, leaning her weight on her trolley bag. Clarke turned toward her, glaring.

 

“I had a _chicken_ on my lap mum, this is the _definition_ of bad!” She said, standing up again and wiping away the dirt from her pants, grunting. Abby smirked and stroked away a piece of _something_ from her hair.

 

“Well you'll be glad that now we will have to use a car.” she said, raising an amused eyebrow, her daughter flashed her a fake bright smile and then walked toward the crowd of people in front of them.

 

“So, who I have to look for? Some kind of The Transporter movie driver? Black suit, shaved head, a gun in the belt?” she said, scanning the people in front of her, Abby shook her head.

 

“No you have to loo-” her words died in her throat when her eyes landed on the tall young and _splendid_ man that was walking toward her, a shining smile on his lips, his arms wide open.

 

“Abby!” he yelled her name to the wind and Abby covered her mouth with her hands to suppress a scream of joy, before rushing toward him, leaving the bags, and her daughter, behind her.

 

“Yeah, I'll just wait here then.” Clarke muttered, even if a smile blossomed on her lips as soon as her mother crashed against the man's body, his arms wrapping around her with strength.

 

“Oh my god Abby!” he whispered in her hair, Abby was laughing and crying at the same time. He squeezed her for a long moment, before freeing her. Abby withdrew, the wind drying the tears on her cheeks. “Don't cry on me Griffin!” Jackson joked, pointing a shaking finger toward her.

  
“Sorry.” she said, wiping away some of the tears and smiling again, “It's just that... you're so beautiful!” she said, smacking her hands on the man's chest, causing a chuckle from him.

 

“You're even better Abby, don't you ever age?” he asked her, drawing a snort from Clarke, that was approaching them.

 

“No way, is that little Clarke?” he said, looking between the two of them. Abby nodded and Clarke waved her hand.

 

“Hey there Jackson.” she said, shoving her hand back in her jacket's pocket.

 

“Can I?” he asked her, approaching, his arms open, already welcoming her in. Clarke frowned at first and then chuckled.

 

“Of course you can.” she said, and at that the young doctor wrapped her up in his arms.

 

“Oh my gosh, you grew up so fast.” he said, withdrawing almost immediately, giving her some personal space again.

 

“Yeah, mum tried to stop it, but she can't fight nature... right?” she said, her tone slightly worried. Both Abby and Jackson chuckled, then he smiled, his eyes kept traveling from one to the other.

 

“It's so beautiful to have you both here.” he said, and when Abby was about to start crying again, Clarke took her by the arm and started to walk toward the airport's parking lot.

 

“Let's get out of here before she turns into a fountain, Jackson.” she said, while the young man chuckled and helped them with their bags.

 

Once they reached the black jeep that was waiting for them, and all the boxes and bags had been fixed in the car's trunk, Jackson pushed the key into the engine and the car roared to life.

 

 

 

 

The drive had been pleasant, filled with lots of talks, the trio flew from a topic to another without ever stopping. They talked about how Clarke was going to enjoy the beautiful view that Arkadia offered, to the peaceful sundays Abby was about to enjoy _without_ working, sitting in her wooden cabin, sipping at some hot tea, staring at the fireplace.

 

They all avoided, for _obvious_ reasons, to talk about Jake. It wasn't yet the moment to touch that particular weak spot, and they weren't yet ready to open up to the memories, letting them flow freely.

 

Clarke had been _fantastic_ lately, the last month had awakened in her a new side, that had always been there, but that she had buried under lots and lots of sadness, enveloping it in a desperate heavy and thick need to mourn her father.

 

The prospective of a new life, a new beginning somewhere else, had brought to both the Griffin women something they both had let die in the past year, the _hope._ They were starting again to trust the feeling, adjusting themselves to its familiarity, trying to let it come in, and to help it grow inside of their hearts

 

It would have take them time, a lot of it, but they both knew that there in Arkadia, there were more chances to succeed.

  

“It's great really, people are so kind and polite. You will never feel as an _outsider,_ trust me Abby, Arkadia can make everybody feel at home” Jackson said, smiling at her. Abby at that smiled back, nodding, his presence at her side was so relaxing that she was basically falling asleep on her seat.

 

“This seems great Jackson, but _are we there yet?_ I am starting to need a bathroom... no offense.” she said, when Abby snorted.

 

Jackson chuckled, “Yes Clarke, we are absolutely almost there.” he said, turning the wheel, where the road disappeared inside the woods, and suddenly, after some curves that made Clarke turn green, it appeared.

 

_"Welcome to Arkadia - Alaska"_

 

 

“Ok, this is pretty cool.” Clarke said, her eyes roaming over every little detail. From the shimmering lake that had _somehow_ appeared beside them, to the little wooden houses that colored the landscape around them, making it look _alive._

 

“Home sweet home.” Jackson whispered, taking one of Abby's hands in his, squeezing it with affection, she smiled at him and then lost her eyes into the little town that was taking form around them.

 

The boats swaying on the calm glassy water, the mountains scraping the sky with their snowy peaks. The clouds hovering upon them, the deep of every color, from the blue of the water to the green of the scotch pines.

 

“This is amazing Jackson.” Abby whispered, when her eyes had took everything in, at that Jackson hummed. “And wait until you see the house.” He said, winking.

 

At that Abby turned to Clarke, but she wasn't paying attention to them, her eyes were wide open, her lips parted and her fingers were wincing, she was taking every detail in, the need to draw all of that was already rushing in her veins, making her hands hitch in trepidation. Abby smiled at that and sighed out, leaning again on her seat.

 

_Yes, they were there at last. There, where they could start all over again._


	2. Two houses, a dog and a secret ingredient.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Clarke finally see their new house, and they also meet their new neighbors.

 

Jackson drove the car slowly through the roads of Arkadia, giving both Abby and Clarke the chance to peek at every detail. From the wooden port on the Lake's shore, where a kid was throwing little rocks on the perfectly still surface, drawing trembling circles on the natural blue mirror, to the _Arkadia Central Clinic_ where Abby would start to work from the next Monday.

 

 

Everything was so _tiny_ and so _perfect_ that for them it still seemed as if they were walking inside of a postcard, as if the mountain range around them wasn't physically there, but had been painted and glued to the indigo sky above their heads.

 

When the black jeep drove further toward the forest around the town though, and Clarke pushed the car window down, giving to the cool breeze a chance to sneak inside, all of her senses told her that she was _really_ there, that that little portion of heaven wasn't a picture, but was actually pulsing with life around them. The scent of scotch pines and wet grass invaded her, Abby sighed out, as if lost in a memory, Clarke raised a curious eyebrow at that and took a mental note to ask her later about it.

 

Jackson kept talking about the town and its citizens, about how peaceful it was to take long walks when the sun settled down over the horizon, and also explained how it worked with day and night there in Alaska, “The sun rises and sets everyday, but days are longer on summer and shorter on winter. Now it's summer so the sun rises at 4:30 and sets when is almost midnight.” he said, both Abby and Clarke kept listening with interest.

 

“You mean that if mum says that I have to be back before dark, I can actually stay out almost all night long?” Clarke joked, at that Abby shook her head and Jackson chuckled.

  
“I think she will have to change her choice of words then.” he said, winking at her mother, while the car started to slow down again, around them now there were a series of wooden detached houses. Every each one of them gave them the chance to look inside of the windows, to the ordinary day of someone that they still didn't know.

 

Clarke peeked inside of a kitchen, where a kid was drawing rapid and large circles on a blank page, while a woman was laughing at the phone, stroking his black hair. From another one she saw a young woman stroking her swollen belly, sipping something from a white mug, looking outside, she spotted them driving and squeezed her eyes, when she recognized Jackson she waved and smiled at him affectionately and he smiled back.

 

“You know them all?” Abby asked then, when the house with the pregnant girl was at their backs.

 

“Yes, here is not Los Angeles, you will get the chance to know them all, one by one, building a real connection with them.” he said, nodding, Abby smiled.

 

“Well, it sounds good.” she leaned her head over the car window.

 

“It is, you will like it here Abby, you'll see.” he whispered, stroking her hand. Clarke sighed out and relaxed on her seat. She wanted them to enjoy this place, she wanted her mother to work again, to find a new reason to wake up every morning with a smile. And on her side, Clarke wanted to paint using colors again, she wanted to give herself a chance to live again too, to move on.

 

It wouldn't be easy, because the ghost of her father was still hunting her, and she knew that he would never disappear completely, but that was ok, she didn't want him to disappear. That was one of her biggest fears, for him to disappear from her memories. She was afraid that one day she would wake up, without being able to remember the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, the way it felt to snuggle in his big arms.

 

She had kept staring at pictures of him and her together for months after the funeral, crying on her pillow, feeling a deep hollow engraving slowly inside of her chest, sinking into her heart, painting her soul in black. It had been _excruciating_ , and she knew her mother had felt the same.

 

Many times she had heard her sobbing in silence in her room, curled up in a ball, hugging her dad's clothes. Many times she had spotted her staring at her closet, with empty eyes, her hands on her lap, stroking one of his dad's favorite shirts. At that she would have sat down at her side, one arm around her trembling frame, her head resting on her shoulder, she would have waited with her until the heaviness of that ghost would fade away, leaving behind only dry tears and quiet trembling whispers.

 

But here, where there weren't ghosts hiding in the dark, waiting for them to let their guard down to sink in, here there was maybe the chance to finally breath again. To find a new beginning.

 

When Jackson parked the car in front of what he called, “You're new home.” Clarke's heavy thoughts evaporated and she smiled, peeking at the wooden cabin in front of her. She climbed off the vehicle without waiting for them, excitement rushing in her veins, curiosity growing in her heart and mind. She took few steps on the dark grass and then widened her eyes.

 

It was _beautiful._

 

 

It wasn't too big or fancy but it was _exactly_ the right size. The roof was painted in a soft tone of blue, the walls had been built with natural stones that captured the rays of sun and would have kept them warm during winter's nights. The porch that leaded to the front door expanded on a little veranda, where two plastic chairs were waiting, and Clarke could already picture herself sitting there, while reading a book with her mother at her side.

 

Three windows were overlooking the grass where she was standing, a path made of stones leaded toward the entrance, Clarke walked over it to reach what was going to be her house. Then was when her eyes focused better on her surroundings and she spotted the matching house at her left. A tall boy with black eyes was leaning on the door's frame, looking at her. She frowned.

 

“Jackson?” she called out, the young man was helping Abby with the bags.

 

“Yes?” he said absentmindedly.

 

“Could you come here a second?” she said, when the door behind the boy's back opened, and a brunette girl appeared, raising a curious eyebrow toward her. Clarke was starting to feel _observed,_ as if she was a wild animal in the wrong place _._

 

“What is it Cla-” but his words died in his throat as soon as he saw where she was looking. “Oh hey Bellamy, Octavia.” he said, walking toward them, taking Clarke with him.

 

Clarke blinked and followed his steps toward the porch in front of her, where the two strangers were resting, the boy was smiling, the girl had a deep frown engraved on her features.

 

“Jackson.” the boy named Bellamy said, Jackson smiled and patted Clarke on the back.

 

“Clarke, these are Bellamy and Octavia Blake, your new neighbors.” he said, smiling. Clarke tilted her head and looked at him, she saw in the way he was smiling that he was praying in his head for her to be kind.

 

He hadn't told them that the wooden house waiting for them was basically _glued_ to another one. Yes they had still two detached houses, every each one of them would have their private space. But when Clarke would walk on her porch, or look outside of her window, she would have seen them doing the same, this wasn't exactly what she had been daydreaming when she had imagined her in a house in the woods, alone, with just her mother at her side. But this was a problem for tomorrow.

 

“I'm Clarke.” she said then, flashing them one of her best smiles, stretching out her hand. The girl named Octavia raised her chin, acknowledging her presence but without taking the hand she was offering. Bellamy cleared his throat in embarrassment and enveloped her hand in his own.

 

“Nice to meet you Clarke. I'm Bellamy, this is my sister Octavia” he said, his eyes apologizing for his sister's behavior. Clarke nodded and smiled, peeking at the girl at his back, she was glaring at her brother, chewing on her lower lip.

 

“So, first time in Alaska?” Bellamy asked, leaning again on the doorjamb, trying to change topic and to lighten up the mood. Clarke nodded, shoving her hands awkwardly in her pants pockets. The way Octavia was glaring at her brother made her feel uncomfortable for him.

 

“Yes, never thought it could be this warm though.” she said, gesturing to her surroundings. The boy chuckled, a bright confident smile blossomed on his lips, stretching his features, Clarke noticed then that he had freckles on his cheeks and nose, it was a detail that made her smile.

 

“Yeah well you're lucky you came here in summer, winters are cold that's undeniably true, but you will get used to them.” he said, nodding and looking at her with kind eyes. She liked the way he was looking at her.

 

“Honey? I may need a help over here.” her mother said all of a sudden from the back of the jeep, Clarke excused herself and rushed toward her.

 

She approached her and took the pile of books that was already falling from the cardboard box in her mother’s arms, she huffed and secured them against her chest, her mother laid a little box on her stretched arms and pushed her on her lower back. “Take these inside.” she ordered, and Clarke nodded, walking toward the front door, suddenly Bellamy was rushing toward her, offering his help.

 

“Thanks.” she whispered, when he took the box from her arms and flashed her a warm smile. They walked inside, while her mother kept snorting at their backs.

 

“Damn it.” Abby groaned, when the heaviness of the bag she had secured in her hand made her stumble on her feet.

 

Then was when _fate_ decided it wanted to mess around with her.

 

“Blade no!” someone yelled, Abby was walking away from the car, heading for the front door, when the _giant dog_ crashed on her, and she lost her balance.

 

“Blade!”

 

“Mum!”

 

“Abby!”

 

Everybody yelled in unison, while Abby crashed to the ground, the fall knocked the air out of her lungs, the box and the bag she had been holding where scattered around her on the wet grass. A _giant_ Siberian Husky was hovering upon her, his icy eyes staring at her, his hot breath stroking her cheeks.

 

_Oh my god no, please tell me I'm not about to die like that in front of my daughter, please._

 

“Blade!” someone yelled, and suddenly the dog barked and jumped away, and Abby sighed out in relief, the tensions in her muscles faded. She was still panting heavily when the shadow of a man appeared over her. “Are you ok?” he asked. Abby blinked, trying to focus on the stranger that was now basically _straddling_ her.

 

“Yeah...” she whispered, when her eyes finally adjusted to her surroundings again, the adrenaline fading away, she was feeling slightly dizzy and her head was pounding heavily, but she was ok. The man was scanning her body, searching for injures, he smelled as pine wood and wet soil and had deep dark eyes. When he looked at her, she felt the weight of his stare settling on her and she shivered. _That is intense,_ she thought.

 

“Come here, let me help you.” he whispered, offering her his hand as a support. She blinked and nodded, taking it and letting him pull her on her feet, she stumbled at first but his warm palm pressed on her lower back and helped her regain control over her legs.

  
“Are you sure you are ok?” he asked her again, resting a hand on her shoulder, she peeked at it instinctively and he withdrew, lowering it at his side. When he kept looking at her, waiting for her to answer, she nodded, clearing her throat.

 

“Yes I'm fine.” she said, when suddenly Clarke rushed toward her.

 

“Oh my god mum are you ok?” she asked, her hands roaming all over her body, her eyes following the same path. Abby sighed out and rolled her eyes.

  
“Yes I'm fine Clarke, relax.” she said, offering her a comforting smile, Clarke nodded at that and relaxed, then stiffened her back and clenched her jaw, glaring at the man that was still at their side.

 

“What the hell sir?” she snapped, crossing her arms in front of her chest. The man blinked in confusion.

 

“Excuse me?” he said, tilting his head, resting his hands on his hips. Clarke widened her eyes.

 

“You should be more careful with your dog, it could have killed my mother.” she said, gesturing to her, Abby at that snorted.

 

“Come on Clarke don't be ridiculous.” she said, wiping away some dirt from her shirt and pants, but Clarke kept glaring at the man without listening.

 

“Since we will live here from now on, I would like you to keep your dog where it can't try to kill my mother or me, is that clear?” she said, pointing her finger toward the Husky, that was now wagging his tail, while the girl named Octavia patted him on the head. He looked everything, but surely not a threat now.

 

The man was about to say something, when the brunette raised on her feet. “It's not his dog, he's mine.” she said, at that Clarke blinked and looked at her, Abby saw how she took a step back, as if being angry to a grown man was easier than being angry to a girl that was her same age.

 

“Oh...” Clarke said, shifting her eyes from her to him. “Well this doesn't change the fact that it could have killed my mother.” she snorted then, nodding with herself, crossing her arms defensively in front of her chest, taking a step toward Abby, shielding her from the dog's stare.

 

“He didn't want to kill her, he just wanted to _greet_ her, he is just a bit _expansive_.” Octavia said, while stroking the dog's ears. Clarke at that frowned.

 

"Well sorry but we are not used to dogs, and we don't usually jump on strangers to introduce ourselves.” she said, stretching her hands at her sides impatiently.

 

“Clarke it's ok, he's just a dog, not a _bear_.” said Abby, resting a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder. Clarke at that frowned and tilted the head toward her, forgetting about the dog completely.

  
“Wait... you're saying that there are _bears_ around here?” she asked her, at that Abby cursed herself under her breath, and searched for Jackson for some backup, but he was helping Bellamy with the remaining bags, and so her eyes landed on the tall man at her side, he looked at her, and she widened her eyes, asking for some help. At that he cleared his throat, and nodded, taking the hint.

 

“Yes there are bears here in Alaska, but not here here,” - he said, pointing his hands to the ground at their feet - “They never approach the inhabited centers.” he said then, flashing her daughter a warm smile. Abby sighed out and mentally thanked him.

 

“Mh.” Clarke hummed suspiciously, her eyes kept staring at the both of them for a while. “Let's hope they will keep doing that.” - she said, at that both Abby and the man nodded and smiled - “Ok then, I will go and take a look at my room. Oh mum, try not to hurt yourself while I'm away ok?” she mocked her, walking away with a smug grin on her lips. Abby pursed her lips at that and cleared her throat, the man at her side was hiding a smirk. She raised an eyebrow toward him and his face turned serious again.

 

“Thank you.” she whispered eventually, the man blinked. “For the bear thing.” she specified, gesturing to where Clarke had disappeared few seconds before. The man nodded and shrugged.

 

“It was just the truth, even if...”- his tone grew serious and he approached her - “Is better if you don't go into the woods around here alone.” he said, nodding and pursing his lips. Abby raised an eyebrow at that and nodded.

 

“Ok... do I have to worry?” she asked him, and at that the man shook his head.

 

“No, no... well if you stay inside the perimeter of Arkadia then... no.” he said, crossing his arms and clearing his throat. Abby frowned, and he flashed her a shy smile.

 

“I'm sorry for Blade.” said suddenly the gilr named Octavia, that had been looking at them the entire time, the dog was gone now. Abby turned and smiled at the girl, she looked worried.

 

“It's ok really, I wasn't expecting it but I'm fine. Don't worry.” she said, at that the girl nodded, visible relief blossoming on her features. She pursed her lips then, turning toward her porch.

 

“See you inside Kane?” she said, looking from over shoulder to the man at Abby's side.

 

“Yes.” he said, his voice low. Then the girl nodded and disappeared inside the house. And Abby and the stranger were left alone, when silence started to turn awkward she cleared her throat and the man focused on her again, she smiled.

 

“Well, it had been a pleasure, thank you for rescuing me.” she said, and the man smirked.

 

“Well I had to do something, I mean that dog was about to _devour_ you.” he joked, and Abby giggled.

 

“Yeah Clarke sometimes is a bit _melodramatic_.” she said, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. The man nodded, as if the feeling was familiar to him. “I'm Abby by the way.” she said, stretching out a hand, realizing that they hadn't introduced themselves yet. He looked down at it and smiled, taking it in his. His hand was warm and strong, it enveloped hers completely.

  
“Marcus.” he whispered, and Abby smiled.

 

“Nice to meet you Marcus. Are you gonna be my new neighbor too, so?” she asked him, tilting her head in curiosity. Marcus frowned at first, and then shook his head.

 

“Oh no, no. I don't live here. I just come from time to time to check on the house and the siblings.” he said, and Abby nodded in understanding.

 

“Oh I see, well then I see you when I see you.” she said, in a typical Clarke's fashion, smiling toward the tall man and walking backwards to her front door. Marcus nodded.

 

“You will, and welcome to Arkadia.” he added when Abby had stepped on her porch, she smiled toward him and waved a goodbye before entering the house.

 

“Mum you have to see this!” Clarke yelled right when she was closing the door, Marcus chuckled and Abby smiled, closing the door at her back.

 

* * *

 

 

When all the boxes and the bags had been taken inside the house, Abby thanked both Bellamy and Jackson for the help. The latter excused himself, saying that he needed to go back home, they hugged, promising to see each other first thing in the morning. Then, when Clarke had disappeared in her room to unpack her things, Abby had been left alone with the boy, in her new living room.

 

“Can I offer you something?” Abby asked him. The boy smiled.

 

“No it's not necessary.” he said, shaking his head, but Abby crossed her arms and raised her chin.

 

“Oh come on, you had been so kind with us, it's the least I can do.” she said, flashing him a warm smile, the boy chuckled at that and nodded and Abby walked toward one of the boxes in the kitchen, wearing a triumphant smile.

 

“Oh... I spoke too soon, I have nothing to offer you.” she said, frowning toward the _mess_ of things in the box in her hands, she took a mental note to go to the grocery store as soon as possible. Bellamy smiled, approaching her.

 

“It's ok, I have some tea in my house, I can make some for us.” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Abby at that looked up and smiled.

 

“You already did more than what was necessary I don't want to-” but he cut her off, raising both of his hands in front of him.

 

“Please. It's a tradition around here, offering a tea to the new neighbors.” he said, smiling kindly. Abby smiled back and sighed out, nodding in approval, at that the boy smirked.

 

“Good, I'll go and start to boil some water.” he said, walking outside the door. When Abby was left alone she walked toward Clarke's room.

 

“Honey?” she knocked on the wooden door, it creaked open and she peeked inside. Clarke was curled up in a ball on the bed, visibly asleep. Abby smiled and bit at her lower lip, the trip had knocked her out as usual. She smiled to herself and closed quietly the door at her back. Tiptoeing away.

 

When she walked outside the house, and she was abut to lock the door at her back, she remember her former assistant's words.

 

“ _This is not LA, we know each other here, no one will sneak inside of your house, except fawns maybe.”_ Jackson had said when she had asked him if there was some kind of surveillance system. She still wasn't used to the idea of leaving the front door open, even if just for a short amount of time, even if she was basically right in front of it. But when her eyes landed on the open door of the siblings house, she smiled and sighed out.

 

_Ok then, let's hope I don't find a deer in my living room._

 

When she peeked inside the house, the scent of cinnamon and something baking in the oven reached her nose, and her stomach growled, she was hungry. The houses matched even in the inside, same wooden panels, same windows, the rooms where specular, but inside of this one everything was vibrating with _life._

 

From the pictures hanging on the walls, to the flowers coloring the corner of the house. She walked inside, her eyes peeking and taking secret and quiet pictures of what she was seeing, when suddenly Octavia's dog appeared in front of her. She froze, widening her eyes.

 

“Blade!” Marcus rushed outside the kitchen then, a wooden spoon between his lips. When he spotted her he widened his eyes, and pulled the spoon out of his lips, hiding it behind his back, stiffening on his feet, he cleared his throat.

 

“Abby.” he said, at that she smiled.

 

  
“Marcus.” she said back, a smile blossoming on her lips when the dog started to sniff at Marcus hands, searching for the spoon probably.

 

“Hum, you needed something?” he asked her then, withdrawing from the dog, that was now trying to basically _climb_ on him.

 

“No actually I-” then was when Bellamy appeared from the kitchen, cleaning his hands on a towel, he smiled when he saw her.

 

“Abby! Come in, the tea is almost ready.” he said, and then frowned. “Where's Clarke?” he asked, at that Abby smiled.

 

“She passed out on her bed.” she said, drawing a chuckle from the boy.

 

“Ok then, it's just you and me.” he said, waving at her to follow him. She smiled then and approached the kitchen, Marcus pushed the dog behind his legs, so that she could pass.

 

“It's ok, he just wants my spoon.” he said, nodding toward her, Abby looked at him in silence and then smirked when Blade tried to bite at the spoon in Marcus' hand.

 

“Yeah I can see that.” she said, following Bellamy in the kitchen, leaving Marcus and the dog at her back.

 

“Sugar?” Bellamy asked her, resting a creamy teapot on the table, offering her a stool.

 

“No thank you.” she said while sitting down, smiling and leaning her elbows on the table. Octavia was cutting a tomato, she looked at her and offered her a smile.

 

“So, you like the house?” she asked, while cutting the fruit in small cubes.

 

“Yes, absolutely. It's still too soon but, I think we will be fine.” Abby said, smiling to Bellamy when he poured the dark tea in her mug.

 

“Where do you come from?” Octavia asked, putting the pieces of tomato in a wooden bowl. Abby at that smiled, her hands cupping the mug, it was still too hot, she withdrew them and wrapped her arms around herself.

 

“Los Angeles.” she said, tilting her head. In the meantime Marcus had walked inside, the dog was gone.

 

“I left Blade in your room.” he said to Octavia, the girl nodded.

 

“So, Los Angeles uh? Well surely here is pretty different from the sunny California.” she said, her hands working slowly with the giant knife on the chopping board. Abby nodded.

 

“Very different. But that's alright. Different is good.” she said, lowering her voice, swallowing. The girl hummed.

 

“Why? You didn't like Los Angeles?” Octavia asked, and at that her brother glared at her and Marcus cleared his throat. The girl blinked and shrugged. “What? I was just asking.” she said, her eyes fell on Abby and she forced a smile on her lips.

 

“It's ok.” she whispered, when Bellamy looked at her with an apology in his black irises. The girl didn't want to be _rude,_ she was simply trying to be kind, and for sure she couldn't know what had happened to them, and why _different_ was good. Abby looked at her tea for a long moment, realizing suddenly how the air had turned _electric_ somehow, and sensing the weight of the tension that was growing in the silence of the kitchen.

 

“Clarke's father died a year ago, we needed a change.” she said abruptly. Without thinking, as if her lips had decided to part and voice her thoughts without her consent. At that the tension grew heavier. Bellamy kept his lips plastered to his mug, Marcus was giving her his back, the wooden spoon circling in the pot on the fire in endless lazy circles. Octavia though, she was looking at her now, her icy eyes focused and heavy.

 

“I'm sorry.” she whispered, without _pity_ or some kind of _mutual sadness,_ she said it sincerely, as if she could understand the feeling of loosing someone that close. Abby smiled at that and the girl smiled back.

 

Then they all fell silent again. The noise of the tomato sauce boiling on the stove, and the cadence of the knife cutting vegetables on the wooden chopping board were the only audible sounds. Until Abby sipped at her tea and decided she was the one that had to say something to cut off the tension.

 

“What about you? You always lived here?” she asked, at the sound of her voice Bellamy blinked, as if he had been lost in thoughts the entire time. Marcus turned toward them and Octavia kept cutting a red pepper with careful hands.

 

“Yeah, basically.” Bellamy said, offering her a smile.

 

“We were born in Jeanu actually.” Octavia said, pushing the cubes of pepper in the wooden bowl. Abby nodded. “But when our mother died we moved here.” she said casually, as if she was talking about the weather. Abby froze at that, her lips hovering upon her mug.

 

“Oh.” she said, and Bellamy cleared his throat.

 

“But we lived in Alaska all our life.” he added, trying to change the topic again. Abby nodded at that, cursing herself under her breath.

 

_Since when was it that hard to have a conversation?_

 

“That's good by the way, what is it?” Abby asked, pointing to the steaming tea in her hands. Bellamy at that smiled and tilted the head at his back.

 

  
“Ask him, he made it.” Bellamy said, smiling kindly. Abby at that looked at Marcus and smiled.

 

“You made it?” she asked, the man nodded.

 

“Yeah, it's an old recipe of my mother.” he said, pouring some pepper in the tomato sauce.

 

“And what's inside?” she asked, sniffing at the rich scent. Octavia giggled.

 

“He will never tell you, he never even told us.” she said, walking toward the sink and cleaning her hands under the fresh water. Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Seriously?” she asked, Marcus at that nodded and Bellamy smiled.

 

“But you maybe can guess what's inside.” Marcus said then, approaching her, a smug grin on his lips. Abby at that raised an eyebrow and shifted her eyes from the tea to him.

 

“Oh... well yeah, I guess I can give it a try.” she said, at that Marcus smiled and rested his elbows on the table, looking at her intensely. Abby bit at her lower lip then and leaned over her mug, sniffing carefully.

 

“Cinnamon.” she whispered, her eyes focused on a random spot in front of her. Marcus nodded.

 

“That was _obvious_.” Octavia snorted, Bellamy nudged her in the side and she giggled. Abby smirked but kept her concentration on the tea.

 

“Lemon.” she said, and Marcus nodded again, his dark eyes intensely focused on her. She tried to not pay attention at him, nor to the siblings that were now leaning on the table, staring at her with amusement, as if to say “ _You will never guess them all.”_

 

She took a long sip then, and let the warm liquid invade her senses. Her tongue prickled to life, the flavor was rich and she could sense that there were still more than once.

 

“Mh.” she hummed, licking at her lips, her mind working hard to give a name to what she was tasting. “Oh ok, this is chamomile.” she whispered, and Marcus smiled.

 

“That wasn't easy.” he whispered, and she smirked. Octavia raised an eyebrow.

  
“Let's move on, you still have to get them all.” she said, resting her face in the palm of her hands. Abby nodded.

 

“Right, ok.” she took another long sip, and let it flow slowly on her tongue, down her throat, warming up her stomach. Outside was getting dark and the air was cooler, the warm tea was now really pleasant.

 

“Damn it, this is hard.” she muttered, at that the siblings chuckled, while Marcus sat beside her and leaned closer, withdrawing the cup from her lips. Abby blinked and looked at him. His dark black eyes where focused on her.

  
“Close your eyes.” he whispered, and for a moment she staid motionless, staring at him. When Marcus smiled to encourage her, she blinked and nodded, closing her eyes.

 

“Ok, now focus Abby.” her name came softly out of his lips, she liked the way he said it, she wanted him to say it again.

 

_Wait what?_

 

“Let the ingredients come to you, one after the other.” he whispered, he was closer now, so close that his breath stroked the sensitive skin on her neck. Suddenly a shiver run down her spine. She swallowed and tried to focus on the tea in her hands.

 

She inhaled deeply, her lungs stretching to the limit, the scent of the tea was delicate, the acrid touch of cinnamon the only note she could define. So she leaned closer to the cup and her lips kissed the dark liquid. While her body adjusted to the lack of one of her senses, the others sharpened. The tea danced in her mouth, sneaking under her tongue, invading her throat, flowing to her stomach. Then was when she sensed it, a spicy note that prickled at the tip of her tongue.

 

“Oh I know this one.” she whispered, she couldn't see Marcus at her side, or the sibling in front of her, but she was sure they all had smiled at that. She took another long sip, and then opened her eyes again.

 

“Ginger.” she said, the smirk on Marcus' lips told her she was right.

  
“Uh...” Octavia said, withdrawing from the table. “I thought you were never gonna guess that one.” she said, raising an eyebrow. Abby smiled.

 

“Well I have some hidden skills.” she said, pursing her lips. Octavia smiled at that and then leaned on the table again.

 

“There's still one though.” she said, and Abby at that blinked, looking at the cup in her hands.

 

“O. is right.” Marcus said, the way that _pet name_ left his lips made the girl smile.

 

Abby licked at her lips then and sighed, when the mug was close enough to her lips, she closed her eyes again and took another long sip. This time all the flavor came vividly to her, the acrid rich cinnamon, the sour lemon, the delicate chamomile and the final touch of spicy ginger that prickled the tip of her tongue.

 

_Where was the last one though?_

 

She kept tasting it, until she sighed out, resting the mug on the table and chewed at her lower lip. Octavia raised an eyebrow. “So?” she asked, Abby shrugged.

 

“I have no idea.” she said, an at that the girl huffed in frustration.

 

“Damn it! I wanted to know.” she said, crossing her arms. Bellamy smiled and Marcus chuckled. Abby turned toward him at that.

 

“You haven't told them what the last one is?” she asked him and he shook his head.

 

“No he haven't and it's frustrating.” Octavia said. Abby at that raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“You are telling me that if nobody will guess this flavor, you will not tell us?” she asked, Marcus at that nodded.

 

“That's the rule.” he said, standing up from his stool. Abby frowned and Octavia snorted.

 

“It's a stupid rule.” she said, and Bellamy chuckled.

 

“Well, then I'll have to come more often for a cup of tea.” Abby said nonchalantly, leaning over the table, sipping at her mug, cursing under her breath that last ingredient that she couldn't define.

 

“Feel free to do that whenever you want.” Marcus said, looking at her from over his shoulder. Abby at that looked at him and smiled. Bellamy cleared his throat and let his empty mug in the sink. Flashing at both of them a smile, he walked outside the room, dragging with him Octavia.

 

“We need to check the windows on the back O.” he said, while his sister widened her eyes and frowned.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” she complained, but he shushed her, dragging her toward another room in the house and closing the door behind his back.

  
_Curious._ Abby thought, sipping at her tea. Marcus was tasting the sauce now, he hummed and then frowned. Abby smiled.

 

“Is not good?” she asked him, tilting her head. He looked at her and smiled.

 

“I don't know, it doesn't taste good enough.” he said, focusing on the red boiling liquid. Abby at that stood up from her stool and approached him. Where he was standing it was warmer, she couldn’t tell if it was because of the stove or because of him, but she tried to not think too much about it.

 

“Can I?” she asked him, pointing to the wooden spoon in his hands. Marcus blinked and then offered it to her. Abby smiled and dived it in the thick sauce, she took a little amount of it and then blew over it to cool it down. Her tongue darted out from her lips to taste it, when she was sure it was safe, she parted her lips and licked the spoon clean. Then she closed her eyes and tilted her head, lost in thoughts.

 

“Mh.” she hummed, then blinked her eyes open, “Well surely is not bad.” she said, looking at him. Marcus was staring at her with curiosity, he smirked.

 

“Don't tell me, another of you mother's secrets recipes?” she asked amused, at that he nodded.

  
“She was good with them.” he said, and Abby at that smiled kindly.

 

“Yeah, my mother too.” she whispered, diving the spoon in the sauce again. “Mh... can I try something?” she asked him. Marcus at that nodded and withdrew, making some room for her. She smiled and took his place in front of the stove, her eyes roaming over the spices in front of her. She hovered her hand on the bottles, until she stopped on the one that said _nutmeg_ and took it.

 

“Easy with that, it's _hallucinogenic_.” he whispered, Abby smirked and peeked at him from over her shoulder.

 

“I know. It's also _aphrodisiac_ , did you know that?” she said nonchalantly, pouring a pinch of it in the red sauce. Marcus at that pursed his lips.

 

“Is it?” he asked, leaning over the counter at his side.

  
“Yeah.” she whispered, mixing the thick liquid with the spoon. “It's also good for painful muscles and rheumatism, you have just to mix it with with some sweet almond oil and spread it as a cream on the skin, for an immediate relief.” she said, smiling at him. He raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“Uh, and you know that because?” he asked, peeking at the sauce that was slowly boiling in the pot, Abby smirked, looking at him.

  
“Because I'm a doctor.” she whispered, at that he blinked, and then widened his eyes, as if a thought had just came back to his mind.

  
“Oh so you are the _new_ doctor.” he whispered, Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“I guess so?” she said, and Marcus nodded absentmindedly.

  
“Yeah, Jackson told us that a new doctor was coming to replace Dr. Harris, I hadn't made the connection.” he said, rubbing his perfectly shaved chin with one hand. Abby hummed.

 

“Well, now you know who the new doctor is.” she said, looking at him. He was observing her in silence.

 

“What? You're disappointed?” she asked, pouring a bit of sugar in the sauce, to soothe the natural acrid of the tomato, as her mother had taught her.

 

“What? No, no.” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Just... _surprised_.” he said, looking up at her again, his hands on his hips. Abby smiled.

  
“Well then, _surprise_.” she whispered, diving the spoon in the sauce and carrying it toward his mouth. “Try now.” she said, offering him the red sauce. Marcus looked at her in silence for a moment and then blew on the spoon, his breath stroked the palm of her hand, then he leaned over it and parted his lips, licking away the sauce, without braking the eye contact. Abby smirked when he widened his eyes and hummed.

 

“Ok that's good.” he said, Abby grinned.

 

“Glad I could help.” she said, and then left the spoon at the side of the stove, walking toward the table and leaning her back against it. Marcus smiled at her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Then Abby let her eyes roam over the kitchen, toward the fridge, where several pictures were attached to the metal with colorful magnets. She smiled, approaching it.

 

There were several pictures of Octavia and Bellamy, both of them always smiling, one of Blade on a snowy hill, looking with it's icy eyes toward the horizon. When her eyes fell on a particular picture her smile grew wider.

 

The picture was probably few years old, it had been taken somewhere in front of Arkadia's lake, and the shimmering blue water framed the trio that was grinning at the camera. Marcus was wearing a blue shirt that left a strap of his chest exposed, it was probably a hot day of summer, the sun was shining in the sky. Under each one of his arms there were Octavia and Bellamy, both smiling happily, the girl had her black hair collected in a ponytail and one of her hands was resting on his chest, while Bellamy was laughing, supporting himself to the man at his side.

 

Blade was sitting at Marcus' feet, looking up at Octavia. They looked _happy_.

 

“This was two years ago.” he whispered suddenly, he was so close now that if she took a step back, she would collide against his chest.

 

“It's beautiful.” she whispered, and Marcus hummed, looking at the picture with what seemed to be _love_ shimmering in his eyes _._ Her heart squeezed in her chest.

 

Then another picture got her attention.

 

 

A woman was smiling looking at someone that only she could see, her black hair collected into a chignon, she was wearing a fancy coat, some drops of water rolling down on it made it clear that it had been raining. The picture in itself was dark, the only source of light was a blurred lamp at her back, a boy was in the picture too, but he was blurred as if not meant to be in the picture. The woman looked confident, and she was beautiful, also... she reminded her of someone.

 

“This is Aurora.” Marcus whispered, when had spotted her staring at the picture. Abby blinked, and looked at him with a question in her eyes, he smiled.

 

“Octavia and Bellamy's mother.” he said then, and Abby nodded in understanding.

 

“She was beautiful.” she whispered, looking at him with warm eyes, Marcus nodded.

 

“She died four years ago.” he said, his voice growing heavier, and Abby suddenly felt guilty, because if she hadn’t look at the picture, he wouldn't have to give her any kind of explanation. She wanted to say something, to tell him that he didn't need to talk about _his late wife_.

 

“Cancer.” he said, his eyes never leaving the picture. “Too bad I never got the chance to meet her, they said she was a force of nature.” he said finally. Abby at that frowned.

 

“Wait... what do you mean you never met her?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Marcus looked at her and a kind smile appeared on his lips.

 

“I'm not Octavia and Bellamy's father.” he said. At that Abby widened her eyes, realization settling in.

 

“Oh, gosh sorry, I thought that-” he cut her off with a smile.

 

“Yeah, many people think that, I should start walking around with a shirt that says, “I'm not the father.” or something like that.” he said, trying to joke about it. But Abby could sense in the tone of his voice, and in the way his eyes had grew darker, that not being their father cause him some kind of _pain._ She couldn't say why, nor she was gonna ask, but surely it made her feel _curious,_ curious to get to know him better.

 

She offered him a smile then and looked at the fridge again. She spotted another picture, where another brunette girl was smirking, leaning over Octavia, one of her hands resting on Bellamy's shoulder. She smiled, the trio seemed happy in each other's company.

 

“I know what you're thinking, “ _Wow, that girl is_ _hot”_.” a stranger voice suddenly said at their backs. Abby turned abruptly, blinking in confusion. The same brunette girl of the picture had appeared in the kitchen, the same smirk printed on her lips.

 

“Raven.” Marcus said, offering her a smile, the girl raised an eyebrow.

 

“What's up Kane?” she said, approaching and hugging him when he stretched his arms toward her. She smiled and peeked at her. “Hi.” she said then, leaning over the table. Abby smiled.

 

“Hi.” she said back and Marcus smiled, patting Raven on the back.

 

“Raven, this is Abby. The new doctor Jackson talked us about.” he said, at that the girl widened her eyes and smiled.

 

“Oh, you're saying that we finally got the chance to meet Dr. Griffin? He talks a lot about you.” she said, offering Abby one of her hands. “I'm Raven.” at that Abby smiled, shaking it.

 

“Abby. So... Jackson talked a lot about me?” she asked, crossing her arms protectively around herself. The way the girl was looking at her made her feel somehow _exposed,_ she looked pretty confident, and also pretty aware of that.

 

“Yep. But he never mentioned that you were also a _striking_ _woman_.” she said, nodding with herself. Abby at that widened her eyes and blushed, biting at her lower lip. Compliments had always been one of her soft spots lately.

 

“Oh, well, thank you... I guess.” she said, when Marcus cleared his throat and nudged the girl in the side. Raven looked at him and shrugged.

 

“What?” she muttered under her breath, while Abby suddenly felt really interested in the floor at her feet.

 

“Well, it had been a real pleasure.” she said eventually, deciding it was time for her to get back to her boxes and her daughter. “I should go now.” she said, already walking toward the door. Raven looked at her then.

 

“Already? But we just met.” she said, and Abby smiled, while Marcus rolled his eyes.

 

“I can see you Kane.” Raven reproached him without turning, and Abby laughed.

 

“I bet we will meet again soon, but I have lots and lots of boxes waiting for me, I should start to work on them.” she said, and Raven hummed.

 

“Well, if you need anything, give me a call then.” she said, taking a piece of paper out from her pocket. Abby took it.

 

_Raven Reyes – Mechanic – If it's broken, I can fix it!_

 

Abby smiled and nodded, “Good to know.” she said, and the girl smiled.

 

“Let me walk you home.” Marcus said suddenly, approaching her, and Abby looked up at him, Raven frowned, and when she was about to say something her eyes fell on her again and she closed her mouth, smirking.

 

“Yeah let him do that, bears are _super wild_ around her.” she said, Abby at that blinked and widened her eyes and Marcus glared at her.

 

“She's just joking Abby, come on.” he said, resting a warm hand on her lower back, and Abby kept silent, while walking away from the kitchen with him, waving one last time toward the girl, that was looking at them with a smug grin on her lips.

 

“Sorry about her.” Marcus said once they were outside the door, Abby shook her head.

 

“Why? She is funny.” she said, and Marcus chuckled.

  
“Yeah she is, but she is also pretty sassy.” he said, and Abby at that couldn't help the smirk that blossomed on her lips.

  
“Yeah, she remind me of someone.” she said, thinking about Clarke. Marcus looked at her, and nodded, Abby could almost see the image of Octavia forming in his mind. He wasn't her biological father maybe, but surely he cared for the girl, she could already sense that.

 

“Also, she called me a _striking woman,_ I think we will be good friends.” she added, when they both stepped on her porch. Marcus chuckled and nodded. When the door was open, she turned toward him.

 

“Thank you for the evening.” she said, and he smiled.

 

“It had been our pleasure.” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, Abby smirked and then nodded, pushing with her back on the door, but before he could turn and walk away, she stopped him.

 

“Oh, and another thing,” - she approached him, lowering her voice, and he smirked, curiosity prickling at his eyes - “I put something in your sauce, let's see if you can get what that is.” she said, grinning smugly, and walking backwards inside of her house.

 

“I will figure out yours before you will with mine.” he whispered, and at that Abby shrugged, smiling.

 

“Will see.” she said, biting at her lower lip, “Goodnight.” she added, smiling and closing the door at her back, leaning against it.

 

She smiled and chuckled with herself. She was _happy,_ they were there since few hours and she was already feeling better. New faces, new voices, new stories, new people and new places where around her now, no ghosts, no heavy demons, no nightmares.

 

She walked toward the boxes in the kitchen, looked at them and then sighed out.

 

 _The hell with it._ She thought, walking toward her room.

 

When she laid down on her new bed, she fell asleep in minutes, her mind filled with the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg and in front of her eyes just and endless indigo sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed Octavia to have a dog, and Jana knows why, let's just say that he will come around eventually. *inster Paige's smirk here*


	3. Drops of Rain and Jasmine Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month since Abby and Clarke had moved in Arkadia, and they are finally starting to feel it as a real home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I may have a soft spot for Abby's scent. Sorry not sorry.

 

 

“So... the doctor uh?” Raven said when Marcus walked in the kitchen again, that usual smirk of her had never fade since Marcus had walked outside with Abby.

  
“What about her?” he asked, approaching the stove where the sauce was boiling slowly. Raven sat down on the kitchen counter and nudged him slightly on the side with her left foot.

 

“Oh come on. Don't you even try.” she said, filling her mouth with some pieces of crispy bread. Marcus snorted.

 

“I'm not trying anything Raven. Hey can't you use a stool?” he said, pointing with his wooden spoon toward her. Raven shrugged.

 

“No. And can you stop playing the fool with me Kane?” she said, leaning slightly toward him. Marcus sighed out, mixing the sauce, tasting it slowly, trying to get the ingredient that Abby had poured when he had been distracted.

 

“I'm not playing anything, and- hey!” he yelled, when she kicked him stronger, “Could you stop doing that?” he growled, raising the spoon toward her and Raven chuckled.

 

“Are you _threatening_ me with a spoon?” she asked him, tilting her head. Marcus sighed out in frustration and shook his head, turning to the pot again. “The cold and stern sheriff Kane said no to guns and yes to cooking utensils.” she mocked him.

 

“Well, it doesn't surprise me at all.” said Octavia suddenly, walking inside. Raven smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek when the girl leaned over her with a smile.

 

“What's up O.?” she asked her, filling her mouth with other pieces of bread. Octavia snatched the plate from her hands at that.

 

“These are for dinner Reyes!” she reproached her, shaking her head when Raven tried to get the plate back.

 

“Gosh, you people are so boring.” she huffed, jumping off the counter. Octavia chuckled and Marcus smiled. She walked toward the sink at his back and leaned against it.

 

“So Kane, if you are not interested in the beautiful woman that just moved in, can I take care of her?” she said then, taking her phone out of her pocket, looking at a new message absentmindedly. Marcus at that froze, his spoon trapped inside the thick sauce.

 

“Gosh Raven, sometimes you are really _disgusting_.” said Octavia, snorting and walking toward the living room, carrying the plate with the crispy bread with her.

 

“Hey have you seen her?” Raven yelled back at her, drawing another disgusted grunt from her. “ _Teenagers_.” she sighed out, approaching Marcus again. “So sheriff Kane, what do you say?” she asked, leaning toward him.

 

“About what?” he asked her, licking a drop of sauce that had jumped out from the pot, landing uncomfortably on his wrist. Raven rolled her eyes at that.

 

“Seriously Marcus?” she said, huffing in frustration and leaning her back against the fridge at his side, her back now covering the multitude of pictures portraying smiles and shimmering lakes. Marcus sighed out at that and turned toward her.

 

“What do you want me to say?” he asked her, Raven at that shrugged.

 

“I don't know, something like... _No sorry Reyes you can't try to fuck with the new doctor, I would like to do that._ ” she said, smiling kindly. Marcus at that shivered and faked a grimace.

 

“Ok Octavia is right, you really are disgusting.” he said, shaking his head. Raven at that giggled.

 

“What I am saying is just that _finally_ there's a new lady in town, is beautiful, probably really smart, and she lives right over there,” - she said, pointing her finger toward the window that overlooked the garden, from where he could peek at her porch. “ you could finally have some _fun_.” she said, smiling.

 

Marcus sighed out. Raven was young and surely for her _having fun_ was basically what life was all about. If she liked someone she was gonna do something about it immediately. For Marcus it was different. First of all he hadn't had sex with a woman since... well it had been a while, and secondly, his _love_ life had always been pretty much inexistent.

 

Not that women hadn't tried to _get into his bed_ during the years, but they had never stuck around enough for him to remember the color of their eyes, or the name of their favorite movie. Love was a concept that simply wasn't part of him, and he had always been ok with that.

 

That, until he had met Raven Reyes. The girl was a friend of the siblings, and when they had walked inside of his life four years earlier, she had followed, carrying with her the _freshness_ of youth and the joy of life. Surely she was funny and brilliant and he liked to have her around, she was all by herself, no parents and no relatives, but this had never stopped her from _living_ her life with intensity. This was a trait of her that he surely admired.

 

This of course also meant that she thought everybody should do the same, including himself.

 

_You are not even trying._

 

_You are so hot when you wear your uniform, you should do something about it._

 

_Seriously Kane, for how long do you think you will still be functional down there?_

 

These, among with lots of others, where the usual _hints_ she loved to give him. Marcus had tried multiple times to explain to her that for him it wasn’t that easy. When she had entered the kitchen that night, and had introduced herself to Abby, he knew already that she was gonna start with her usual _Reyes_ _show_ , winking, making inappropriate comments and starting her favorite game, _if you will not make a move, I will._

 

Marcus liked to joke with her, and many times they had found themselves in her garage, talking about what kind of hair or scent a woman should have to turn them on. It was a game, a silly and stupid one, but it was part of their routine and he liked it.

 

But now it wasn't that funny anymore. Marcus had to admit it, the new doctor was a beautiful woman that smelled good and had a smoky alluring throaty voice, but that was all. First of all he had just met her, few hours can't push you to ask someone to go out with you and see where the night will go, and he wasn't that kind of man anyway. Secondly, the woman hadn't just a beautiful face and a teasing smirk, she had a spirit marked by a past he didn't know a thing about, she had a story hovering upon her shoulders that had shaped her in the woman that had shared a tea with him.

 

The first time their eyes had met, after the dog's accident, he had immediately spotted a dark shadow blurring the rich brown color of her irises. It was as if some kind of blackness had been draped over their natural brightness, as a heavy velvet blanket on a bed that is not useful anymore.

 

And when she had entered the house, and had said to them that she was a widow, he had immediately recognized that dark shadow as pain, he could also see, trapped in her elegant features, the sorrow and the heaviness of keep living every day, while trying not to think too much about the demons making room for them inside of you.

 

He _felt_ the woman's pain, he wanted to know more about it, even if he had no right to do that. She had just moved in, had made just few steps on his same ground, and he was an adult, and knew how boundaries worked. Raven was a young girl, with a particular soft spot for older women, and had just did what she was used to do, she had made a compliment, with her usual sass and her familiar confidence.

 

Marcus had felt sorry for Abby, the woman had blushed so hard, a thing that he had tried hard to not find _cute,_ and had excused herself, trying to cut off the tension that had grew heavier on her as soon as the young mechanic had opened her mouth. Marcus wasn't mad about it, Raven was just being Raven, but he had felt the need to apologize for her behavior with the woman. When she had smiled at him, and had joked about it, he had felt immediate relief.

 

The woman was a stranger, they had talked for just a couple of hours and mostly about tea and sauce, but surely she knew how to make herself comfortable around people, also it had felt as if that episode in the kitchen had took some of the darkness away from her eyes, as if being around strangers was a thing that she _needed._ The woman had moved away from the city where her husband had died to find a new beginning, and Arkadia had offered her immediately that chance to her, sharing a cup of tea with a bunch of strangers and pouring a secret ingredient in someone else's sauce, had been as an immediate source of relief. Simple things shared with people that had no connection with her past, that couldn't make her feel _trapped_ again in what had been probably the worse period of her life.

 

He had took a mental note to help her moving on even more if she wanted, he wanted to distract her and to offer her more evening's secret recipes and spicy tea. He had simply felt, in the bottom of his heart, the desire to be her friend, because he liked to have the kids around, that was undeniable, but the idea to be able to share deepest conversation over a coffee with someone his same age, was alluring. Especially if that _someone_ had her rich brown eyes and her smoky laugh.

 

When Raven nudged him on the side again, trying to get his attention back to her, he realized he had lost himself into his mind for too long.

 

“Adults work differently from teenagers Raven, I already explained that to you.” Marcus said then, at that Raven snorted.

 

“These are bullshit Kane, and you know that! We work exactly the same, the only difference is that we still remember to _enjoy_ life and what it is about.” she said, tilting her head. Marcus inhaled deeply and she sighed out. “Listen... I get it ok? You just met her, she barely introduced herself, I am not saying that you should jump on her as a wolf on a deer,” - she moved on the counter again, sitting up, crossing her legs - “But you shouldn't waste an opportunity when it's that close to you, and has her _glorious_ body.” she added, chuckling when the spoon fell from his hands at her words.

 

Marcus sighed out, and Raven fell silent, until she kicked him on the side again. “She is a widow.” he said abruptly, feeling ashamed for it, that was a personal detail of her that he had no right to share with Raven, but the words had flew out of his mouth without his consent. At that the foot that she was pressing insistently on his side withdrew.

 

“Oh damn.” she whispered, Marcus turned toward her, crossing his arms.

 

“See? Is not _that_ easy as you may think.” he said, Raven pursed her lips, bowing her head.

 

“I'm an _idiot_.” she said, nodding to herself. “I mean, I joked with her like that, and she is a widow, I'm an idiot.” she said again, chewing at her lower lip. Marcus smiled at her kindly.

 

“No you are not an idiot Raven.” he said, approaching her, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “She liked the compliment.” he said, at that Raven looked up.

 

“She did?” she asked him, her voice had grew heavier, she was really ashamed for her behavior, he could see that in the deep brown of her big eyes. Marcus smiled, squeezing her shoulder.

 

“Yes, she told me that when I walked her at the door.” he said, at that Raven sighed out.

 

“Oh good, for a moment I thought I had completely screwed my chances to have her as a client.” she said, wiping away invisible drops of sweat from her forehead, shifting from worry to her usual sass with ease. Marcus glared at her at that and she jumped off the kitchen counter, printing a kiss on his cheek and walking outside. “I still have a chance with her then!” she yelled at him, entering the living room.

 

Marcus smiled and shook his head, focusing again on the sauce in the pot.

 

The secret ingredient still a mystery to him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Is that a ticket on our car?” Clarke pointed out to her, while licking at her sweet ice cream. They had finally unpacked all of their things and had took the day off to enjoy the simple things Arkadia could offer to them, the best ice cream of Alaska, as Jackson had called it, had been their first choice, and it was indeed good, they had to admit it. Abby widened her eyes under her sunglasses and then cursed under her breath when she spotted the little piece of paper trapped under the wiper, she rushed toward the car that Jackson had rented for her.

 

 

“Oh come on!” she snapped, taking the ticket in her hands, glaring at the _80 dollars_ that she had to pay for it. “Seriously?” she complained toward the sky. Clarke reached her and took the sheet of paper from her hands.

 

“It says that you parked in a _private_ zone.” she said, licking a drop of vanilla from her thumb. Abby frowned and looked at the car.

 

“What?” she frowned, searching for a signboard or something, but she couldn't find one. Then was when she spotted the _responsible_ of that, the _police_ _officer_ was kneeling on another car at the other side of the road. She squeezed her eyes, and for a moment thought that she knew him, but then the ticket that was trapped between her daughter's fingers reminded her that she was angry, and so she took it and rushed toward him, crossing the road with long heavy strides.

 

“Mum?” Clarke called after her, Abby raised a hand that said _"Stay there"_ and she did. When the man in uniform was close enough for her to touch him, she inhaled deeply and smashed the piece of paper on the car's hood.

 

“What the _hell_ is this?” she snapped, anger boiling up in her stomach. The man was kneeling toward the car's plate, and didn't even look up at her when he answered, “Let me guess, a ticket?” he said, and even the sound of his voice sounded familiar for a moment.

 

“Very funny. I would like you to explain to me why you want me to pay _eighty_ _dollars_ for it!” she growled, at that the man sighed out and turned toward her, that was when she froze, finally recognizing him.

 

“Marcus?” she whispered in disbelief, taking off her sunglasses to look at him properly in the eyes. The man in front of her smiled when he recognized her.

 

“Abby, is nice to see you again.” he said.

 

It had been three days since their first encounter, she and Clarke had been busy with unpacking their things and had barely walked outside the house to take a breath of fresh air.

 

“I- are you a cop or something?” she asked him abruptly, her eyes studying his uniform, at that Marcus nodded, chuckling slightly.

 

“I'm the _sheriff_ of this town actually.” he said nonchalantly, at that Abby tilted her head.

 

“Sheriff? Seriously?.” she said. In the meantime Clarke had started to walk toward them.

 

“Yeah, listen... there was something you wanted to now about your ticket?” he asked her, focusing on the piece of paper in her hands, Abby blinked, suddenly remembering the reason why she had rushed toward him in the first place.

 

“Oh yes, actually, I-” but Clarke preceded her, stepping in front of her.

 

“Hey _moron_ what is this sh-” but her words died in her throat, _luckily,_ when she recognized him, “No way.” she growled, turning toward her with wide eyes, “Is the dog's guy mum!” she said with what sounded as _horror_ , turning immediately toward him, a burning glare growing in her bright blue eyes. Marcus pursed his lips, suppressing what looked like an amused grin and Abby sighed out.

 

“Yes Clarke, this is Marcus, the _sheriff_ of Arkadia.” she pointed out, before Clarke could spit some other insults toward him and turn their situation even worse. At that her daughter closed her mouth and stiffened her back.

 

“Oh, well, then I have nothing else to say.” Clarke said, walking away from them, heading toward their car at the other side of the road. Abby sighed out and Marcus chuckled.

 

“I'm sorry.” she said, gesturing toward her, Marcus shook his head and smiled.

 

“It's ok, so... the ticket.” he said, pointing to the piece of paper in her hands. Abby blinked.

 

“Oh right, yes. I seriously don't get why I should pay 80 dollars because I parked my car in a... _private_ zone?” she said, raising an eyebrow. Marcus at that smiled kindly and looked at her car, then at her, and sighing out, he approached her.

 

“Look.” he said, stepping behind her back and taking her by the shoulders, making her look toward her car. “Do you see it?” he asked, Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“What? My car?” she mocked him. Marcus snorted and then pointed his finger toward the garage door in the building behind her car.

 

“That is a private loading bay.” he said, withdrawing from her. Abby blinked and finally saw it, the signboard attached to the wall.

 

“You are kidding me.” she said, looking at him, Marcus was writing down something on his notebook.

 

“No Mrs. Griffin, I'm pretty serious.” he said, smirking. Abby at that snorted.

 

“80 dollars for a loading bay?” she said, looking at him, Marcus shrugged.

 

“It's the law.” he said, and at that Abby put her hands on her hips.

 

“Well it's a stupid one, that garage is closed.” she said, pointing toward it. Marcus pursed his lips and approached her.

 

“Now it is yes, but you can't never guess when they will need to use it, so.” he said, cupping his hands behind his back. Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Of course.” she said, tapping her foot impatiently on the asphalt. Marcus smiled.

 

“It had been a pleasure to see you again, but I must get back to work now. Oh and by the way,” - he said, before turning toward another car that had been parked with a wheel on the sidewalk - “If you pay it immediately you will have to give just 50 dollars.” he said, flashing her a smile. Abby at that raised an eyebrow.

 

“Oh well then it's perfectly reasonable.” she snorted, he smirked at her and walked away, waving at Clarke, that was now looking at them from the other side of the road, she waved back shyly. Abby sighed out and approached her daughter.

 

“So?” she asked her, raising an eyebrow, Abby snorted, pointing her index finger toward the closed garage at her back, Clarke looked at it and then sighed out.

  
“Well, then the _asshole_ is right.” she said, turning toward her, Abby tilted her head reproachfully. “What? First his dog almost killed you and now he gave you a ticket, he's not surely one my favorite people in the world right now.” she said, Abby at that rolled her eyes.

 

“Blade is Octavia's dog not his, and about the rest... he was right, that's the law, a stupid one, but still the law.” she said, opening her car door. Clarke snorted.

 

“ _Whatever_.” she muttered, climbing inside herself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Day after day Arkadia started to be more _familiar_ to the Griffin women. The house was everyday filled with more _life,_ the first hint that someone had moved there to stay, were the pictures that they had hanged on the walls, mostly all of them were of little Clarke doing several _first things._

 

Clarke taking her first bath in the sea. Clarke painting using her hands, all over the kitchen's wall. Clarke eating her first vanilla ice cream. Clarke riding a pony and giggling to the camera. Clarke making snow angels on her granny's garden.

 

And of course there were few of the pictures that Abby hadn't be able to leave behind.

 

The one she had decided to hang in the living room, so that it could became a memory to _share_ and not one that she would have to experience all by herself, was of her wedding.

  
It had been taken when neither her nor Jake were looking at the camera. They were looking at each other, she was sitting on his lap, her wedding dress flowing all around her, sparkling in it's bright silvery white. Her arms where secured behind Jake's neck, he was smiling at her with what she had always thought was the _definition_ of pure love. She was laughing, her smile had never been brighter, except for the one that she had when she saw Clarke for the first time. She loved that picture, because it made her feel grateful for the time that she had been able to share with him.

 

He was gone, and she was still here, and this was unfair and heartbreaking, but life had given her a chance to spend 20 amazing years with that man at her side, she had been loved by him, and had been able to love him in return. 20 years compared to a lifetime weren't enough, they would never been enough, but it was something _,_ she had been able to have _something_ and she knew, deeply in her heart, under the pain and the sorrow and the anger that she still could feel, that she was grateful for that portion of time she had had with him.

 

Another picture portrayed her and Clarke together. Jake had took it, knowing that made it still too hard for her to look at it without feeling her heart braking in her chest, but she hadn't be able to simply leave it behind. She was sitting on her mother’s porch, Clarke was curled up in a ball on her lap, Abby was stroking her hair and was turning to the camera, Jake had whispered her name to get her attention, and when she had seen the camera in his hands she had smiled instinctively.

 

She liked herself in that picture, because she looked happy, in peace, she was exactly where she wanted to be, she was stroking her daughter's hair, while she was sleeping against her chest, and her husband was smiling at her, and was taking a lovely memory of his wife and his daughter. She loved that picture, and it was sad to admit it, but she was grateful that Jake wasn't in it, otherwise it would have been too painful to look at it day after day, hanging on the wooden wall of her living room, side by side with the one of the wedding, and one of Clarke smiling, while relaxing on a meadow filled with flowers.

 

But she still had several pictures where there were the three of them together, smiling and hugging, playing with little Clarke, and some of them were more recent, Clarke at her fifteenth birthday, Jake and Abby kissing on a splendid white beach in Hawaii, their last anniversary together.

 

They had decided to keep him with them, even if just in pictures, and they had decided to keep him in _public,_ in rooms where people could walk in and see, asking questions about him, if the confidence allowed them to. They had made that decision because they hoped this could help them both to feel him more as a beautiful memory than as the ghost of the happiness they once had been able to have.

 

There was still a chance to be happy, they had to believe that, they _needed_ to believe that. And them both had put so much faith in Arkadia and this new beginning, that the simple thought of _this_ not working, made them feel sick to their stomach.

 

 

 

 

The lake was starting to give back some _inspiration_ to Clarke. Her artist's hands prickled with desire to draw every time that she found herself walking on it's shore, the desire to capture the perfect shade of blue and to draw the soft lines of the trees reflecting on the impossibly calm and still surface.

 

Abby had started to work at the clinic and had found it hard at first to be back at home before the sun had completely set behind the horizon. In LA it had always been basically impossible to be back at home for dinner, Clarke and Jake had complained about it several times during the years, until at some point they had simply adjusted to it. Now Abby was at home at 6 pm and had the time not only to cook a proper dinner for her and Clarke, but she could also find the time to take a shower or even a bath if she was in the mood.

 

Day after day the two women had started to adjust to their new life, fitting in new habits, settling in new routines. They had also started to find it easier to smile, and nightmares had started to withdrew every night a little further from them, leaving space to pleasant dreams and to proper rest.

 

Clarke had also started to make new friends. Abby had spotted her several times on the sibling's porch, talking to Bellamy, laughing and looking _perfectly_ comfortable in his presence, she had also started to adjust to Blade, that dog simply loved to be around strangers.

 

Abby on her side had found in Jackson the old friend she had spent years with in the past. They had found their way back to each other easily, as good friends always did, they loved to work together, because they balanced each other and respected the other's opinion and recognized each other's ability in doing their work. They also loved to take long walks on the lake's shore after work, and to have pleasant dinners at home, chatting and laughing about everything that crossed their minds.

 

Abby had got her friend back, and was grateful for that.

 

She was staring to feel happy. Her life was working properly again, she had her splendid daughter by her side, she liked her new job, loved their new house and she also had found her best friend again. Everything was already so good that she had started to think she didn't need anything more, that she probably didn't even _deserve_ something more than that.

 

 

_Until that rainy Sunday came._

 

 

Abby was sitting under her porch, sipping at her tea, it was raining since the early morning, and she liked the smell of wet grass and scotch pines that had filled the air, it was heavy but not oppressing and she liked the strength and the elegance of it. Clarke was with Jackson in Anchorage, she had woken up that morning saying that she needed to buy some new brushes and colors, when she had given that information to Abby she had almost burst into tears. The fact that Clarke wanted to start using colors again had made her heart suddenly too big for her chest. Jackson had offered her a drive, saying that he needed to go there anyway, and they had then suggested at Abby to relax, waiting for them at home.

 

She had of course protested, saying that she could go with them, they had both refused, affirming that she needed to relax a bit, and to adjust at the idea that she could stay alone for a while. She had said, “I am perfectly able to stay alone.” and at that both Clarke and Jackson had raised doubtful eyebrows, crossing their arms, “It's been a month since we had moved here mum, and this is the first time I am actually going somewhere without you.” Clarke had pointed out. At that Abby had simply sighed out, muttering a “Whatever.” and pecked her daughter on the cheek before waving her a goodbye, that she had to admit had been probably a little _too much_ even for her standards.

 

And so here she was now, enjoying the view of the dark trees around her, and the drops of rain falling down from the leaves, getting lost in a slow dance on the blades of grass, She smiled to herself and swallowed a good amount of the warm orange tea in her hands, when a dark figure appeared from behind the sibling's house. It was raining pretty hard now, and she couldn't really define who the walking figure was.

 

He, because he looked pretty much as a _he,_ knocked on the door, one, two, three times. Abby at that cleared her throat and yelled, because the storm was staring to get too loud for her to be heard if she didn't, “They're not home!” her voice startled the dark figure, he turned toward her then, he was wearing a heavy black jacket with a hood that covered his face, she squeezed her eyes, but the rain was blurring her view, even if he was few steps from her, she couldn't recognize him.

 

Then was when he walked toward her, trying to avoid the rain as best as he could, jumping under her porch, scattering drops all over the _already_ drenched wooded floor. Then he raised his head and she was finally able to give him a name.

 

“Marcus.” she said, a smile appearing instinctively on her lips. He was panting heavily, his black hair were soaked in water droplets, some hanged from his curls, others were rolling down on his forehead and cheeks. He had his hair slightly longer since the last time she had seen him, there was also the ghost of a beard on his chin and cheeks.

 

“Abby.” he said, her name rolling down his lips in a whisper. She stood up from her wicker chair then, a gift from Bellamy, and approached him.

 

“Glad to see you again.” she said, looking up at him, he was taller than her and to look him properly in the eyes she had to raise her chin slightly, but she had been used to do it all her life, Jake had been even taller than him.

 

He smiled at her then, a breathy chuckle leaving his lungs. “Yeah, it's been a while.” he said, licking some drops of water from his lips, Abby's eyes fell instinctively on his mouth, but she blinked them up again in a second.

 

“Yes, almost a month.” she said, tilting her head, at that Marcus nodded.

 

“Yeah, I had been pretty busy.” he said, looking around him, “I went to visit some... friends.” he said then, smiling kindly. Abby smiled back and nodded.

 

“Yeah Bellamy told me something about it.” she said, sipping at her tea, at that Marcus tilted his head.

 

“You've been talking about me with him?” he asked her, removing the hood from over his head, his black hair danced freely in the cool breeze now. Abby blinked and pursed her lips.

 

“Maybe?” she said, tilting her head, at that Marcus smirked.

 

“Well, glad to know you had been thinking about me then.” he said, grinning smugly, Abby at that raised her chin.

  
“I never said that.” she said, sipping at her tea to hide her own smirk. Marcus hummed, his eyes following the mug to her lips. They fell silent for a while then, Abby sipping at her tea, looking at him in the eyes, him looking at her, his hands in his pockets. When her lips found nothing more than cold ceramic, she blinked her eyes and realized that her mug was empty, she needed a refill.

 

“Do you wanna come in?” she asked him then, gesturing to the door at her back. Marcus blinked at the sound of her voice, as if he had lost himself in some private thoughts, forgetting about her completely, or at least that was what it had looked like. “I can give you a towel or something, you can borrow my bathroom.” she said, offering him a kind smile. At that Marcus smiled in return and nodded.

 

“I like the sound of that.” he whispered and at that Abby smirked and pushed the door open, welcoming him in with a gesture of her hand.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Marcus entered the Griffin's house for the first time, his lips blossomed in a genuine and instinctive smile. It looke beautifully _alive._ He had been there before, but it had been empty back then, naked walls and cold floors the only thing he had been able to see. Now it was pulsing with new colors and smells, and vibrating with life and stories.

 

The walls were decorated with pictures he had never seen before, as soon as Abby excused herself, walking in the kitchen to make some hot tea for the both of them, he had been able to walk closer to every each one of them.

 

His smile grew bigger and bigger with every new picture his eyes laid on. When he had looked at several of Clarke in various moments of her childhood, his eyes got attracted toward a bigger frame. It was hanging right upon the stone fireplace. He approached it, and his eyes grew wider, his heart heavier.

 

“This is Jake.” Abby whispered suddenly at his back, he hadn't realized she was there, until she had decided to talk. He blinked and adverted his eyes from the picture for a moment, at his side Abby was smiling with nostalgia, and what looked like and incredibly heartbreaking sadness shimmering in her eyes, while staring at the picture hanging on the wall. “It was taken on our wedding day” she said, offering him one of the two steaming cups of tea she had in her hands.

 

Marcus took it, saying nothing, and his eyes traveled back on the picture. Abby was visibly younger than now, probably in her twenties, and she was the most beautiful bride he had ever seen in his life. She was sitting on Jake's lap, her arms around his neck, her smile bright. Her hair were shorter and curlier than now, the wrinkles around her eyes were smoother, but her beauty was still intact, he dared to think that now she looked even better, if that was possible. As if by aging, she had gained more charm, as if time had blessed her with the alluring elegance of experience.

 

“He was handsome.” he said, looking at the man that was staring at his wife with heart eyes, the love in their eyes and smiles was almost palpable, radiating from the picture as heat radiates from a flame. Abby at that smiled, nodding.

 

“Yes, he was.” she whispered, and sighed out. Marcus looked back at her then, she was hiding her lips against her mug now, her eyes lowered to the floor, he cleared his throat, feeling the need to change topic.

 

“I like this one.” he said, pointing to a picture of a giggling younger Clarke, she was riding a pony, at her back several mountains were stroking the clear blue sky, framing that piece of time as a postcard. Abby smiled, approaching him in front of the picture.

 

“We were in Colorado, Clarke was six years old, she loved that trip.” Abby said, tilting her head, her smile told him this was a more pleasant memory.

 

 _Good job._ He told himself.

 

“She likes horses?” he asked her, tasting the tea she had made for him. It was delicate and sweet, a slightly touch of acid prickled his tongue when it flew down his throat.

 

“Well, yes, I mean... who doesn't?” she said, shrugging and looking at him, Marcus chuckled.

 

“Bellamy for example.” he said, nodding when she raised an eyebrow toward him.

 

“He doesn't like them?” she asked, walking toward her couch, sitting down. For a moment Marcus thought to join her, but then the heaviness of his clothes reminded him he was still soaked in rain.

 

“No he doesn't... it's a bit complicated.” he said, humming to himself. At that Abby nodded, pursing her lips, respecting his choice to not say more about it.

 

They fell silent again, the sound of the clock ticking on the wall, and the discordant sound of the rain on the roof filled the silence between them for a while. Until Abby cleared her throat.

 

“Do you want to use the bathroom?” she asked him, standing up, Marcus turned toward her again and smiled.

 

“Yeah, I guess it would be a good idea.” he said, looking down at his wet boots and pants. When he looked up at her again, she was smiling.

 

“Follow me.” she said, and he did. When she opened the door, where he thought the bathroom was, his eyes grew in surprise when he saw that she was walking him inside of her bedroom.

 

“You'll have to use mine, the one meant for guests isn't ready yet, there's a broken pipe.” she said, smiling at him, walking further in the room, toward another door. Marcus cleared his throat, feeling suddenly an _intruder_. He was standing in her bedroom after all, there wasn't a most intimate place in the whole house than this one. She offered him a smile then, approaching him again.

 

“Take your time, I'll be in the living room if you need anything.” she said, smiling, taking the mug from his hands and walking outside the door, leaving it open at her back. Marcus smiled back and nodded, when she disappeared in the hallway, he sighed out.

 

 _Ok then._ He walked toward the bathroom, trying not to peek too much at the room around him, feeling suddenly too curious about it, and closed the door at his back, locking it.

 

Being in her bathroom was even worse than standing in front of her bed.

 

It smelled as _her_ in a way that was almost unbearable.

 

 

He walked further inside, approaching the sink. There the sweet rich scent was stronger, and after few seconds of search he found the _source,_ a bottle that hadn't been closed correctly, it was still slightly open and the rich smell was filling the air, invading him. He took it in his hands instinctively, as if he couldn't help himself from fixing the cap, but when he brought it closer to his nose, the sweetness of it's scent drawn him further toward it, and he couldn't stop himself from sniffing at it.

 

His senses sharpened immediately, the rich warm and floral scent of Jasmine made his tongue liquid in his mouth, drawing a sigh out of his lips. It was sweetly exotic and terribly alluring, and his mind suddenly connected it to Abby. It was her body oil after all, it made sense.

 

He wanted to open his eyes and withdrew from the bottle, but his nose was too curious to stop now and so he inhaled another time, and another fragrance reached him. Behind the prominent _Jasmine_ the touch of _Myrrh_ was hiding, it's smoky and slightly earthy scent prickled at his nostrils. At that he sighed out and blinked away the fog that had enveloped him. He secured the tap on the bottle and left it where he had found it, shaking his head, he opened the taps, fresh water started to pour into the ceramic sink.

 

He dived his hands under the water jet and splashed a great amount of it on his face, to clean his skin from the dry and uncomfortable rain, feeling suddenly better, when his skin prickled to life again and his nose got distracted from the sweet rich scent hovering in the room. He took his time then, finding a clean towel in the cabinet at his feet, drying his hair and his face. He took off his jacket and shirt, using the hairdryer on them, trying to make them comfortable again.

 

After almost fifteen minutes he walked outside the bathroom, closing the door at his back. He walked outside of her room rapidly, fixing his eyes on his feet, afraid of finding too many personal things in her room, afraid of finding himself _too curious_ about them in the first place. When he was out, the scent of something baking in the oven made his stomach growl.

 

It was probably almost lunch time, and his stomach was protesting since that morning for the lack of food, he hadn't had breakfast and now his body was reminding him of that. He walked toward the kitchen, when he found himself outside the door, the sound of Abby humming a melody reached him. He stopped then, suddenly unable to move.

 

She wasn't singing out loud, but humming quietly to herself, the melody was calm and sweet, as a lullaby, and it was vibrating in the room, sounding throaty and smoky, just as her voice. He smiled to himself then, leaning his shoulder against the wall, while Abby kept humming note after note, feeling comfortable in her space, not aware of his presence right outside of the door. When she walked outside the kitchen, and almost crashed against him, she stopped humming and cleared her throat.

 

“Oh, I thought you were still in the bathroom.” she said, blinking and taking a step backward.

 

_Was she blushing?_

 

“Yeah, I just came out of it.” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Abby nodded and pursed her lips, then secured a strand of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat again.

 

“Are you hungry?” she asked him suddenly, looking up at him, at that he smiled and she smiled back.

  
“Yeah, pretty much starving.” he said, at that she nodded.

  
“Good.” she said, walking back in the kitchen, “Marcus?” she called after him, when he didn't follow, he blinked and entered the kitchen himself.

 

She was giving him her back, mixing something in a bowl, when she turned and spotted him leaning over the doorjamb, she smiled. “I hope you like mashed potatoes and pork steaks, because otherwise I will not be able to feed you.” she said, smirking. Marcus nodded, approaching her. The kitchen counter now the only thing between the two of them.

 

“Sounds awesome, you're sure I can stay? I don't want to bother you or Clarke.” he said, leaning his elbows on the cold marble. Abby smiled and shook her head.

 

“It's ok, I was alone either way, Clarke is in Anchorage with Jackson, and I bet they will stay out all day long.” she said, moving toward the oven, peeking at it.

 

“Anchorage? They needed to buy something really specific?” he asked her, at that Abby nodded and dived a finger in the bowl in her arms, licking the thick mashed from her index finger, in what looked like an old habit, it made him smile.

 

“Yes, brushes and colors.” she said then, resting the bowl in front of him. “Try it.” she said, handing him a spoon. Marcus blinked and did as she asked, it was delicate and smooth, but it melted on his tongue with some effort, it was _grainy_. “So?” she raised an eyebrow, her hands on her hips, he tilted his head.

 

“It's good, maybe a bit too thick.” he said, at that Abby pursed her lips and nodded.

 

“Exactly.” she said, looking down at it, snatching the spoon out of his hands and diving it in the mashed, keeping it in her mouth for a long moment, her eyes lost in the space around them while she tasted it. The thought that she was licking the same spoon that had just been in his mouth made him shiver, but then she stopped his mind to travel into forbidden places, pointing the spoon toward him, squeezing her eyes, deeply focused. “Something is missing.” she mumbled, more to herself than to him. Then she sighed out and walked toward the fridge, opening it, one hand on her hip, the other one tapping impatiently on the metal.

 

“Try with some milk.” Marcus said, looking at her with a smile. Abby turned toward him then and chewed at the inside of her cheek, than she grabbed a bottle of milk and walked toward him, closing the fridge with a delicate kick.

 

“I already used it.” she said, at that Marcus shrugged.

 

“Use more.” he said, and took the bowl from the marble counter, approaching the stove, “Can I?” he asked, pointing his finger toward the pot. Abby nodded, crossing her arms and looking at him with curiosity.

 

“You should pour and mix at the same time, and cook on low heat.” he said, transferring the mashed from the bowl to the pot. Abby walked closer to him, opening the bottle of milk, he smiled at her and started to pour it, “I pour, you mix.” he said, handing her the spoon. She nodded absentmindedly and did as he said.

 

The milk flowed inside the thick mashed and circled in it, disappearing in it's consistency, smoothing it. It looked better already. Marcus stopped pouring the milk and kept looking at the way Abby circled the spoon in the pot. “Ok now some pepper.” he said, and Abby pointed toward the cabinet in front of him. He took the pepper milt from it and started to turn it in his grip, one, two, three times.

 

“Ok, try now.” he said, turning off the stove. Abby took the spoon out of the pot and blew over it, leaning over it, then she parted her lips and tasted it. She smiled then and looked up at him.

 

“That's better.” she said, and Marcus nodded.

 

“Glad I could help.” he said, and at that her smile grew brighter, remembering the words she had used with him a month earlier.

 

 _A month._ It was _ridiculous_ to realize that they hadn't seen each other for so long, and yet here they were now, cooking together as old friends. It was ridiculous even to think about how comfortable was for him to find himself alone in her presence. This woman was a perfect stranger and yet, here they were, cooking mashed potatoes, smiling at each other, he had also used her bathroom and had sniffed at her body oil.

 

 _This was the definition of ridiculous._ And of _awkward_ and _creepy_ if you thought too much about the sniffing her body oil part.

 

And still... He liked it, he liked _her._ He wanted to have more chances to cook with her, to talk about her daughter, to be with her in the same room.

 

He had probably been silent for too long because Abby smirked and nudged him in the side, “Penny for your thoughts.” she said, looking up at him. Marcus blinked and chuckled.

 

“I was thinking that I am pretty hungry.” he lied, even if it was just half of a lie, he was really hungry. Abby at that smiled brighter.

 

“Five more minutes.” she said, pushing him on the shoulder, “Go and sit down, I'll take care of it.” she said, and Marcus shook his head.

 

“No, I want to help.” he said, at that Abby raised her wooden spoon toward him.

 

“That wasn't a question _sheriff.”_ she said, smirking. Marcus smiled back and she chuckled, “Come on, you're a guest, let me do this my way, would you?” she said then, pushing him again on the shoulder. At that Marcus raised his hands in surrender and walked outside.

 

“Ok ok, I surrender.” he said, her laugh followed him toward the other room and made him smile.

 

 _Yes,_ he definitely wanted to do this more often.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They talked a lot during their lunch, about everything that crossed their minds. Abby laughed and enjoyed herself a lot. Marcus was an interesting man, brilliant and wise, and he was also really cultured. She discovered his interest in poetry and she told him about her love for old romantic novels.

 

They shared funny stories about their childhood, Marcus tried his best to not step onto _dangerous_ ground, trying to keep her mind away from _dark_ places of her memory, and he did it pretty well. She never stopped smiling and her eyes never grew darker, not even once.

 

When their stomachs were filled with food, and the conversation had turned comfortable enough for them to take long pauses without awkwardness, his phone rang in his pocket. Marcus excused himself, while Abby used that time to grab the empty plates and bring them in the kitchen.

 

“Sheriff Kane.” he answered as his usual, without looking at the name on the display.

 

“Kane?” Bellamy's voice sounded very far away at the other side of the line. Marcus frowned.

 

“Bell? Is everything ok?” he asked him, standing up from his chair. Abby was walking outside the kitchen now, cleaning her hands on a white towel.

 

“No.” he growled and at that Marcus' frown grew deeper.

 

“What is it?” he asked him, sharing a glance with Abby, she was crossing her arms in front of her chest now, frowning herself.

 

“It's about Octavia.” - he said, his voice growing heavier - “She is gone.” he said. When his words reached his brain, his heart stopped beating for a moment. The hand around the phone trembled and he swallowed heavily, Abby must had sensed that something was wrong, because she was approaching him now with worried eyes.

 

“What do you mean with gone?” he said, taking his jacket from the chair.

 

“Listen... I just got home, can you meet me here as soon as possible?” he said, at that Marcus nodded, even if he couldn't see him.

 

“I'm at Abby's place, I'll be there immediately.” he said, and with that, closed the communication. Abby was looking at him with worried eyes.

 

“Is everything ok?” she asked him, her voice had grew into a worried whisper. Marcus shook his head, putting his jacket on, feeling it heavy on his shoulders, he walked toward the door.

 

“Octavia is missing, I have to go to Bellamy.” he said, opening the door. The sound of rain invaded the quiet of the house and a cool breeze sneaked in, messing up with Abby's curls. She was widening her eyes now.

 

“Missing?” she whispered, and Marcus could only nod at that, then he pursed his lips.

 

“Sorry, but I have to go, thank you for the food and-” but Abby cut him off, rushing toward the door herself, grabbing her coat from where it was hanging on the wall. “What are you doing?” he asked her, and she looked at him as to say “ _Isn't it obvious?”_

 

“I'm coming with you.” she said, adjusting the coat over her tiny frame. Marcus blinked.

 

“What? No, you don't have to worry, I'll take care of it.” he said, but Abby shook her head.

 

“No. I want to help. Come on, Bellamy is waiting for you.” she said then, without waiting for him and walking outside the door.

 

Marcus frowned at that and kept motionless for a long moment, but then followed her, closing the door behind his back, running with her under the rain, toward the sibling's porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of angst is good for the plot.


	4. The barn under the rain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia is gone. Abby feel the need to help Marcus and Bellamy to find her.

 

“Ok, yes search there too, ask to everybody.” Marcus was pacing the sibling's living room with heavy steps, his eyes focused on the light parquet under his boots, his phone glued to his ear since they had entered the house.

 

Bellamy was sitting on a stool in the kitchen, his hands gripping with fear and anger the mug that Abby had filled with some tea. “It's my fault. It's my fault.” he had been mumbling the same thing over and over again, his dark eyes lost somewhere where neither Abby nor Marcus could follow him.

 

Abby hadn't say a word when she had followed Marcus inside the house, Bellamy had barely acknowledged her presence. She had listened to them talking, when Bellamy had started to shake on his feet, she had shared a look with Marcus that said, “ _I got this_ ” and had guided him toward the kitchen, all of this in silence.

 

The boy had been repeating the same sentence since almost fifteen minutes by now, and Abby was starting to feel overwhelmed by it, she had to say something.

 

“What happened?” she asked him then, approaching him at the kitchen counter, sitting on a stool in front of him, so that she could look him in the eyes, or at least she could try to do that. Bellamy kept his eyes fixed on a random spot on the floor, his hands gripping the mug without bringing it to his lips. Abby sighed out and took a sip of warm tea, outside it was still raining and the warmness of it was comfortable, at least she could busy herself while the boy kept ignoring her.

 

“My sister, my responsibility.” he whispered, well... he had changed words at least, Abby tried to see it as some kind of progress.

 

“Bellamy?” she called his name, trying to take him out of his trance. The boy didn't even flinch, from the other room the muffled voice of Marcus kept echoing toward them.

 

“No I already asked to them.” and “Bellamy already searched the lodge, she isn't there.” or even “We both now that Indra, don't make me say it.”

 

Abby sighed out then, and pursed her lips, looking outside the window, her eyes following the wild droplets of rain crashing against the cool glass. She kept looking and looking, sipping from time to time at her dark tea. When suddenly Bellamy's hand flew to her arm, gripping at her creamy shirt. Abby flinched slightly, the boy either ignored or didn't see it.

 

“We need to find her.” he growled, his eyes were fixed on her now, impossibly black and heavy. Abby swallowed and nodded slightly.

 

“We will.” she whispered, trying to sound reassuring. Resting the mug on the wooden counter, covering his strong fingers with one of her palms, stroking gently his knuckles. “What happened Bellamy?” she asked him, her eyes searching for his. At that Bellamy blinked, his eyes fell on their joined hands, and as if he had realized just now what he was doing, he withdrew and shook his head, hiding his mouth in the mug, sipping loudly at the tea.

 

“Bellamy?” she asked again, tilting her head, leaning toward him, reaching another time for him, searching for some skin to skin contact. But he withdrew even more at that, shaking his head vehemently, he swallowed and looked at her in the eyes.

 

“It's my fault.” he said. And here they were again. Abby sighed out and withdrew, wrapping herself in her arms.

 

“You know... sometimes we think it's our fault even when it's not. Why don't you tell me what happened exactly?” she asked him again, offering him her best comforting smile. Bellamy at that pursed his lips and put the mug down on the wooden surface.

 

“My sister. My responsibility.” Abby chewed on her lower lip at that and tried again.

 

“She is. But this doesn't mean that everything that happens to her it's your fault. Does it?” she asked then, knowing that here she had no right to talk.

 

She knew the siblings since just a month, Bellamy had been always kind with her, offering help when they had to hang something in a spot that neither her nor Clarke could reach on the wall, replacing light bulbs, chatting with her while sharing a cup of tea, always there if they needed something. He had been the perfect neighbor. Octavia had been more distant, she was hiding herself from them, not as her brother, that with a smile was basically offering you to come in and peek at his entire self.

 

Abby liked the boy, she liked the way he talked to her, with respect but kindness, gentle and warm, but without overstepping any kind of boundary. And she liked the way he talked to Clarke too, he respected her, and looked at her with admiration and interest whenever she talked about something he didn't know. Clarke seemed to like him too, they had spent long nights on the porch, talking and laughing as old friends. And Abby had to admit, the boy made her feel secure, as if when Clarke was with him she was somewhere safe, somewhere where nothing bad could happen to her.

 

She hoped in her heart that he would stick around for a long long time.

 

And Octavia too. The girl was maybe colder than him, quieter and seemed almost... sadder, but she had something in her, something that sparkled in the icy blue of her eyes, that made Abby curious to know more about that _turbulent_ kid. The girl was strong, stubborn and liked to hide behind sass when she was afraid, but she had a kind heart, she loved her brother and she knew that this was one of the main reasons why they often argued.

 

She had heard them several times, she had never be able to get the topic, but the tone was always clear, they were on opposite sides about something, something that Abby wasn't allowed to know, but that surely meant a lot to the both of them.

 

And now Octavia was gone. Abby imagined she had decided that she needed some time for herself, she was a seventeen years old girl, living with her big brother, maybe she had felt overwhelmed, maybe she needed just some time alone. But probably, to Bellamy, it was something more than that, and also... it looked like it wasn't the first time.

 

She was about to stand up and leave him alone, when he started to talk again.

 

“She is so _stubborn_.” he hissed, his hand gripping at the mug so fiercely that his knuckles turned white. Abby kept silent, she didn't even dared to move. “She is just seventeen, she can't already know what she wants, _I_ don't even know what I want.” he said, smashing the cup on the counter, for a moment Abby thought he was gonna break it into pieces.

 

“She is just seventeen.” he whispered again, his black eyes were now filled with tears. Abby swallowed and lowered her eyes to her cup, afraid he would stop talking if their eyes met.

 

“She shouldn't be out there alone.” he whispered, and Abby bit at her lower lip, focusing her eyes on the reflection of the chandelier on her dark tea. “I should just go out there and keep searching.” he said again, and Abby forced herself to keep quiet.

 

“Don't you think?” he asked her suddenly, at that Abby looked up. Bellamy was looking at her straight in the eyes. She thought about it, then forced a tiny smile on her lips.

 

“Octavia knows this town, she knows how to move around here, I bet she is fine. She probably just needed a moment to... _chill_ _out_.” she said, looking at him with kindness, trying her best to sound gentle and not presumptuous. Bellamy pursed his lips and then shook his head.

 

“She is mad with me.” he said again, at that Abby bit at her lower lip, leaned slightly toward him, and inhaled deeply.

 

“Why?” she asked again, this time Bellamy didn't flinch nor shook his head, and when she reached for him, and her hand stroked his arm, he didn't withdrew, so she tried again.

 

“Bellamy? What happened?” she asked gently, her voice low, slightly above a whisper. Bellamy sighed out at that and leaned toward her, resting his forehead against his palm.

 

“Because of Lincoln.” he said. At that Abby frowned, she had heard the name before, but she had never seen the boy or had never got who he was exactly, so she dared to ask more.

 

“Who is Lincoln?” she asked, even if she probably could guess it by herself.

 

“Octavia's boyfriend.” he said, and at that Abby nodded. “He... He is older than her and he, he is not, he is... _damn_.” he had started to mumble again, and this time he withdrew from her. Abby sighed out and took back her hand, hiding it on her lap.

 

“You don't like him?” she asked, Bellamy shook his head vehemently, and then pursed his lips.

 

“I don't know.” he hissed, biting at his lower lip, “I don't know.” he said again. Abby was about to say something, when Marcus rushed in the kitchen with wide eyes.

 

“They found her.” he said, at that Bellamy stood up so fast that the stool he was sitting on fell on the floor.

 

“Where is she?” he growled, and Marcus waved at him to follow him outside. Bellamy stormed outside the room, and at that Marcus' eyes fell on her. He didn't say a word, but he didn't need to, Abby stood up herself, and nodded toward him.

 

“Let's go.” she whispered, and he nodded, smiling shyly, they both walked outside and climbed in the car in silence.

 

 

 

 

Marcus drove for about half an hour, the car running rapidly between the droplets of rain that had never stop falling, the road they were driving on was hidden between the woods. Abby had never drove that far from Arkadia and didn't know where they were, the landscape was dark and wild, there were no houses nor buildings and she hadn't seen a single soul walking between the trees, it seemed as if nobody was living there, as if just the wild nature had a place there. The more they kept moving forward, the more Abby felt nervous, hoping in her heart that Octavia was still there, and hadn't already left.

 

It had been Indra, Marcus' friend and colleague, that had found her. She was hiding in a barn outside the town, they knew the place, it belonged to Lincoln apparently, the news had made Bellamy clench his jaw so strongly that Abby had feared he would hurt himself.

 

When Marcus slowed the pace of the car, and the trees opened to an open field, under the blurring rain a barn appeared, at that Abby held her breath for all of them.

 

 

“I should go and talk to her.” Bellamy said, the air had grew heavy with silence around them since Marcus had parked, his heavy voice almost startled Abby. The rain was still falling loudly on the hood, the sound reverberating insistently around them. They were parked far away enough for Octavia to not see them, but close enough to see if she sneaked outside.

 

“No. Maybe I should go, maybe she doesn't want to talk to you yet.” Marcus whispered, his eyes worried.

 

“She is my sister.” Bellamy growled, and Marcus sighed out. Abby was looking outside the window, toward where Octavia was hiding, and her next words flew out of her lips without her consent.

 

“Maybe _I_ should go.” she whispered, so quietly that she thought neither of them had heard her, but when she looked up, they were both staring at her from the front seats. She blinked and cleared her throat, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. “I mean... I just thought that... maybe now she doesn't want to talk to neither of you... it was, just an idea.” she said eventually, lowering her voice, chewing at her lower lip.

 

Marcus stared at her for a long moment and then pursed his lips and nodded. “Maybe Abby is right, she should try.” he said, looking at Bellamy, the boy didn't seem happy at the idea of a _stranger_ going to talk to his sister. But when Marcus rested a hand on his shoulder, and his dark eyes searched for him with kindness, he nodded quickly, and Marcus turned toward her again.

 

“You're sure Abby?” he asked her, his whisper gentle, his eyes warm on her, at that Abby couldn't help the smile that appeared on her lips.

 

“I think I can handle this.” she said, and then took the umbrella that Marcus was offering her, and climbed outside the car without another word. Her feet dived in several puddles while she walked fast toward the field in front of her, and the wind was pushing the rain right against her, the umbrella was basically useless. When she found herself in front of the barn, she was soaked from head to toe.

 

 

The barn was dark, the smell of wet hay reached her strongly, the air was heavy inside. She inhaled deeply in the fresh cold air outside before stepping in. At first she had to blink several times before she could actually see something, then her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she spotted her. Octavia was sitting on a hay bale, her arms wrapped around her shivering frame, she was bowing her head toward her feet and Abby wasn't sure, but it looked like she had been crying for a while. Abby swallowed and approached her quietly.

 

“Octavia?” she whispered, at the sound of her voice the girl looked up, widening her eyes.

 

“Abby?” she said her name half shocked, half curious. Abby smiled, and hoped the girl could see it in the dark, she kept approaching her slowly, taking delicate steps toward her, as if she was a wild animal that she needed to approach without rush or she would run away.

 

“Hi.” she whispered, the girl wiped away some dry tears from her cheeks, and sniffed.

 

“If Bellamy sent you, you can go and tell him I have nothing to say to him.” she said sternly, at that Abby stopped moving and chewed at her lower lip.

 

“He didn't send me.” she whispered, and at that the girl raised her head toward her, even in the darkness she could see the raised eyebrow and the slight smirk on her lips. “Seriously. He didn't. _I_ wanted to talk to you.” she said, starting to walk again. At that Octavia withdrew instinctively, curling up even further on the hay ball.

 

“I have nothing to say to you either.” she said, her arms tightening around her, her eyes peeking at the exit of the barn, her mind already working fast with a plan to run away from her.

 

“Then I will do the talking for the both of us.” Abby said then, at that the girl looked up, raising what looked like a curious eyebrow and loosened slightly the grip on herself, Abby took it as a good sing and took the final steps that separated them, she smiled and pointed to the empty spot at her side. “Can I join you?” she asked, and Octavia said nothing, turning completely so that she was facing the other corner of the barn and Abby could sit at her side, and so she did.

 

They kept silent for a while, at some point Abby cleared her throat, at that the girl's eyes peeked at her slightly. “I like it in here, it's... _cozy_.” she said, looking at her surroundings, trying to not think too much about the oppressing smell that was prickling at her nose. Octavia snorted,

 

“Nobody likes it here.” she said, then tensed in her skin, “Apart for me and Lincoln.” she whispered eventually, at that Abby smiled.

 

“Is a special place for the two of you?” she asked, tilting her head, trying to sound friendly and welcoming, she wanted Octavia to talk to her, but she wasn't going to push her, she had to want that. When she kept quiet, Abby pursed her lips and nodded to herself.

 

“I had a special place too, with Jake.” she said, smiling to herself when the name escaped her lips. Octavia was silent but she was listening. “We had this special spot in a park outside our campus.” she kept talking, her eyes peeking at the girl from time to time, “It wasn't nothing special, but it was _ours_ , you know?” Octavia at that nodded imperceptibly. “We loved to go there and just... be together, me and him, alone. I think I never spent that much time sitting under a tree in my entire life. It was beautiful you know? From there we could overlook the entire city, but we were far away enough from everybody so that it felt as if we were completely alone, where nobody could reach us.” she was smiling brightly now, the memories flowing into her as a flood, carrying old sensations and old feelings she hadn't felt in a long time. The most surprising thing was that she wasn't crying or braking, she was actually enjoying them, she was enjoying to talk about him, her heart grew lighter at the thought.

 

“Jake took me there because he wanted to show me how beautiful the city was from there, and when we sat under that tree the first time, the sounds of nature enveloping us, we fell asleep, hand in hand.” she chuckled to herself, “When we woke up, three hours later, we were feeling so good that we decided to go there again the day after, and we did, and the next day as well, and the days after that, for one year.” she said, Octavia was now looking at her, Abby was looking at the dark floor at her feet, focusing her attention on some water droplets that were shivering and shimmering on her boots..

 

“We were so happy there, under that tree, with that view in front of us and the sky above our heads. We thought that we were never going to find another place that perfect, that... _ours.”_ at that Abby turned to her with a smile, “We thought that for a long time. When they cut the tree I felt awful, I cried for days, _seriously_.” she said, nodding, smiling slightly, “But then, Jake searched every park in the city, every place where there was a green spot or a tree, just to find another place that we could call _ours_ and that we could feel _that_ good in.” she sighed out. “Then was when we both realized that we didn't need that.” she shook her head, “Because it didn't matter where we were, it just mattered that we were together.” she said eventually, looking at the girl in the eyes again.

 

Octavia was silent, the sun had started to sneak between the gray heavy clouds in the sky, the rain had stopped falling, outside it was quieter now, the sound of some lazy drops falling from the wooden roof to the floor of the barn, filled the silence between them.

 

“Why did they cut the tree?” she asked suddenly, and Abby smiled.

 

“It was old, and dangerous. Apparently, we risked our lives every time that we sat there.” she said then, and at that Octavia chuckled quietly, Abby smirked.

 

“Well, then you two had been lucky.” she said, and Abby nodded.

 

“Yeah, we had been lucky.” she whispered, bowing her head. Suddenly Octavia's hand was on her shoulder, Abby looked up at her again, her bright blue eyes were softer now.

 

“I'm sorry for your loss Abby. I'm sure Jake was a good man.” she whispered, her voice a heavy whisper, filled with so many emotions, that Abby for a moment felt tears prickling at her eyes, but she blinked them back and nodded.

 

“I'm sorry for yours too.” she said, and Octavia pursed her lips, withdrawing from her. Abby chewed at her lower lip and fell silent, waiting.

 

“Lincoln took me here one year ago, on our first date.” she was smiling to herself, looking at some random spot on the wooden panels under their feet, “This land belongs to him, here is where he likes to take his horses and let them run free and wild.” she was smiling brightly now, her eyes shifting from the floor to the roof of the barn, “I love it in here, because here is just me and him, no other people, no Kane, no Bellamy.” she pursed her lips at that. “He doesn't understand.” she said, shaking her head.

 

Abby kept silent, leaving the girl the chance to talk freely, no judgment, no restriction, she was free to say whatever she wanted to say, and Abby would listen respectfully.

 

“He thinks he knows me, he thinks he can control me!” she said angrily, looking at her with wide eyes. Abby kept silent. “He doesn't understand how much Lincoln loves and cares for me.” she said, her eyes were now filled with new tears, she was clenching her jaw with anger. “He thinks he is too old and that he isn't good for me, just because he wants me to live with him in his farm, and because I don't want to go to college, I don't want to move back to Jeanu, I want to stay here in Arkadia, with him!” the words were flowing outside her lips freely now, she wasn't afraid anymore to let them out.

 

“I want to stay here with him, I want to live in the woods with him and our horses. We want to create a safe place for kids, where they can come and learn how to ride horses, how to take care of nature, how to respect it. We just want to create something that can help others. Lincoln taught me so many things Abby.” she was facing her again now, a smile gracing her lips, her tears were softer in her icy eyes. “You would like him too you know? He has a kind heart, he is a good guy, a really good guy. Not like my brother.” she said, shaking her head. Abby sighed out and at that Octavia stopped talking, raising an eyebrow. “What?” she spatted, and Abby swallowed and pursed her lips.

 

“Bellamy isn't a bad guy you know?” she whispered, Octavia looked down at her hands at that, and Abby kept talking. “He just worries about you Octavia. He probably doesn't see what you see, he is your older brother, he feels the need to protect you Octavia. I know that you are probably sick and tired of hearing this, but he loves you and wants you just to be safe. Sometimes when we love somebody, we forget that we need to let them go at some point. He is afraid that you will... slip from his hands and never come back if he gives you his blessing. He doesn't want to lose you.” she whispered, at that Octavia pursed her lips.

 

“He can't force me to stay with him forever.” she hissed, and Abby nodded.

 

“ _Exactly_. That's why he is afraid.” Octavia looked up at her again. “He knows that he can't force you forever with him, especially now that you are almost eighteen years old, in few months you will be able to just pack up your things and leave, and he is afraid you will, without turning back.” a knot was forming in her throat now, her mind filled with images of Clarke now.

 

 _Don't you dare to think about her._ Her mind reproached her. She sniffed slightly, hoping the girl wouldn't notice. She did, but kept quiet.

 

“He is afraid to lose you because he loves you Octavia.” she whispered then, clearing her throat and shaking her head, blinking away the tears that were forming in her eyes. Octavia was silent, her stare heavy on her. Abby chewed at her lower lip, her fingers toying with the hem of her coat.

 

“Is too late now.” she whispered, and at that Abby looked up with a frown.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, and Octavia at that licked at her lips and sighed out, leaning her elbows on her knees.

 

She said something, but it was so quiet that Abby couldn't get it, she blinked and leaned forward. “What?” she asked again, the girl at that closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, turning toward her.

  
“I'm _pregnant_ .” she said then, at that Abby widened her eyes, her lips forming an “ _Oh”_ of surprise, that was when a loud noise behind their backs startled them both. They turned their heads toward the noise, and saw Bellamy standing there, wide eyes, his muscles rigid, he had crashed against a bucket meant for water, that was now rolling on the dirty floor.

 

“You are what?” he whispered, Octavia stood up rapidly at that, pointing a finger toward him, her eyes burning with anger. Abby swallowed, not sure on what she should do.

 

“Don't come any closer Bellamy.” she growled, her brother was panting heavily, his boots soaked in mud and rain, Abby stood up herself.

 

“Ok, why don't we all calm down for a second?” she said, approaching Octavia, resting a hand on her shoulder. The girl clenched her jaw and jerked at the touch, glaring at her.

 

“Tell him to go away Abby or I swear I will run away and this time, I'll make sure nobody will find me.” she hissed. Abby blinked and nodded.

 

“Ok Octavia, clam down, it's ok.” she whispered, and turned toward Bellamy, the boy was looking at the both of them with horror. “Bellamy? Why don’t you go back in the car and wait for me there?” she was widening her eyes herself, taking few steps toward him. Bellamy was motionless, frowning, his eyes glued on his sister, the girl was radiating rage, Abby could almost feel it burning in waves toward her.

 

“You are pregnant?” he said again, and Octavia snorted. “How? When?” he seemed too shocked to form a complete sentence, Abby swallowed and kept walking toward him, she needed to keep Octavia calm and she knew that if Bellamy didn’t go away now, she was about to run away again.

 

“Bellamy? Why don't you give us a moment?” she said, titling her head, lowering her voice. Bellamy at that blinked and looked at her, he was shaking his head. Abby pursed her lips and cupped her hands in front of her chest and mouthed a “ _Please”._ Bellamy was staring at her lips now, his head still shaking slightly.

 

“Pregnant.” he whispered again, Octavia said nothing and walked further in the other corner of the barn. Abby reached for Bellamy's shoulders at that, squeezing his jacket between her fingers.

 

“Bellamy? We talk about that later, trust me now, ok?” she whispered, searching for his eyes. Bellamy looked up and at that another shadow appeared behind him, it was Marcus. He walked toward them and covered Abby's hands on the boy's shoulders.

 

“Come on Bellamy, let's go.” he whispered again, his dark eyes traveled to the girl and laid heavily on her, he pursed his lips and looked at Abby then. She nodded and he nodded back, then Abby withdrew and smiled kindly at the young boy, Marcus guided him outside the barn, walking on the wet grass with him. He looked at her one last time, sending her a slight nod. Abby nodded back and then wrapped her arms around herself, turning toward Octavia.

 

When she didn't see her at first, she widened her eyes and her muscles tensed under her skin, but then her eyes got a movement in a darker corner of the barn, she squeezed her eyes and started to walk toward it. Then was when she saw her again. Octavia was kneeling in front of a wooden panel, a ray of sun was sneaking in and was lightening up her features, she was smiling, her fingers stroking some words written on the dirty material. Abby knelt down at her side, and followed the girl's hand.

 

“Here is where we engraved our names on our first date.” she whispered, Abby was staring at her now, the girl was smiling with what looked like love in her eyes. “And here is where we wanted to engrave our baby's name too. But we still don't know if it will be a boy or a girl.” she was smiling brightly now, Abby smiled herself, because she couldn't help it. “We want this baby Abby.” she turned toward her at that, her blue eyes searching for her. Abby nodded

 

“I'm sure you do.” she whispered and Octavia pursed her lips.

 

“But Bellamy will never understand that. We love each other, this isn't just a stupid teenage _crush_.” she said, and Abby lowered her eyes on her lap. “He wants to marry me.” she said, at that Abby looked up, Octavia was smiling, her hands stroking Lincoln's name on the wooden panel. “He wants to build a little wooden cabin for the baby, where he or she can go and have his or her space.” she looked at her again. “He wants to build a life with me Abby.” she said, nodding to herself. Abby smiled and sighed out.

 

“You shouldn't push Bellamy away then.” she said, and Octavia at that frowned. “He loves you, and he will love this baby too. He just needs time Octavia, he is overprotective yes, but that's because you are his sister, his responsibility.” she said, using Bellamy's words, at that Octavia widened her eyes, as if the words had a deep meaning for her, a meaning that Abby wasn't allowed to know.

 

Then was when Octavia's features squeezed and she burst out in tears, covering her face in her hands, curling up in a ball. Abby felt her heart crack in her chest, she swallowed and waited, not sure if the girl wanted her to hug her, to stay there in silence or to simply go away. When she leaned forward toward her, her hands still covering her face, Abby chewed at her lower lip and reached for her, her arms started to envelop the shaking girl, she didn't withdrew but leaned forward, and so Abby closed the gap completely and welcomed her in her arms.

 

Octavia was now sobbing against her chest, half of her body resting on her lap, Abby was stroking her black's hair, whispering soothing words, “It's ok Octavia. It's gonna be ok.” the girl kept sobbing and sobbing, her hands at some point had found their way to her coat and were now squeezing the heavy fabric. Abby swallowed and kept her there, rocking on herself, lulling her in that embrace, as she had done several times with Clarke when she was a baby and had a nightmare.

 

They kept hugging for a while, outside the sun took control over the storm completely.

 

 

The wet grass shimmering with drops of dew. It looked like thousands of diamonds had been scattered all over the blades of grass. The trees, heavy with rain, were bowing toward the ground, Bellamy and Marcus were leaning against the car, waiting in silence. Around them just the sound of the nature waking up again after the storm.

 

After a while two figures started to walk outside the barn. Marcus nudged Bellamy in the side, the boy widened his eyes, his breath shortened. Abby was walking outside with Octavia under her arm, the girl was bowing her head toward her, Abby was stroking her hair, whispering words that neither of them could hear.

 

Bellamy looked at him with heavy eyes, he was worried, Marcus nodded toward him and squeezed one of his shoulders, and started to walk toward the two women, but as soon as Abby looked up she raised a hand in front of her and shook her head. Marcus stopped, Abby nodded and walked toward the car in silence. Bellamy was clenching his jaw, Octavia was ignoring everybody, her face hidden in the crook of Abby's neck.

 

“Do you-” Marcus started to say, but Abby widened her eyes, and opened the door of the car, climbing in with the girl, she shared a last glance with him that say, “ _Don't talk, just drive._ ” at that Marcus pursed his lips and climbed in, gesturing at Bellamy to do the same. The boy swallowed and sniffed, blinking back some tears.

 

They all found themselves in the car then, Octavia curled up in a ball in Abby's arms. Bellamy rigid on his seat, Marcus' jaw was that clenched that he was feeling pain. He started the car without a word and drove them back toward Arkadia.

 

The trip on the empty wet road had been filled just with silence, a heavy and oppressing one. When the lake and Arkadia's life came to view again, Marcus released a breath he had been holding since Abby and Octavia had walked outside the barn. When he parked the car in front of the two wooden houses, he waited, not sure on what he should do. He looked at Bellamy, the boy was looking straight in front of himself, his jaw clenched, his nails digging deeply in his palms.

 

Suddenly Abby opened her door and Octavia sneaked outside too, following her rapidly. At that Marcus and Bellamy shared a worried glance, before climbing out themselves.

 

“O.?” Bellamy called after her, but the girl kept following Abby in silence, at that the woman turned toward her and forced her to a stop, tilting her head toward the boy. Bellamy frowned in confusion, but kept silent, waiting for her to say something. Octavia turned toward him, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

  
“I'm gonna stay with Abby and Clarke tonight.” she hissed, looking at Bellamy, her eyes laid shyly on Marcus for a second.

 

“What?” the boy sounded even more confused now.

 

“I'm gonna stay with Abby and Clarke tonight, I don't want to stay with you, that's it.” she said, and with that turned on her heels, heading toward Abby's porch, but the woman stopped her, a reproachful look in her eyes. The girl sighed out and shared a look with her, Abby raised an eyebrow and Octavia turned again toward Bellamy.

 

“We will talk in the morning, now I need some time alone, and you too, so...”- she looked to Abby, searching for a confirmation, and the woman nodded - “So it's better if we take a night off.” at that Abby released her, and the girl turned toward her porch, mouthing a “Goodnight” toward Marcus and walked toward the front door, it opened immediately, revealing Clarke. The girl smiled and welcomed her in, sharing a last glance with her mother before closing the door completely.

 

Then the trio was left alone. Abby cleared her throat and looked at Bellamy, ignoring Marcus completely. “I promise you she will be fine.” she whispered, at that Bellamy clenched his jaw and looked up at her, his eyes burning in fury.

 

“Why have you told her to stay with you?” he snorted, his hands closed in tights fists. Abby raised an eyebrow.

  
“What? I haven't Bellamy. She wanted to run away again, what was I supposed to do?” she crossed her arms in front of her chest, tilting her head. Marcus could recognize in this gesture a _habit,_ she was in her _mother_ mood now.

  
“You had no right. She is my sister, I am the one that has to take care of her.” Bellamy was angry, Marcus could sense that, and he knew that Abby was aware of that. She swallowed and pursed her lips.

 

“Listen, I am just trying to help you both. Octavia is angry and she is scared, she just needs a place where she knows nobody will yell at her-” when Bellamy glared at her at her words, she raised her hands in front of herself,” It's what _she_ said Bellamy.” she sighed out at that and walked closer to him. “I promise you that tomorrow morning you two will talk. Now you both need to rest and to... _chill out._ Ok?” she was whispering, her voice low, her hand had at some point found a spot on the boy's shoulder. Bellamy sniffed and pursed his lips.

 

He looked at her, their eyes stared into each other for a while in silence, then he nodded to himself and rushed toward his door, glaring at the window of Abby's house, from where Clarke was looking at them, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

 

When Bellamy slammed his door closed, Marcus looked at Abby. The woman was wrapping her arms around herself, looking at the wet grass at her feet. “Goodnight Marcus.” she whispered, without looking him in the eyes and at that he frowned and walked toward her, his hand reached for her arm instinctively, at the touch she jerked and he withdrew.

 

“What are you doing?” he whispered toward her, Abby tensed and then turned toward him, clearing her throat.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked him, raising her chin. Marcus blinked and rested his hands on his hips.

 

“You can't just take Octavia in your house and leave Bellamy for himself. They are brother and sister, they have to talk about this.” - he looked her straight in the eyes for a long moment, inhaling deeply - “She is pregnant.” he said, the word leaving his mouth dry, he still needed to adjust to it. Abby held his gaze for a long moment and then nodded.

 

“Yes she is pregnant. And yes, I have no right to do or say anything, so what?” she shrugged, biting at her lower lip, walking closer to him. “Octavia didn't want to go back home to him, she is upset, angry, sad, scared. We both know that she was gonna sneak out at the first chance.” - she shrugged again - “I just wanted to prevent this, and so I suggested her to come back home with me, to spend some time with me and Clarke, where nobody was gonna argue with her. But I haven't forced her to stay with me, I am not trying to overstep Bellamy or _you.”_ She said eventually, at that Marcus froze.

 

“I have no right over Octavia either.” he said, his voice growing heavy. Abby smiled at that, and approached him.

 

“She thinks differently.” she said, at that he looked up at her, she was looking at him with soft eyes. Her words had started to sneak into his mind and into his heart, Octavia thought differently? He wanted to ask her what she meant with that, what Octavia had told her. But before he could ask her anything, she rested a hand on his shoulder, confusing his mind even more, his eyes couldn't help it and followed the gesture. “She will be fine Marcus. She will eat something and then rest, and first thing in the morning I _swear_ , I will walk her personally back to Bellamy. Ok?” she said, tilting her head, squeezing the fabric of his jacket. Marcus forced his eyes away from her hand and back to her eyes, she was offering him a smile now.

 

“I should stay here tonight, with Bellamy.” he said, and at that she nodded.

 

 

“Yeah, you should do that.” she said, and withdrew. His body shivered uncomfortably at the the loss of contact. “See you in the morning then.” she whispered, smiling. At that Marcus nodded and offered her a weak smile. Abby turned on her heels and walked slowly toward her front door, she peeked at him one last time before disappearing inside the house.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Have you found her?” Raven asked, storming inside the sibling's house. Marcus had called her few hours earlier, when they were still searching for Octavia, and had promised to call her as soon as they had found her, but he had forgot to do that. Now the girl was panting heavily, her hands on her hips, her eyes worried, while pacing the living room.

 

“Yes.” Marcus said, closing the door at his back. Raven looked up and frowned.

 

“What the hell Kane? Why haven't you called me?” she snapped, laying against the couch and sighing out. Marcus pursed his lips and approached her.

  
“Sorry, we had been... slightly busy.” he said, looking at Bellamy. The boy was standing in front of the window, glaring at Abby's porch. Raven blinked in confusion and followed his eyes, she frowned even deeper when she spotted the glare in Bellamy's eyes.

 

“What happened?” she asked, turning toward Marcus, knowing that Bellamy wasn't gonna answer her questions. Marcus sighed out and waved toward the kitchen, inviting her to follow him inside.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Pregnant?” Raven said in shock, widening her eyes, the mug in her hands almost fell off the counter. Marcus glared at her and gestured to her to keep it quiet. Raven peeked outside the kitchen, toward the living room, Bellamy was ignoring them both. “Pregnant?” she said again, lowering her tone, Marcus at that closed the door and sat down in the stool at her side.

 

“Yeah. Pregnant. Gosh, I still need to adjust to this word.” he said, taking a sip of tea, his mouth was uncomfortably dry. Raven pursed her lips and hummed.

 

“Quiet shocking.” she said, leaning her elbows on the counter and sipping at her tea herself. “You think she wants to keep it?” she asked him, tilting her head and looking at him. Marcus at that froze and blinked.

 

“I guess?” he said. He hadn't had the time to even adjust to the idea of Octavia having a baby, and now another doubt was sneaking in his mind. What if she didn't want that baby? _No._ Octavia would never do that. _Right?_ His head started to pound, he was tired and that day had been overwhelming, he needed to rest.

 

“Yeah probably she wants to keep it, Octavia and Lincoln are basically _married,_ they are probably already thinking about a name.” Raven said, hiding a smile in her mug. Marcus looked at her and at that the girl shrugged. “It's true Kane, and you know that.” she said. Marcus had to admit that she was right.

 

Octavia and Lincoln weren't just two teenagers with a crush. They cared for each other, deeply and intensely. Octavia had tried to explain it many times to Bellamy, not that he didn't believe her about her feelings toward Lincoln, and he was sure the boy cared for her too. But he simply couldn't see why Octavia was already so sure about them, he wanted her to go to college, to move in a bigger city, to go back to Jeanu, where she could create a future for herself.

 

But Octavia had tried many times to explain to him that her future was already there, with Lincoln and his farm. Marcus had never interrupted the siblings when they had started a fight in the middle of a dinner or a walk in the woods. He knew them since four years and knew they didn't like it when other people interrupted their private arguments.

 

That was why he had been so surprised when Octavia hadn't pushed Abby away, but instead had followed her without complaining. Also Bellamy had surprised him, he had barely argued with Abby, as if he trusted her enough to take care of his sister, and even if it was obvious that he preferred to be the one to do that, he had let Abby help them. Marcus didn't know how he was supposed to feel about this.

 

Abby was basically a stranger to him, and he had thought it was the same for the siblings. Yes they had talked about her during the past month, but they had shared just funny stories about Blade scaring the hell out of her in several occasions, or about how the people in Arkadia liked her as their new doctor. But nothing more than that. And yet... apparently she had made room for herself in their life more than what he had thought.

 

“Earth to Kane.” Raven said suddenly, dragging him out of his thoughts. Marcus blinked and shook his head. “You're ok?” she asked him with a frown, and Marcus nodded, a yawn escaped his lips.

  
“Yeah, I'm just tired apparently.” he said, Raven smiled at that and peeked at the clock on the wall.

 

“Yeah, it's better for me if I fly back to my nest.” she said, standing up from her stool. “But call me if you need anything ok?” she said with a warm smile, Marcus nodded.

 

“Of course.” he whispered, and walked outside the kitchen with her. Then was when they both spotted Bellamy laying on the couch, he had fallen asleep at some point. Raven winked at Marcus and then tiptoed outside the house without a word. Marcus approached the boy and draped a blanket over his sleeping body.

 

Then he sat down on the armchair in front of him and sighed out, as soon as his eyes closed, he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

In the Griffin's house things had happened differently. Clarke had offered Octavia her bed, the girl had refused several times before the two woman's raised eyebrows and crossed arms had made her raise her hands in surrender.

 

She had took a long hot shower in Abby's bathroom, and had took the hot tea that she had offered her with a bright smile on her lips. They had tried to make her feel comfortable in their house, offering her smiles and few words, trying not to push her into talking, she had appreciated that. When she had excused herself after dinner, saying that she was feeling slightly dizzy and tired, and had laid on Clarke's bed, she had fallen asleep immediately.

 

Abby had tiptoed inside the room at some point and had draped a blanket over her body, then she had walked outside, heading toward her bed and sneaking under the covers, where Clarke was already waiting for her. Since Octavia was using her bed, Clarke was gonna sleep with her mother that night, to Abby's delight, they hadn't shared a bed in years, and Abby had missed that.

 

“Do you think she will still be there tomorrow morning?” Clarke asked her as soon as Abby was at her side.

 

“I hope so.” she whispered, Clarke snuggled at her side, wrapping a harm around her torso.

 

“Do you think Bellamy will still be mad at her tomorrow?” she asked, her voice muffled by Abby's night shirt. She stroked her hair.

 

“He isn't mad Clarke, he is worried.” she whispered, and Clarke looked at her.

 

“You know what I mean.” she said, lifting herself on one elbow. Abby sighed out and pursed her lips.

 

“I don't know how things will go tomorrow, I just hope they will understand that if they want this to work, they have to find common ground.” she said, stroking her daughter’s cheek. Clarke pursed her lips.

 

“Bellamy is a good guy. I bet they will be fine.” she said, laying again on her mother's chest. Abby at that smirked in the darkness of her bedroom.

 

“You like him, don't you?” she whispered, at that Clarke tensed on her body and turned toward her with a frown.

 

“I guess? Why do you-No. No mum don't!” she said, when Abby's smirk grew wilder. “Not like that!” she snorted, slapping her mother's chest, Abby giggled.

 

“Ok, ok. Sorry.” she said, chuckling. Clarke huffed and shook her head. “I just thought that he is a cute guy, and you two look good together. But I will stop talking about this ok, I got it.” she added, when Clarke glared at her again.

 

“Trust me, he isn't my type.” Clarke said, resting her head against her beating heart again. Abby at that frowned and then pursed her lips.

 

“You have a type?” she whispered, and Clarke snorted.

 

“Not now mum.” she said, and Abby hummed at that, closing her eyes with a smile.

  
“But you are gonna give me a name sooner or later, right?” she asked. Clarke hummed and snuggled better at her side. Abby's arm wrapped lovingly around her daughter's body, Clarke's ear pressed on her mother's heartbeat, the two women fell asleep with a smile on their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, next chapter Kabby will grow, because we all know that this is what we really want, right?


	5. Just a coincidence. Just a friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Marcus start to realize that they like to spend time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, they are growing guys.

 

 

The morning after the storm, things had happened in this order:

 

 

As soon as Bellamy had woken up, he had rushed to the town and had disappeared for half an hour.

 

Abby had woken up alone in her bed, as soon as the sound of Clarke under the shower had reached her, she had smiled to herself and had welcomed in the new day with happiness. When she had walked in the kitchen, searching for her morning coffee, her eyes had grew two sizes, when the table in the living room, filled with delicacies, had came into view. From the fresh fruit, to the warm cookies with chocolate and hazelnuts, everything made her stomach growl in hunger.

 

Octavia was in the kitchen, she had woken up early and had decided to thank them both for the hospitality with a rich breakfast. Abby had tried to explain that it wasn't necessary, but when Octavia had raised her chin and her icy eyes had settled on her, Abby had raised her hands in surrender and had sat down, so that Octavia could keep thanking them. And Abby had to admit, she was really good at giving thanks.

 

Marcus had woken up when Bellamy was already gone, he had taken a quick shower and had started to sip at his coffee standing in front of the window, peeking at Abby's porch. He couldn’t see inside the house and this was making him feel really frustrated. He needed to know if Octavia was ok, if she was still pissed off or if she had _chill out_ as Abby had said.

 

When Bellamy parked the car in front of the house again, and climbed off, Marcus spotted the flowers in his hands, _white_ _lilies_ , Octavia's favorites. He smiled, because he couldn't help it.

 

Bellamy walked over Abby's door, left the flowers and what looked like a letter, right in front of it, then he knocked on the door and walked away, without waiting for them to open. Abby did, almost immediately, but Bellamy was already sitting in a chair on his porch, looking at her. Abby raised a curious eyebrow to the _gifts_ and then raised her eyes toward the boy, she smiled to him and then walked inside again.

 

Octavia appeared outside after some seconds, when she spotted the flowers and the letter she froze, then she shook her head and collected them from the floor, taking them inside with her and closing the door without even looking at him.

 

 

_And then they all waited._

 

 

When after almost an hour, Abby opened the door again, Marcus was sitting at Bellamy's side on the porch, they were sipping at some black coffee. When Abby appeared, Bellamy froze and Marcus held his breath for the both of them. Then Abby smiled and turned toward the door, from where Octavia walked outside few seconds later.

 

She stepped on the grass of the garden and then stopped, looking at them. Bellamy swallowed and rested the cup at his feet, standing up and walking slowly toward her. She said nothing, and simply looked at him in the eyes. Abby was leaning against her doorjamb, wrapping her arms around herself, Clarke was peeking at the siblings from her mother's shoulder. Marcus looked at the woman, and she looked back, she smiled at him and he didn't know what that meant, until to his _surprise_ , Octavia wrapped her arms around her brother's neck and dived her face in the crook of his neck, sobbing quietly.

 

Abby at that smiled brighter, and nodded toward him, Marcus smiled back and she gestured at him to follow her inside, so they could give the siblings some privacy. Marcus cleared his throat, stood up from his chair, and walked toward Abby's porch. But before he could walk past her, Octavia withdrew from her brother and took his arm, her icy eyes were filled with tears, but the a ghost of a smile was gracing her lips.

 

“I'm sorry.” she mouthed, and then sniffed. Marcus swallowed and offered her a smile, at that the girl sobbed and did something that she hadn't done in a long time, she leaned forward and hugged him too. Marcus' body froze at the touch, his muscles tensed under his skin, and his throat closed in a tight knot. He felt tears prickling at his eyes, but he blinked them away and hugged her back, trying to suppress the need to dive his nose in her black hair.

 

The girl held him there for a while, before withdrawing completely, she smiled one last time at him and then walked back to her brother. Marcus sighed out, wiping away a tear that had escaped his eyes, and looked at the siblings, until them both disappeared inside their house.

 

“Are you coming or not?” Abby's voice reached him suddenly, he blinked and turned. She was leaning on her doorjamb again, a soft smirk in the corner of her lips. She was still wearing her _home's_ clothes, and that made him smile. She looked comfortable and happy, her creamy soft shirt was loosen around her tiny frame, her tight sage colored pants were enveloping her slim legs, the morning sun was sneaking between the tree's branches and was casting strokes and whispers of golden in her hair. She was beautiful.

 

He approached her in silence. She looked up at him when he stopped in front of her and her smirk grew into a bright smile when their eyes met. “I don't know what you did, but whatever that was, thank you.” he whispered. At that she shook her head.

 

“I did nothing Marcus.” her eyes flew to the door, behind which the siblings were now probably talking, a shy smile on her lips. “Bellamy did.” she said, and then tilted her head toward her living room. “Come in.” she whispered, and walked inside.

 

When Marcus walked inside, the smell of coffee and baked cookies invaded him, the table in the living room was still filled with dirty plates and glasses filled with juice and drops of milk, crumbs and fruit peels were scattered all over the cloth. Abby walked toward Clarke's room and whispered to her something through the slightly open door, after a while the girl yelled from inside her room, “Hi Kane!” at that he smirked and Abby closed the door, shaking her head.

 

“Very subtle, right?” she said to him, raising an amused eyebrow, Marcus nodded.

 

“Well, at least this time she didn't insult me.” he joked, and Abby chuckled in embarrassment, the ghost of a blush creeping on her neck, coloring softly her cheeks.

 

“Ok so, are you hungry or thirsty? Do you want something? Coffee, milk, water, tea, juice?” she asked him, while walking toward the table. Marcus shook his head, wearing a polite smile.

 

“I'm fine thank you.” he said, and at that Abby nodded, wrapping her arms around her body. Then silence fell over them. Abby was chewing at her lower lip, Marcus had his hands clasped behind his back. When she looked up at him again, he smiled and she smiled back. But they kept silent.

 

It wasn't that awkward, but it wasn't that comfortable either. Right when Marcus was about to say something to interrupt the _too quiet_ moment, the door of Clarke's room opened and she rushed outside, “I'm off for the morning mum!” she said, Abby blinked and frowned.

 

“Wait, what?” she asked her, but the girl was obviously in a hurry and was already opening the front door.

 

“I have an appointment mum.” she said, peeking at her from over her shoulder. Abby raised an eyebrow and reached Marcus, he had shifted slightly so that the two women could talk face to face without him in their way.

 

“An appointment? What kind of appointment?” she asked, tilting her head. Marcus tried to busy himself with a book that was resting on the couch at his back, he opened it and started to travel his eyes absentmindedly on the words, while the two women talked.

 

“It's nothing mum, I just have to see someone.” she said, smiling. Abby's frown grew deeper, and Marcus kept looking at the words in the book without really reading them.

 

“Who is this person?” Abby asked, at that Clarke rolled her eyes and snorted.

 

“A friend. Don't worry mum, this is Arkadia, not Los Angeles, I will be fine ok?” she said, and walked toward her, printing a quick kiss on her mother's cheek. “See you later ok?” she said, walking outside the door. Abby blinked and followed her on the porch.

 

“Wait!” then she reached her and they started to talk too quietly for Marcus to hear, not that he _wanted_ to hear them. He kept looking at the pages under his nose, until the sound of the door closing behind his back dragged his attention away from the book and back to Abby, that was now shaking her head, looking at the floor.

 

“Is everything ok?” he asked, flashing her a smile. She blinked, as if the fact that he was there had slipped out of her mind.

 

“What? Yes, yes.” she said, nodding to herself, then she smiled back at him. “I'm fine, we're fine.” she said, and walked toward the table. “I have to clean up this mess though.” she mumbled, at that Marcus let the book where he had found it and approached her. He took a dirty plate from the cloth and Abby stopped him immediately, resting a hand on his arm. “No Marcus, you don't have to help me.” she said, smiling. Marcus smiled back and withdrew from her, putting a glass into another one and taking them both with the other hand.

 

“But I want to.” he said, and walked inside the kitchen, heading toward the sink. Abby snorted and followed him, some plates and an empty jug in her hands.

 

“You know, since you seem to like these things, I also have to clean Clarke's room, maybe you want to help me even with that.” she joked, raising an amused eyebrow toward him. Marcus chuckled.

 

“Don t tempt me.” he said with a smirk, leaving the plate and the glasses in the sink, Abby's things followed.

 

“I would never do that.” she said, tilting her head toward him, then she walked outside again, wearing a teasing smirk on her lips.

 

“Be honest, you didn't want to do this alone, that's why you invited me in.” he said, following her toward the table. Abby chuckled.

 

“You are right, I thought that I could use some help, I mean I am a busy woman, and sometimes I deserve some rest, right?” she said, while opening a trash bag and filling it with fruits peels and pieces of cookies.

 

“Oh you deserve much more than just that.” he said, his voice a low vibrating whisper. When he realized how that had probably sounded, he looked up and saw that Abby was raising a curious eyebrow toward him, her lips parted. He blinked and she smiled shyly, bowing her head and resuming her work on the table. He cleared his throat and kept working himself. In less than five minutes the table was clean again, and Abby was filling the sink with hot water and soap.

 

“Why don't you let me do that?” Marcus asked her, leaning against the kitchen counter at her back. Abby shook her head, crossing her arms and turning toward him.

 

“I can handle this.” she said, smiling. At that Marcus sighed out.

 

“You know, I live all by myself, I know how these things work.” he said, nodding toward her. Abby chuckled at that.

 

“I'm sure you do, and you are probably even better than me. But I don't want you do to something every time that you walk in my house.” she said, shrugging and covering her hands with a pair of gloves. Marcus smiled.

 

“But I'm offering you my help, it's ok you know?” he said, walking toward her, leaning at her side, so that he could look her in the eyes while she cleaned the dishes. She looked up and glared at him.

 

“I said no.” she growled, and at that he chuckled.

 

“Ok what about this. You wash, I dry?” he said, lowering slightly toward her, at that she froze and peeked at him. He was smirking smugly at her, she chewed at the inside of her cheek and then pursed her lips.

 

“Fine.” she sighed out, and at that Marcus smiled triumphantly.

 

“I won.” he said, taking the towel that was resting beside the sink. Abby at that blinked and raised an eyebrow toward him.

 

“Excuse me?” she said, while her hands dived in the hot water and she started to rub the sponge filled with soap over a dirty plate.

 

“I won, I can help you, it means that I won.” he said, taking the plate that she was offering him.

 

“It wasn't a competition Marcus.” she said, and at that Marcus smiled kindly.

 

  
“Mh, you're sure?” he asked her, and at that Abby snorted.

 

“Yes, I am sure. I'm not a competitive woman.” she said, and handed him another plate.

 

“Of course you aren't.” he mumbled under his breath, but he was so close that she heard him anyway.

 

“I'm not.” she said firmly, and Marcus shrugged.

  
“If you say so.” he said, smirking. At that Abby let fall her gloved hands in the hot water and glared at him, but her lips were squeezed to suppress a visible smirk.

 

“Marcus, I'm serious.” she said, and Marcus nodded.

  
“I'm sure you are Abby.” he said, looking at her with a smug grin. Abby at that took out one hand from the water, but she did it too rapidly and the movement created a hot wave in the sink, that jumped out of it, splashing right on Marcus' shirt. She widened her eyes and Marcus gasped, when the water soaked his shirt.

 

“What the?” he blinked several times, not sure if he could open his eyes, when they didn't burn in pain he opened them completely and spotted Abby, she was biting at her lower lip, suppressing a smirk. “Abby?” he growled, and she shook her head.

 

“You have to believe me Marcus, it wasn't my intention, I _swear_.” she said, but he could see her shoulders trembling slightly, a chuckle was growing in her throat.

  
“Of course.” he said, wiping away some foam from his chin and forehead. Abby cleared her throat and dived the hand back in the sink. Then was when Marcus approached her even closer and she widened her eyes, realizing what was on his mind immediately.

  
“Don't.” she hissed, grabbing the sponge with one hand and taking it out from the sink. Marcus froze and thought to simply move away. But when Abby's lips curved into a slight smirk against her will, he dived his hand inside the sink and splashed a wave of hot water and foam against her. Even her creamy shirt was soaked now. She gasped breathlessly and took a step back from the sink.

  
“Marcus!” she yelled, panting heavily, luckily for her the foam and the water hadn't reached her face, she glared at him, Marcus raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

 

“What? You have to believe me Abby, it wasn't my intention. I _swear_.” he mocked her, and Abby at that took off one of her gloves and rushed toward the sink, so rapidly that Marcus hadn't the time to withdrew, and when she squeezed the sponge over his chest, the dirty hot water droplets sneaked inside the collar and ran uncomfortably all over his chest and back, and he hissed. “Abby!” he growled her name, and this time she didn't suppress the chuckle that bubbled out of her lips and that turned rapidly into a laugh. He took advantage of that, diving his hand in the sink again and splashing some water at her, but she was faster than him, and withdrew to the side, the wave of dirty water fell on the floor.

 

They both stopped at that, staring at the patch of water and foam expanding on the light parquet at their feet. Marcus looked at her, Abby looked at him, then after a long silent moment, Abby squeezed the last droplets of water from the sponge onto his hair. Marcus closed his eyes instinctively, and Abby giggled with herself, withdrawing from him, or at least she tried to, because even with his eyes closed, Marcus' arms searched for her and as soon as he felt the fabric of her shirt on the tip of his fingers, he reached forward and his arms closed tightly around her waist.

  
“Marcus no! No! No!” she started to yell, but Marcus ignored her and dragged her toward the sink again. When her body hit the kitchen counter he wiped away the foam from his eyes and opened them, Abby was panting heavily, trapped between him and the sink. She was looking at him with wide eyes, and was shaking her head.

 

“Don't.” she hissed, and at that Marcus smirked and his hand flew to the sponge that Abby had left in the sink and took it out from the water. He raised it in front of her, it started to scatter drops of water all over the floor, Abby shook her head again. “Marcus.” she said his name sternly, and at that he lowered his hand at his side. As soon as Abby released a sigh of relief, he smirked and raised the sponge again, squeezing it over her head, just as she had done with him earlier. Abby gasped and closed her eyes shut.

 

“Damn it Marcus!” she panted, her chest raising and falling rapidly, her creamy shirt was so soaked in water that it was gray now, and it clung against her body in a way that looked all but comfortable. Abby wiped away some foam from her eyes and then glared at him.

 

“You are a dead man, you know that right?” she growled, Marcus was about to protest, when she dived her hand in the sink and splashed a great amount of water against him.

 

_It was war._

 

They emptied the sink all over each other, gasping and yelling as kids, without caring for the floor or their clothes, that were soaked in dirty and soapy water. Sooner than later, the kitchen was filled with laughter and the echo of water splashing on the floor.

 

Eventually the sink had been emptied completely and Abby found herself trapped between Marcus and her fridge, breathing with effort, her hair soaked in water, there was foam trapped into her caramelized locks. Marcus was panting as well, his black hair plastered all over his forehead, a sponge filled with water was in his hand, he was staring into her eyes. His body was pressed against hers, they had never been that close before, and yet, they were perfectly comfortable.

 

When she licked at her lips and raised her chin in defiance, whispering, “So? Are you gonna end me or what?” looking toward the sponge in his hand, someone rang the bell. At that Abby froze and widened her eyes, then she blinked down and took a look at her clothes. Marcus cleared his throat and withdrew.

 

“Well, this will be embarrassing.” he said, nodding to himself. Abby looked up at him and frowned.

 

“You don't say?” she snorted, withdrawing from the fridge. She glared at him and walked toward the door. “Damn it.” she muttered, and Marcus found it hard to not burst out laughing, because Abby with soaked clothes and wet hair, cursing under her breath, was quiet a view.

 

When she looked in the peephole she sighed in relief. “Oh ok, it's just Jackson, than it will be more embarrassing for you than for me.” she said, flashing him a smile while opening the door. Marcus widened his eyes and tried to hide behind the wall of the kitchen, so that Jackson couldn't see him.

 

“What the hell?” Jackson snapped as soon as Abby had opened the door, at that she snorted.

 

“Oh you've seen worse states of me than this one.” she said, at that Marcus couldn't help it and chuckled.

 

“Are you ok?” Jackson asked her, and Abby giggled.

 

“I'm fine. You needed something?” she asked, while Marcus took a look at himself, he was embarrassing.

 

“Actually, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out for lunch with me, but I think they will not let you walk in like that.” Jackson said, and at that Abby chuckled again.

 

Marcus' smile at that faded. The idea of Abby leaving turned him suddenly really sad.

 

“I would like to, but I actually have plans for lunch, like taking a shower and stuff like that, so... maybe tomorrow?” she said, and then Marcus could hear them exchanging last few words before Abby closed the door and he heard her walking toward the kitchen again.

 

“Ok, I think we should clean up this mess and-” but her words died in her throat when Marcus squeezed the sponge over her head. She gasped for air and lost her balance, Marcus' hands reached for her immediately and he supported her, pressing her against him. Abby blinked her eyes open and smacked him on the chest.

 

“Damn it!” she snorted, and Marcus chuckled.

 

“I won again.” he said, and at that Abby glared at him, she was so close that Marcus could see droplets of water trapped in her impossibly long eyelashes.

 

  
“No you haven't.” she hissed, at that Marcus nodded.

 

“Yes Abby, I have.” and at that she withdrew from him, pushing on his chest, at that he slipped on the soapy water that was scattered all over the floor, Abby widened her eyes and stretched her arms toward him. Marcus reached for her instinctively, but he was already falling down and when his hand took hers, she followed him on his fall and they both crashed on the floor with a grunt.

 

When his back hit the floor a shrill of pain traveled from his lower back to his head, when Abby fell on him, even if she was slimmer and lighter than any other woman he had ever met, she knocked the air out of his lungs. “Damn.” she hissed, and tried to support herself on her hands, but her palms slipped on the soap under their bodies and she crashed again on his chest, Marcus groaned involuntarily.

 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” she mumbled, raising her head toward him, then she secured herself on her elbows, pressing them on the floor. “Are you ok?” she asked him, her eyes had grew worried, Marcus blinked and cleared his throat.

  
“Yeah, I guess so.” he said, looking at her, Abby sighed out in relief and then pursed her lips. When Marcus raised an eyebrow toward her, she shook her head and then bowed toward him, when she started to laugh, her hot breath stroked his skin through the fabric of his soaked shirt.

 

“Yeah, that's funny for you, isn't it?” he said, and she covered her mouth with on of her hands and kept laughing quietly, her shoulders shaking, at that even Marcus chuckled.

 

“I'm sorry.” she mumbled, clearing her throat and looking up at him again, when their eyes met she chuckled another time and then closed her eyes shut. “No ok, I swear I'll stop now.” she said, withdrawing a bit from him.

 

“No please, keep laughing at me woman.” he joked, and Abby at that bit at her lower lip, shaking her head.

 

“Gosh, we are embarrassing.” she said, looking at him, Marcus shrugged.

 

“Speak for yourself.” he said, and Abby at that raised an eyebrow.

  
“Marcus, you just slipped over the soapy water that we both splashed over each other, and you are now laying on my kitchen's floor. I think this is the _definition_ of embarrassing.” she said, withdrawing from him and sitting on his lap, basically straddling him with her legs. Marcus chuckled and she smirked. “Come on, let me help you.” she said, and he raised an eyebrow.

  
“You sure you will not fall again?” he mocked her, lifting himself on his elbows, careful to not slip again. At that Abby's smirk grew deeper and she raised an eyebrow, leaning toward him, her hands resting on his shoulders now.

 

“Why? You don't like it when women fall for you?” she whispered. At that Marcus stopped smiling, the way her dark eyes were staring at him made him shiver. Then she smiled and pushed on his shoulders, using him as a support, she stood up on her feet again. “You're good Marcus?” she asked him, leaning toward him, offering him one of her hands. Marcus blinked and looked up.

 

“Marcus?” she called his name again when he kept quiet. He blinked and cleared his throat, taking the hand she was offering him. He stood up and she smiled. “You're ok?” she asked him again, that teasing smirk of her never leaving her lips. Marcus nodded.

 

“Yes, I'm good.” he whispered, and Abby nodded slowly, squeezing her eyes.

 

“Are you sure?” she asked him, tilting her head, her voice growing worried. Marcus cleared his throat and stiffened his back.

 

“Yes, yes I'm sure.” he said, and at that Abby smiled.

  
“Ok then, now what?” she asked, looking at the room around them, it was a mess. Water and soap all over the floor and also the walls. The plates that had been washed and dried were dirty again.

 

“Well, I could clean up here while you take a shower.” he said, turning toward her, she was nodding absentmindedly.

 

“Sounds as a great idea.” she said, flashing him a bright smile, Marcus raised an eyebrow.

 

“Wait... why aren't you protesting this time? Telling me that I shouldn't do this, because I am the guest and all that stuff?” he asked her. Abby at that smirked and shrugged.

 

“You won, so I think you should be the one to clean up this mess.” she said, smiling. Marcus raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“You know, I think that since _I_ won, as you just admitted, _you_ should clean up.” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Abby at that raised her chin.

 

“Yes, but since this is _my_ house, _I_ make the rules, and I want you to clean up this mess, so that I can clean up this other one.” she said, pointing her fingers toward herself. Marcus' eyes followed her fingers and he roamed his eyes from her head to her toe. She was indeed a mess, a beautiful one, but still a mess. He hummed and pursed his lips.

 

“I see.” he said, and Abby at that smiled and squeezed his shoulder.

  
“If you will do a good job, maybe I will leave you some hot water.” she said, smirking and turning toward the living room. “But I can't promise you anything.” she yelled at him without turning back. Marcus at that shook his head and chuckled, while Abby disappeared in her bathroom.

 

* * *

 

When she appeared again on the kitchen's door, Marcus had just finished cleaning up the room, and was drying the last plate. “Wow, you are indeed better than me at this.” Abby said, at the sound of her voice Marcus turned, and when he spotted her there, wearing just a silky bathrobe, her long wet hair cascading all over her shoulders, his hands loosened the grip over the plate and it fell on the floor, crashing into pieces. Abby flinched at that. “Ok.. maybe not _that_ good.” she said.

 

Marcus clenched his jaw and cursed himself under his breath, but when Abby started to chuckle he dared to look back at her. She was walking toward him and he stopped her. “No don't, you are barefoot, let me do this.” he said, offering her a smile, adverting his eyes from her. Abby stopped and nodded.

 

“Ok... are you sure you are ok Marcus?” she asked him, and Marcus nodded without looking at her. He took the broom that was resting against the wall and started sweeping the pieces of ceramic from the parquet. “I left you some hot water by the way, so you can take a shower.” she said, and Marcus nodded, still trying not to look too much at her wearing that _tiny_ piece of fabric. His eyes though weren't that good at not _peeking_ and when she turned on her heels and walked outside, he took a long look at her toned creamy legs, and cursed himself under his breath again.

 

That had been the first time Marcus had looked at Abby with eyes that weren't meant for _just possible friends._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After that day Abby and Marcus' ways had started to meet several times, and they had started to discover that they really liked to spend time alone in each other's presence.

 

They shared phone numbers, so that they could found each other easily if they wanted to, and had found out that they also liked to call each other and talk for hours. _Literally._

 

They liked to talk when Abby had her ten minutes break in the morning, catching up on each other's day. They liked to talk on lunch break, when they couldn't see each other psychically and share a sandwich on the lake's shore or on the bench outside Abby's clinic. They liked to start talking when the sun settled down behind the horizon, until the stars started to prickle to the pitch black night sky, ending the call with a whispered “Goodnight.”

 

They were growing really close, and they discovered with every day a new thing that they liked about each other.

 

 ...

 

Abby liked the way Marcus always lowered his voice when he wanted to share a private joke with her. She liked the way the sound of his voice made her shiver, and if she had found herself leaning toward him whenever he had started to whisper to her, it was just a coincidence.

 

Marcus liked the sound of Abby's laugh, and had found out that she liked to laugh a lot around him. Every time that he could, he had tried to make her laugh, with a joke or a funny story, it didn't matter to him. Whatever he could use to cause that beautiful sound, he would do it.

 

Abby liked the way Marcus' hair were growing, longer and wilder. She also liked a particular wild lock that couldn't stop from falling on his forehead. The day she had realized that, it was a sunny Sunday’s afternoon. They were sitting on her porch, he was sharing with her a funny story about his childhood and she was laughing heartily. When he chuckled back at her, his wild lock fell from his hair and stroked his forehead. He kept talking, not noticing it, and Abby leaned forward without thinking, her hand reached for his soft hair and she stroked it away, securing it back in his place.

 

When her skin made contact with his, Marcus froze and his chuckle faded, till he fell silent. She blinked, realizing what she had just did, and then withdrew immediately, smiling shyly, whispering a, “Sorry, it was bothering me.” at that Marcus frowned, she pointed toward his hair and after few seconds he burst out laughing, at that Abby followed. Since that moment, Marcus had started to notice the way her eyes fell often on his hair, and if the thought of her diving her hair in his hair had started to fill his and hers mind, more often, it was just a coincidence.

 

Marcus liked the way Abby's features lightened up any time she talked about her daughter. He liked the way she loved and cared for her, Abby Griffin was a proud mother and Marcus admired that about her.

 

Abby on her side, liked the way Marcus took care of Octavia and Bellamy, especially since he had found out that Octavia was pregnant. Bellamy had started to adjust to the idea too and Lincoln had started to show up more often in their house, Abby had got the chance to meet him and Octavia was right, she liked the guy. Marcus wasn't their biological father, but Abby could see the love he felt for them, and whenever she thought about it, her heart would warm up a bit, and a smile would blossom on her lips.

 

 ...

 

Abby and Marcus liked each other, this was _undeniable_ , they liked to be together, to talk, to take walks on the lake's shore, to share their lunch breaks on the bench in front of her clinic. They liked to spend time with each other. That was why when Marcus started to dream more about her, about her smile, her laugh, the color of her eyes or the shape of her lips, he told himself it was just another coincidence.

 

And when he had a particular _detailed_ dream about Abby and her silky bathrobe, he told himself it was another weird coincidence. But when his nights started to be filled with a series of _weird_ _coincidences_ , he started to ask himself if _maybe_ he wanted something more than just sharing walks and lunch breaks with her.

 

...

 

The day he surprised her at work with fresh fruit and baked cookies and she smiled brightly, looking at him with soft eyes, his stomach twisted upside down and his heart grew lighter, and he asked himself if he wanted something more.

 

The day she laughed at one of his jokes, and her hand flew to his chest, his skin prickling to life at her soft touch, his heart missing a bit, he asked himself if he wanted something more.

 

The day Clarke hanged up on the wall her first colorful painting, she was so happy that when he entered her house she showed it to him with a bright smile and hugged him in a rush of joy. The way his whole body reacted at the warm touch, the shiver that ran through him when he smelled her Jasmine scent from her skin, and the way his hands winced with the _urge_ to touch her everywhere, made him ask himself if he wanted something more.

 

The day she smiled shyly to him and asked him about Thelonious Jaha, asking him what he thought about the man, Marcus said that he was a wealthy man, very cultured and with a kind heart. When he asked her why she was curious about him, Abby chuckled in embarrassment, saying that she had met him few weeks before at the clinic when he had fainted at work for low blood sugar, she had taken care of him and had dismissed him almost immediately. Since their first encounter he had started to show up everyday at the clinic, using several weird excuses just to see her, and eventually had asked her to have dinner with him, and she had accepted. When his whole body froze, his heart stopped beating, and he fell silent, unable to say a single word, Marcus didn't ask himself if he wanted something more, because he _knew_ the answer now.

 

_Yes, he wanted something more._

 

The only problem was that Abby didn't want the same.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been three months since the storm. Three months since the day Octavia had spread the news about her pregnancy to everybody. Three months since Abby and Marcus had started their friendship.

 

Three months and tonight was the first time Marcus was feeling nervous about the idea of meeting Abby. The reason why he had his stomach filled with _drunk butterflies_ and his mouth was dry, was that tonight Abby was gonna have dinner with another man, and this was driving him crazy.

 

Marcus knew he had no right over her. They were friends, she had said that so it wasn't just in his head, several times she had said, “I am so happy I have a friend like you here.” and this wasn't a thing you can misinterpret. Abby cared for him as a _friend_ and Marcus had to accept that this was all she was gonna see in him, a good friend.

 

 _Easier said than done._ Especially when the woman you are supposed to be friend with is Abby Griffin.

 

Abby Griffin was many things to Marcus, but surely _just a friend_ wasn't one of these. Not when she had given him the chance to peek at what a _life_ spent at her side looked and felt like. Not when he had been able to spend so much time with her, so close that he knew every note of her scent, every shade of the gold trapped in the natural color of her hair, every possible way in which she was able to smile or smirk. She couldn't be _just a friend_ when with the slightest of touches she could turn his body on fire.

 

But she was _just a friend,_ she had to be, and Marcus was a good man, and he knew he had to respect her. If only his heart could stop pounding that painfully in his chest for a moment, maybe he could act as the good man he wanted to be for her.

 

When his knocks echoed on her door, and Abby's voice reached him from the inside with a, “Coming!” he closed his eyes and swallowed.

 

 _She is just a friend, just a friend, just a friend._ He kept saying to himself over and over again.

 

He was there because Abby's car was broken, and she hadn't said to Thelonious where she lived, simply because she didn't know if she trusted him enough to do that, she wasn't yet used to be _that_ open with the Arkadia's citizens, she had lived in Los Angeles her whole life after all. Marcus had of course said to her that he was absolutely available to giver her a ride to Arkadia, to go on a date with another man, because probably he suddenly liked to hurt himself.

 

And when Abby opened the door, silencing his loud mind, it became official, _he liked to hurt himself._

 

Abby was beautiful _._

 

__

 

She was wearing a light red dress, small white polka dots were filling the red fabric, giving it a less formal look. It was slightly loosened over her tiny frame. It had a splint on the front that offered an inviting but chaste peek at her legs. One of her shoulders was slightly exposed because the neckline was deep and the fabric of the light dress was falling slightly to the side, she adjusted it, but it started to fall again almost immediately.

 

Marcus tried his best to not stare, but she was radiating such a warm light that he couldn't help himself, the chandelier hanging from the ceiling was casting a golden halo around her soft caramelized hair. She had spent a lot of time in her garden during that summer, and her skin was tanned, the contrast with the red of her dress and the golden in her hair was making it hard for him to even blink.

 

“So?” she said suddenly, tilting her head to the side, her hands flew to the purse that was hanging from her right shoulder. “What do you think?” she asked him, raising an eyebrow. Marcus blinked and leaned closer toward her.

 

“What I think about what?” he asked her, clearing his throat when he had to fight hard against the sudden urge to look down at the ribbon of fabric that closed her neckline, from there he could peek at her creamy skin, and surely someone that is _just a friend_ isn't allowed to do that. Abby smiled.

 

“About the dress Marcus. About me.” she said, opening her arms and stepping outside, so that she was even closer. From that distance he could see the soft pink of her glossy lips, the sparkling golden eyeshadow that was gracing her eyelids, and he could smell her scent. She smelled as always as Jasmine and Myrrh, and her hair held the rich tones of her sweet almond shampoo. He was starting to feel dizzy.

 

“About the dress...” he whispered, focusing on her eyes, but even like that for him it was too hard, because he had always found her eyes mesmerizing. She frowned.

 

“Are you ok Marcus?” she asked him, the ghost of a chuckle in her voice. Marcus blinked and nodded, clearing his throat and stiffening his back.

 

 _You are a grown man, get a grip on yourself._ He reproached himself.

 

“I'm good yes, sorry.” he said, managing a smile. Abby smiled back and at that he looked at her one last time, doing it as fast as he could and then flashed her a bright smile.

 

“You're beautiful Abby, as always.” he said, and at that she smiled genuinely, biting at her lower lip.

  
“And you are a gentlemen, as always.” she said, tilting her head and turning to close the door.

 

 _No, I'm not._ He said to himself. Because a _gentleman_ wouldn't look at his best friend's body as a wolf looks at a deer. The thought made him feel ashamed of himself.

 

“Shall we?” she said, approaching him, her arm finding its usual spot around his elbow. Marcus smiled and nodded, walking toward his car in silence. Abby was warm at his side. Summer was ending and nights were starting to be colder, forcing everybody to get home earlier, to close windows and doors, to wear jackets over their shoulders. At that thought he looked at Abby and at her bare arms.

 

“Have you brought a jacket too? It might get cold later.” he said, Abby smiled and looked up at him, her hand squeezing his bicep.

 

“Yes dad.” she joked, withdrawing from him and walking toward the other side of the car, to climb inside.

 

Marcus sighed out when she flashed him a teasing smirk and disappeared inside the car, then he climbed in himself and started to drive her toward Arkadia.

 

Toward the man, that wasn't him, that would take her out for dinner. The thought made him feel sick to his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am an evil person AH


	6. The Last Night of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is the first date for Abby and Thelonious, and for Marcus is really hard to accept the idea of Abby with another man.
> 
> Meanwhile someone else will find out about Abby and her new "friend".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like these situatons. I already know I will keep doing this for a while, because I am a bad person and I live for jealous Marcus. (also jealous Abby, but we will get there)

 

Arkadia was shimmering with warm lights when Marcus parked the car, right at the side of the lake's shore. Abby was nervous. She had accepted Thelonious' invitation because he had made her laugh and had seemed to be gentle and respectful. He had noticed immediately the ring that she still was wearing around her finger, and the one that was hanging in a necklace right over her heart. He had smiled with understanding, she had immediately informed him that she was a widow, so he knew it and accepted it, but the most important thing was that he respected that.

 

She had started to stroke Jake's ring absentmindedly since she had climbed in the car, the metal was burning now, warming up the delicate skin over her chest. Marcus had seen her anxiety, and several times had turned toward her with serious eyes saying, “If you want me to turn the wheel and drive you back home, just say the word.” she had shook her head every time, affirming that she was fine, that it was just a dinner.

 

He had always smiled kindly at that, saying, “Ok then, if it's ok for you, it's ok for me too.” and had kept driving in silence then, until she would have huffed and he would have asked her again. Abby liked this _protective_ side that he had started to show when it was about her, he wanted her to be fine, he cared for her. Abby was aware of that, she cared for him too.

 

During the past three months they had grew closer and Abby liked to have him around. Marcus was a kind man, brilliant and funny. He knew how to make you feel comfortable around him, and Abby had started to enjoy everyday a little more the idea of being around him.

 

Even tonight, that she had to go out with another man, she couldn't stop thinking about how good was to stay with him, even if just in silence, without saying a word, sharing just the same space and the same time, together.

 

“Abby?” he said her name in a whisper, another thing she had started to get used to, the way he whispered her name whenever he wanted to drag her attention back to him. She liked it, she liked the sound of her name coming from his lips, it felt familiar and it made her feel _safe._ She smiled toward him and he smiled back.

 

“Are you ok?” he asked her, because he had this habit too now, he had to know that she was ok, every time he could he would ask her. She smiled and nodded.

 

“I'm fine.” she said, and leaned her head over her seat. He smiled warmly at her, and she smiled back. The way his lips stretched the skin over his cheekbones and lightened up his eyes was mesmerizing. She liked him when he smiled, and she liked the way he looked at her, just as he was doing now. His dark eyes were warm and gentle on her, he looked at her as you look at someone you really care for, and that make you happy. This knowledge was always able to warm up her heart and to fill her stomach with butterflies.

 

“You should go.” he whispered suddenly, Abby hummed and then smirked.

 

“He is not here yet.” she said, tilting her head toward the bench that was still empty, the one where they were supposed to meet. Marcus at that nodded. “We are a little early.” she whispered, and he smiled.

 

She had asked him to drive her there a little earlier because she wanted to have more time to spend with him, more time to prepare herself for the incoming dinner. She knew it wasn't a big deal, it was just a dinner, as Thelonious had said. She was about to eat a good meal with a man that she barely knew, they would know each other better and then if they wanted, they could meet again.

 

No promises, no plans. But she couldn’t stop her heart from jumping in her chest, the tip of her fingertips were shivering, her palms were sweaty and she was feeling the anxiety growing and growing in the tip of her stomach.

 

“So, where will he take you?” Marcus asked suddenly, dragging her out of her thoughts. Abby smiled.

 

“He said is a surprise.” she said, and Marcus at that raised an amused eyebrow. “What?” she asked him, frowning. Marcus shook his head at that and smirked.

 

“Nothing.” he said, and Abby at that tilted her head and pointed a finger toward him.

 

“Marcus?” she said, her tone reproachful. Marcus at that chuckled and shook his head.

 

“It just sounds a little _presumptuous”_ he said, shrugging and pursing his lips. Abby leaned back against her seat and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Why?” she asked and at that Marcus sighed out, his eyes softened on her and he looked at her for a long quiet moment, his eyes felt as a gentle stroke over her cheek, her stomach stopped growling in anxiety and her heart slowed its pace.

 

“Because it sounds as if he knows exactly what will surprise you.” he said, and at that his voice grew sadder, heavier. Abby blinked and lifted herself from the seat.

  
“Well... maybe he just knows a fancy place where he wants to take me. I mean... we don't know each other that much.” she said, biting at her lower lip. Marcus nodded.

 

“Exactly.” he said. Abby wasn't sure, but she could sense he was holding back something, he wasn't saying everything to her. She frowned and leaned forward.

 

“What is it?” she asked, searching for his eyes, Marcus looked back at her and then smiled.

 

“What is what?” he asked her, at that Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Whatever it is that you are not saying, just say it.” she said, raising her chin. They were closer now, between them just few inches of empty space. The car was warm and quiet, outside the vehicle Arkadia was louder, the civilians were taking advantage of the last warm nights to go out for dinner, or for a walk on the lake's shore.

 

Marcus kept quiet and at that Abby rested a warm palm over his chest. He was wearing his usual black leather jacket, that felt cool under her skin, but it started to warm up as soon as her skin made contact with its fabric. She could feel his heart beating beneath her hand, she looked at him intensely. “Marcus?” she said his name in a whisper. She noticed the way he swallowed deeply, and even the way his eyes fell over her hand. She kept silent, waiting for him to say it, _whatever_ it was that he was not saying.

 

He smiled softly, his eyes never met hers. His hands reached for her and suddenly he was withdrawing it from his chest and was enveloping it between his palms. Abby looked at their now joined hands, her heart was growing worried. There was a new tension in the air now, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about it.

 

“I just want him to treat you good Abby.” he whispered, his voice low, he was stroking her knuckles with his thumbs, his fingers were warm and the contact with his skin was forming goosebumps all over her bare arm. She swallowed, a smile appeared in the corner of her lips.

 

“I will make sure he will.” she whispered, and searched for his eyes, at that he looked up. His eyes were darker, heavier, and Abby for a moment was unable to form a single word, loosing herself in the impossibly darkness of his irises.

 

“Do that.” he said, and then he did a thing he had never done before. He brought their joined hands to his lips, and without breaking the eye contact, kissed her knuckles. The slightest of kisses, but it was enough for her heart to start racing in her chest and for her breath to get caught in her throat.

 

“He is here.” he whispered suddenly. Abby blinked and turned her head so rapidly that for a moment, she thought she was gonna break her neck. When her eyes adjusted to the reality around her once again, she spotted him. Thelonious was standing in front of the bench, his eyes scanning the crowd around him, searching for her. “Go.” Marcus whispered, Abby turned toward him, his eyes were fixed on her, softer again, a kind smile gracing his lips. She smiled back and nodded. Then was when her eyes fell down on her hand again and she smirked.

 

“I will need my hand back though.” she whispered, amused. Marcus blinked and looked down, he was still holding her hand. At that he blushed, actually blushed, and let it go. The loss of contact made her heart squeeze in her chest, but she shook her head and smiled toward him.

 

“See you later?” She said, at that Marcus nodded.

 

“I will drive you back home.” he said, and Abby at that shook her head.

 

“No you don't have to. I can-” but he stopped her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I want to be sure you will come back home safely.” he said, and at that Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“This isn't LA Marcus, the worse that can happen is for a bear to eat me.” she joked. Marcus managed a weak smile, but turned serious almost immediately.

 

“Just let me know when you need me to pick you up again.” he whispered, and Abby at that nodded.

 

“Ok.” she whispered. Then, without thinking too much about it, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. As soon as her lips made contact with his cheek, where the ghost of a beard was growing, she felt him tense under her touch. She withdrew almost immediately, even if the gesture felt impossibly slow, she wished she could stay there a little more, but there was another man waiting for her, and she had made a promise.

 

When she withdrew enough to look him in the eyes, she noticed the way his irises had grew darker, his lips were parted, but he wasn't saying anything. Abby for a moment felt the sudden need for him to say something, anything. But he kept silent, and didn't dare to move. So she smiled and stroked his cheek.

 

“You are rough.” she joked, trying to lightened up the mood. Marcus blinked and she chuckled. “I like it.” she said, her eyes roaming over his chin, his cheeks, flying rapidly over his lips, where a scar was, she took a mental note to ask him about it someday. “You should let it grow.” she whispered then, looking up at him. “Women like men with a full grown beard.” she said with a smirk, and then withdrew completely.

 

Marcus was still silent, and his eyes were glued on her. Abby smiled one last time and then whispered a “See you later.” and climbed off the car, before he could actually say something. Because all of a sudden, she had realized that if he said something, anything, she would never be able to go away.

 

The realization made her feel weak on her legs. But she shook her head and wore her best bright smile, walking toward Thelonious.

 

…

 

 

That night more than just one pair of eyes laid on Abby Griffin. She didn't noticed them all, and _especially_ she didn't notice the way they looked at her.

 

When she walked toward Thelonious Jaha and he spotted her, she could see everything, because he wasn't hiding anything from her. She saw the relief at first, he had probably feared for a moment that she wasn't gonna show up. Then she spotted joy, because he was truly happy to spend a night with her, this made her smile. Then, when his eyes took in her dress and her hair, she saw the darkness of desire flashing in his black irises, this made her feel suddenly uncomfortable, but when he smiled at her and said, “Is so good to see you again Abby.” she shook away the feeling and smiled back. They started to walk away from the car were Marcus was still sitting in, and Abby fought hard against the urge to turn back one last time and look at him. This night wasn't about him, this night was about her and Thelonious, she owed him this respect, at least this was what she told herself.

 

And right when she started to walk away, another pair of eyes laid on her, and looked at her in a way that she couldn't see. Marcus' black irises kept following her until she disappeared in the crowd. The way they flashed with _pain_ would have break her into pieces. Marcus looked at her just as a baby looks to his red balloon flying into the indigo sky, knowing that it will never come back again. Marcus Kane was looking at Abby Griffin for what he thought was the last time, as if from that night on, she would never come back to him again. Ad this was consuming him from the inside, breaking his heart.

 

When Abby walked in front of the little restaurant on the lake, without looking at the customers sitting at the tables, she laughed heartily at something that Thelonious said, and another pair of eyes laid on her. Raven Reyes got attracted by the rich sound of her laugh and looked up from her plate, just in time to spot her walking side by side with Thelonious Jaha. She widened her eyes in shock and her lips parted in surprise. Then was when she smashed her palm on the table and looked in front of her, at the girl that was having dinner with her. “Since when your mother and Jaha are a thing?” she said, half amused half shocked. Then was when Clarke Griffin frowned and her eyes grew wider when she followed the finger that Raven was pointing toward the laughing couple, that was walking away. “What the?” then was when Raven grew serious and pursed her lips. “What is it?” Clarke asked her, but the girl shook her head and smiled, “Nothing.” and she dismissed her like that, ending the conversation, filling her mouth with the food again. Clarke though couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened and what she had just seen.

 

Her mother was wearing a dress, walking toward the _fancy_ side of Arkadia, side by side with a man that she had never actually met. The thought made her stomach growl in frustration. Then was when she decided she had to know more about him, and especially more about him _with_ her mother.

 

…

 

“For your information Clarke, I don't like this.” Raven hissed, following her rapidly. Clarke was scanning the crowd in front of her and a deep frown was engraved in her features.

  
“Yeah, you already said that.” she growled and at that Raven snorted.

 

“That's because I really really really don't like this. I mean, what if your mother spots us? How are we gonna explain it?” she said, shaking her head. Clarke at that stopped and looked at her.

  
“You are the one that did the _Raven show_ with her the first time you met her, I guess you already embarrassed yourself enough with her.” Clarke said, shrugging and resuming her walk. Raven at that widened her eyes and raised a finger in the air.

  
“Hey I told you about that because I trusted you to just laugh with me and never mention it again. That's not nice Clarke.” she said, shaking her head and resting her hands on her hips. Clarke snorted and took her by the arm, forcing her to keep walking.

 

“Shut up Raven. We don't have time for this.” she hissed, and then widened her eyes and froze.

 

“What? What?” Raven whispered, looking in every direction with horror. Clarke dragged her with her and plastered herself against the wall of the building in front of them. “What the fuck is going on Clarke?” Raven hissed, grunting in pain when her back hit the wall hardly.

  
“They stopped.” she hissed, at that Raven tensed and fell silent.

 

“Ok good, what are they doing? Sitting at a table or making out? Because if it's the first one then we can go back to our date, if it's the second one... well we can start to run away really fast, because I can handle everything, but your mother making out with Thelonious Jaha isn't something I want to witness.” she said, nodding to herself. Clarke glared at her at that.

 

“Oh shut up Raven.” she said, at that Raven crossed her arms in front of her chest.

 

“You know Clarke, I think you are too hard on me now. I am your _girlfriend_ , you are supposed to treat me with love and kindness and-” but Clarke silenced her, plastering a hand over her lips. Raven at that groaned, but Clarke glared at her.

 

“Keep it quiet Raven.” she said and then pushed her on the back, so that they could walk around the building and take a better look at the table where her mother had sat down. “Come on, go!” she ordered, at that Raven snorted.

 

“Why don't you ask me nicely? Maybe I would like to do it, if you asked me nicely.” she complained, but kept following Clarke's orders.

 

“Oh come on, as if you don't like it when I am bossy.” she said, at that Raven smirked and shrugged.

 

“What can I say? I like tough girls.” she said, peeking at her from over her shoulder, winking. Clarke at that shook her head and smacked her on the ass, pushing her forward. “Exactly baby, I like it like hat.” Raven joked and Clarke chuckled.

 

“Shut up Reyes.” she said. Raven giggled but fell silent and then they found themselves at the other side of the building, on the _fancy_ sidewalk of Arkadia. Where several restaurants and pubs were filling the night's air with music and smells.

 

“Ok now what?” Raven asked, looking at her. Clarke pursed her lips and shrugged.

 

“We wait, I guess?” she whispered. They were hiding behind a bush filled with pink flowers, they could peek toward the table where Abby and Thelonious were sitting, but they couldn't see them.

 

“You know, when I asked you to go out with me tonight I _swear_ this hadn’t even crossed my mind.” Raven said, sitting on the ground.

 

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked, raising a curious eyebrow toward her. Raven shrugged.

 

“If I have to _spy_ on your mother and her _boyfriend_ can I at least make myself comfortable?” she said, at that Clarke groaned.

 

“He isn't her boyfriend.” Clarke snorted, looking back at her mother, she was laughing at something that Thelonious had said, the way he was looking at her made her feel sick to her stomach.

 

“You're right, he is probably just her _friend with benefits.”_ Raven joked. Clarke squeezed her eyes shut and snorted.

 

“Raven.” she reproached her, at that the girl raised her hands in surrender.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” she said, resting her cheek on her bicep, her arms were now enveloping her legs, that were pressed against her chest. “Do you think Kane knows that she is on a date with another man?” Raven asked her suddenly. Clarke at that frowned.

 

“Why should he care?” she said, looking at her. Raven at that raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

 

“You're kidding right?” she said, and Clarke shook her head. “Clarke for god's sake, where do you live?” she said, shaking her head.

 

“What? Why?”she asked, feeling stupid all of a sudden. Raven chuckled with herself.

 

“Clarke, Kane is _in_ _love_ with your mother.” she said, tilting her head as to say, _“It's obvious.”_ Clarke at that widened her eyes and her mouth felt dry all of a sudden.

 

“What? No. What? No, no.” she mumbled, looking at her mother. She was now talking to a waitress, Thelonious was nodding while looking at her with a smile on his lips. Raven sighed out.

 

“Oh my gosh Clarke, somebody really has to explain to you how men and women work.” she said, looking at her with a smile. Clarke fell silent at that and looked at her with a frown, then she knelt down at her side on the ground.

 

“Are you serious?” she asked her, her voice growing worried all of a sudden. Raven felt that and nodded kindly, stroking her cheek.

 

“I am pretty sure yes. But you don't have to worry, Kane is a good guy you know?” she said, smiling brightly and nodding. Clarke licked her lips, lost in thoughts, then she sat down at Raven's side and sighed out.

 

“I never thought about this honestly.” she said, her blue eyes lost in the crowd of people walking in front of them. Raven nudged her leg against hers.

 

“Seriously? You never thought about this? Not even once?” she said, looking at her with a smirk. Clarke shook her head without looking at her.

 

“No, really.” she said, turning toward her. Raven hummed.

 

“Well, then welcome to the real world. Marcus Kane is head over heels for your mother, now that you know it will not be too surprising when they will announce their wedding.” Raven said, nodding to herself. Clarke frowned at that.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, and Raven chuckled.

 

“Seriously Clarke, you could maybe be blind about Kane loving her, but they are actually married, and you can't deny that.” she said, smirking smugly. Clarke sighed out in frustration and covered her face in the palm of her hands.

 

“Ok enough.” she snorted and at that Raven chuckled.

 

“At least Kane is better than Thelonious.” Raven said, and at that Clarke looked back at her.

  
“But my mother is here with Thelonious, not Marcus. How do you explain this if they are _actually married_?” she asked her, Raven at that bit at her lower lip.

 

“Love is complicated. Probably your mother is waiting for Kane to make a move, and he thinks she doesn't want him to do that. They are basically two stupid teenagers in love.” Raven said, nodding to herself. Clarke pursed her lips.

 

“I don't know if I like this.” she said, and Raven frowned.

 

“Why? Don't you want your mother to be happy again?” she said, and Clarke looked at her at that.

  
“Of course I want her to be happy.” she said, then shrugged, “I simply don't know if she is ready to move on.” she said, then pursed her lips, “Or if _I_ am.” she added. At that Raven smiled at her and wrapped one arm around her shoulders.

  
“I think you two are both ready, and that you both deserve to be happy.” she whispered, leaning her forehead against her temple, at that Clarke smiled instinctively. Then Raven printed a kiss on her temple, “Also, I am an incredible lover and you are happy. You should let Abby take advantage of sheriff Kane too.” she joked. At that Clarke withdrew from her with a groan and Raven chuckled.

 

“If you don't stop right now I will have serious nightmares tonight.” she complained. Raven giggled and dragged her once again toward her, turning her head toward her and smiled smugly, raising an eyebrow.

  
“For the nightmares there's always me you know?” she said, the innuendo in her voice was clear. Clarke at that giggled and then leaned forward, and kissed her. The kiss turned hungry and messy almost immediately, Raven's hand flew to her cheek and she stroked her hair, her tongue darting out and diving between her parted lips. Clarke let out an involuntary moan and Raven smirked against her lips. “Why don't we let your mother enjoy her night, and we go back to my place?” she whispered, her lips capturing hers another time. Clarke smiled and pushed her body against hers, she could sense the air growing hotter, sparks were running between them, her skin was burning and prickling in growing pleasure.

 

“No, I can't” she panted against her lips, Raven groaned but Clarke bit at her lower lip and the groan turned into a moan almost immediately. “I have to keep an eye on my mother.” she said, parting completely and looking her in the eyes. “Especially if she is with a man that is not Marcus Kane.” she said. At that Raven smiled and kissed her softly on the lips, her thumb stroking her cheekbone.

 

“Then we should keep an eye on them and you should stop doing that with your tongue, or I will not be able to restrain myself.” said Raven, when Clarke had started to attack her neck, she giggled and withdrew.

 

“Let's keep that for later then.” she whispered, and kissed her deeply on the lips one last time, before standing up again. Raven sighed out and looked at her with heart eyes.

 

“I'm a lucky girl.” she whispered, Clarke smirked and nodded.

 

“Yes you are.” they both burst out laughing at that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That late summer night passed by in very different ways for Marcus, Abby and Thelonious.

 

Thelonious Jaha enjoyed every second of it. The woman sitting in front of him at dinner was beautiful, brilliant and had a rich laugh that warmed up his heart. She knew how to keep a conversation alive, and had good taste for wine and food, also they liked to talk about their respective children. What Thelonious found really comfortable about being around her, was the way they both had found it easily to talk about their late partners. Her husband had died in a car accident, his wife had died because of cancer, and they both knew how it felt to be _left behind_ with a kid and without knowing how to keep living day after day without the love of your life at your side.

 

They had faced a similar past and had survived, they felt stronger and Thelonious hoped in his heart that this beautiful woman felt ready, as he was feeling, to move on for real, to take the first step toward something new.

 

When their plate were empty and their stomach filled with food, he paid for the dinner, Abby protested but he easily won the argument, and then they shared a walk on the lake's shore. They kept talking about their past, she told him about her life in Los Angeles, her eyes grew sadder from time to time, but he had being able to lightened up the mood by sharing a kind smile or offering her a detail of his personal life, she had appreciated that, he could see it in the warmness of her smile.

 

When the night started to come to an end, Abby grew anxious, and he could see that she was peeking at her surroundings with worried eyes. He frowned but kept quiet about it, and tried to make every last second with her worth it.

 

Thelonious Jaha had loved that night spent with Abby Griffin, and hoped in his heart that she would like to do it again, because he was already looking forward to it.

 

…

 

 

Abby Griffin had liked the evening, the dinner, the food, the company. She liked Thelonious, he was cultured, intelligent, kind and respectful. He had made her laugh, she had to admit it, he was able to make her laugh, not as heartily as Marcus or Clarke were able to, but he surely had tried his best, and if she had pushed a little further on her laugh, growing it with a little effort to simply please him, surely it didn't make her a bad person.

 

They had also talked about their late partners. She had found it easy to talk about Jake with him, especially since Thelonious knew the feeling, his wife had left him several years ago, and he was left alone with a son, Wells. The boy was studying at Harvard, very faraway from him, he missed him but was also proud of the path he was walking on. Abby had shared with him some stories of Jake, and of Clarke, but had tried to keep a low profile about it. She didn't trust the man enough to share with him stories that were resting in the deepest corners of her heart.

 

When they had shared a walk on the lake's shore, the night was almost at the end, and she had started to think about Marcus.

 

 _No,_ this was a lie.

 

This hadn’t be the first time she had thought about Marcus. She had thought about him several times during the night.

 

...

 

 

When Thelonious had poured her some red wine, she had thought back at Marcus and the way he liked to joke with her about fancy wines, he knew them well but didn't like to drink them, especially not alone. He preferred the wine that came from a farm of a friend of him in California, and he had shared several bottles of it with her, laughing and joking when the alcohol had started to make them both feel dizzy. She had smiled at that memory and Thelonious had looked at her with wide eyes, she had pursed her lips and had took the glass, hiding her smirk behind the glass and wiping away the memory of Marcus' smile and laugh from her head.

 

When Thelonious had shared a funny story about his childhood, she had laughed, and at that he had stopped talking and then had said, “Gosh, you're laugh is beautiful Abby.” At that Abby had felt embarrassed all of a sudden, it was meant as a compliment, he hadn't said anything awkward, so she forced a smile on her lips and thanked him, her voice dropped down to a whisper. Her mind had flew immediately to Marcus, as if there was a connection there that she wasn't able to get yet. When she laughed a second time, and Thelonious' fell silent again, smiling at her, her mind flashed toward her images of Marcus and the way he always stopped and stared at her whenever she started to laugh.

 

The only difference was in the way the two men looked at her. Thelonious looked at her with wide eyes, surprised that he could make her laugh more than anything else. Marcus on the other side, he looked at her always with a soft smile on his lips, his dark eyes shimmering with a light that she hadn't seen in anyone else since Jake.

 

Thelonious Jaha looked at her with _surprise_.

 

Marcus Kane looked at her with _love_.

 

When she had came to that realization, Thelonious had already changed topic, trying to cause another laugh, and she had giggled and nodded, pursing her lips and shaking her head. Taking a deep breath she wiped away the thought of Marcus once again.

 

And so the night kept moving on, memories of Marcus coming back to her at every occasion.

 

Thelonious smiled, she thought about Marcus and the way his smile always warmed up her heart.

 

Thelonious brushed his fingers against hers, and she thought about the way Marcus was able to cause sparkles and shivers all over her body with just one touch.

 

Thelonious made her a compliment, and she thought about the way Marcus was able to do that with just a look.

 

Thelonious tried to make her laugh over and over again, and she thought about how Marcus never had to try to do that, because he simply _made_ her laugh.

 

Abby Griffin had spent a nice night with Thelonious Jaha, but her mind had never stopped thinking about Marcus Kane.

 

…

 

Marcus Kane had spent the night on the hood of his car. Staring at sky and the way the blue turned slowly into a dark black. His mind filled with images of Abby.

 

Abby laughing. Abby smiling. Abby blushing. Abby biting at her lower lip. Abby smirking. Abby chuckling.

 

Then his mind had started to travel so far away, and so out of control, that he had started to feel overwhelmed.

 

Flashes of Abby kissing Thelonious started to fill his mind. Abby and Thelonious hugging. Abby and Thelonious laughing together. Abby and Thelonious walking hand in hand. Abby and Thelonious sharing night after night together, sharing her house, her bed, her space, her entire life.

 

At some point he had felt so sick to his stomach that he had to stand up and inhale and exhale deeply to not throw up on the ground at his feet.

 

 _Ridiculous._ He said to himself. _You are ridiculous._ And he knew it was true.

 

Abby wasn't his wife, his girlfriend or even just his lover. She was nothing more than a _friend,_ and he had to accept that she had the right to go out with other men. She could kiss, hug and touch other people, and he had no right to stop her. He had no right at all over her.

 

When the night had started to grow darker around him, obscuring the mountain range and the lake around him, enveloping everything in a dark blackness, he asked himself where Abby was, and what time was it. He checked his phone.

 

_11.30pm_

 

Well, it wasn't _that_ late yet. He could wait a little more, he had made a promise after all, and he wanted to give Abby a ride, especially because he knew that otherwise Thelonious would have offer her one, and he surely didn't want them to share more time together.

 

 _Gosh, you are really childish._ He reproached himself, and his inner voice was right, and he knew it. But he couldn't help it.

 

Abby Griffin was an incredible woman, and Thelonious Jaha didn't deserve her. The most painful thing in all of this, was that he thought he didn't deserve her either.

 

Abby Griffin was _too much_ for him.

 

And this was braking him even more, because he had realized, with every minute of that night that passed, that he didn't just liked Abby, and that he didn't just wanted _something_ more.

 

He had realized that he _loved_ her, truly, utterly, desperately.

 

_He was in love with her._

 

…

 

 

When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he knew who was it without the need to look at the screen.

 

**1 new message from Abby.**

 

_We're at the bench, you can pick me up. Thelonious wants to wait with me to be sure I'm fine. Gosh, you two are both exhausting._

 

_I'll be waiting._

 

_P.s. Don't you dare embarrass me in front of him, ok dad?_

 

At that Marcus couldn't stop himself from chuckling at the screen. Images of Abby giggling while writing it down made him feel suddenly happy. Then, when his eyes fell again on the name of the man she had just spent an entire evening with, his stomach grew heavier and he swallowed, climbing in his car and heading toward the bench as fast as he could.

 

…

 

 

When he spotted the bench, but nor Abby nor Thelonious, he frowned and parked the car. Instinctively he climbed off, but left the door open and started to scan the crowd of people walking in front of him. Then was when he spotted them.

 

Abby was leaning over the railings that overlooked the lake, she was pointing her fingers toward the stars in the sky. He couldn't see her face, but just her golden hair flowing in the cool breeze. Then his eyes laid on the man at her side, he wasn't looking at the sky, were Abby was trying to show him something, the first thing he thought was _how rude,_ but when he recognized the look in the man's eyes his stomach growled in anger and he felt terribly _jealous_.

 

He was looking at her in the way a man looks at a beautiful woman, completely lost in the features of her face, admiring her smile and the sharp line of her nose, or observing the incredible length of her eyelashes. He sighed out and climbed in the car again, swallowing back the bitterness that had started to spread on his tongue and then took his phone out of his pocket.

 

_Stop pretending to know what you are pointing at, we both know that you couldn't name a single star before you came here, and before I taught you everything. I'm here by the way, turn around._

 

_P.s. Do I have to come and reproach him though? Because if you need me to, I will. I'm a loving dad after all, right?_

 

He smiled when the message had been sent, and after few seconds Abby looked at her purse and took out the phone, apologizing to Thelonious, the man smiled politely. Then she turned and he could see her face, as soon as her eyes turned to her phone and she read the message, she smiled and bit at her lower lip. Marcus' hands instinctively squeezed the phone in his palm. Then she looked up and spotted him, she waved toward him and then turned toward Thelonious.

 

When the two started to talk, Marcus started to realize what was going to happen. The man pointed toward the car and smiled, saying something he couldn't obviously hear from where he was. Abby tensed for a slight second, he didn't noticed that, but Marcus did. Then she looked at him and widened her eyes, Marcus swallowed.

 

 _Here we are._ He told himself, and then nodded toward her, climbing off the car.

 

Thelonious was walking toward him, Abby was at his side. As soon as he appeared out of his car, she smiled brightly.

 

“Sheriff!” Thelonious said, and Marcus pursed his lips, approaching him.

 

“Sir.” he said back, his eyes fell on Abby, she was biting at her lower lip, looking at him with what looked as worry. Thelonious was smiling and nodding to himself.

 

“I didn't know you two knew each other.” he said, and Marcus at that smiled.

 

“We met when she moved in.” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. He meant it as a, _"I know her since a lot, not as you, you can't say you know her, she is mine because I met her first."_   Childish? _Probably_. He gave a damn about it? _Absolutely_ _not_.

 

Abby smiled at his words and her eyes grew softer on him, he shared a quick smirk with her and she bowed her head, adverting her eyes from him.

 

“Oh I see. Well, then I am happy to know you will drive her back home safely.” Thelonious said, and in saying so his hand flew instinctively over Abby's shoulder. At that she tensed, and Marcus clenched his jaw, suppressing the need to slap his hand away from her.

 

“I always make sure of that.” he said, bowing his head in respect, and then looked at Abby. She was trying, very subtle, to withdrew from Thelonious' touch.

 

“Shall we?” he said to her, offering her his arm. Abby blinked and then looked at Thelonious, the man cleared his throat and withdrew from her. In doing so his hand stroked her bare skin and she pursed her lips.

 

“It had been a real pleasure Abby.” he said, and took one of her hands, bringing it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. Marcus pursed his lips and held his breath, ordering to his mind to calm down. Abby smiled shyly and nodded

 

“It had been a real pleasure for me too.” she whispered.

 

“Send me a message when you are back home, ok?” he said, and at that Marcus had to suppress the need to punch him in the face.

 

_Seriously?_

 

Marcus was the one that was allowed to ask Abby something like that, he _knew_ her, they had spent time together, they knew each other very well and very deeply. _This man_ had no right to ask her to send him a message once back home. He was growing really really mad, but luckily for him Abby was able to handle the man better than he was and she simply smiled.

 

“Of course.” she said, and then, without another word, she walked toward Marcus and took his arm. “Shall we?” she said, smiling brightly up at him. Marcus smiled back at that and then nodded toward Thelonious.

 

“Sir.” he said again, the man nodded back.

 

“Sheriff.” he whispered, looking back at Abby, smiling once again at her. Abby smiled back and turned immediately, walking side by side with Marcus toward the car.

 

When Abby rubbed fiercely on her dress the hand that Thelonious had kissed, when he couldn't see her, Marcus couldn't suppress the _triumphant_ smirk that blossomed on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these two puppies. They are so in love, and so married. But they are also SO BLIND gosh how much I am enjoying this.


	7. Whispers under the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus drives Abby back home after her date with Thelonious, and the tension is heavy on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a couple of days to go to the sea and then my ex's birthday came and so here I am just now, sorry for the lack of chapters, I know that since I am always fast it is frustrating when I take a break. But here I am with the new chapter, and don't kill me yet, I will work on chapter 8 right now, I really want to write again, I missed this, I missed you all!

 

 

Marcus was quiet. Abby was quiet. Arkadia was quiet. The only audible sounds were the one of the engine roaring under the hood, and the street passing by under the wheels of the black jeep.

 

Abby was looking outside her window, the landscape was dark, stars were shimmering in the pitch black sky and the whisper of mountains was adorning the horizon. Around them now there weren't houses, just streetlamps that lightened up the road ahead of them.

 

She wanted to say something, she wanted him to ask her something. But since they had climbed in the car silence had fallen over them and they had been left alone in their own mind with their private thoughts. She had peeked at him from time to time, he had adverted his gaze from the street to send her a quick smile. But nothing else had happened.

 

It was _weird._ All of a sudden the comfortable silence that had always been a part of them wasn't that comfortable anymore. The air was heavy with tension, Abby wasn't sure why or what had made it grow but she could sense it around her, it felt almost oppressive, it was as if she couldn't breath properly anymore. Her body was instinctively shifting away from him, her legs were curled up on one side, her hands wrapped protectively around herself. Suddenly it was even too hot.

 

She had to get out of that car.

 

“Stop the car.” she said, her voice a rough whisper. Marcus blinked and raised a doubtful eyebrow toward her.

 

“What? Why?” he asked, looking at her. Abby chewed at her lower lip and looked at him.

  
“I need fresh air. Please.” she said, without giving him further explanation, fixing her gaze outside again. Marcus at that pursed his lips but fell quiet, and slowed the pace. The engine roared with less strength until it fell quiet, when Marcus parked the jeep on a little strap of grass at the road's side.

 

There the trees opened up to a cliff that offered a view over Arkadia, from there the town gleamed as a fire in the middle of a dark ocean. Abby climbed off the car without him and walked toward the bench that was waiting for the one that wanted to sit and stare at the landscape.

 

 

She walked with her head bowed to the ground, looking carefully at her steps, her arms wrapped around herself, then she sat down. Behind her she could hear Marcus climbing off himself, closing the door, and walking toward her. His boots pressing the sweet grass to the ground, forcing the blades to bow at every step.

 

She looked up toward the horizon, where she knew there were dozens of mountains and hills, but without the sun stroking their peaks, she could see just shadows and dark shapes. Her eyes traveled toward the glowing lights under the cliff, right in the middle of the mountain rage, where Arkadia was still pulsing with life. If you went there in a sunny and clear day you could almost see people walking in the streets.

 

Now everything was pitch black, as a sky filled with golden stars, sparkling and trembling in the altitude haze. Marcus stopped right behind her back, she could sense his presence, his body heat was reaching her, her skin prickled, he had entered her personal space and her body was aware of that, ready to react at him. It was instinctive, the way they felt each other, they way their body reacted to the presence of the other.

 

She liked that, and suddenly a smile blossomed on her lips and her belly spread through her whole body a warm wave made of familiarity. She closed her eyes and leaned absentmindedly over the bench, her muscles relaxing, the tension fading, and her head leaned back, until she met his stomach.

 

And there she stopped, opening her eyes, looking up at him. Her arms and legs were crossed, defensively, but her eyes were wide open, looking with confidence at him. And of course, he was staring at her, bowing his head, his hands were in his pockets, his back was stiffened and rigid, but his eyes were warm and kind on her, even if she couldn't see him, she knew he was looking at her with _affection_.

 

They kept the eye contact in the darkness of that Alaskan night. Around them the nature kept sleeping, Arkadia kept glowing, as a lighthouse does, warm ad welcoming, promising land and life, hope and rest to the sailors.

 

Then silence had to be broke, tension had to fade, something had to be said. And so Abby parted her lips and breathed in, ready to say something, but he preceded her.

 

“You shouldn't see him again.” his voice was heavy, his words sounded almost as an order more then a suggestion. Abby blinked and frowned.

 

“What?” she whispered, her body tensed again. Marcus swallowed, he was suddenly breathing heavily, panting almost.

 

He was _nervous._

 

He said nothing and shook his head, withdrawing and walking toward the cliff, where just a wooden railings prevented his body to fall into the jump toward the rocks and the lake under them.

 

“Marcus?” she whispered his name, without moving away from the bench, keeping the distance that he had decided to put between them. As if now being too close wasn't something that he could handle. Abby sighed out, and bowed her head, looking at her lap. The view ahead of her was better, glowing windows and streetlamps in the dark and the bluish light that, if you looked really carefully at the horizon, could still see, hiding behind the mountain, where the sunrises still could reach from the other side of the world. But he was there too and her eyes were used to melt over his shape, she didn't want to look at him now.

  
And all of this was _ridiculous_. What had happened in the last few hours? Why suddenly being with him was so... _hard?_ And also... she maybe was able to say why she was feeling like this, but why _he_ was that distant? She shook her head, and in doing so looked up again, and saw that he had turned toward her.

 

His dark hair were flying smoothly in the cool breeze of the night, fall was coming, and the nights were shorter, colder, reminding to everybody that summer was gonna say goodbye sooner than later, and that they should all enjoy their last long days, and their last sails on the lake, before it was too late. She took courage then and raised her chin, swallowing and raising an eyebrow, she knew it was too dark for him to see her, but it was an habit of her that she couldn't simply erase from her genetic, even when it was too dark.

 

“Marcus?” she said just his name, sternly this time. He sighed out, she could hear it in the silence of the night, and then hummed. His voice was low and it reverberated in his ribcage, it made her shiver.

 

_Focus._

 

“What is it? And don't you dare tell me that everything is ok. I know that it isn't.” she said, trying to sound cold and reproachful. Marcus knew her good enough to sense that she was just _trying_ to sound somehow _angry,_ but that she was mostly _worried._

  
He huffed a smile, she heard it, and wished she could also see it, because his smirks always gave her chills, and... _not now._

 

“I just don't like that man.” he said, approaching. Now he was closer, and his voice reached her better. She followed his shadow, until he was standing in front of her, she had to look up if she wanted to lock their gazes. He was giving his back to the landscape, and to the lights, not that there were a lot of them anyway, but they didn't reach his face, and so she couldn't see his features. But she knew he could see hers.

 

“Why? Thelonious is a kind man.” she said, shrugging, trying to keep a straight face. Marcus nodded and looked at his feet for a moment. His hands in his pockets, he was still rigid and tense on his feet.

 

“I bet he is a real gentleman.” he said, the ghost of a kind, but not rich, smile in his voice. At that Abby smiled and shook her head, sighing out, looking at the view in front of her.

 

“You are a real gentleman, compared to you Thelonious is barely pleasant.” she said, smirking, looking up again. She could see that he had stiffened his back even further, and that he was staring at her with heavy eyes. Then he chuckled breathlessly.

 

“I'm not a gentleman Abby.” he said, sitting down at her side, keeping a long distance between them. This made her stomach growl in disappointment, she wanted to have him closer, she wanted to feel his body heat, she wanted his knee to touch hers and...

 

_Stop._

 

“Why?” she asked him, searching for his eyes, from here she could see a side of his face, and when he turned toward her, smirking, she could see half of his features, one dark eye, half of his lips, one cheek, half of his growing beard. He kept staring at her, his smirk never leaving his lips, his eyes focused and dark on her, she knew it was night and everything was dark, but his eyes were basically pitch black, as ocean pearls. Then he shook his head and bowed it toward his lap.

 

“Because I simply am not.” he said, shrugging, looking at the view in front of them. At that Abby tilted her head and her body leaned closer toward him absentmindedly. He sensed it, because his shoulder jerked slightly and he peeked toward her. She stopped.

 

“That's not true.” she whispered, looking at him. He smiled.

 

“It is. You don't know everything of me Abby.” he said, and she pursed her lips.

 

“What don't I already know?” she asked, suddenly curious. Marcus smirked and parted his lips, then he closed them again and sighed out.

 

“You know everything of me.” he said, looking at her, sounding honest. Abby frowned, visibly confused.

 

“Then why you said-” he stopped her at that, shaking his head.

 

“I mean that there are things... that I simply can't tell you.” he said, shrugging. At that Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, then Marcus Kane has secrets, uh... that's new to me.” she said, pursing her lips and adverting her gaze, crossing her arms even tighter against her chest. Marcus chuckled.

 

“I didn't mean it like that.” he said, looking at her, his voice low.

 

“Yeah? Then what do you mean?” she asked, at that he kept silent and his muscles relaxed and tensed under his black jacket several times, he cleared his throat and leaned against the bench, sighing out.

 

“I have dreams.” he said, without looking at her. Abby blinked and tilted her head.

 

“And?” she asked, because she wasn't actually getting what he was trying to say. At that Marcus kept silent for a moment.

 

“And thoughts.” he added. Abby was even more confused. She frowned and her torso turned toward him, while one of her legs shifted closer to one of his own.

 

“About what?” she asked, raising a curious eyebrow. Marcus at that blinked, as if he had lost himself in his mind and had forgotten she was there. Then his eyes grew slightly wider when he laid them on her and he cleared his throat.

 

“About _things_.” he said, Abby at that rolled her eyes.

 

“Well thank you, captain obvious.” she snorted, at that Marcus looked at her and pursed his lips, suppressing a smile. Abby didn't suppress it and let it bloom, at that he relaxed, even if just slightly.

 

“What are these dreams and thoughts about?” she asked, smiling at him, trying to sound and look comfortable and familiar, a _friend_ with whom he could talk freely. Marcus sighed out and then looked up at the sky full of stars above them.

  
“You.” he said. Abby at first didn't get what he meant and blinked in confusion.

 

“Me what?” she asked, and Marcus swallowed and closed his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

“The dreams and the thoughts Abby. They are about you.” he said. Abby at that widened her eyes and nodded.

 

“Oh ok, well... so what?” she said, because it sounded perfectly normal to her, she had dreamed of him too. Well yes maybe some of those dreams weren't exactly _friendly_ and she wasn't surely gonna tell him about them, but the rest were simply pleasant dreams of them together, doing things like walking, laughing, talking. She liked the dreams where Marcus took form in, they always made her wake up with a smile on her lips. Marcus cleared his throat again.

 

“So... I don't think I should be defined as a _gentleman_ when I dream about my _best_ _friend_... in the way I do.” he said, pursing his lips as if what he had just said had confused him as much as it had confused her. Abby blinked and thought about his words for a while. Then a smile, teasing and amused, blossomed on her lips, and she leaned closer, because she couldn't help herself.

 

“Are you talking about _that_ kind of dreams?” she said, raising an eyebrow. Marcus at that shivered and cleared his throat, withdrawing slightly. But Abby was suddenly enjoying herself too much, and so she grabbed his shoulder and forced him to stay closer. “Marcus?” she said, tilting her head. He sighed out and closed his eyes, then dived his face in the palm of his hands, leaning over his legs.

 

“Gosh, you are really enjoying this aren't you?” he snorted, and Abby nodded and chuckled.

 

“Oh Marcus, you think you shouldn't be called a gentleman because of some dreams?” she said, leaning over him, one of her hands started to stroke his back, as a comforting gesture, he shivered under her touch but she ignored it.

 

At that Marcus peeked at her and sighed out. Abby smiled.

 

“There's nothing bad in dreaming about your... wait how did you call me? Oh right, _best friend.”_ She was smiling now, suddenly the tension had faded away, and she was feeling lighter, happier. Marcus looked at her and leaned his back against the bench again.

 

“I thought you knew it by now.” he said, and Abby smiled.

  
“Well I thought we were good friends, but you never said the word _best_ and I have to say that I really like it. I feel like a teenager all over again.” she said, smiling genuinely, her heart felt warm and light in her chest. Marcus smiled back and nodded.

 

“You are for real my best friend Abby.” he said. At that she smiled, even if a pang hit her in the heart at his words, she ignored it. Marcus cleared his throat.

 

“So, is not gonna be weird from now on?” he said, looking at her with worried eyes. Abby widened hers and chuckled.

 

“What? Because you had an _erotic_ dream about me? Oh gosh, absolutely not.” she said, her voice filled with amusement. Marcus shivered when the word _erotic_ left her lips but she deliberately ignored his reaction, even because she had shivered as well, and surely she didn't want to think about it too much right now. “In fact... I also find it pretty _flattering.”_ She joked, smirking. At that Marcus chuckled softly and shook his head.

 

“Oh you don't need me to dream about you to feel beautiful, Abby.” he said, nodding to himself and looking at his hands.

 

“See?” she said, leaning toward him, resting a hand over his shoulder, he looked up. “You _are_ a gentleman.” she said, smiling kindly. At that he smiled back and nodded, humming and pursing his lips.

 

There was still something there, Abby could sense it, there was still _tension_ in his body, and the way his eyes looked at her, told her that he was _hiding_ something. But now she was feeling better, he looked better, and she didn't want to ruin the moment. Whatever _that_ was, she was gonna discover it another day.

 

“We should go back home.” Abby said, looking at him with tired eyes. Marcus nodded, but before she could stand up, he stopped her, grabbing one of her arms.

 

“You shouldn't listen to me anymore by the way.” Marcus said, his voice heavy and serious. Abby blinked and he sensed her confusion, “About Thelonious. If you like him, and if you want to see him again, you should.” he added, nodding and squeezing her arm. At that Abby nodded.

 

“Ok.” she said, smiling slightly. At that Marcus nodded and relaxed, flashing her a warm smile. Abby pursed her lips and stood up, then the both of them started to walk toward the car in silence. Right before they could climb in, Abby stopped him, pushing a hand over his chest, Marcus blinked at her.

 

“So why you said what you said before?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Marcus clenched his jaw and shrugged.

 

“I was _jealous_ I guess.” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Abby at that widened her eyes and her heart stopped, as if her whole body had to keep quiet to listen carefully.

 

“Jealous?” she asked, frowning. Marcus chewed at his lower lip and nodded.

 

“Yeah... you know,” he shrugged and looked up at the sky for a moment “Gosh I feel like a teenager. I mean, you are _my_ best friend you know? It's like... I feel protective toward you, and...” he was now looking everywhere but at her. “I probably just feared that you could stop being around if you started to date _another_ man.” he said, nodding to himself, looking at her as if asking her to take that as an explanation, because he wasn't able to explain himself better than that.

 

Abby was squeezing her eyes, trying to get what _exactly_ he was saying. “Ok, so you are basically my _big_ _brother_ now?” she asked, tilting her head, crossing her arms. At that Marcus blinked and parted his lips, he was tensed again.

 

“I-I what?” he said, frowning himself. Abby smiled and approached him, slapping kindly a hand over his cheek.

  
“I always wanted a brother, good to know I have one now.” she whispered, smirking and walking away toward the car, climbing in without waiting for him.

 

 

 ...

 

 

_Big brother._

 

_You are an idiot Marcus Kane._

 

His mind was mumbling the same thing since he had started to drive toward Abby's house. Abby was silent at his side, smiling at him from time to time, without talking. Marcus was tensed and was also feeling as an idiot.

 

What had happened exactly, he wasn't able to say. He had basically _confessed_ to her about his _erotic_ dreams. _Why?_ Good question. He didn’t know. The words had simply flew out from his lips, as if he wasn't suddenly able anymore to restrain himself, to control his mouth.

 

_You are an idiot._

 

The fact that Abby had chuckled at that, and had joked about it, basically telling him that it was perfectly ok, had made him feel even worse. _Yes._ It was stupid ok, but he had almost _hoped_ to cause a reaction from her.

 

He had hoped she would do something like _blush_ or hide her face in the palms of her hands, or maybe even push him away with disgust.

 

 _Yes._ If she had do that he could work on his _absolutely not appropriate_ attraction toward her, and maybe with time he could also adjust to it, get over it.

 

_Get over her._

 

Ok yes, this was impossible. Marcus knew that even if Abby had pushed him away, also moved in another house, or even another city or country, he was never gonna get over her.

 

_You are so screwed._

 

When her wooden house came to view, and he slowed the pace of the jeep on the sweet grass, Abby stretched her muscles and yawned.

 

“Gosh, why I am so tired all of a sudden?” she said, looking at him with a smile. Marcus smiled back, because _damn it_ he couldn't help it. And his body instinctively leaned forward toward her.

 

 _Control yourself._ He stopped, leaning his elbow on the car armrest. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?” he asked, his voice a whisper. _Come on, stop this._ Abby at that smiled, her eyes slowly, _oh so slowly,_ traveled toward his mouth and then she bit at her lower lip.

 

_You are so screwed._

 

“I'd love that.” she whispered roughly and her smoky voice vibrated in the silence of the car.

 

_So so so screwed._

 

He smiled, and at that she looked up and smirked. He climbed out of his car before his body could take control over his mind and leaned even forward toward her. He opened her car door, and stretched one hand toward her, she took it. Her warm and soft fingers enveloped his and her legs flew toward the green grass. She climbed out and flashed him a smile.

 

“Is Clarke home?” he asked her, trying to distract himself from the way her dress had suddenly fell from her shoulder, and was exposing a strap of tanned skin to him. Abby blinked and looked at the windows, she frowned when she noticed that the lights were off.

 

“She was supposed to be.” she said, and at that withdrew from him instinctively and walked toward her door. Marcus followed her, and when Abby stopped abruptly, his chest collided with her back. He huffed, and his hands instinctively reached for her shoulders. Abby was tensing under his touch.

  
“Are you ok?” he asked her, Abby at that turned in his arms and suddenly she was flesh against him.

 

“I think I just spotted Clarke making out with Raven.” she said, her eyes wide in what looked like horror and a hint of surprise. Marcus blinked.

 

“What?” he asked, Abby nodded, and then took him by one arm and rapidly, but extremely quietly, pushed him on her porch and hid them both in the darkness of it. She plastered him against the wall of her house and basically _glued_ herself against him. Marcus blinked in the darkness and looked down, she wasn't looking at him, but from this angle he could look at her _really_ well. And the proximity was overwhelming him.

 

“Look.” she whispered, turning his face toward a dark spot behind the Blake's house. Marcus blinked, while Abby's fingers squeezed his cheeks, forcing him to look where she wanted him to look. He squeezed his eyes and then he saw them.

 

Clarke was plastered against the wooden railings in the sibling's garden, and Raven Reyes was basically _devouring_ her lips, her hands were in places that he couldn't name without shiver in embarrassment. Abby turned his face toward her again, her fingers never leaving his cheeks. “Do you see what I see?” she asked, her eyes wide open, her chest raising and falling rapidly. Marcus nodded, and instinctively his hands reached for her wrist, squeezing it slightly. At that Abby looked down and withdrew, as if she hadn't realized what she had been doing till now.

 

“Sorry.” she mumbled, and Marcus stroked his cheeks, the blood started to flow again where Abby had pressed too fiercely.

 

“It's ok.” he cleared his throat at that and looked at her with kind eyes. “So... you didn't know about them?” he asked. Abby blinked and looked up, shaking her head.

 

“No.” she said, and Marcus nodded in understanding.

 

“So... are you mad?” he asked her, and Abby shrugged.

 

“I don't know.” she said, frowning and pursing her lips.

 

“I mean... she isn't a boy but she is a really smart girl and-” Abby at that glared at him, and he fell silent.

 

“Do you think I am upset because she is a girl? What kind of woman do you think I am?” she said, crossing her arms, looking at him with heavy eyes. She looked offended, not because of the _meaning_ of his words, she didn't care about what other people thought about her, but because _he_ among everyone had thought, even if just for a second, something like _that_ about her. Marcus blinked.

 

“I-I'm sorry. You're right.” he said, ashamed of himself. Abby sighed out and shook her head.

 

“I just thought she was gonna tell me when she was gonna find someone.” she said, biting at her lower lip. Marcus smiled at that, looking at her, at the way her eyes were shifting from her feet to the spot where her daughter was now smiling, while stroking her girlfriend's hair, completely unaware of their presence just few feet from them.

 

“I bet she will when she will be ready.” he said, nodding, one of his hands landed over her shoulder, comforting and warm. Abby looked up at that, and smiled.

 

“You are always so confident.” she said, and Marcus snorted.

 

“Look who's talking.” he said, smirking and raising an amused eyebrow. Abby at that smiled herself and shrugged.

  
“I think I should just give her some time, she will talk to me about her when she will be ready.” Abby said, wrapping her arms around herself, and then widened her eyes and grabbed him by the elbows. “ _Shit_ , she's coming.” she hissed, and pushed him away from where they were standing, heading toward the car.

  
“What are you doing?” he whispered, trying to keep up with her pace, that woman was tiny but she was fast and agile when she wanted to.

 

“We will act as if we just got here.” she said, opening the door of the car, and fixing absentmindedly his jacket, smoothing some folds, clearing her throat. Then she waited, when Clarke appeared on the porch, alone, she closed the door loudly enough for her to hear and smiled.

 

“Thank you Marcus for the ride.” she said, trying to fix her eyes on him. Marcus blinked and frowned, but when she mouthed to him a _“Say something.”_ he cleared his throat and smiled himself.

 

“It was my pleasure.” he said, at that Abby smiled.

 

“Mum?” Clarke said suddenly, walking toward them. Abby at that blinked and faked a surprised smile.

 

“Hey sweetie, you're home already?” she asked, and Marcus had to admit she was handling the situation very well, as she always did. Clarke reached them and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah... you too I see. Where were you?” she asked, sounding suddenly suspicious. Her eyes were shifting from her mother to him. Marcus pursed his lips and took a step back, granting Abby some space to walk toward her daughter. She kept quiet for a long moment and then shrugged.

 

“I was down in town.” she said, nodding to herself. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

  
“Yeah, I figured.” she said, then licked at her lips and tilted her head. “Why were you having dinner with Thelonious Jaha?” she asked, raising her chin as to say, “ _You can't hide things from me.”_ At that Abby clenched her jaw and then smiled.

  
“We were just having dinner, he is one of my patients.” she said, Clarke at that pursed her lips. The two women looked like they had completely forgotten that he was still there.

 

“And you go out for dinner with all of your patients?” she asked her, her voice heavy. Abby at that raised one eyebrow herself and rested one hand over her hip.

 

“Clarke, everyone in this town is one of my patients.” she said, then crossed her arms.

 

“What about you? Where were _you?”_ She asked, her voice growing sharp. Marcus suddenly felt as if he was in the wrong place and it was extremely uncomfortable. When the Griffin women started to _argue_ it wasn't good for others to be around, he knew that very well by now.

 

Clarke tensed at that, she cleared her throat and then shrugged, “I was in town with a friend.” she said, nodding to herself. Abby at that raised an eyebrow and nodded.

 

“Yeah? Who is this friend?” she asked, her voice suspicious, but also warm and calm, as if she wanted Clarke to feel _safe_ with her, free to tell her everything. Clarke pursed her lips.

 

“Raven.” she said, without even flinching. Abby froze at that, and then squeezed her eyes, as if trying to read in her daughter's features, or maybe even in her mind, Marcus wouldn't be surprised if she actually could do that. Then she nodded.

  
“I like her. Why don't you invite her sometime for dinner here?” she said, nonchalantly. Clarke at that kept her back rigid and her chin raised, but then smirked slightly.

 

“Yeah, maybe I will.” she said, then looked at him and tilted her head. “Thank you for driving my mum back home safely.” she said, her voice was hiding some kind of amusement, Marcus smiled.

 

“You know that I always do that. “he said, Abby at that smiled, he could see her in the corner of his eyes. Clarke hummed.

 

“Yeah, I know.” she said, and flashed him a genuine smile. At that Marcus didn't know how he was supposed to react, but Clarke turned immediately and walked toward the door.

  
“Come on mum, let's go to bed.” she said, without looking at them. Abby at that sighed out, and when Clarke opened the door and walked in, Marcus looked at her again.

 

Abby was smiling at him now, a warm and kind smile, and was leaning over his car. He smiled at her and approached her slightly. “You should go to sleep.” he whispered, his fingers winced, he wanted to touch her, to stroke one of her bare shoulders, to feel the warmness of her skin under his touch for the last time before bed. But he restrained himself. Abby nodded and leaned toward him.

 

“You have to drive toward your house now?” she asked him, looking up with her big brown eyes, so rich and bright, the lights of the stars were shimmering in her dark irises, and he was suddenly really aware of how _close_ to her he was, and how her scent was filling him, making his stomach growl and his heart jump.

 

“Yes I have to.” he whispered, and Abby, _somehow,_ walked even closer, her hand was slightly brushing against his, and her hips bunched against his leg, and suddenly the night was too quiet and his blood was too hot and his lungs were too tiny and his legs were too weak to support him.

 

“I wish you didn't have to drive that much in the middle of the night.” she said, her eyes were roaming over his features, and he could see _affection_ in the way she was looking at him. He swallowed.

 

“I'll be fine, I'm used to it.” he said, and Abby at that hummed.

  
“Yeah but... I still wish you didn't have to leave.” she said, and at that stopped talking, and stopped moving, and Marcus stopped breathing.

 

Time suddenly froze, it felt as if the entire Alaska had stopped _living_ to stare at them, waiting. Abby was breathing quietly, really really close to him, her hot breath was stroking his skin, and goosebumps were forming over his neck. Her hand had at some point found it's way toward his, and her fingers were, not so subtly, stroking his.

 

_What was happening?_

 

Marcus knew he had to say something, to do something, _anything._ But his body was suddenly very comfortable there, with Abby that close to him, his mind was calm, and his heart was enjoying the feeling of her breath on his skin, the touch of her fingers on his hand. Everything was so pleasant that Marcus wanted this moment to never end, or to end with Abby laying under his body.

 

_And this couldn't happen._

 

Then was when his lips parted and her name flew out of his lips, “Abby...” it was a whisper, so quiet that nobody could hear it, nobody but her. At the sound of her name she closed her eyes, and he could see the way she swallowed, and how her skin basically _shivered_ to _life_. He wanted to see it again, he wanted to cause another reaction from her, and so he parted his lips again, “Abby...” he said, and again Abby shivered, and her hand squeezed his.

 

And _oh_ how good this was making him feel, how _powerful_ he was feeling, to cause _this_ reaction on her. This reaction that he didn't know how to name yet, but that made his blood hot and made his stomach growl in _need._ Then was her turn to talk.

 

“Marcus...” and here, exactly here in this moment, he discovered how _good_ he could feel with just a whisper, _here_ and in this _exact_ moment he realized, completely and permanently, how actually _screwed_ he was _._ How much he actually _loved_ Abby Griffin.

 

And also, how he wanted her to whisper his name over and over again, in every possible way, till the end of his days.

 

Abby then squeezed his hand one last time, and opened her eyes, looking up. They were _so close,_ that he could see every imperfection in her features, if only she had one. She was breathing heavily, her chest was rising and falling rhythmically, and her skin stretched with every breath she took, expanding her bare skin under her red dress. Her eyes were _searching_ in his for something, an answer, a hint, anything. But he could only show her what he was feeling now, pure _desire_ and _love._ He hoped she could see it, because his throat was too tight now for him to say a single word. Then she parted her lips.

 

“I should go...” she whispered, and he could sense in her voice the _uncertainty_ behind her words, she didn't want to go.

 

 _Do something._ His mind yelled at him.

 

Then, since Abby had always been better than him in anything, she smiled and leaned forward, for a moment he thought she was gonna _bless_ him with a kiss, but of course Abby wasn't that kind of woman. Her arms closed around his body, and her head rested on his chest, right where his heart was jumping loudly, he desperately hoped she couldn't hear it.

 

He was cursing himself under his breath, but his body registered the touch of Abby and responded faster then his mind could process, his arms wrapped around her so, holding her, keeping her close, as she wanted him too. Their body knew better then them how to behave, and so they let them do everything.

 

When the hug was starting to feel _too pleasant_ for him, and probably _too awkward_ for her, they parted. And she flashed him another smile. “Goodnight Marcus.” she whispered, pursing her lips immediately, swallowing. Marcus inhaled deeply and smiled, finding the strength to talk.

  
“Goodnight Abby.” he said, and she chewed the inside of her cheek, nodding, and then withdrawing completely. She walked toward her porch without looking back. When her hand rested on the handhold, she turned one last time, and in the warm light that Clarke had turned on, she smiled at him and he smiled back. Then she was gone.

 

And Marcus was left alone in the night, right in front of her house. The scent of her hair and skin was still prickling at his nose, the warmness of her body was starting to fade from his clothes. But the sound of her voice was still echoing in his head.

 

One sentence in particular.

 

“ _I still wish you didn't have to leave.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How much I love to do this to all of you. I am such an evil writer, I know!


	8. Go for it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Marcus are gonna share a trip for the weekend. Will a beautiful view and a tent be enough for them to get over their evident sexual tension?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't see the pictures go here: https://twitter.com/ArtisanGK/status/884780993986670592
> 
> Since I keep my promises, here's chapter 8. Please forgive me for every possible "weird" thing, but it's 7.30 in the morning and i still have to sleep. I had to finish this chapter, because I will leave for the rest of the week to go on holiday, so at least with this one you will have something to read over and over again until I will be back! (because a lot of things still have to happen, you know that right?)

 

 

When Thelonious asked Abby to see him again, he did it with a text message. Abby was in the shower, and Marcus was working on a broken panel in the floor of her living room.

 

After their last _moment_ it had passed almost a week. They had acted as nothing had happened, and the both of them had ignored the other for five entire days, eventually they had started to miss each other too much to keep going on and had texted each other at the same time. Feeling as stupid as two teenagers.

 

 

…

 

 

                                             

 

                                                   

 

 

 

…

 

 

So here they were. They had just spent two hours talking and eating fresh fruit for lunch, and then Abby had asked him to help her with that wooden panel and had also decided to take a quick shower. And when the phone buzzed on the wooden table, Marcus got attracted by it.

 

He wasn't that kind of man or friend, he knew he wasn't supposed to do it. But his mind had started to whisper things as

 

_What if it's Clarke? What if it's important? What if it's an emergency?_

 

Of course, the fact that if it was important or an emergency they would have call didn't even crossed his mind. And so he stood up from the floor and walked toward the phone. When he tapped twice with his thumb on the display, as he had seen her doing so many times, the phone came to life, a picture of a beautiful smiling Clarke appeared and he smiled. Then was when he saw the text and the name of the sender.

 

 

 

 

His whole body froze at that. The air grew electric and his heart started to pound in his temples, his blood rushed toward his fingers, ready to throw the phone away and break it into pieces. But luckily for him, the sound of the shower in Abby's room reminded him that he _couldn't_ and also _shouldn't_ do something like that. He inhaled deeply and shook his head.

 

Then, right when his hand was putting the phone down, behaving as he was supposed to, his mind clicked with an idea, a _stupid_ one. His thumb moved on the message and pressed for a long moment on the words and then clicked on the trash icon.

 

_Do you want to delete the message?_

 

He didn't even thought about it, and the finger crashed on the yes button in seconds. The message disappeared immediately. And then was when his eyes started to travel higher on the conversation. His mind working fast, his eyes traveling faster.

 

 

He registered just few words here and there, when his ears registered that no shower sounds were coming from the bathroom, he knew he had no time to read them all, and so, when he put the phone down, his mind was echoing with the _worse_ words he had seen.

 

_I loved it – Ahah – I never told you that but – You're so beautiful – That's funny_

 

And then his mind focused on the last message, that had basically marked itself in his memory for ever.

 

_No, he's just a friend_

 

His heart was jumping fast and heavy, almost _painfully_ into his chest. His head was pounding and his blood was rushing in his veins. Every edge of his body was prickling with emotions, from rage to panic, passing by pain. Marcus was a wreck, and suddenly his mind wasn't able to work properly anymore and his body didn't react at the sound of Abby's voice calling him from the hallway.

 

When she appeared in front of him, he was staring with wide eyes at the floor, the phone was on the table, as if he had never touched it. Abby was wearing new fresh clothes, her hair were slightly damp, collected in a messy bun. And all he could think of, while she talked to him, was:

 

_Please, choose me._

 

When Abby pushed slightly on his shoulder to get his attention, he blinked and suddenly the blood stopped rushing in his ears and he could hear her again.

 

“Marcus?” she called his name, worry crossing her eyes. He cleared his throat.

 

“Yeah?” at that Abby tilted her head in confusion.

 

“Are you ok?” she asked him, and Marcus shook his head instinctively. Abby's head followed his movement and he registered what he was doing, so he switched the shook to a nod and she nodded too, then she blinked and frowned.

 

“Wait, it is a yes or a no?” she asked him, one of her hands was resting on his chest, he looked down at it. Her long fingers were pressing on the fabric of his gray shirt, her hand bounced in rhythm with his heartbeat, it was a slight movement, almost imperceptible, but he was staring with such an intensity, that he got it, and it made him feel suddenly sad.

 

 _She has your heart in her hands and she doesn't know it._ And it was ironic because it was actually true.

 

“Marcus? For the love of god, answer me!” she said, at the sound of her voice he looked up again, blinking.

 

“What?”

 

_Ok yes, he maybe had to take a deep breath and turn on his brain again._

 

“You're kidding right?” she said, withdrawing the hand from his chest, resting them both on her hips, in her usual and familiar “ _You're in trouble”_ position. Marcus shook his head and smiled, regaining control over his blurred mind.

 

“Sorry, I was lost in thoughts. I'm fine yes, I'm good.” he said, nodding vehemently to make his point clear. Abby raised a doubtful eyebrow and pursed her lips.

 

“Ok...” she said eventually, tilting her head, observing him for another long moment and then sighed out. “So, how long before you're done there?” she asked, pointing toward the broken wooden panel at their feet. Marcus blinked and looked down himself, then shrugged.

 

“Ten minutes?” he said, at that Abby smiled.

 

“Good, then go back to work, I'll make us something to drink.” she said, walking toward her kitchen. Taking her phone with her. And then was when his mind stopped working again and his lips parted without his consent.

  
“Wait!” he basically _yelled_ at her. Abby flinched and turned, widening her eyes.

  
“What the hell Marcus?” she said, and he felt suddenly an idiot all over again, he smiled.

 

“Sorry, it came out too loud. I... wanted just to ask you if you cold prepare some orange tea. I'd love a cup of it.” he said, nodding and feeling even _more_ stupid. Abby blinked and raised an eyebrow in surprise.

 

“Sure.” she said, nodding and humming to herself, looking at him with doubtful eyes, then she disappeared in the kitchen.

 

 _Ok, you are an idiot and also an asshole._ His mind reproached him.

 

He sighed out and rubbed his hands over his face. Then he shook his head and knelt down over the broken panel, fixing it quickly, trying to not think too much about the fact that he had just erased a message of Thelonious from Abby's phone, invading her privacy and becoming suddenly the _worse_ best friend in the best friends history.

 

“You want some lemon too?” Abby’s voice came from the kitchen. He yelled a “Yes” back to her and then felt even worse.

 

_She likes you, she is making orange tea for you and you just deleted a message from her phone, you are an asshole, especially because you don't feel bad or guilty about it._

 

Well that was just half of the truth. He felt _guilty_ but not _bad._ Because in his mind that message never passed under Abby's eyes, so she didn't have to say _yes_ to that man, so he could see her again, and he wasn't gonna let her go who knew where with another man.

 

 _She isn't some kind of property Marcus._ His mind reproached him again.

 

“Two minutes Marcus.” she yelled again from the kitchen. He shook his head and blinked to clear his mind, then focused again on his hands. The wooden panel was fixed. He stood up and cleared his throat, thinking.

 

He didn't want to _lie_ to Abby, he didn't want to act as if he hadn't done something really bad. But he also didn't want to go to Abby and be like, “I am in love with you so I erased Thelonious' message, because I am a jealous asshole, but I love you so... maybe you can forgive me?” _No._ This wasn't gonna happen.

 

When Abby appeared from the kitchen, carrying a tray with two cups and a steaming teapot, smiling warmly, completely unaware of the kind of asshole he was, he stopped thinking and kept staring. She poured some orange tea in the cups and rested them on the table, then she sat down and stretched her muscles.

 

“You did a great job.” she said, looking at the floor. Then her hand flew to her hair and she loosened her bun, her hair fell over her shoulders, smooth golden locks framed her neck and her face, falling as a cascade over her body. He felt the need to run his fingers through them, reclining her head toward him and kissing her senseless.

 

 _Yes ok, you should stop thinking about that, because it's never gonna happen._ His mind whispered.

 

“What is it?” she asked him, with an amused smile, while brushing her hair with her fingers, tilting her head in that usual way of her, smirking slightly, her brown eyes rich and bright, looking at him with curiosity.

 

He sighed out and clenched his fists, he had to do something or he was never gonna _survive_ this woman alive.

 

“Do you want to go on a trip with me tomorrow?” he asked her suddenly. At his words Abby froze, and blinked. Then she leaned back on her chair and rested her hands on her lap, frowning.

 

“A trip?” she asked, curiosity coloring her voice. Marcus nodded to himself.

 

“Yeah, a trip, in the nature around here.” he whispered, approaching her, suddenly an idea popping in his mind, images forming in his head, his body was suddenly prickling with excitement. He sat down in the chair in front of her and leaned over his knees. Abby bit at her lower lip, smiling.

  
“You want to go into the woods with me?” she said, her voice sounded amused, surprised and curious at the same time. He nodded and smiled himself, imaging Abby Griffin walking in the middle of the nature with him, snorting and complaining at every branch on her face or leaf in her hair.

 

“Sort of, I want to show you a place.” he said, the journey forming in his mind, a clear plan expanding in his head. Abby raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips.

 

“Oh, a place uh? What kind of place is that?” she asked, leaning toward him. In doing so her shirt fell slightly forward, exposing a really inviting strap of cleavage. Marcus fought hard against his need to look down and follow the line of her sternum inside of her shirt, toward the valley he knew was situated between her creamy breasts.

 

“You'll see. It's a _surprise_.” he said, feeling a real asshole in using Thelonious' words. But in the end, it wasn't as if he was the only one who could use them, right?

 

Abby stared at him for a long moment and then smiled. “Ok then.” she whispered throatily, leaning back on her chair, sipping at her hot tea. “Let's go in the nature.” she said, hiding a smirk behind her mug.

 

Marcus smiled himself and sipped from his cup. “Let's do that, yeah.”

 

 

….

 

 

“Well that's what I call a _cozy tent.”_ Raven said, tilting her head and nodding to herself, looking to the tent that Marcus had left behind the door. Marcus snorted, putting a pair of socks in his backpack.

 

“Shut up Raven.” he said, and she pursed her lips, lifting an eyebrow.

 

“Are you planning on get lost in the woods with my girlfriend's mum, so that you can jump on her and get over the sexual tension between the two of you?” Raven asked, approaching him with curious eyes, her voice was filled with amusement, but she looked also _concerned_ somehow. Marcus shivered and glared at her.

 

“You are disgusting.” he said, and Raven nodded.

 

“Yes, we already established that. But answer me honestly Kane. Are you planning something?” she asked, tilting her head. Marcus rolled his eyes and shook his head.

 

“No. And even if I was, it's none of your business.” he said, flashing her a smile.

 

“Oh damn. You are gonna lock her in a cave and we will never see the sexy doctor again, is that so?” she said, faking a terrified expression. Then was when Octavia walked in the room, snorting. Her belly was growing everyday a little more, and by now it was really evident and it was also getting heavy.

 

“Shut up Reyes. She is too beautiful for him, he knows he doesn't stand a chance with her anyway.” she said, putting a heavy bag on the floor, snorting and stiffening her back once again to support the belly's weight. Raven nodded with herself, humming and Marcus frowned.

 

“Excuse you, I am not _that_ bad.” he said, at that Octavia raised an eyebrow and smirked.

 

“Oh, then you actually _are_ planning something.” she said, crossing her arms over her swollen belly. Marcus at that widened his eyes and raised his index finger toward her. “You are not gonna _threat_ a pregnant girl, are you?” she joked, tilting her head. Marcus at that raised his hands toward the ceiling and snorted, without saying a word.

  
“Well, it's official then, you are gonna be my father in law, isn't it amazing?” Raven said, chuckling, Octavia followed suit.

 

“Oh don’t be ridiculous.” Marcus said, shaking his head, trying to not picture him at Abby's side for the rest of his life. Raven bit at her lower lip.

  
“Listen, I really do like you, and I really do like Abby. So, to me the idea of you two together sounds already great,” - she approached him, resting her hands on his shoulders - “But if you are gonna screw this up, I'll have to kill you, and then get you back so that Clarke can kill you too, and also Abby will want to have her five minutes alone with you probably.” Octavia at that nodded, approaching them.

  
“Sign me up too.” she said, looking at him really carefully. Marcus fell silent, staring at the girls in front of him. It was clear that they were _joking_ but he could see, in the way their eyes were looking at him, that they really wanted him to not screw this up. They cared for Abby and surely were gonna _fight_ every person that could be a threat to her happiness.

 

“ _Ladies_ , I really do appreciate your protective side, but nothing is gonna happen between me and Abby.” he said, shrugging. Raven at that withdrew and raised an eyebrow.

  
“How can you say that? I mean... have you seen the two of you together? You are basically _married.”_ she said, Octavia nodded behind her back. Marcus blinked and chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

  
“We are just friends.” he said, Octavia at that smirked.

 

“ _Best_ friends if I recall correctly.” she said, Raven at that grinned, and Marcus sighed out.

  
“Yeah well, still just friends.” he said, and picked his backpack from the floor. Raven was shaking her head.

 

“You are a real disappointment, mister.” she said, pursing her lips. “You can't actually tell me that you are simply gonna let her fall in to Jaha's arms. I mean.. _Jaha_? Seriously?” she was shaking her head so rapidly now, that Marcus feared she was gonna break her neck.

 

“It makes me want to throw up with just the thought, and I already did it _twice_ this morning.” Octavia said, nodding to herself. Raven nodded back and Marcus smiled.

 

“You know I-” but his words died in his throat when the door of the siblings' house opened and Abby appeared, wearing a bright smile.

 

“Hey there, you're ready Marcus?” she asked, tilting her head, flashing a warm smile toward Octavia. The girl smiled back and Abby approached her, stroking her belly. “She's growing.” she said, smiling with affection toward her. Marcus' heart at that felt lighter, and then was when he spotted the look on Raven's face. She was staring at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

 

 _"You love her."_ She mouthed. Marcus glared at her and she bit at her lower lip to suppress a laugh.

 

“Marcus?” Abby called for him, approaching. Marcus blinked and smiled.

 

“Sorry, yes I'm ready.” he said, securing the backpack over his shoulders. “Shall we?” he said, pointing his fingers toward his car, that was waiting in the garden in front of the house. Abby nodded and then pecked Raven on the cheek.

 

“Say to Clarke that I will not be able to call her when I will reach the... how was that?” she asked toward Marcus.

 

“Sunrise Peak.” he said, taking other two bags in hand and walking outside, Abby nodded.

 

“Right, Sunrise Peak, there phones can't receive or make calls, so tell her to answer when I will call ok?” she said, her hands squeezed the girl's tanned shoulders, she nodded.

 

“I will, I promise! I'll also keep an eye on her, we'll be fine.” the girl said, smiling fondly. Abby sighed out and nodded.

 

“Of course you will.” she said, withdrawing, at that Raven peeked at where Marcus was and then did something she had never done before, she dragged the woman toward her and hugged her. Abby reacted pretty good at the gesture, she had always been a physical person with people she liked. Raven looked toward Octavia and the girl got the hint and walked toward Marcus, mumbling something about having enough bottles of water and blankets. Then was when Raven leaned over Abby's ear and parted her lips.

 

“Go for it.” she said, Abby frowned.

 

“What?” she whispered back, not sure why she was whispering, but since the girl had did that, she had followed suit instinctively.

 

“He is too _dumb_ to make the first move, so you have to do it by yourself. I know right? Women always have to do all the work, but _trust me,_ he really is worth it.” she said, then withdrew and smiled. “Have fun Abby, ok?” she said, patting the woman's shoulders and tilting her head toward Marcus, “Go now, or he'll get suspicious.” she said through her teeth. Abby frowned, she was visibly confused, but did as she said and walked outside.

 

Octavia was whispering something to Marcus, and he was frowning while shaking his head, but as soon as she appeared the girl fell quiet and he flashed her a smile. “We're good to go?” he asked her, Abby blinked and nodded, wrapping her arms around her torso. Marcus nodded back and walked toward the front of the car, climbing in. Then was when Octavia smiled and approached her.

  
“Have fun you two, ok?” she said, rubbing her hands over Abby's arms. She nodded, without saying a word, when Octavia nodded and walked toward her porch, Abby turned and spotted Raven. The mechanic was looking at her with a smirk on her lips, she nodded and mouthed another, “ _Go for it”_ and then Marcus called her name.

 

“Coming.” Abby said, walking toward the car, trying to not think too much about Raven's words and the meaning in them. She climbed in the jeep quietly and then Marcus started to drive, flashing her a smile.

 

The jeep left Arkadia in the early morning, heading into an empty road that traveled between the woods, right toward Sunrise Peek, one of the highest mountains around Arkadia.

 

 

….

 

 

Abby was relaxing in her seat, loosing her eyes in the landscape outside the car window. The trees and the sky were melting and rushing together, framing the mountains that were silently observing the town between them. Abby sighed out when she spotted a beautiful eagle, flying toward the sun, the wings stretched open, it made her feel free, wild, blessed to be alive.

 

“Gosh this place still surprises me every time.” she whispered absentmindedly, her eyes following the bird's journey until it disappeared behind a high peek, melting with the indigo sky and the soft clouds. Marcus peeked at her and smiled.

 

“Alaska is beautiful, and has lots of surprises that you still have to discover.” he said, at that Abby looked at him and smiled. Her eyes landed on him and she kept them there, while he focused again on the road ahead of them.

 

 _Go for it._ Raven had said. Since when the girl thought she wanted something _more_ from Marcus? Also... why she assumed he wanted the _same_?

 

Questions started to fill her minds, and she started to think about the last months, and how her friendship with Marcus had changed and had grew. Yes they cared for each other, and yes they liked each other, but saying that they both wanted something more... it was pushing too far.

 

Probably Abby had also to admit to herself that she had started to see Marcus as _something more_ quiet a lot lately. He wasn't just a caring, kind and respectful friend. He was also a handsome man, a really handsome one. Abby had always thought that finding someone attractive didn't mean that you had to _do something about it_ at any cost. If a man or a woman is beautiful, you can simply appreciate that, and you can give your eyes something good to see.

 

But the problem here was that her eyes weren't satisfied with just looking, and her body wasn't that _immune_ to his charm. Abby had in fact found herself wondering about him many times, without really wanting too, it simply happened. If Marcus decided to work out in her garden in a particular sunny day, and took off his shirt, she would have started to wonder, and her mind would have collect every detail, to please her mind with dreams in the night.

 

Abby had never felt guilty, because she was a doctor and she knew that feeling _attracted_ to another human being was simply _natural._ The thing was that she wasn't just attracted. Not at all. She cared for him, she wanted him close to her everyday a little more. She had started to _love_ things of him, the sound of his voice, the curve of his smile, the shade of black of his eyes. Abby Griffin didn't just _liked_ Marcus Kane, and this was what scared the hell out of her.

 

That was why she had started to _restrain_ herself, controlling her thoughts, forcing her mind to shut up and stop thinking, wondering or daydreaming. Because feeling hot all over because Marcus was shirtless was a thing. But feeling lonely because he couldn't visit her the next day, was another. And so during the days that she had spent with him, she had forced herself to _not_ think, to _not_ wonder nor daydream.

 

But at night, when the fog of sleep and dreams covered her, and she had no power over her mind, well then was when things fell into forbidden places, leaving her breathless, sweaty and hot all over. She swallowed and adverted her gaze, when a particular vivid dream came back to her mind, it was still pounding with bright colors and clear feelings in her mind.

 

She had woken up that exact morning cursing her brain under her breath, trying to erase it from her memory, focusing on other things, it had always helped with nightmares. But of course this particular dream had been _too good_ to simply forget about it.

 

Her skin still prickled to life when her mind flashed her images of Marcus kissing her neck or shoulders. Her mind had decided it wanted to mess around with her, since she had to go on a trip alone with him, she of course _had_ to have an erotic dream about him, just to make things a little more awkward.

 

“We'll leave the car here.” he said suddenly, dragging her out of her thoughts. Abby blinked and took a better look at her surroundings. Marcus was parking in a big natural parking lot, where another couple of cars were already parked under the shy sun of the early morning. Above their heads, a giant mountain was scraping the indigo sky, everything was a mix of dark green and cold gray, she widened her eyes to take everything in and smiled instinctively.

 

“I bet you are gonna love this.” Marcus said suddenly, Abby turned toward him. He was smiling fondly at her, his eyes were soft and warm on her, his posture relaxed, he was feeling comfortable. And _damn_ he was right, she was gonna love _this,_ especially since he was gonna be with her.

 

“Shall we?” he whispered, climbing off the car and walking toward the back of the jeep, ready to take everything they needed. Abby inhaled deeply, shook her head, and ordered her mind to stop wondering.

 

 _Enjoy your trip Abby. Enjoy your friend and stop daydreaming._ She nodded to herself and climbed out herself, approaching him.

 

“Ok, I am gonna take the heavier bag, I have basically everything in the backpack, so we don't have to take too many things with us. The tent is light enough, you can pick that.” he started to organize the backpacks and the things they needed, Abby simply followed his orders and let him help her securing everything on her back.

 

“Let me tie this.” he whispered suddenly, turning to face her. He smiled at her and his hands flew to her waist, where he started to tie and close with precision the backpacks straps, closing them with loud _clicks_ over her belly. “Ok, it should work like this. Is too tight?” he asked her, looking up. Abby shook her head and smiled.

 

“It's perfect.” she said and he flashed her a bright smile.

 

“Good, then we can start moving.” he said, closing the truck of the jeep and pointing toward a pathway that get lost in the woods, heading high over the mountain peak. She smiled back at him and they started to walk.

 

 

….

 

 

Marcus had decided to take her to a final summer trip for the entire weekend. She had said yes because the idea of seeing the beauty of Alaska made her stomach growl in excitement and grew her eyes wide with curiosity. Also... she had to admit she had said yes because she was gonna have the chance to be alone with him for two entire days, without any emergency call, without any Thelonious or Clarke in her way.

 

Especially since, as he had said, Sunrise Peak, where they were going to end their trip, was too faraway from a cell-phone signal, this meant that they were gong to be completely isolated from the rest of the world.

 

It could sound almost _scary,_ if only Abby could feel scared about something like that, in fact she was everything but scared. She was feeling _excited_ , and a lot nervous too of course.

 

They were carrying with them just the necessary. Two big backpacks filled with some extra clothes, dry meat, few fresh fruit, cereal and powdered food that Marcus had bought for the occasion. They had just four bottle of waters, two in her backpack and two in his, because according to him the pathway was filled with fountains and rivers. Then of course there was the tent, _yes_ it was just one, and two sleeping bags.

 

They didn't need too many things, the backpacks had to be light enough for them to walk without collapsing on the ground, and they were also going to stay away for just two days, it was also a known pathway and Octavia and Bellamy were ready to call someone to bring them back if they didn't see them at the beginning of the next week.

 

Clarke hadn't protested too much when Abby had informed her about her trip, this because she knew Marcus was good at this, he had practiced during the last twenty years after all. He had moved from New York City to Anchorage when he was ten years old, then his mother had decided to move to Arkadia when he was barley thirty years old, here she had spent her whole holidays as a child and wanted to show the place to Marcus. And here he had found his inner peace, as he always loved to say, and had connected with the Alaskan nature, learning how it worked, how to respect it and also, how to enjoy every side of it.

 

Of course for Abby things were different. She had grew up in Washington D.C. until she had entered Harvard and had moved to Boston for few years, where she had met Jake. They both graduated, she became a doctor, he an engineer, and then they moved to Los Angeles, when the UCLA offered her a job. Since then she had always lived in Los Angeles, where surely trips in the mountains weren't that usual.

 

Since she had moved in Arkadia, she had started to adjust to the nature, she liked the silence of the woods and the smell of the sweet grass and the lake that lapped the Town's shore. But she had never actually took a backpack and a lot of self-confidence to walk alone in the woods. Simply because she hadn't felt the need to do it.

 

Then Marcus had entered her life, and had started to teach her things. From where she had to go to have the best view of the sunrise, to where the lake _singed_ to the mountains. Of course he had just _talked_ about these _magical_ things that Alaska could offer. This trip was the first real thing they were actually doing alone together. And Abby had to admit, that she was enjoying herself.

 

The view was breathtaking. They were walking since just half an hour but it had been enough to make her feel faraway from the entire world, just her, Marcus and the nature. He pointed to every possible thing, from the way the mountain seemed to _hold_ the sky, to the faraway lake that shimmered between a forest. From where they were now they could already see the entirety of the landscape that surrounded Arkadia. The town was at their backs, they couldn't see it.

 

Abby loved this side of him, the way his black eyes grew with admiration and wonder when he looked at the nature around him, the way his words flew out of his lips, describing and explaining things about the wild life of Alaska, and how humans had to behave to live in harmony with it. Abby knew many things, she had always been cultured and brilliant, but about nature she knew very little, this wasn't a problem though, because she liked it when Marcus taught her something, she liked the way he talked about it with proud. And she had to say, he seemed to like it himself, it seemed as if being able to teach her something, made him feel proud.

 

Marcus kept talking and explaining, and Abby kept following and listening, nodding and smiling every time that he asked her if she was ok. And so they kept walking and walking. Abby's eyes collected images of everything, from some beautiful flowers that prickled the green grass with bright colors, to few eagles that flew hover their heads, accompanying them for a while on their trip.

 

When Marcus stopped few hours later, pointing to the wall of the mountain, talking about a cave that was right behind the bigger rock up there, she stopped herself, taking a long sip of fresh water. Alaska wasn't California, but it was still August and it was hot enough for her to be sweaty all over and really thirsty. Especially since they had walked uphill till now. Her legs were pulsing, she had always took care of her body, working out when she could, walking for miles, tuning her muscles. But she was still a skinny woman, and her body was gonna need a break sooner than later.

 

“We will have to climb that side to see the cave, do you think you can handle it?” he asked her suddenly, turning toward her, lifting his sunglasses, peeking at her. Abby raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, resting one hand on her hip, droplets of sweat were running down her neck, her legs were slightly shaking and her feet were burning, but she wasn't surely gonna say no to a challenge.

 

“Of course I can.” she snorted, walking toward the rock wall in front of them. Marcus chuckled at that and rushed behind her.

 

“Hey Abby wait, you have to be really careful.” he said, when Abby started to study the rocks above her. Her hands started to shake with the idea of supporting her weight while climbing on those smooth rocks. But she wasn't gonna let Marcus win this one, she was strong enough to do it, it wasn't that high anyway.

 

“Do you wanna bet I will be faster?” she said, peeking at him from over her own sunglasses. Marcus blinked.

 

“This isn't a competition Abby.” he said, approaching her, at that Abby smirked.

 

“Isn't everyting that we do, a competition?” she mocked him, and with that took off her backpack, hiding it behind a rock. It wasn't as if someone could steal it, they were completely alone, and besides everyone in Arkadia respected each other, and each other's belongings. But Marcus had explained that animals could smell the food and could take her backpack away, leaving them in trouble. So when it was perfectly hidden behind a rock, under a thick bush, she turned toward him and smiled.

 

“You should move Marcus.” she said, her hands flew instinctively toward the first handhold she saw and her arms stretched and tensed, while her muscles started to pull her entire body higher. She clenched her jaw but kept quiet. Marcus was staring at her, she could sense his eyes on her arms and her back. He wasn't staring because he simply wanted to, he was _checking_ on her, to be sure she wasn't gonna fall. When her first foot found a secure hole in the rock, her legs pushed her up and her arms flew above her head, her hands gripped at the first thing they found, luckily for her it was a solid rock.

 

“You're wasting time Marcus.” she yelled at him, without looking down. She wasn't afraid of heights, but surely she wasn't a big fan of them either, so she preferred to keep her eyes on her hands and the rocks in front of her. When she heard the sound of Marcus hiding his backpack, and then his snort when he started to climb at her side, she smirked to herself and started to move faster.

 

“You are a silly woman, you know that right?” he joked, panting slightly. Abby was lighter then him, and her backpack was also smaller than his, he was tired already, even if his muscles were bigger and he was stronger, here she was advantaged. He was stronger and could climb for more time, but she was faster, and since the wall wasn't that high, she was sure she was going to win this one.

 

“Less talking, more climbing.” she said, her arms were burning, her muscles were flinching under her sweaty skin and her legs were shaking slightly, but she wasn't gonna surrender now. Marcus was almost at her side, even if she had started to climb first, and his hands moved with experience over the handholds he found on his climb. Abby was less expert, and she was moving more by instinct than knowledge. Her arms moved fast and her hands searched for everything she could hold herself onto, her foot followed her hands' rush and she was praying in her head to not slip and fall, braking her legs or worse her neck.

 

“You. Are. Not. Gonna. Win. This. Abby.” Marcus said, every word sucked in a sharp breath. He was pushing hard to keep up with her pace. Abby was pushing herself to the limit, her body was burning and protesting, she had to slow down or to stop soon, the adrenaline that had helped her at the begging was fading, and her strength was slowly consuming, her muscles had to rest. She was panting heavily and chuckled when Marcus kicked her legs slightly to slow her down.

  
“Play fair.” she said, at that Marcus shook his head.

 

“What about you?” he said, groaning when his fingers slipped over a too smooth rock. Abby frowned, but kept looking above her head, she was almost there.

 

“What do you mean? I'm just going on my way.” she panted, groaning but without stopping, when her left arm shivered and jerked, she almost lost her grip on the handhold, but her foot supported her weight and kept her still. Marcus groaned.

 

“Let's just say that climbing right under you is distracting me.” he hissed. At that Abby froze, realizing what he meant, then was when she burst out laughing, because she couldn't help herself, and then a rush of adrenaline waved in her, and her muscles stopped burning for a second, granting her a moment of strength that she used to push and pull herself higher. Then was when her hand reached the wall's edge and she widened her eyes.

 

“Then I'm sorry, but my _ass_ is exactly what you will have to look at, because I just won Marcus.” she yelled back at him, chuckling with herself, when her arms started to pull her body higher. She clenched her jaw and held her breath to give her muscles more room to grow, her elbows reached the solidity of the wall's edge, and she used her forearms to push the rest of her body up, using the pressure of her bones and flesh instead of just her muscles. In a second she was rolling on her back, looking up at the sky.

 

She was panting and sweating, her skin was burning and her muscles were pulsing, but she was wearing a proud smile on her face. Her lungs kept stretching and squeezing rapidly to pump oxygen in her system, her blood started to slow the rush in her veins, her pulse was still loud and heavy, but her whole body was starting to let the adrenaline fade, welcoming in the endorphins, a warm wave started to spread through her from head to toe. Suddenly Marcus appeared, he pushed himself at her side, collapsing on the ground, panting heavily. He raised one hand toward her, his arms were shaking, and he was blinking rapidly, droplets of sweat were rolling down his black locks.

 

“You. Are. Silly. For. Real.” he panted, looking at her. Abby was grinning triumphantly, and she chuckled, biting at her lower lip. Marcus started to chuckle himself.

 

“You would never have said that the newbie would beat you at this uh?” she mocked him, rolling on her side. The dirt under her bare sweaty skin was uncomfortable but she ignored it, focusing on him.

 

“Oh, I just let you win, because I am a gentleman.” he said, nodding to himself and swallowing several times. Abby at that raised an eyebrow and smirked.

 

“Oh is that so?” she said, he nodded.

 

“Yeah, you always say that about me, and today I actually acted like one, so.” he shrugged, facing the sky while regaining control over his lungs and his breath. Abby giggled.

 

“You're sure?” she asked, at that he turned toward her, frowning slightly. She smiled, leaning over him. In doing so she covered the sunrises that were stroking his face, casting a long shadow over his features. She was wearing a black clingy tank top, that was plastered to her tanned skin because of the sweat. But since gravity had never been optional, the collar of it fell slightly toward him, exposing a strap of skin, offering a view over her cleavage. “Last time that I checked, a gentleman doesn't talk about his best friend's ass.” she joked, raising an eyebrow, flashing him a teasing smirk.

 

Then was when Marcus widened his eyes, remembering his previous words, and Abby was definitely sure that what had started to color his cheeks, was a blush. She found it pretty amusing, and suddenly realized how actually _close_ to him she was. His chest was raising and falling slowly now, and with every inhale and exhale, she could feel how his torso pushed her up and down. She had somehow leaned too close, and their body were now touching each other. Then was also when her eyes fell on his lips, by instinct, coincidence or maybe just because she _wanted_ to. She swallowed, and saw that he did the same.

 

She smiled in embarrassment then, and rolled over her back once again, fixing her eyes toward the sky. Marcus kept silent, but she knew his eyes had followed her, and he was now staring at her. Abby turned toward him herself, their eyes met, they kept silent, then was when she smiled.

 

“We didn't bring a bottle of water with us, did we?” she asked, at that Marcus blinked, as if her voice had dragged him away from some kind of private thought. He frowned and pursed his lips.

 

“Damn.” he whispered, and at that Abby shook her head and covered her face with one of her hands, chuckling.

 

“We were so focused on the climb that we didn't even brought water. Gosh... I am thirsty.” she complained, her tongue lapping in her mouth, it was dry and felt uncomfortable. Marcus sighed and stood up till he was sitting, looking at the horizon.

 

“If I remember correctly there must be some kind of water source inside of this cave.” he said, looking at her. Abby stood up herself and stretched her sore muscles.

 

“Then we should find out quickly, because I am pretty thirsty.” she said, standing up on her feet and heading toward the cave that was waiting for them. Marcus nodded to himself and stood up, following her.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

As soon as Abby walked inside the cave, Marcus followed. The cave was darker compared to the outside, but since it was summer and the sun was still high in the sky, they could see their surroundings. Also, the air inside was cooler, humid and thicker. Abby kept walking in silence, her hand stroked the cave's walls by instinct.

 

“Do you hear it?” she whispered, her voice echoed in the tiny cave, her words reverberated, approaching and fading several times, before it fell quiet again. Marcus leaned forward toward her, and she stopped, turning on her heels. “Do you hear it?” she asked again, and then was when the sound reached his ears.

 

_Water._

 

“I was right then.” he said, smirking, and Abby at that rolled her eyes, shaking her head, and resuming her walk inside the shadows of the cave. The air was so cooler that his sweat was now plastered on his skin, until it eventually evaporated. His lungs welcomed in the fresh air, it was oppressive yes but also really pleasant. His muscles were till sore and slightly burning, but his body had released endorphins that had helped with the pain.

 

“Look.” Abby yelled, pointing her finger in front of her. Her feet dived inside some puddles of water, and on some soft moss, she grinned at him, and kept moving forward. Marcus smiled himself and followed her steps. His boots splashed in the humid moss and then he stopped, when Abby knelt down. There the sound of water was louder, and when his eyes got the chance to peek over Abby, he could see why.

 

A little waterfall was gurgling in front of them, cold water was running out from a hole in the rock, melting into a little stream that was flowing under the cave's walls, getting lost outside, forming probably a bigger river some miles away from them. Abby turned toward him with a smile.

 

“Is it good?” she asked, and he nodded. He knew that every source of water there was drinkable. Abby smiled even brighter and then leaned toward the water, her hands cupped under it's fall, the water started to splash all over her arms, she shivered. “Gosh, it's freezing.” she said. Marcus knelt down himself.

 

“That's because it comes from a glacier.” he whispered, smiling at her. Abby smiled back and then took a little amount of cold water in her hands and sipped at it.

 

“Cold but good.” she said, sighing out, sitting on the humid ground under her. Marcus smiled and took a bit of water himself, sipping at it carefully. The cold temperature hit his teeth and made his jaw clench in discomfort, but then his body heat warmed it up and he swallowed it.

 

“So, why isn't this cave filled with ice and all?” Abby asked, her eyes roaming over the rocky walls around them. Marcus sat down in front of her, crossing his legs.

 

“Well, we are still too close to the ground, here the sun is too strong in summer, to see an icy cave here you have to walk forward, till Sunrise Peek, there, if you start to climb for an hour or so, you can reach the icy cave of this mountain.” he said, following her eyes over the rocky walls. Abby hummed.

 

“I would like to see one.” she said, smiling with herself, focusing on him again. Marcus smiled and nodded.

 

“We can arrange that, there are a lot of caves in Alaska.” he said, Abby smiled back and leaned her elbows over her crossed legs, sighing out.

 

“I'm suddenly really comfortable over here.” she said, and Marcus smiled.

 

“Well, here is cool and quiet, the waterfall is relaxing. I bet you like here.” he said, she looked up again at that and pursed her lips.

 

“But we are not gonna stay here too long right? I want to beat you at something else.” she joked, and at that Marcus chuckled softly, shaking his head.

 

“This was meant to be a relaxing trip Abby, not a competition.” he said, even if he had to admit, he liked this side of her. Abby smirked.

  
“Yeah, you say that to yourself if you want.” she said, standing up, and wiping away some dust from her pants. Then he followed suit. “Am I presentable?” she asked him, turning so that he could take a look at her lower back. Marcus at first blinked in confusion, then, when her hands pointed to her back pockets, he got it and widened his eyes.

 

“Oh, yes you are.” he whispered, nodding, she peeked at him over her shoulder.

 

“You're sure?” she asked, and he nodded.

 

“Yes I'm sure, and besides, there's nobody but us here. The worse that could happen is for an eagle to see your dirty pants Abby.” he smirked, at that she turned completely and raised an eyebrow, lowering her voice.

 

“Oh, I just wanted to be sure it was clean enough for when you will have to stare at it the next time I will beat you.” she whispered, with a teasing smirk on her lips. Then she bit at her lower lip and walked away from him, heading toward the exit of the cave. “Move your ass Marcus.” she yelled, disappearing outside, her slim silhouette melted with the bright light of the sun, till she was gone.

 

Marcus sighed out when he was left alone and squeezed his eyes.

 

 _Be good, be good, be good._ He told himself over and over again. Then he cleared his throat and shook his head, following Abby's steps outside.

 

 _Be good for the love of god._ His inner voice said.

 

 _Do something about it._ Octavia's voice echoed back.

 

 _Just shut up._ He thought.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When they climbed down again, Abby found it harder this time to beat him, and so Marcus found himself doing something that he surely hadn't planned. He found himself under her body, guiding her feet down, so that she could find safe footholds without slipping and falling. Luckily for him Abby was fast and light, and she liked to work out and to take long walks, so her muscles were strong enough to support her body without collapsing over him.

 

On the other side though, her _love_ for gymnastic and walks, made it really hard for him to keep his mind focused on the climb and not on her defined soft muscles. His hands had found themselves on her legs more then necessary, pushing and holding. She hadn't complain that was true, but his eyes had also traveled over her lower back many times, especially on the strap of bare skin between her tank top and her pants. It was suddenly too hard for him to focus, and Abby had sensed it.

 

When he had been staring without moving for too long, his breath heavy in his lungs, she had coughed, peeking at him from over her shoulder, fighting against her _fear_ to look down, and had raised a curious eyebrow saying, “Are you ok?” at that he had cleared his throat and had blinked, nodding.

 

“Sure, all good down here.” he said, and after that fell silent again, guiding her down with his hands. When her feet met the solidity of the ground, he let out a breath he had been holding since they had started to climb down the wall. And he helped Abby down, pushing on her lower back, she reached the ground and wiped away some dust from her clothes, tilting her head.

 

“Thank you.” she said, and then turned immediately toward their backpacks, collecting them from the bush and offering him his own. He took it and secured it again on his shoulders. Right when he was about to help her with hers, she started to walk, the backpack already secured around her waist.

 

“Shall we?” she said, putting her sunglasses on her nose and walking back on the pathway. Marcus said nothing and followed.

 

And so they kept walking and walking, enveloped in a heavy silence. His eyes kept scanning the landscape around, but this time he didn't say a thing, and didn't point out to her some wild animals or some beautiful masterpiece of the nature. Abby kept walking without a word either, looking herself at her surroundings, without asking questions or information, keeping her eyes hidden behind her black sunglasses.

 

Tension had grew hover them, and silence seemed to be the only way they were able to handle it, just as they had did in the past weeks. It was _ridiculous_ and very childish.

 

“ _You should admit to yourself that something is going on between the two of you.”_ Octavia had said to him before they had climbed in the car. He had protested, saying that _nothing_ was going on between them. They were _just friends._ Of course he hadn't admitted that he was in love with her, because Octavia and Raven seemed to be pretty aware of that, not that he had ever confirmed their suspicions.

 

But what he had protested about was the fact that _she_ could have feelings for him. Abby was a kind woman, smart and funny, she had a great sense of humor and liked to joke with him, because between the two of them had grew a confidence that allowed her to do that. But this didn't mean that something else was going on. Marcus couldn't even think at even just one reason why a woman like her, could feel something for a man like him.

 

He knew he was intelligent and wasn’t _that_ bad. But compared to her, he was nothing. Especially since she was an open book to him, really welcoming and generous. And he... he hadn't said to her everything about him. And he had also did _that_ thing just the day before.

 

He had acted as a childish jealous jerk, invading her privacy and this just because he wanted something more, something that he wasn't allowed to have. Abby was beautiful, smart, kind, she could have every man in the world, and surely he wasn't going to be _that lucky_ to be that man.

 

Especially since he knew that he had been lying to her. Well... it wasn't as if he had said a thing instead of another one, but he had _kept_ things from her. Things about his past, things that she simply didn't had to know, because nobody knew them, except him.

 

He had thought about opening up to her several times during the past months, the way she was able to make him feel comfortable around her, the way she talked about herself, made him feel as if he could open up as well, telling her everything. And he knew that she would agree with this, she would never judge him, because Abby Griffin wasn't that kind of woman, she didn't judge, she simply took in the information and decided what to do about it.

 

This was what scared the hell out of him.

 

What if the truth about him could made her go away? What if knowing that he had kept a secret from her could push her to simply leave him behind? He couldn't even think about a day without a message or a call from her. A life without Abby in it. The fact that he was probably gonna lose her sooner or later, made him feel sick to his stomach.

 

Because even if they were good friends, even if they liked to spend time together, the tension that was growing between them was threatening their balance everyday a little more. Marcus knew that it was _his_ fault. He was the one that felt _more_ than just affection toward her. He was the one that not just _dreamed_ of her, but that also _daydreamed_ and _thought_ about her, in ways that he wasn't allowed to.

 

It wasn't just about sex.

 

It was about building a life. Sharing a house, creating a space for them, sharing the same days together, paying the bills, doing grocery shopping, learning how the other liked to sleep at night, meeting the other's friends and family. Traveling together, hand in hand, collecting pictures of smiles shared with love.

 

These were the thoughts that filled his mind when he started to think about Abby. It wasn't just attraction, this was something way more important, way bigger, way too forbidden for him.

 

This was _love_.

 

And Marcus Kane was sure that Abby Griffin could like him, care for him, even worry about him, but _love him_ wasn't in the list, at least not in the way he loved her.

 

When she approached him, walking shoulder to shoulder with him, he stopped thinking and looked at her. “How long before we reach the peak?” she asked him. They were walking since hours, the day was slowly reaching it's end. Since it was still August, the sun was still up in the sky, it would set shortly after 9 pm. He looked around himself and tilted his head toward the signboard that was few feet from them.

 

 

_Sunrise Peak – You're almost there_

 

 

“From now on the phones will not be functional anymore. If you want to call Clarke you should do it now.” he said. At that Abby nodded and stopped, taking off her backpack and diving her hand in it, after few seconds she took out from it her phone, she turned it on and pressed her fingers on the display. She frowned for a second, Marcus wasn't sure what it was about, but then she pursed her lips and brought the phone to her ear. When a bright smile blossomed on her lips, Marcus knew that Clarke had picked up.

 

Then Abby started to walk away from him, sitting on a rock under a tree, talking and laughing at the phone. He kept the distance, granting her some privacy, and loosing his eyes over the mountains and the hills around them. That place was beautiful, he liked to lose himself in it once in a while, far away from the rest of the world, just him and his thoughts.

 

“Clarke and the girls say hi.” she said after few minutes, approaching him at his side, a smile still printed on her lips. Marcus smiled back. He liked the way her daughter was able to make Abby feel better with just a call. Her mood had lightened up and she was suddenly Abby again, the tension seemed to have faded. And if it faded for one, it faded for the other too. Marcus sighed out, feeling suddenly lighter.

 

“She said to take pics, and also that she wants you to take her here too if it's _that_ beautiful.” she said, looking at him. Marcus chuckled.

 

“It is _that_ beautiful.” he said, turning toward her, she was holding her phone against her heart, a smile gracing her lips, her hair collected in a messy ponytail, her cheeks flushed. She was looking at him with bright eyes and Marcus was loosing himself again. He blinked and smiled, “You''ll see it in a while.” he whispered, pointing toward the pathway that headed toward the peak. Abby smiled back and nodded.

 

“Let's go then.” she said, and then collected her backpack and started to walk again.

 

The pathway that leaded toward Sunrise Peak was hidden between rocky walls, and from time to time granted a spectacular view over the lands around Arkadia. Abby widened her eyes with every new peek she could see into the wild nature around them, her lips never stopped stretching into smiles, warming up Marcus' heart. When the last part of the pathway presented itself in front of them, he walked forward and tilted his head.

 

“We're almost there.” he said, and she bit at her lower lip, excitement visible in her features. He smiled back and then offered her one hand, the street there was more _damaged_ and steeper, he wanted to be sure she wasn't gonna fall. Abby took his hand without a word and they started to walk side by side. Even if she wasn't used to it, Abby managed to keep up with his pace, without stopping or tripping over rocks and holes in the ground. When they reached the end of the road, Marcus inhaled deeply, hoping she would like it as much as he did.

 

“We're here.” he whispered, and then pulled her toward him, helping her with the last few steps. When the ground was flat again, and she didn't need help anymore, Marcus started to withdrew from her. But her hand squeezed his tighter and she widened her eyes, walking slowly forward.

 

“Oh my god.” she whispered.

 

 

Her eyes started to roam incessantly over the beautiful _green_ that was expanding for miles under them. That was what Marcus loved about this place. This mountain gave the chance to look at the wild nature that enveloped Arkadia like a hug. Few streams were shimmering under the sun, flowing between the green grass. Right where the horizon met the sky, some mountains were scraping the clouds with their snowy peaks. From here they couldn't see a single house nor a single soul. Just few roads that granted access to the valley between the mountain.

 

“You like it?” he asked her, without adverting his gaze from the green landscape in front of them. Abby blinked and nodded, her lips stretched into a soft smile.

 

“ _It's so beautiful._ ” she whispered, and then was when he turned toward her, and the way her all face had lit up, the way her eyes had grew wider to take in every detail, the way her lips were blessing him with a smile, made him nod instinctively.

 

“It is.” he whispered, and he wasn't sure if he was talking just about the landscape. Abby huffed a laugh and turned toward him, her eyes were shining with happiness.

  
“This is beautiful Marcus, thank you.” she said, her hand squeezed his, and a warm shiver ran from his fingers to his heart, suddenly his chest was too small to hold it. He swallowed and nodded.

 

“You're welcome.” he managed to whisper, and Abby smiled again, then she turned to her back and widened her eyes even more.

 

“Is that a lake?” she asked, and then walked toward the other side of the mountain.

 

 

From there the view expanded toward another side of Alaska. A deep blue lake stroked the mountains feet, trees, earth and water melted together, while whispers of snow graced the peaks of the mountain range that enveloped the lake in an embrace.

 

“Yes it is.” he said, approaching her. From where they were they couldn't see Arkadia, that was resting behind the actual peak of the mountain, but just the sides were the wild lands grew and expanded as far as the eyes could see.

 

“I love this place.” she said, and turned toward him once again. “Are we really gonna sleep here?” she asked, biting at her lower lip. At that Marcus chuckled and waved toward the space around them, nodding. There was where people could go to look at the landscape, and also camp if the weather allowed them to. And luckily for them, it was a sunny day and it was gonna be a warm night. Warm enough for them to not freeze to death, but of course sweaters and blankets were needed.

 

Sunrise Peak wasn't that high, but it was still a mountain, and at that height the air changed, it was rarefied and cooler, and they had to be careful. But Marcus had slept there multiple times, and he wanted Abby to experience it herself. Sleeping under the stars and waking up with that view was something she had to do before it was too late, or simply too cold.

 

“Then what are we waiting for? Build up the tent.” she said, smiling and taking her backpack off of her shoulders. Marcus chuckled and nodded, and they started to settle on the cool ground under their feet. There were few spots where sweet grass grew and granted a soft spot where they could sit. Of course they had to be careful with the wind, but after the first accidents that had happened in the early 90s some metal railings had been built, and signboards had been placed where it was safe to build a tent and where it wasn't.

 

Marcus knew the place as a second home and so started to build the tent in a little smooth corner in front of the mountain's wall, where some sweet grass could be used as some kind of natural pillow. From there you could sit outside the tent and look at the landscape without being too exposed to the winds. Abby started to take some pictures, till the sun allowed them to see something, and she never stopped smiling, not even for a second. Marcus felt proud and happy, he had made something good, in the end he had given her a beautiful experience, and the chance to feel part of the world.

 

Because this was how that place made him always feel, part of the world, part of something bigger and beautiful. “Ready.” he yelled at her, when the tent was fixed to the ground. Abby blinked toward him and smiled.

 

“Well, you surely are good at this.” she said, approaching, and taking a long look at the tent. Marcus nodded and pursed his lips.

  
“Hey I am good at many things Abby, you would be surprised to know how _talented_ my fingers are.” he said, and at that Abby raised an eyebrow and smirked. Marcus realized too late how it had sounded, and when she bit at her lower lip and headed toward the tent, peeking at him while humming to herself, he could only curse himself under his breath and act as nothing had happened.

 

_Idiot._

 

“So... where are you gonna sleep?” she asked suddenly, when she had peeked inside the tent. Marcus at that frowned.

  
“There?” he said, kneeling beside her. Abby at that blinked and pursed her lips.

 

“And how will you do that? Laying over me?” she asked, he wasn't sure but he had the feeling she was suppressing a smirk. He cleared his throat.

 

“I thought to do it at your side.” he said, nodding, without looking her in the eyes. Abby chuckled.

 

“Isn't it a little bit _tiny?_ ” she said, tilting her head. Marcus at that pondered about her words. It was tiny yes, but he had slept there multiple times with other people and had always found it comfortable enough. After all camping wasn't about comfort, but more about the wild nature around you, the beautiful landscape. He looked at her then, Abby was raising a curious eyebrow, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

 

“I already slept in here with other people, we'll be fine.” he said, smiling and standing up again. Of course he didn't mention that _yes_ you could sleep in it with more than one person, _but_ you also were forced to sleep _very close._ But Abby didn't have to know that, and he surely didn't want to think about it already.

 

This was a problem for later.

 

 

….

 

 

 

“I bet Clarke would like it in here.” Abby said, leaning over her backpack, they had settled them against a rocky wall, so that they could lay on the grass and look at the landscape without standing uncomfortably on their feet the entire time. Marcus was laying his back completely against the wall, while Abby was basically laying on the ground, just her head was supported by the backpack, and so he had to look down to actually see her.

 

“We can take her here someday.” he said, and at hat Abby smiled and looked up, adverting her gaze from the mountains and fixing it on him.

 

“I'd love that.” she whispered and he smiled, nodding.

 

“Then it's a deal.” he said, stretching out a hand, Abby looked at it and with a smile squeezed it.

 

“Deal.” she said, and then she relaxed again, rolling over her side, focusing on the landscape and the sun that was setting behind the horizon. They kept quiet for a long moment, enjoying the other quiet company, and the nature pulsing with life around them. Then Abby broke the silence with a question that Marcus wasn't expecting.

 

“Have you ever brought anyone else here?” she said, without turning toward him. Marcus blinked and looked at her, she was still focused on the view. He pursed his lips and thought about it.

 

“Well yes, many people came here with me.” he said, and his mind flashed him memories of old friends, and of Octavia and Bellamy, also Raven had followed them once, but as she had said, "I'm not a camping kind of girl, nope." Abby licked at her lips, as if she was pondering carefully about her next words and then cleared her throat.

 

“Other women too?” she said, and at that Marcus' heart started to pound heavily in his heart.

 

_Other women._

 

She hadn't said, other _friends,_ she had specified _women,_ he suddenly didn't know what to think, or what to say.

 

He had done it?

 

_No._

 

Not in the way she probably meant.

 

“I... well yes but, not girlfriends if that is what you are asking.” he said, nodding to himself, looking at her, trying to read her expression, to get her emotions. Abby kept a straight face but after some seconds her lips curved into a shy smile.

 

“Good to know.” she whispered, and then fell silent again. And Marcus was left alone with his thoughts.

 

What was that? What did she mean? Why did she ask? Why she said, _good to know_?

 

Questions and doubts were filling his mind now, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about them. Abby was his friend, she cared for him and probably was also curious. Maybe she had made that question just out of curiosity, _yes,_ it was probably just that.

 

But then why-

 

She stretched her muscles and silenced his mind, then turned toward him with a smile. “Why don't we eat something?” she asked, looking up at him through her impossibly long eyelashes. Marcus nodded absentmindedly and Abby smiled back, standing up and walking toward their backpacks. Then Marcus fell into silence again, his mind started to work again over her words, until she approached him and offered him some fresh fruit and a bottle of water.

 

“Come one, let's share this _fancy_ meal together.” she joked, sitting with her legs crossed in front of him. The sweet grass bowed under her weight and she started to prepare the things they needed.

 

Dry meat, fresh fruit, bread and water were everything they were gonna eat. Marcus tried to clear his mind from his doubts and to focus on her and the beautiful landscape around them. They started to eat in silence, then Abby started to talk about that place, how she was enjoying herself, and how grateful she was toward him. Suddenly the new tension over his shoulders faded again and he found himself laughing while chatting with her.

 

When their stomachs were filled and their plates were empty, Abby stood up again and approached her backpack. She dived her hands in it and then she stopped and frowned.

  
“What the hell?” she mumbled to herself, taking out from one of the pockets a shining bottle. Marcus frowned himself and tilted his head.

 

“What is it?” he asked, and Abby kept quiet, her lips stretched into a smile while her eyes were reading some kind of note attached to the bottle. She then cleared her throat and discarded the piece of paper, leaving it in the pocket, and walked back toward him, the bottle shimmering in her hands.

 

“It's a gift from Raven.” she said, showing it to him. It was a bottle of scotch.

 

“No way.” he said, taking it from her hands and studying it. “This stuff is old and really good.” he said, nodding to himself. Abby tilted her head and chuckled.

 

“It's just alcohol Marcus.” she said, at that he glared at her shaking his head, opening up the bottle and sniffing at it's acrid scent.

 

“Show some respect woman, this stuff is expensive.” he said, at that Abby smiled and stretched out her hand, but Marcus withdrew the bottle. “What are you doing?” he asked her, at that Abby raised an eyebrow.

  
“What do you think? I want to drink some.” she said, at that Marcus shook his head and closed the bottle again.

 

“No way, this stuff is strong Abby.” he said, resting the bottle at his side, out of her reach. Abby crossed her arms and glared at him.

 

“I'm a grown woman Marcus, also... Raven gave it to me, it was in my backpack.” she said, smiling. Marcus at that rolled his eyes.

 

“That's because she couldn't get near mine without me seeing her Abby.” he said, shrugging. Abby at that snorted and tried to reach for the bottle, but Marcus took it again in his hand and raised it to she sky. He was taller then her even when they were sitting, so it was easy for him to keep it away from her.

 

“Marcus? Give it back!” she protested. He chuckled, because the way she was trying to reach his hand without standing up was quiet hilarious, and shook his head.

 

“No. I don’t want you to get drunk and fell off the cliff Abby.” he said, at that Abby snorted.

 

“Oh come on, I will take just a sip.” she said, flashing some sort of _puppy eyes_ to him, that he had to admit, where way too dark and provocative to look _just cute._ He cleared his throat at that and shook his head vehemently.

 

“No.” he said sternly. Abby at that huffed and pursed her lips.

 

“You are _impossible_.” she said, relaxing again on the grass, leaning back over her hands. Marcus at that lowered his hand and sighed out.

 

“I'm just protective, you know that.” he said, Abby hummed, her eyes never leaving his. Then she smirked and leaned forward, keeping the eye contact, he smiled back. Then was when she decided to try again. This time Marcus wasn't ready, and when Abby reached out for the bottle, he couldn't raise it fast enough to avoid her, and so she found herself forced to basically _straddle_ him, pushing his back toward the rocky wall, while her hands fought hard against his fingers to open them up.

  
“Come on, let it go.” she hissed, Marcus was half chuckling half groaning, while he was trying to free himself from her grip, without touching her. Abby didn't care about it, and her hands were touching him everywhere. Then was when she touched his side and he flinched. She raised an eyebrow then and a big smirk grew on her lips.

 

“Look who's ticklish.” she said, and then Marcus widened his eyes in horror.

 

“Abby no.” he growled, at that she giggled and leaned even forward, her hands withdrew from the bottle and dived on the flesh in his sides, starting the rapid torture over his sensitive spots. Marcus fell on the ground immediately.

 

“Abby yes.” she whispered through a chuckle, her fingers working fast to drive him crazy. His legs started to kick the air instinctively, and Abby had tears in her eyes, she was enjoying herself way too much.

  
“Stop, Abby stop please!” he chocked out between a chuckle and a laugh. Abby didn't stop, and since it was getting unbearable, Marcus couldn't restrain himself anymore and his hands decided it was time to fight back. The bottle fell on the grass and his hands flew to her hips.

  
“Marcus no!” she yelled as soon as she felt his grip on her, but he wasn't gonna stop now. He pushed her on her back, switching position, and straddled her, pining her whole body to the ground. She was panting heavily, eyes wide open and the ghost of a laugh in her voice. “Don't you dare.” she growled. At that Marcus raised a challenging eyebrow and smirked, leaning _dangerously_ toward her. Her pupils dilated at that, there was still enough sunlight for him to see it, and her eyes grew darker.

 

“Marcus yes.” he whispered, and then his hands started to move fast and heavily on her hips. She pursed her lips, visibly suppressing a chuckle, shaking her head. “Let it go Abby, come on.” he said, moving his hands in different spots, trying to find the most sensitive one. His hands collided with the soft flesh right over her hipbone and she bit at her lower lip and squeezed her eyes, her body jerked under his touch.

 

“Marcus!” she yelled, chuckling and trying to roll on her side, to escape his grip. But Marcus was stronger and heavier, and she was basically _caged_ under him. He kept torturing her a bit, until she was getting visibly out of breath, and he withdrew, rolling off of her, granting her the chance to stand up.

 

“I won.” he said, panting slightly. Abby looked at him. She was still laying on the cold grass. She shook her head and pointed a finger toward him.

 

“No you haven't.” she hissed, and then stood up. Marcus' body tensed, ready to _fight_ back, but when she moved past him, he relaxed again, realizing where she really wanted to go. When she had the bottle in her hands and raised it to the sky with a triumphant smirk, he sighed out.

 

“ _I_ won!” she said, and opened up the bottle, without wasting time, and swallowing a great amount of alcohol. Marcus expected her to spit it out immediately, grimacing and complaining. Instead, she swallowed it and then sighed out, barely pursing her lips. “Well, not that bad indeed.” she said, observing the bottle in her hands. Marcus frowned at that.

  
“What?” she asked, when she noticed his expression. Marcus blinked.

  
“Nothing... I just thought you didn't like strong scotch.” he said, at that Abby smirked and shrugged.

  
“There are a lot of things you don't know about me yet.” she said, offering him the bottle, “Why don't you drink a bit too? Maybe I will tell you some of my secrets.” she said, moving the bottle in front of him. The rich liquid danced inside the glass. Marcus pursed his lips and then looked up.

 

Abby was looking at him with a challenge in her eyes, and also something else, something that he couldn't yet define, but that looked really really _inviting_.

 

“Let's do this.” he said, snatching the bottle out from her hands, sipping at it. The alcohol burned his throat and his eyes grew wider, he sighed out loudly. “Ok, this is strong.” he coughed, Abby at that chuckled.

 

“Seems like I am better than you even at this.” Abby said, taking the bottle from his hands and sipping again. She swallowed the alcohol without effort, yes her lips pursed slightly, but her expression was relaxed. “Why don't we play a game?” she said suddenly, raising an eyebrow. Marcus frowned.

 

“A game?” he said, at that Abby nodded.

 

“Yes, something like truth or dare.” she said, at that Marcus froze. Truth or dare was probably the worse game ever for _friends_ that were on the edge of doing something really _bad_ because one of them couldn't restrain himself.

 

“Ok.” he said, and mentally slapped himself right after it, Abby grinned and sat down on the sweet grass, patting to an empty spot in front of her.

 

“Let's do this then.” she said, adjusting the bottle in front of her. Marcus sat down at the other side of it, they were both legs crossed, looking at each other, while the bottle kept shimmering under the deep rays of the setting sun.

 

“Let's play.” she whispered.

 

… _._

 

 

 

The rules were simple. Truth was about revealing a secret to the other. Dare was a sip from the bottle, or in case you couldn't take another one, you had to do something that the other wanted you to do. Of course no stupid challenges, just something to have fun.

 

When everything was clear for the both of them, they were tired and already slightly tipsy, they had to take a moment to collect their thoughts, and then started.

 

“Truth or dare?” Abby asked, raising an eyebrow. Marcus swallowed, and pursed his lips.

 

“Dare.” he said, Abby smirked and offered him the bottle. He opened it and took a sip, groaning slightly, clearing his throat. Abby chuckled and then bit at her lower lip.

 

“My turn!” she said, jumping on herself as an excited kid at Christmas. Marcus chuckled.

  
“Truth or dare?” he asked her, at that Abby pursed her lips and faked an intense stare at the sky.

 

“Mh...” she hummed, tilting her head and flashing him a smile. “Dare.” she said. Marcus nodded and offered her the bottle, she took it and swallowed her sip. Then she licked her lips clean and the game started again.

 

Since they both were pretty aware of how the game worked, they kept picking dare, until their head were dizzy enough to make them both chuckle with no reason. Marcus' body was light, and his head was slightly spinning.

 

“Ok, now Mr. Kane, let's see if you are gonna pick truth or dare.” Abby said, her tongue sounded heavy in her mouth, and she was slightly swinging on her waist, but her eyes were wide open and she seemed still pretty lucid. Marcus chuckled.

 

“I would like to take another sip Mrs. Griffin, so I'll say dare!” he basically yelled, Abby giggled and offered him the bottle.

 

“Down, down, down.” she whispered, when he opened the bottle. They already had drank half of it, and his stomach protested when the smell reached his nose. He swallowed and then took another sip. The taste wasn't that acrid anymore, his tongue was basically insensitive now, but his body could still feel the effect of it and his throat closed sooner this time. He withdrew the bottle almost immediately. Abby at that shook her head.

 

“If you can't drink then I'll have to make you do something Marcus.” she reminded him. Marcus snorted at that and shrugged.

 

“Ok then, please doctor, give me orders.” he said, resting the bottle on the grass. Abby smirked and then pursed her lips.

 

“Ok, let me think.” she said, she was moving with emphasis, her arms stretching without a particular reason in the air, the alcohol was flowing freely in her veins, and she was enjoying herself. “Ok I have it, you have to lick the tip of your nose.” she said, nodding to herself, pointing her index finger toward him. Marcus raised an eyebrow.

  
“What?” he said, and Abby raised her chin.

 

“I said what I said.” she grinned, leaning her weight on her hands, that were resting behind her back on the grass. Marcus rolled his eyes and then his tongue darted out from his lips. Abby smirked, and kept staring at him. He stretched it to the limit, trying to reach the tip of his nose. When it started to hurt him, and he also was starting to feel as a complete idiot, he stopped and huffed.

 

“I can't.” he shrugged, Abby was chuckling, shaking her head.

 

“You are such a loser today Marcus.” she whispered, at that Marcus glared at her.

 

“Hey since you are so confident today, why don't you pick dare and _I_ force you to do something?” he said, leaning toward the bottle between them. At that Abby raised a challenging eyebrow and smirked.

  
“Ok then. Dare.” she said, leaning herself. Their faces were closer now, and their hot breath met and melted into a dance that smelled as old scotch and them.

 

Marcus for a moment fell quiet. She was so close, the sun was still reaching them from the other side of the mountains, and her features were bathed in a warm and soft golden light that made her glow in the darkness.

 

“Tick-tock Marcus.” she whispered, and he blinked, regaining control over his mind.

 

“Are you in a hurry Abby?” he asked, and she smirked. “Do you have to go somewhere? Maybe on another date?” he said, and at that Abby raised her eyebrow.

 

“Oh, someone here is _jealous_ again.” she whispered, smirking deeply. Marcus' eyes at that fell toward her lips, and he kept them there, shamelessly. Abby's smirk at that faded and she parted her lips. “Marcus?” she whispered, the way her smoky voice stroked his name, and the way her lips moved around it, made him hum in something that sounded a lot like a moan.

 

“Marcus?” she said again this time tilting her head, the movement forced him to look up again. He blinked and cleared his throat.

  
“Yeah?” he said. His eyes were suddenly tired, the alcohol was starting to make his entire body heavy, even the blood rushing in his veins was warm and lazy now. Abby smiled.

 

“You have to tell me what do you want me to do.” she said, smiling. Then was when Marcus hummed and his eyes fell again on her mouth. When his lips parted, the words flew out without his consent.

 

“ _Kiss me._ ” he whispered. And his heart suddenly stopped beating, his mind stopped spinning and his whole body froze.

 

_What?_

 

He wanted to say something else, to add _on the forehead, the cheek, the hair, the hand._ But his tongue was caged inside of his mouth, his lips were glued one on the other, his whole body was motionless, his muscles weren't responding anymore.

 

_And Abby?_

 

Abby was staring at him, her eyes weren't wide open in horror, quiet the contrary, she was staring at his lips as well. Time was moving slowly now, it felt as if the entire world had stopped circling. The universe was quiet, and was waiting. Marcus wanted to look up, to at least meet her eyes, but he couldn't. His eyes were glued to her lips and seemed as if he wasn’t able anymore to stop staring. Then was when Abby surprised him, leaning completely toward him.

 

Her hands flew to his cheeks, and she forced him to look up, guiding his face toward hers, his eyes blinked to life again and he locked his gaze with hers. She was searching for an explanation in his eyes, he could sense that. He suddenly felt terribly powerless under the weight of her stare.

 

“What do you want me to do?” she asked, her voice a rough whisper. His heart started to pound loudly in his chest, his blood started to rush in his temples, every extremity of his body was prickling, stretching slowly toward her. She was _so close_ and yet so distant.

 

“Kiss me Abby.” he whispered again, it sounded almost as a plead. Abby parted her lips, her eyes kept diving in his, she was looking at him with such an intensity that he started to melt in his own skin. “Kiss me.” he whispered again, and this time, didn't fought his body or his mind or whatever kind of force that was pushing him toward her, and leaned closer, closing the gap between them.

 

Their forehead met, and her hands shivered on his cheeks. When he felt the warmness of her skin, he closed his eyes and swallowed. Her scent enveloped him, she smelled as scotch and wet grass, the touch of her Jasmine body oil was still there, trapped in the thickness of her creamy skin, and the almond notes of her shampoo still stroked her hair. She was _intoxicating_ and he wasn't able to think properly anymore.

 

“Kiss me.” he whispered again, and could feel the way Abby's eyes closed slowly, and she sucked in a breath.

 

“Marcus...” when she whispered his name, his stomach growled, and his throat closed in a tight knot. He knew that if she said it again the _spell_ would break. And so he let do the work to his body, and turned off his mind.

 

“Shut up Abby.” he growled eventually, and then closed the gap, _completely_.

 

Their lips met in a rush of _pure_ _want_. His blood started to run fast and hot in his veins, reaching his fingertips, giving him the chance to _feel_ her under his touch. They were kneeling on the grass, and so when he pushed forward to capture her lips in his, his chest collided against hers. The moan that escaped her lips was _undeniable_.

 

 _She wants you too._ His mind yelled at him. When this thought settled in, Marcus parted his lips, and Abby took advantage of it, her tongue dived inside of his mouth.

 

Then was his turn to moan. Suddenly it wasn't clear anymore who had started to kiss the other, because they were now _dancing_ into this kiss together, following each other, step after step. Her hands had fell down from his cheeks, and had traveled toward his chest. Her fingertips were pushing on his muscles and pulling at his shirt. Her lips were moving fiercely against his, and her head was pushing against his, angling the kiss as she wanted.

 

Her legs were parting slowly, and she was starting to push herself on his lap. Marcus' body on the other hand was a _mess_ . His hands were shivering and burning, touching and squeezing every inch of her that he could reach. He wanted to touch her everywhere, but he also didn't want to push too far. He wanted to _savor_ her, to take his time. His heart was pulsing crazily in his chest, his blood was rushing loudly in his veins, and his body was melting and tensing at the same time.

 

When Abby sighed out and opened her lips, braking the kiss but without withdrawing, he stopped, afraid that she had suddenly changed her mind. But Abby surprised him once again, parting her lips completely, pushing on his shoulders and resting her nose against his forehead. “Relax your legs Marcus.” she whispered, it came out half as an order, half as a feeble whisper.

 

Marcus was so lost, that didn't register it when his body did as she asked, without him needing to think about it. The alcohol in his veins was blurring his mind, and he was feeling as if they were both wrapped up in a bubble, flying miles and miles away from the ground, getting lost between the stars and the clouds.

 

When he was sitting with his legs completely relaxed on the grass, she opened hers and then sat down on his lap, slowly. Her hands gripped at the collar of his shirt, and she withdrew enough to look him in the eyes.

 

“Truth or dare?” she asked him, darkness had started to cover them and he could barely see her features, even if he knew her by heart, he couldn't define the curve of her lips, or the light in her eyes. He wished he could, because he wanted to look at her. She was so beautiful that it was a shame to not be able to see her.

 

“Truth.” he whispered, and Abby leaned closer.

 

“Do you really want me to do this?” she whispered, her lips were now parted against his, her hot breath filled his lungs, and Marcus was sure he was going to die tonight. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, and his muscles were tensed. Abby pushed her forehead against his and he nodded.

 

“Yes. _Desperately_.” he said, and without wasting another second, Abby trapped his lips in hers. The combination of her wet lips kissing him and of her weight on his lap made him groan immediately. His hands flew to her sides and he grabbed her by the hips, forcing her on him. When she fell over him, without being able to withdraw anymore, she gasped and her hands flew to his hair. Her fingers started to stroke his black locks.

 

And when she whispered his name, this time directly inside of his mouth, without stopping the kiss, he suddenly realized what he was actually doing.

 

 _He was kissing Abby._ But most importantly, _she was kissing him back._

 

And how good it felt.

 

Her taste was driving him crazy. She was warm and soft, her tongue powerful but gentle, her lips moved with grace over his, sucking and stroking with the right amount of pressure, and he knew that from now on, nothing would have been as good as her kisses.

 

She tasted as fine scotch and sweet apple. Her tongue was warm and light, her breath was hot, almost burning. Her lips were so soft that he felt the need to bite at them, and when he did, she moaned in his mouth, and that sound coming from her lips made him shiver, and his groin pulsed. He was sure she had felt it.

 

Her scent was already invading him, filling his lungs and every corner of his body. She was sweet and exotic, creamy and bittersweet at the same time. She smelled as nature and life, and tasted even better. His senses were shivering in pure pleasure, it felt as waking up after years of sleep, and at the same time it felt as if they had been doing this their entire life.

 

When her hands flew to his neck, and her nails started to dig into his sensitive skin, he gasped and she bit at his lower lip. When her teeth graced his soft flesh he groaned and pushed toward her. Abby let him and his hands flew toward her back, pressing on her spine. She parted her lips and inhaled deeply.

  
“Truth or dare?” he said suddenly, and she chuckled breathlessly. She circled the tip of her nose on his for a moment and then bit at her lower lip.

  
“Dare.” she whispered, and Marcus swallowed, searching for her eyes, it was already pitch black and he couldn't see her anymore.

 

“Stand up.” he whispered, and felt the way her body tensed on his, he leaned a little forward, his lips stroked hers without actually touching them, he felt the way her breath vibrated with _need_ in her throat. “Trust me Abby.” he said, and at that she nodded.

 

Without saying a word she stood up, at the loss of contact his whole body protested, and he stood up rapidly. He could see her silhouette in the darkness, she was wrapping her arms around herself, almost defensively. He approached her, and saw how she took a step back. He stopped, his heart suddenly stopped beating.

  
“Are you ok?” he asked, and then was when the colorful lights spread all over her face, stroking her features. She was widening her eyes, her lips were parting, looking up at the sky. Marcus turned immediately and then was when he saw it.

 

The sky was graced by _Northern Lights._

 

__

 

“The Aurora.” she whispered, walking slowly toward the edge of the peak, toward the lights the were shimmering in the sky. Marcus widened his eyes in surprise. It wasn't the first Aurora he saw, he had seen dozens of them during his years in Arkadia, but it was pretty rare to see them before the end of September.

 

The night was black enough to offer them a chance to see one, and it was the first time for Abby. She was staring with wide eyes and a smile graced her lips. The kiss completely forgotten now. The lights were soft and bright, a light green and some whispers of purple framed her face, he could see her again and she was beautiful, with that expression of pure wonder and awe trapped in her elegant features.

 

“Marcus... this is beautiful.” she whispered. But her eyes didn't search for him, the magnificent spectacle of the nature was too fascinating for her to advert her gaze. Marcus fell quiet then and approached her, looking at the dancing curtains of light above them. It felt peaceful, extremely peaceful. Abby suddenly shivered, and Marcus had to restrain himself from hugging her.

 

Even if they had shared a _moment_ she was now lost into another experience, she was witnessing something that she had never seen before, she was part of the world now, and he wanted her to enjoy this special moment all by herself. When ten minutes passed by, and the dancing green curtains kept shimmering in the sky, he smiled and looked at her. Then was when she adverted her gaze from the lights and looked up at him.

 

She was still smiling in wonder, and her eyes were shimmering under the bright whispers of the solar wind above their heads. “This is my first Aurora.” she whispered, and he smiled fondly.

 

“Fall will give you the chance to see many of them.” he whispered, at that Abby's smile grew even brighter. She peeked at the sky again, the whispers of green and purple stroked her features one last time, then she sighed out and turned toward him.

 

“For how long it will stay in the sky?” she asked, and Marcus shrugged.

 

“It depends. Northern Lights are unpredictable.” he said, and Abby at that smirked.

 

“They remind me of someone.” she whispered, and then took a step closer. “So, do we want to waste this beautiful roof of lights?” she said, her eyes growing dark again, she took another step toward him. His belly growled with anticipation, and he swallowed. “I never kissed someone under the Aurora.” she said, and then stopped. Her hands landed over his chest, and she raised her chin to look up at him. The green lights that were dancing between the stars were reflecting in her dark irises, he inhaled deeply.

 

“Me neither.” he whispered back, and at that Abby closed the gap between them once again and crashed her lips against his. His hands flew instinctively to her back, supporting her weight, and she sighed out, her body melted against his. Her soft breasts pressed against him. It was colder at night, and they were now wearing heavier clothes. He wished he could feel more of her soft body.

 

“Truth or dare?” she asked between kisses, her voice was hoarse and it reverberated in his throat.

 

“Dare.” he whispered back a her. At that Abby sucked at his lower lip, and her hands flew behind his neck, pushing his head toward her.

 

“ _Take_ _me_.” she whispered in his lips, and at that he growled, his whole body reacted with a rush of _desire_ that burned his veins and he pushed her backwards. She didn't fought back, her lips never left his, until her back collided with the rocky wall behind her. She gasped and at that he bit at her lower lip. She was panting heavily, her eyes were closed and she was shivering, but her lips were curving up into a smile.

 

“Marcus.” she whispered, and at that he opened his eyes. The northern lights were brighter now, and he could see her almost perfectly. Every detail of her face, every wrinkle, the shape of her mouth, her nose, and her dark eyes, that were shimmering with a burning fire.

 

“Truth or dare?” he asked her. She smiled.

 

“Truth.” she said, and at this he cupped her cheeks in his hands. She parted her lips and her eyes grew wider. A whisper of green was shimmering in the rich dark brown of her irises. He inhaled deeply.

 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, his tone had grew serious. Suddenly Abby's expression softened and she smiled fondly, her eyes traveled over his features, from the wrinkles on his forehead to the tip of his chin. Then she locked her gaze with him.

 

“ _Desperately_ sure.” she said, and then, to make her point clear, she took his wrists in her hands and withdrew them from her cheeks. Marcus was suddenly unable to talk, or to do anything more than just follow her. So Abby did everything. Her hand suggested him to follow her with a slight pull and she started to walk toward the tent, slowly, peeking at him from time to time. Then she stopped right in front of it.

 

“You pick truth or dare?” she whispered, raising her chin. Marcus was still speechless, completely lost in her, but he managed to part his lips.

 

“You.” he said, and at that Abby fell silent, his hands flew to her cheeks and he dragged her toward him, until their foreheads met. “ _I pick you_.” he said, and at that Abby shivered and smiled.

 

“Then pick me.” she whispered and leaned forward, her lips graced _oh so softly_ his and she withdrew, walking backwards inside the tent, she flashed him an inviting smirk and then took his hand, forcing him to follow her inside.

 

He obliged her and knelt down in front of her, she pushed herself inside the curtains and he managed to sneak in himself. Then it was too dark to see anything. Outside the tent the bright northern lights were casting soft whispers of their dance on the green fabric of their shelter. She moved in the shadows and then something _clicked_ and a bright light spread around them. Then time froze again.

 

Her dark eyes were fixed on him, but they were trembling slightly.

 

She was _nervous._

 

Marcus inhaled deeply, his mind was filled with so many thoughts, his heart was growing with so many emotions, and he wasn't able anymore to say if _this_ was right, if this was _fair._

 

But then Abby silenced his loud mind, leaning forward and kissing him. Her lips stroked his, and her hand rested warmly on his cheek, her fingertips stroked his cheekbones and she pushed slightly toward him. “ _Just go for it._ ” she whispered, and then pulled him toward her, taking him by the collar of his shirt.

 

His body fell heavily on her, but she didn't complain, on the contrary, her hand gripped at his hair and pushed him even further against her. Immediately his body reacted at the contact with hers, and his hands traveled on her hips. She parted her lips and inhaled deeply, while her tongue dived from time to time in his mouth, growing burning waves in his stomach.

 

He wanted to open his eyes and to look at her, but the way she _felt_ under him made it too hard for him to control his body, and to send the order to his eyes. She was warm and soft under his body, and her kisses were pleasing him so much that his muscles felt liquid under his skin. They kept kissing and kissing, a slow dance in harmony with the aurora outside of their tent.

 

He had butterflies in his belly, that were flying and stroking his heart with their light wings, making him pulse and shiver in _want_. When Abby's hands traveled over his chest, stroking his muscles from over the fabric of his shirt, he groaned and his hips bounced down against hers. She gasped, parting her lips.

 

“Do it again.” she whispered hoarsely, her voice was heavy with the unmistakable sound of _desire ,_ she was _aching_ for his touch too. This made him feel powerful all of a sudden. He did it again. Pushing his hips against hers. And his own body reacted, his groin pulsed to life, growing harder and she gasped again, the sound of a smile on her lips. He looked at her then.

 

She was reclining her head to the back, her lower lip was trapped between her teeth and her neck was tensed, she swallowed and hummed. “Again.” she whispered, and he obliged her, but this time, instead of simply _push_ his length against her, his hand traveled between her warm thighs and at the contact she widened her eyes in visible surprise. Her lips parted and she looked at him. Instinctively he crashed his lips against her and kissed her senseless.

 

She hummed and melted under his touch. His hand was slightly pressing against the tight fabric of her pants, right above her hot core, and she bit at his lower lip when he pressed more fiercely. “Oh god.” she hissed, her voice was thick and rough, and Marcus thought that this was the most _erotic_ sound he had ever heard.

 

“Truth or dare?” she asked him again, her hands sneaked under his shirt, her fingertips traveled on his muscles, and her eyes grew darker in the bright light of the tent. Marcus swallowed when his skin prickled to life.

 

“Dare.” he growled, and at that Abby leaned forward toward him, her eyes heavy on him.

  
“ _Undress_ _me_.” she whispered, she was panting heavily, visibly _turned on._ She was keeping herself together, he could see it in the way her eyes were burning, and by the way her hands were shivering over his skin.

 

He said nothing at that and started to move southern over her body, at that Abby smiled and started to breath heavily, relaxing her muscles on her sleeping bag completely. Then was when Marcus started to lift the sweater over her stomach, revealing inch by inch her creamy skin to his _hungry_ eyes. Her heart was pulsing in her stomach, he could see how her creamy skin bounced in rhythm with her heartbeat.

 

He exhaled deeply, and his hot breath formed goosebumps over her skin, he found fascinating the way her body reacted to his. Then his lips fell on her belly and he started to map her body with his lips, _tasting_ her. The saltiness of her sweat, the richness of the unique taste of her skin, the sweetness of her sensitive spots, where the flesh felt softer under his teeth and he marked her there, on her sides, sucking slightly and biting with reverence.

 

Abby sighed when his fingertips stroked her hipbones and he looked up, she was reclining her head to the back, and he traveled southern toward the waistband of her pants, there his teeth bit at her delicate skin and she arched her back. The reaction of her body made his groin pulse instinctively. He kissed her there.

 

“Beautiful.” he whispered on her skin, and felt the smile that danced in her sigh. Then her hands traveled to his face and guided him toward her pants, his fingers gripped at her waistband instinctively. She pushed them down, and in doing so the fabric started to shift.

 

“No need to use buttons.” she whispered, suggesting to him to simply push them down. At that his lips fell over her knuckles and he kissed her skin deeply. She smiled again and then his hands took control over hers and he started to push her pants down her legs. She shivered when the cool breeze hit her skin, and so he leaned forward and kissed every inch of new bare skin, warming her up again.

 

“If you keep doing that I'm gonna lose it.” she joked, biting at her lower lip. At that he could only smirk, his heart pulsed with intensity inside of his ribcage. Abby was joking with him because she was nervous, he could sense that. But the fact that she was also enjoying herself, made him feel good.

 

Giving her pleasure was all he wanted now.

 

The fact that she was _offering_ herself at him still shocked him. He was living it as a dream, he could feel her under his hands, but he wasn't always sure this was actually happening. He was still afraid to open his eyes and found out it was just a dream. But when her pants had traveled completely down over her legs, getting stuck over her boots, he stopped asking himself if this was a dream, because Abby was looking at him, supporting her weight over her elbows, her eyes dark and heavy.

 

She moved quickly, kicking her boots away, and pushing the pants down with her feet, moving rapidly toward him, her hands flew to his cheeks.

 

“I can't wait anymore.” she whispered, her lips crashed against his and she took his breath away. He moaned, she moaned, his hands sneaked under her sweater, her defined muscles moved under his touch, shifting and flinching, and his body shivered in pleasure. Abby at that pulled him toward her and her hands traveled toward his waistband.

 

His blood ran cold for a moment, but when her warm hands started to push them down, and she touched his length slightly, it started to boil up again in his veins and his eyes widened. She locked her gaze with him and then his hands moved without asking for permission toward her hair. He loosen her ponytail, and her golden locks fell over her shoulders, feeling just as smooth and soft as he had always imagined in his fantasies.

 

She smiled at him at that and then leaned forward, pecking him on the lips one, two, three, four times. Then she sucked at his lower lip and her tongue followed her movement, her hands traveled to his lower back and she moved them under his shirt, her touch left a path of shivers on his spine, making him grew harder under the fabric of his underwear. And she pressed her stomach against it. Then he groaned, and she bit at his lower lip.

 

“Don't hold back.” she whispered and withdrew, sucking at his lower lip one last time. Then she looked at him and started to push his sweater higher on his body, he obliged her and they tossed it to the side together. Then she smirked when his eyes fell over hers. Her hands gripped the hem of it and she started to slowly pull it over her head. She gave him the time to see inch by inch every shape of her body.

 

The soft lines of her waist, her skin stretched with every each one of her movements, his groin bounced with _want_ when the fabric of the sweater moved higher over her breasts, exposing her black lacy bra. She pulled it higher over her head and her breasts came to view. She tossed the sweater to the side, her creamy skin was _glowing_ in the bright light around them, and her black bra was enveloping the round creamy shapes of her body.

 

She was almost naked now, standing on her knees, her arms at her sides, her eyes dark, her chin raised high. There wasn't shame in her features, she was feeling confident in her own skin, and _oh_ how this was _turning_ him on. She smiled suddenly and her eyes traveled toward his groin, she licked her lips and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Truth or dare?” she asked, and he smirked, he saw the effect it had on her, her pupils dilated and her lips parted.

 

“Both.” he said, and at that she smirked herself.

 

“Someone is pretty confident tonight.” she said, approaching him. Her hands rested on his hips, and her nails stroked the sensitive skin of his sides. He stared at her in silence, while she leaned closer and kissed his cheek, taking her time to print slow and warm kisses, leaving a wet but pleasant path behind her touch.

 

“Truth...” she whispered, kissing his chin, smiling when his beard prickled at her soft skin. “Have you found out what ingredient I poured in your sauce?” she asked, the question made him open his eyes. He had closed them as soon as she had started to kiss him, and he blinked.

 

“Oh damn.” he said, frowning, Abby didn't stop though, her lips kept traveling on his features, she kissed the corner of his lips, sending a warm shiver down his spine. “I never figured it out.” he said in shock. Abby chuckled at that, and it reverberated all over his skin.

 

“Then I won.” she said, traveling toward his earlobe, biting at it. His eyes rolled in the back of his head at that and he reclined his head to the back instinctively.

 

“Oh yeah?” he said breathlessly, the way her lips were kissing him was making it hard for him to focus. Abby hummed and started to kiss his neck.

 

“Yeah. Because I figured out yours.” she whispered, her tongue darted out and stroked his sensitive skin. His length was so hard now that it was almost unbearable. Abby felt it and pressed her stomach against it, he groaned.

 

“You did?” he managed to ask, Abby nodded while nuzzling in the crook of his neck. Then she withdrew and looked at him.

 

“But I'm not gonna tell you what is it.” she said, smiling. At that Marcus frowned.

 

“Then how can I know that you actually figured it out?” he asked her, his eyes falling on her soft lips. Abby smirked and leaned over his ear, her hot breath sneaked in, and if he didn't know that it was physically impossible, he would have say that it reached his brain.

 

“Dare. You have to find it, it's the ingredient of something that I used on my body.” she whispered, her smoky voice vibrated with _desire_ and then she withdrew again, smirking and taking his hands in hers. Marcus at that fell silent and his eyes started to travel all over her body, curious to find tracks of the last ingredient of his mother's tea on her skin. She guided his hands over her shoulders and his eyes followed

 

“Let's start the _treasure_ _hunt_.” she whispered, and guided his hands toward her bra straps, his fingers wrapped around them instinctively and she guided his hands down over her skin. Her chest was raising and falling heavily now, Marcus approached her even more, now just few inches separated them. She was looking him in the eyes, while her hands kept guiding his, then she moved them in front of her chest and smirked.

 

He looked down and noticed the little button that was situated between her breasts, his fingers unfastened it slowly and with a soft _click_ the fabric loosen and it started to fall slightly over her breasts, exposing inch by inch her nakedness to him. Then she let go of his hands and guided it down, scattering it on the sleeping bag under her body. Her delicate nipples hardened under the cool breeze and his eyes studied her round shapes in awe.

 

Then her hands gripped his wrists once again and she guided him toward her underwear. They matched the bra and he noticed that just now. The black lace covered her core with elegance, and he wonder how was it possible that he hadn't noticed before how good they looked on her. She guided his hand on one of her sides and his fingers touched the silky ribbons that fell over her thigh. Then she pulled one of them and he did the same with the other one and they fell smoothly over her creamy skin.

 

 

“Fancy lingerie.” he whispered suddenly, and at that she smirked, but kept quiet. When the fabric started to fell at one of her sides, his palm landed over her warm flesh and he stroked her there, his fingertips shivered, she was soft as silk. While he had been focused on her hip, she had loosen the other side of her underwear and with a quick pull the fabric fell completely down toward her knees.

 

_And she was naked._

 

His eyes grew wider when he took in the soft strap of flesh that get lost between her thighs. She moved then, her hands flew to the hem of his boxer and she stopped. He looked up, she was staring at him, then he let her pull them down. She did it slowly, her eyes never leaving his, her hands never touching his _throbbing_ length, and then he lifted one knee and then the other, to toss them away.

 

_And he was naked._

 

And then time stopped. They kept silent, while their eyes started to travel with respect and affection over every detail of their bodies. He could now see the way the ballet lessons she had taken when she was a kid had defined her legs and calves. She could see the muscles that had grew in his arms and chest during his years in the army. They kept studying each other, taking in every _imperfection_ that made them unique, and then locked their gaze together.

 

It was evident that they liked each other, his hardness was pulsing since their first kiss and was now pointing toward her with _want._ And her nipples had kept hardening with every second that passed, while her hands had winced whenever her eyes had traveled between his thighs.

 

They _wanted_ to do it. So why they were still waiting?

 

“Truth or dare?” Abby whispered.

 

“Truth.” he whispered back. She kept quiet for a while and then sighed out.

 

“Are we really gonna do this?” she asked. Suddenly Marcus feared that she wasn't yet sure about this. He swallowed.

 

“Only if it's what you want Abby.” he said, smiling warmly at her. She shook her head.

 

“What about _you_?” she said, tilting her head. “Do you want _this_ Marcus?” she asked, her eyes heavy on him.

 

“Yes.” he said without thinking twice. Her lips curved slightly in a smile. Then she approached him.

 

“And do you want _me?”_ she added, her eyes melting his heart in his chest. He swallowed and exhaled deeply.

 

“ _Desperately_.” he whispered, at that she looked at his lips, and inhaled.

 

“Then take me Marcus, take me desperately.” she whispered.

 

And he did.

 

His body crashed against hers, his hands flew in her soft caramelized locks, his lips captured hers and she moaned. His belly grew warm, his length pressed painfully against her belly, she pushed her hips against him, drawing a groan from him. “Desperately.” he whispered again against her lips. And she sighed.

 

He pushed her on her back and she obliged him, then he was flesh against her. Their bodies were warm and fitted perfectly one above and under the other. “Me too.” she whispered, looking him in the eyes. Marcus swallowed, but didn't let his mind overthink too much.

 

Abby wanted him now, she needed him _now_. He wasn't gonna waste another moment. His hands traveled over her hips, and he looked at her intensely. “How desperately?” he whispered, and her eyes grew even darker.

 

“Fast. Hard. I want to _feel_ you Marcus. Completely.” she said, she stroked his cheeks, and swallowed. Marcus could see the ghost of something into her eyes. For a moment he thought that that dark shadow was appearing again in her irises. But then he got it.

 

She had to prove to herself that she could still feel something good, and she wanted to do it hard and fast. She needed this as much as he did, but she wasn't ready to take it slowly now, she had to _feel_ , and to do it _now_.

 

He said nothing then and just kissed her. His hands traveled under her legs and he lifted them over his shoulders. She sighed in his mouth, and then one of his hands traveled between her thighs. Her flesh was warm and wet when his fingers touched her. She sucked in a breath and he kissed her.

 

“I got you.” he whispered, and her hands flew in his hair, she nodded, closing her eyes. “I got you.” he said agan, and started to stroke her slowly, his body moved in rhythm with his hand, that was pressing and stroking over her entrance. Her folds started to open up to him, and her muscles relaxed under his touch. His lips stroked hers with soft kisses, while slowly he kept stroking and stroking, from top to bottom, drawing shivers and sighs from her.

 

His fingers stopped at her entrance then, and he looked at her, searching for her approval. She nodded and then he pushed inside one finger. Her inner muscles stretched and squeezed it, and he had to clench his jaw to keep it together, because even just like that her body was almost pushing him over the edge.

 

_It had been a while for the both of them after all._

 

He started to thrust, slightly at first, studying her face, searching for her reactions, trying to get if she was enjoying it. When a smile blossomed on her lips and her hands squeezed the skin over his back, he knew he could push further. And so he did, his index finger traveled forward inside of her.

 

She was warm and welcoming, soft and wet, and his length was _aching_ with the need to fill her. But even if she had asked for hard and fast, he had to be sure her body was ready to take him in. And so he started to make room for him, thrusting in and out several times, Abby's muscles tensed and relaxed with every movement, her expression running from a feeling to another rapidly.

 

“You're so beautiful.” he whispered, because he couldn't help it. Abby Griffin was always beautiful, but right here, in the intimacy of this tent, under his body, naked and completely exposed to him, no walls and no boundaries dividing them, she was the most beautiful spectacle the nature had ever created. She smiled and arched her back.

 

She let out an _Ah_ of surprise when a second finger followed inside, and her muscles stretched without effort, adjusting to him. She bit at her lower lip.

 

“Kiss me.” she whispered suddenly, and he leaned forward, she leaned higher toward him and their lips crashed one against the other. She was rough and hard, her teeth biting with _want_ and her tongue licking with _desire._ Marcus groaned when her nails dived in the flesh of his back.

 

“I'm ready Marcus.” she whispered against his lips, and the way she was panting now, the way her inner muscles were flinching and squeezing his fingers, told him that she was indeed ready. He withdrew then, stroking her folds with her own juice, and then brought the hand on her belly, pressing slightly over her flat stomach. She looked up at him and nodded. He shifted closer to her and then the tip of his length teased her clit and she shivered, smiling.

 

“Desperately.” she said, her hand flew toward his member and she guided it toward her entrance. When she withdrew and he pushed inside, they both widened their eyes and for a moment froze. When he had filled her completely, and her inner walls had stretched enough to take him in completely, she arched her back and her head fell back on the sleeping back.

 

Her caramelized hair framed her as rays of sun, and when she swallowed Marcus could see her throat moving under her creamy skin. “Desperately.” she whispered again and he obliged her. Starting to thrust deeper, faster. Her lips parted and formed an _Oh_ and she exhaled and inhaled, her chest rose and fell heavily, her breasts bounced under his torso, their skin was burning.

 

“Yes.” she whispered, her hands searched for something to squeeze, and then was when she let them flew toward her own breasts and squeezed them with strength. Marcus groaned and pushed harder, the tip of his length bounched against the farthest corner he could reach. Her legs started to jerk over his shoulders.

 

“Desperately.” she whispered and then looked at him again, they locked their eyes together and she brought her hands toward his cheeks. “Desperately.” he whispered back at her, his body moving with rhythm inside of her. With every thrust she inhaled deeply, and her eyes grew darker. He looked down at where their body joined, and felt himself growing even more, if only that was possible.

 

“Look at me.” she whispered, and he did so. She leaned forward and kissed him, and he moaned in her mouth, thrusting harder. She gasped at that and a shy scream let her lips. “Yes.” she said, her teeth bit at his lower lip. And so he did it again, thrusting hard inside of her, their body jerked at the abrupt movement, but she smiled.

 

“Yes.” she said, and he kissed her. Their tongue kept dancing rapidly inside of their mouths, and he thrust again hard and deep inside of her. With every deep and hard thrust a new scream left her lips. But she was keeping it together, she was restraining herself.

 

“Let it all go Abby.” he whispered against her lips, kissing one of her cheeks. “Let it all flow away.” he said again, and Abby nodded, laying back on the sleeping bag. He stared at her and thrust harder, she widened her eyes and arched her back. Her legs pressed on his shoulders.

 

“Let it go.” he whispered again and she bit at her lower lip. He stood up then, without withdrawing. From this angle he could guide himself faster and harder inside of her, and he could guide her legs higher, so that she could feel more. She looked at him and he nodded. “I got you.” he said, and she smiled, for a moment he thought to see even _tears_ in the corner of her eyes.

 

“I know.” she whispered, and then her hands flew over his chest. “Desperately.” she said, and he simply thrust again. Harder, faster, with a rough passion, almost _wild._ At that she yelled, and this time her voice came out louder. The sound made him groan himself. And a burning wave started to grow inside of his belly.

 

“Harder.” she _ordered_ and he obliged her again. He thrust inside again, using all of his strength, and Abby shifted forward on the sleeping bag, crying out. He did it again, and again, and again.

 

With every powerful thrust, her tiny body jerked and shivered, but she had never stopped crying in pleasure, her lips stretched in a bright smile. He was sweating by now and his muscles were too tensed, he wasn't gonna resist any longer. When he thrust again, she widened her eyes and inhaled deeply.

 

“Come here.” she said, and she parted her legs, granting him access against her chest. He leaned over her and she enveloped her arms around his back. Her eyes told him she was closer as much as he was, he kissed her, enjoying the warmness of being inside of her.

 

“Faster.” she said, her hands stroking his cheeks. “Let's go together.” she said, and he kissed her over and over again, starting to thrust inside of her rapidly. Deep, rapid and hard thrusts. When the waves of his own climax started to grow up inside of his belly, spreading burning shivers through his system, Abby started to shiver under his body, her muscles stiffening around him, they locked their eyes together and when the waves were too powerful to keep them inside any longer, she parted her lips and winded her eyes, and he followed suit.

 

They reached the edge together, in perfect harmony. Their bodies grew hot together, tensing and holding each other tightly. Until the both of them relaxed again, and he softened inside of her. They kept silent for a while, panting heavily. Marcus was resting his cheek over her heart, her creamy breasts were has a comfortable pillow. Her heartbeat pulsing rapidly under his ear.

 

Suddenly he looked up at her, she was panting heavily while smiling. She seemed _happy._ He kissed the valley between her breasts, and then was when the smell reached his nose. He frowned and sniffed. She looked at him at that and giggled.

 

“You seem to have found the treasure.” she whispered, and he looked up at her. She was smiling fondly at him. He sniffed again, her skin was sending him delicate notes of _lavender_. She had indeed figured out the last ingredient then.

 

“Since when do you use lavender as perfume?” he asked, looking at her. She smirked at that.

 

“I don't.” she said, and at that he frowned, she bit at her lower lip, and blushed. “When I figured out the ingredient I went to this shop... they sell essential oils, I have a thing for fragrances.” she said, looking at the roof of the tent. Marcus leaned his chin on his hand, pressing it slightly against her chest. “I found this lavender oil, and I thought that it could be funny to spread it all over me to make you guess that I had figured it out in the end. But then...” she said, looking up and pursing her lips.

 

“Then?” he asked her, looking carefully at her, fascinated. She chuckled.

 

“Gosh it's stupid I know. But I had this _feeling_ that you liked to... _sniff_ me, and I didn’t know if it was true or if it was just in my head.” she said, shaking her head. Marcus froze for a moment, feeling suddenly embarrassed, he indeed liked to smell her scents.

 

“So I decided to pour just few drops of it on me, in a hidden place, I found it.. _exciting_ to think about you finding out even that one.” she said, clearing her throat. “Yeah... as I said it's stupid.” she said, and then looked at him. He kept silent.

 

She had poured that oil in a intimate place because she found it exciting.The thought made him feel suddenly hot all over. She _had indeed_ thought about him in _particular_ ways. Even before tonight.

 

“Marcus?” she whispered, suddenly worried. He withdrew slightly at that and looked her deeply in the eyes, then he smiled, leaning closer.

 

“You poured it here because you _wished_ I was gonna smell it...” he whispered, and at his words Abby shivered slightly.

 

“Maybe?” she said, smirking. At that he shook his head with a soft smile gracing his lips.

 

“You are gonna be the death of me.” he whispered, and then his lips flew against hers and he kissed her. She responded with the same passion, the kiss started soft and warm but grew hungry in seconds.

 

And under that clear night, with thousand of stars shimmering above them, they made love over and over again, until they both collapsed exhausted in each other's arms, and fell asleep with matching smiles on their lips.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it good? Gosh I hope so. About Marcus' secret and the message thing... just wait for the next chapter guys! You know.. angst is the key, so yeah angst will come around again, sorry not sorry!


	9. Just say it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Marcus wake up side by side, after their night of love making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK! Ok so here's the thing, I made few polls on Twitter, asking you "all" what should happen into this fic, not the entire story of course, but few important parts of it. You picked up few things, and from now on I will use them to make this story grow. So go here: https://twitter.com/ArtisanGK/status/887712450438680576 if you want to know what "will happen", and if you are not following me on Twitter yet, do it, so we can create more stories together! Also, I MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!

 

When the first rays of sun started to stroke the green fabric of the tent, Marcus was smiling while waking up, slowly and lazily, dragging himself out of the fog of his blessed sleep. His nose was brushing softly against the creamy skin of Abby's neck, her long caramelized hair were teasing his eyelids and his lips.

 

The faint touch of her Jasmine perfume was still trapped into her tanned bare skin, melted into the warm and teasing smell of _them._ His muscles stretched under his skin, his arms tightened instinctively around her tiny body and his dark eyes opened, welcoming in the colors and the lights of the morning.

 

Abby was still sleeping, her body was still and heavy. Her skin reacted at his first stroke, his index finger started to travel slowly on her long arm instinctively, leaving a path of goosebumps over her epidermis. His body felt attracted toward hers immediately, the more his hand touched, the more his lips prickled and his blood grew hot.

 

Abby started to mumble something, and he peeked at her, she still looked asleep. His index finger kept stroking and stroking, traveling up and down, from the tip of her shoulder to the bone of her wrist. Suddenly Abby shifted toward him, her lower back touched his groin slightly, the faintest of touches, but it was enough, his body shivered and his heartbeat quickened.

 

“Abby?” he whispered in the silence of the tent. She said nothing. His hand traveled higher, and he stoked her hair away, exposing a strap of bare skin of her slim neck. His lips stretched into a smile when her head leaned instinctively to the side, granting him better access. He leaned forward and printed a delicate kiss on her pulse point. Her body reacted with a shiver, and her hand fell between their bodies, traveling higher over his hip.

 

Through the heavy fabric of the sleeping bag he could feel her touch, but his skin prickled with the need to feel her for _real._ His lips kept kissing, his tongue darted out from time to time, wetting her sweaty soft skin. She tasted saltier then yesterday, her body still carried the tracks of their love making, and this made him growl in pleasure.

 

Abby reacted at the sound, and pushed deeper against his groin, her hips pushing him backwards on the tiny mattress, his hands traveled toward her stomach and his palm rested warm and steady over her flat muscles. She was tensing and relaxing slowly, her breath heavy and hot. The tent under the sun, with the curtains closed hermetically, carried a heavy air now, and it was hard to breath properly.

 

But neither seemed to care about it.

 

When his drumming fingertips moved toward her breasts, he stroked the sides, without reaching her peachy nipples that were growing stronger and harder under the influence of his touches and kisses.

 

“Kiss me...” she whispered suddenly, her voice calm and soft. Marcus smiled and started to reach for her, parting his lips, and suddenly Abby turned and _attacked_ his mouth, her body felt alive and pulsing in his hands. Her legs kicked the blankets away and she was flesh and skin against him in a second, frantic, excited, needy.

 

Marcus get lost into her hot kisses immediately, his body was awake in seconds when her tongue dived between his lips and she started to play with his teeth. She was in charge now, and he let her. Her tiny and light body felt powerful and strong, her skin was burning under his touch, he almost could _feel_ her blood rushing into her veins, pulsing under the grip of his fingers around her flesh.

 

She pinned him to the ground, her waist fell heavily on his and she kept him there, under her. Her hands flew to his cheeks and she started to stroke his growing beard. They weren't talking, but were exchanging just stares, kisses, touches and moans. Her hair fell all over him, he was basically _choking_ but he also couldn't care less, because she felt _too good._

 

And suddenly she was _rocking_ on his length. His hot blood rushed south, giving life to his member, she arched her back, and let fall her head behind her, her hair fell as a golden cascade, she was so tiny, and her hair so long that the tip of her locks prickled at his skin, making him groan.

 

His hands were steady on her hips, keeping her secured above him. From this angle, and with the morning light around her, Abby was beautiful, powerful, alluring and hot. As a growing burning star, shining above him, giving him pleasure with her simple existence. When she moved over the tip of his length, feeling him pulse and grow under her body, she gasped. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, her breasts were bouncing slightly, an hypnotizing dance of soft flesh and muscles.

 

Her flat stomach was stretching, while her arms were supporting her weight over his chest, her long fingers were stroking his muscles, playing with the few black hair over his skin. She was smiling, her eyes closed. Then was when he felt it, her entrance was right there, hot, wet, inviting. He growled and she opened her dark eyes, looking at him.

 

She stopped moving then, and a teasing smirk appeared on her pink lips. “Impatient, aren't we?” she whispered hoarsely, her morning smoky voice almost undid him completely, then she invited him in. Her inner muscles stretched and tensed around him, already adjusted to his shape, they both parted their lips at the same time, exhaling a whisper of pleasure that invaded the silence around them.

 

His hands tightened the grip around her hips, and she bit at her lower lip, looking at him. And everything was so erotic, and so perfect, and she was so beautiful, that he felt it coming already. The morning wave of pleasure was growing fast, hot, burning every inch of his skin, consuming him from the inside. Abby felt it, and she didn't complain, on the contrary, she followed suit.

 

She leaned forward and kissed him, a wet and hot messy kiss, that took his breath away. And then she started to circle on him, slowly at first, pushing him deeper against specific corners inside of her, gasping and moaning louder and louder. Suddenly the wave was building powerfully, and his belly prickled and shivered, chills started to travel from his groin to his toes, and she saw it in his eyes, felt it in the way his muscles tensed under her palms, and started to move faster and faster.

 

She was now rocking with frantic and rapid circles above him, drawing messy shapes with his length inside of her, and when her teeth trapped her lower lip and she opened her dark eyes toward him, he knew they were both there, to the edge of their pleasure. She pushed hard and deep forward, and guided him over her g-spot, making her shiver and tremble above him, he felt her squeeze him, and she felt so tight and so hot and good that he couldn't wait anymore.

 

His hands were still gripping at her hips, and she was so lost into his eyes, that when he turned them, abruptly and rapidly, pinning her under him, still trapped inside of her, she didn't seem to get what had happened, until the new angle made her gasp. He started to push harder and harder, guiding himself deeper inside of her, and when her smile grew wider, and her eyes darker, he kissed her. And their climax hugged between their frantic lips, their bodies tensing and melting one into the other.

 

“Marcus, Marcus, Marcus.” she started to repeat his name over and over again, her words then became a mumble that grew into a loud cry of pleasure when he whispered her name against her skin. They came at the same time, burning, sweating, smiling and gasping, lost in the bliss of their pleasure.

 

 

....

 

 

“Well...” she whispered, licking at her dry lips, panting, drops of sweet sweat rolling down her neck, her stomach. Marcus chuckled and looked at her, and she did the same. They both smiled at each other, regaining a normal breathing, their hearts pounding into their ribcage, the endorphins rushing into their blood, growing their eyelids heavier and melting their limbs.

 

“I could use a shower.” he said, his eyes traveling down her sweaty body, her skin shimmered under the soft light inside the tent, and she nodded, humming.

 

“Me too.” she whispered, looking at the ceiling of the green tent. “I could also use some fresh air.” she whispered. Marcus smiled and his hand traveled toward hers, she turned toward him when his touch reached her and smiled.

 

“You're ok?” she asked him suddenly, and he looked at her, she was observing him really carefully. He smiled, and his hand traveled to her cheek, stroking a strand of hair away from her cheekbones.

 

“I am _ridiculously_ good.” he whispered, and felt his heart squeeze and jump in his chest. She smiled, a faint and delicate smile, and she also blushed.

 

_This woman._

 

She bit at her lower lip, and rolled to her side, her breasts followed the force of gravity and fell softly toward the ground, her hands cupped under her cheek. “Happy to know that.” she said, smirking, he smiled and leaned forward. Then they both remained quiet, looking in each other's eyes. Eventually he felt growing inside of him the insistent need to say something, something he knew he had no right to say, and yet...

 

“Abby... I-" he started to whisper, and he couldn’t say if it was in the way he said it, or in the way he was looking at her, but she _felt_ that what he was about to say was _different_ from usual, and that wasn't a simple joke or a way to tease her. Her eyes grew wider, and she swallowed, and rapidly, really rapidly, she stood up, stopping him.

  
“I need some fresh air.” she mumbled, and took the first thing she found on the floor of the tent, his shirt, and sneaked inside of it. She opened the curtains and then slipped outside the tent, fast and without turning back.

 

Marcus was left inside alone, the curtains were slightly open and from the outside a ray of sun sneaked in, and a whisper of fresh air reached him, filling his thirsty lungs. His mind was circling with thoughts, heavy and loud, and he suddenly was suffocating, he needed fresh air himself.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

The landscape was still breathtaking, the morning sun stroked the peaks of the mountains with delicate reverence, and the nature around her seemed to invite her to enjoy the beauty of everything. From the chirping birds flying around her, to the rich color of the green grass at the mountains' foot, passing by the endless indigo of the sky above them.

 

Abby was sitting on a rock, close to the edge of the cliff, the air was delicate, sneaking between her locks, prickling at her cheeks. She smiled, because nature had the power to sooth her mind, to calm her nerves, to make her feel good. She had to take a moment for herself, she knew she had basically _ran_ away from him, right after morning sex, and she didn't even want to do so, but the way he had looked at her, the way her name had left his lips...

 

She shook her head and closed her eyes, pressing her legs tight against her chest. Her bare feet touching the naked rock, her lungs stretching to welcome in the fresh air, her heartbeat following the rhythm of the world around her to calm her mind.

 

 

“Do you want some coffee?” Marcus suddenly said from behind her, she snapped her head up and widened her eyes, her muscles tensing, her heart jumped in her throat. She was so good at losing herself into the silence of the nature, that his voice felt too loud and startled her. He saw it and pursed his lips, she swallowed and nodded.

 

“Yes, please.” she whispered, offering him a warm smile. When he smiled back, her heart squeezed again, and her throat closed, just as it had happened inside the tent when he had said her name.

 

 _Get it together Griffin._ She said to herself.

 

The reason why she was feeling like that was simple, she had the feeling that what had happened between them, hadn’t been _just_ _sex_. Sex was a thing she had missed, let's be honest, and the way Marcus could make her feel, as if her own body couldn't bare his touch too long without burning in pleasure, was something she enjoyed way too much. But still, sex was something she could _handle,_ it was something she could face and she could live without.

 

But the way she had felt that night, over and over again, under the touch of his hands, the reverence of his kisses over her skin, the sound of his whispers, the shivers in his moans... That was something that had nothing to do with _just sex._ It had also made her feel so _good,_ so _beautiful_ and so _comfortable_. It had felt as it was supposed to feel, exciting, a discover, alluring, teasing, new and amazing, exactly as sex with a new body was supposed to feel. But it had also felt as something really different, something that she had felt just once in her life.

 

Abby Griffin had lost her virginity with the man that she had loved for her entire life. Her husband had been her first and only experience, until now. She had fallen in love, and had wanted to _fell_ for him in every possible way, and it had been good, comfortable, loving. Making love was a thing she had learned with Jake only, she had never experienced the weight of another body over hers, the warmness of other hands on her shapes, touching, exploring, learning. She had learned how she liked it with just one man, and it had always been good like that, simply because she felt as if she had exactly everything she had always needed, everything she could want was there, in Jake Griffin, the man she had chosen as the love of her life.

 

Then he had died, leaving her empty and alone, cold and desperate. Her body had fallen asleep with time, her mind had been so busy with forcing her heart to keep working, to keep her alive, that sex had simply faded away from her thoughts, and her need had been so feeble that for almost the entirety of her chastity she had barely touched herself. Because she didn't care about it anymore.

 

Until she had met Marcus Kane. Then was when her body had started to wake up again, and places where she had been sleeping for months, had started to shiver and prickle with life again. Her skin had started to ask for foreign strokes, her lips had started to pulse with the need to kiss someone else, to taste something else except for food. Her whole body had started to demand for something more.

 

And she had so started to feel _alive_ again, a _woman_ again. Of course when she had started this trip into the nature with him, she hadn't planned to make it end like that, but it had happened, and _oh_ hadn't it been glorious?

 

The way he had made her _feel_ again, giving her pleasure over and over again, offering her a way to feel her body again after so much time. She had felt so confident under his touch, so comfortable, he had made her feel _safe_ and _desirable,_ oh _so_ desirable. The way Marcus Kane could make you feel a beautiful woman, was probably one of his best qualities under the blankets.

 

Or at least this had been her first thought.

 

Truth was that Marcus Kane wasn't just a good lover, with a solid body that had felt hot and big over hers, building pleasure inside of her over and over again. Marcus Kane was also good at make you feel a beautiful _spirit,_ the way his eyes had looked at her, the way he had said her name, over and over again, the way his hands had touched her, and had _protected_ her, holding her, worshiping her.

 

She had felt _too_ good under his hands, and into his embrace during the night, she had felt _too_ comfortable, _too_ safe. It had felt so right, as if they were _meant to be,_ as if their lives had always been connected somehow, since the first day. Abby was feeling _too much_ and this was scaring the hell out of her.

 

She looked at him, kneeling over the little fire that he had started, and her heart started to _sing_ into her chest. If even just a look toward him could make her feel _that_ good, she knew that what they had did had been a _mistake._

 

The reason was simple, she couldn't afford herself to love again.

 

_She couldn't do it again._

 

When he said, “It's ready.” she smiled and walked toward him, taking the cup of coffee he was offering. And she sipped at the warm dark liquid in silence, avoiding his eyes, but feeling them on her, as if they could physically stroke her skin.

 

_She was so screwed._

 

Because she knew, even if she didn't know how, that Marcus Kane was looking at her with what was unmistakable love. And she couldn't let him do that, she couldn't bear the weight of his stare on her, she couldn't simply let him _care_ for her the way he was, or even _love_ her the way he was. Because if he kept doing that, she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself from falling.

 

As if she could somehow fall harder and deeper than that, she was already so lost into him.

 

“Are you ok?” he asked her suddenly, a whisper above his own mug.

 

_Oh come on._

 

She had to cut the tension, to do something else than simply _be_ here with him, on this beautiful peak, with that breathtaking view around them, with his heavy and powerful stare on her. She had to distract herself from the memories of last night, and of that exact same morning, silencing her body and her mind, distracting her heart from wondering over this man.

 

“I'm good yes.” she said, printing a smile on her lips, collecting the courage she needed to look at him.

 

 _It had been just sex, just sex, just sex._ She said to herself over and over again.

 

Marcus observed her, as his usual, and for a moment she thought he was never going to talk again, then he smiled himself and nodded.

 

“Good. Do you want to take another trip with me after your coffee?” he asked her. Abby blinked, and mentally blessed him for the change of topic.

 

“Another trip? Where?” she asked, and Marcus at that smirked, and Abby tried very hard to ignore the shiver that ran throughout her body at the sight.

 

“We both need a shower right?” he said, and Abby raised a curious eyebrow by instinct, he pursed his lips and smiled. “You'll see.” he added, without saying another word.

 

In silence they emptied their cups, then dressed up and took their stuff, and after half an hour Abby was walking slowly behind him, following him into a foreign path between the rocks.

 

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

After a couple of hours, when Abby was starting to feel as if her skin was _literally_ melting around her bones, Marcus stopped and turned toward her. They had descended the mountain from the smaller side, and had started to walk inside of a forest, where at least sometimes you could breath hiding in the shadows that the trees offered. He smiled, “We're here.” he whispered, and then pushed himself further into a thick bush.

 

Abby sighed out and pushed herself in, following his steps. “Where the hell are we going Marcus? I mean we-” but her words died in her throat, when she spotted what Marcus was already admiring with big wide eyes.

 

A deep blue lake was shimmering in front of her.

 

 

 

 

Giant mountains were framing the natural mirror, inviting the water between them, guiding the waves into the horizon ahead of them. The sky was reflecting into the crystal clear water, while the forest grew wild and green on the shore. Abby smiled, because nature was offering her a piece of heaven now, and took few steps toward the waves that were slowly lapping at the rocks under her boots.

 

“Gosh Marcus, this is amazing.” she whispered, looking at him, and Marcus smiled.

 

“I knew you'd like it.” he said, approaching her. She peeked at him from her shoulder, and noticed the way he was keeping some distance between them. He had sensed that something was off in her, that after their last time that morning, she had shifted farther away from him. He respected her, and this notion made her swallow hard.

 

_He respects you._

 

“Do you want to take a bath?” he asked her, without adverting his gaze from the calm water in front of them. Abby raised her eyebrows and sighed out. How could she say no to the inviting shades of blue and green that were shimmering in front of her? How could she not dive into the deepness of that masterpiece that mother earth had created for them?

 

“Absolutely.” she said, and smirked at him, without waiting for a response, she took few steps back and simply took off her clothes.

 

 _They had made sex five times,_ it wasn't as if he hadn't already seen her. She also felt as if in doing so, acting confident and comfortable in her _nakedness_ , she could somehow throw away the tension that she was feeling growing heavy around them. When she was wearing just her tiny black tank top and her underwear, she smiled toward him. “Shall we?” she said, without looking back, and taking her first step into the water.

 

 _Ok, it was cold._ Really cold, she clenched her jaw and hissed through her teeth, and heard the chuckle that Marcus swallowed back. “Don't you even try.” she hissed, diving her feet deeper into the water.

 

 _Ok Abby, just go._ She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, then did the only thing her whole body didn't want to do, she pushed herself forward into the water, faster as she could, trying to ignore the shivers that started to run on her skin and into her bones, and then simply dived completely into the water.

 

The lake swallowed her up, the sky, the air, the sounds of the world around evaporated, and then there was just the pulse of her heart and the rush of her blood into her temples. The water still felt cold, and the more she swam between the blue, the more it got colder.

 

_You are in Alaska after all._

 

Abby kept her eyes closed, her cheeks full with oxygen. When her lungs started to burn, and her mind started to panic for the lack of air, she kicked the water around her and pushed her body toward the surface again. The flow guided her higher, and the pressure of the water over her body started to fade, until she reached the surface and emerged from the cold blue around her, her mouth opening wide, her lungs stretched, her eyes blinked away the cold drops from her eyelashes and she smiled.

 

“You have to try this.” Abby yelled, without looking at the shore, where Marcus was supposed to be.

 

“Amazing right?” he whispered suddenly behind her, and she gasped, turning toward him, wiping away few drops from her eyes, he had probably dived in and reached her while she had been under the surface. She splashed some cold water toward him.

 

“You scared me!” she yelled, smiling, at that Marcus chuckled, closing his eyelids to shield his eyes from the cold water. Then Abby relaxed again and hummed, leaning over the surface, pushing her body higher from the deepness under her. She was now floating over the calm surface, smiling, her eyes lost into the clouds above their heads.

  

Marcus kept silent, eventually few waves reached her, and the sound of his body moving into the water made her turn, and she spotted him in her same position, floating over the surface as well, looking up himself. “I love this place.” he whispered to the cotton candy clouds. Abby smiled and focused her attention to the indigo sky.

 

“I can see why.” she said, and heard him move his face into the water, turning toward her.

 

“I wanted to show you this place since a while.” he said, and at that Abby turned to him and smiled.

 

“You like to share things you love with people, don't you?” she said, pushing her body under the surface again, swimming slowly around him, looking up, using her arms as rowing, to guide her under the blue mirror that was shimmering around her.

 

“Yes I do.” he whispered, and smiled, a sad smile though. Abby frowned at that, but kept quiet about it. “But only with _certain_ people.” he added then, diving himself into the water, disappearing under the blue. Abby blinked and stopped swimming.

 

“Marcus?” she called for him, looking at the water, it was so clear that she could see the rocks below the surface almost perfectly, but there was no Marcus. “Marcus? Are you gonna scare me again? I swear I am gonna punch you in the face if you will.” she yelled, raising a curious eyebrow. Then was when she caught a movement in the water, few bubbles and some soft waves were scraping the still mirror of water in front of her.

 

“Marcus?” she called again, and started to swim after him, trying to be fast. She had always been fast when was about running or swimming, because she had been always tiny and slim, and this helped. But she hadn't swim in years and so her lungs started to burn almost immediately, her muscles felt heavier and heavier under the water. “Marcus? Could you wait for me?” she called after him. Then was when his head popped out of the surface, he had been fast, in fact he was already reaching the other side of the lake. “Marcus?” she called again, but he didn't turn. She huffed and dived inside, under the surface she had always been faster.

 

Her whole body shivered for a moment, some cold flows enveloped her, she ignored them, and then fought against the need to keep her eyes closed, and opened them, to see where she was going. They burned, and a lot, after few seconds they adjusted to the water around her and she started to kick her feet into the deep blue, her body started to move as a mermaid, moving into a long and slow S into the water.

 

When her lungs couldn't wait anymore for new oxygen, she pushed herself higher and emerged again from the water, inhaling a deep and long breath of air, her body thanked her, and her heart slowed the pace. She blinked several times to adjust her now wet eyes to the surroundings. She couldn’t see perfectly at first, her vision blurred, but then she spotted him.

 

He was sitting into a wooden boat that was floating on the surface, she wasn't that far away anymore, and so she dived just her body under the surface and started to move under the water, her head the only thing visible now. Her arms moved in circles in front of her, while her legs followed, the frog style had always been one of her favorite, it was calm and silent, perfect to enjoy the water without being too loud or visible. It was as if you stroked the water, while the water stroked you. She dived eventually, going under the surface, disappearing again into the blue, when Marcus looked up at her.

 

 

 

….

 

 

She disappeared into the water as soon as he spotted her. He frowned, searching for her under the surface, then she started to appear again, he could see the bubbles of air growing under the still cold blue, exploding when they emerged, but she didn't stop, on the contrary, she kept swimming under the boat and appeared behind him, her wet fingers gripped at the wood.

 

She pushed herself higher, and looked at him. Her long hair were darker, carrying the weight of the sweet water, her eyes were red, she probably had kept them open under the surface, her tiny top was plastered to her body, and her nipples were hard because of the cold of the water and the wind around them. She settled inside the boat herself, and kept watching him in silence.

 

He wanted to tell her so many things. He had felt it when she had left the tent that something had changed, she had slipped away from him, abruptly and without warning, as if something had clicked inside of her head, as if realizing what they had been doing all night had scared her. He had felt that she needed some time, whatever had happened wasn't something she wanted to share with him, and this was ok, he wanted Abby to feel comfortable around him.

 

But how hard was for him now to simply stay _away_ from her, to keep even those few inches of distance between their bodies, after you taste heaven, how can you simply walk away from it? Even just taking a step back seems too hard.

 

Abby kept silent, and brought her legs against her chest, resting her chin on her knees, her long slim arms enveloped her body and she started to stare at the surface of the water under the boat. He kept silent as well, observing the journey of a drop of water over her cheek, stroking her skin, disappearing onto her neck. Then another one started to fall over her nose, diving into her soft lips.

 

“You're staring.” she whispered suddenly, without looking at him. Marcus sighed out, and cleared his throat, focusing on the lake.

 

“Sorry.” he said, and how weird all of that felt. They had spent the most amazing night of his life together, giving pleasure to each other over and over again, he had tasted her skin, her lips, his body had memorized the shapes of hers, where she liked to be kissed, or to be stroked, or even where she liked to feel his teeth diving into her soft flesh. And now they were barely talking. He closed his eyes and sighed out again.

 

“What's the matter?” she asked him, tilting her head, looking at him. Marcus pursed his lips at that, and chuckled bitterly.

 

“I don't know, you tell me.” he said, looking at her. At that he met just her dark eyes, she was expressionless, he almost felt _judged_ somehow, but Abby was just _observing_ him. Then was when she relaxed her legs again and leaned on her back. Laying completely on the wooden boat.

 

“We have to talk about this, don't we?” she whispered, looking at the sky. Marcus sighed and turned, so that his back was leaning against the wood of the boat, and he could face her.

 

“I guess so.” he said, and at that Abby nodded.

 

“Ok then. Let's talk.” she said, lifting herself on her elbows. Marcus could sense into her tone some kind of _hostility_ , but he knew Abby too well already, and knew that she was just _hiding_ something else _._

 

_Ok then._

 

“What happened to you?” he asked, without wasting time. At that Abby bit at her lower lip, shrugging.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, raising her chin defensively. Marcus kept a straight face, it was awkward and felt terribly wrong, but whatever was going on they were going to solve it, one way or another.

 

“You jumped on me and then disappeared outside as if I could somehow burn you.” he shrugged, shaking his head and smirking bitterly, looking at the wild trees around them. “I mean, that made me feel a complete idiot.” he said, looking at her again. Abby was squeezing her eyes to look at him against the blinding sun that was stroking her face.

 

“You are right. It was rude of me.” she said, lifting her body from the boat, crossing her legs. “I just needed some air, that tent was suffocating me.” she said, nodding, as if she needed to confirm her words to even herself. Marcus tilted his head and nodded.

 

“I see.” he said, and lowered his eyes toward his lap. At that Abby scoffed.

 

“You don't believe me.” she said, pursing her lips. Marcus looked at her, she sensed his eyes on her and turned as well.

 

“No, I don't.” he whispered. She swallowed at that, and her fingers started to torture each other, he sensed her _fear,_ she was afraid of something, something that she wasn't going to share with him. So he simply smiled. “You will tell me what it is, when you will be ready.” he whispered, and then stood up. The boat trembled dangerously under his feet. Abby supported herself to not fall into the water.

 

“Let's go back, we have a long walk ahead of us.” he said, and without waiting for a response, he dived into the water, and started to kick the still water to get to the shore. Abby kept silent, but after few seconds he heard her dive herself into the lake as well, and peeked at her to be sure she was following him. When he was sure she was ok, swimming slowly behind him, he quickened his pace and dived under the surface.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When they started to walk again, still wet and feeling uncomfortable into their clothes, the tension that had grew that morning, followed them. Abby kept silent, her head bowed, her wet hair collected into a messy ponytail. Her steps on the ground were the only audible sound she was making, apart from some random cough or sigh.

 

 

Marcus kept his jaw so clenched that it started to hurt him, but his mind was loud, and his heart was heavy, he was angry, with himself mostly, but somehow even with Abby. She had been so _good_ to him, she had opened herself so freely last night, and yet now... she was cold and distant, all of a sudden it was as if they weren't even them anymore.

 

They weren't Abby and Marcus anymore, they were just a woman and a man that had spent a wonderful night together, making love till their body could resist, and then had simply stopped talking, as if they had never met.

 

This wasn't part of them, they weren't like that.

 

That was a lie though, and he knew it. They had always reacted with silence when tension had started to grow between them. Now it was clear that the tension they had started to build involuntarily between them, had been sexual.

 

_It had been just sex._

 

Because this was what in the end they had made, right? Sex, they had scratched a hitch, they had satisfied their bodies. Two good looking people, one a lot more than the other in his modest opinion, had simply shared a night of sex.

 

If only it could be _that_ simple.

 

Marcus had to restrain himself several times from stopping in his tracks, take her by the shoulders and yell, “ _I love you, please talk to me, tell me what I did wrong.”_ but he couldn't, he couldn't because he didn't deserve to _love_ her.

 

The fact that she had offered him her body, her presence beside him for one night, had been enough, he had to be satisfied with that. He had been blessed as a man, his body had the opportunity to _connect_ with hers, even if just for one night, he had been able to share an intimate moment, something that she was never going to forget. They were going to share this moment forever, he had to accept that this was all he was going to have.

 

Even because he didn't deserve more, especially since he had kept quiet about the text message.

 

It was stupid _ok_ but it was also a lie, he had done it because he was selfish, and had to admit that he was an asshole, he had to admit it to her.

 

_But he was a coward._

 

They kept walking down from the mountain, their feet aching, their skin sweating, their lungs heavy. The tension and the silence kept hovering upon them heavily. He peeked at her when they walked past the “ _No cell-phone signal”_ signboard, but the courage to talk to her wasn't anywhere to be found.

 

He tried again when they walked past the wall they had climbed on to reach the cave, but she was looking at the landscape, ignoring him, and he pursed his lips, adverting his gaze.

 

_Coward, coward, coward._

 

When the car appeared in front of them, and the afternoon was growing into evening, he inhaled deeply, squeezed his eyes and turned toward her, parting his lips, ready to simply spit it out. But Abby was focusing on her phone, smiling, then was when she brought it to her ear and answered with joy. “Hey honey, yes we are coming back home.” she said, without stopping or waiting for him, keep walking toward the car.

 

She wanted to go back to her daughter.

 

Marcus sighed out and mentally slapped himself.

 

_Coward, coward, coward._

 

When he climbed in, Abby was still talking at the phone, laughing and describing Sunrise Peak to Clarke. He could here the faint echo of her daughter's voice from the other line, he smiled, because he couldn't help it, and Abby noticed it, she smiled back.

 

Because as always her daughter made her feel good, it didn't matter what had happened. If her daughter was happy and was fine, and Abby could talk to her, she was happy as well. Marcus started to drive slowly toward Arkadia, and eventually Abby sent a kiss to her daughter and ended the call. Leaning her head against the window, looking at the trees outside.

 

Marcus kept silent, without even peeking at her. The silence suddenly felt too heavy, and probably even Clarke's good influence over Abby had started to fade, and so she leaned forward toward the radio, and turned it on.

 

Suddenly the silence was invaded by some music. Marcus tried to relax, and peeked at her, Abby was focusing on the radio though, and didn't look at him. When suddenly she stopped changing station and her eyes grew wider, and a smile blossomed on her lips.

 

 

_I will take your side_

 

_You make me feel like I've been waiting my whole life_

  
_And I could die_

_  
To find that simple kind of love_

_  
You can't deny_

_  
Just say it_

 

 

Abby smiled and leaned back on her seat, her eyes lost into a memory. Marcus never heard the song before, but it seemed as if for Abby it had some kind of meaning. She started to move her legs and head in rhythm with the melody, searching for _something_ into the landscape outside.

 

 

 

_Say it like you mean it_

_  
Say it like you mean it_

_  
Baby won't you stay awhile?_

_  
Say it like you mean it_

_  
Say it like you mean it_

_  
I'm begging you, baby won't you stay awhile?_

 

 

 

The song kept singing around them, his mind memorizing the melody by instinct, every note, and every word. Abby started also to mouth the lyrics, without looking at him. Suddenly he stopped at a red light, and she kept moving her head in rhythm while turning toward him. When she spotted him staring at her she froze, pursed her lips and _blushed._

 

“You caught me.” she whispered, bowing her head, giggling with herself. Marcus was _fascinated_ by the way she was able to change her mood like that.

 

_Women._

 

“You like this song, don't you?” he asked her, smiling kindly, peeking at the red light from time to time. Abby smiled and nodded, focusing her attention to the cars stopped in front of them.

 

“Yes. It's one of Clarke's favorite.” she said, _that_ smile again, every time that Abby Griffin talked of Clarke, a special smile meant just for her blossomed on her lips. She had one for everybody she knew and cared for.

 

Clarke would cause a warm, big, bright and loving smile, stretching her lips to the limit, vibrating with love and proud for her daughter, lighting up her brown eyes.

 

Jackson would made her turn the corner of her lips softly to the side, making her tilt her head, and a sigh would escape her lips. It was a nostalgic and caring kind of smile, filled with proud and love, and memories that she had shared with him in the past. Sometimes her eyes would also turn glassy if the topic was his past, or the way he had taken care of her.

 

Raven had won a smile too, a special one. It was a smirk, teasing but soft, it was slightly reproachful and also with the touch of _embarrassment,_ the girl always knew how to make Abby blush. It would end with a soft giggle or a chuckle, and if the memory was pleasant, or if the topic was funny, she would also bit at her lower lip, shaking her head, sighing with what sounded as affection.

 

The Blakes were close to Abby too, they had a smile meant just for them, delicate, warm and soft. But each one of them had their personal one. When Abby talked about Bellamy her eyes would grew wide, and her smile would invade her cheeks, coloring them. She would purse her lips at some point, hiding a smirk. When she talked about Octavia, her smile was soft, and her eyes would turn protective, shimmering with respect and admiration.

 

Then of course there was Jake. The smile Abby had for Jake wasn't exactly just one. She had many shades of the same smile. There was the quick curve of the lips, eyes low, tongue darting out eventually, that was the smile that said “Is sad, I don't wanna talk about him now”. Then there was the soft one she shared with Clarke or her friends, talking about him when her heart was in the right place to do so, it was warm and full of memories. Her eyes would turn bright and sometimes a shadow would appear, but with a nod or a shake of the head she would make it disappear, regaining that warm shimmering light. Then there was the one she never showed to others, the one he had spotted just sometimes on her lips, when she didn't know he was watching. It appeared when she looked up at the sky, stroking her necklace, her fingers circling over the silver ring. She would have smiled sweetly with herself, closing her eyes, bathing under the rays of sun, the wind in her hair. That smile was made of and meant for Jake only.

 

And for him? There was a special way she smiled when she was talking about him? Or thinking of him? He didn't know. But probably she didn't. He thought.

 

“It's green.” she said suddenly, dragging him out of his thoughts. Marcus blinked and shook his head, starting to drive again. Abby frowned slightly, but then smiled and leaned again over the seat, sighing out with herself. Her smile faded eventually and her expression grew sadder, heavier. She was lost in thoughts again, her mood had changed, she also peeked at him from time to time, and every time she shivered and swallowed, tightening her grip around herself.

 

 _Here we are again._ He thought.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

When the road that leaded to her house appeared, Marcus felt his heart growing heavier. He wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, he had to talk to her, they had to talk. Abby smiled when her house started to appear behind the trees, and then frowned.

 

“Thelonious?” she whispered, peeking at Marcus slightly. His blood ran cold, he focused into the direction where she was looking, and spotted him. The tall man was on Abby's porch, sipping at a glass of tea, talking with Clarke and Raven. Abby's frown grew deeper and deeper. When the trio spotted the car, Jaha stood up, followed rapidly by Clarke.

 

Raven pursed her lips and stood up herself, crossing her arms, flashing a burning gaze toward Marcus.

 

_Oh shit._

 

Abby licked at her lower lip. “What is he doing here?” she whispered, Marcus stopped the car, but didn't turn off the engine. Abby peeked at him. “Marcus?” she whispered. His hands were gripping with strength the wheel, his heart was pounding heavily in his chest.

 

_Say it._

 

“Marcus?” she whispered again. Her hand landed on his arm, shaking him. Marcus inhaled deeply, but didn't say a thing. When the _other_ man shoved his hands in his pocket and frowned, looking at them, taking few steps down the porch, over the grass in front of the house, followed by the girls, Marcus inhaled deeply and turned toward her.

 

“Abby, I'm sorry.” he said, and at that Abby frowned even deeper, tilting her head. Right when she was parting her lips, to probably ask him what he was talking about, he talked again, “I am an asshole, and you will probably hate me for that, but I _betrayed_ you.” he said, turning slightly toward her, his hands reached for hers instinctively. Abby looked down at their now joined hands but kept silent, and focused again on him. “I did something awful, really I am feeling as a stupid teenager, but I can't keep it for myself anymore.” he said, peeking slightly at the man. He was standing now in front of Abby’s porch, waiting. “Thelonious sent you a message the other day. Asking you to go out with him again, you were in the shower, I don't know what I was thinking...” he said, shaking his head. Abby was raising her chin.

 

She was getting where he was going, but wanted him to say it all.

 

“I-I deleted the message.” he pursed his lips. “And as the asshole I am...” he looked at her. She was clenching her jaw, her lips tight, a sharp line. “I asked you to come with me into this trip. I wanted to have you just for me. Because I was and am a jealous asshole.” he ended. His heart was beating fast, his head was loud.

 

But Abby was silent. She said nothing for a long moment, motionless. Then she snatched her hands away from his, he let her. She opened her car door and climbed outside, slamming it close at her back, without looking at him. Marcus blinked, silent. Abby walked toward Thelonious and her daughter. She smiled, opening her arms to welcome Clarke into an embrace. Thelonious and Raven smiled at the familiar gesture.

 

Raven was sending burning glares toward him from time to time. When Abby approached her, she hugged her with a smile, and glared at him when the woman couldn't see her. Clarke peeked at him with worried eyes, Thelonious on his side, had simply observed, studying him carefully. Then was when Abby shocked Marcus, her daughter, Raven and probably even Thelonious himself, hugging the latter with strength.

 

Thelonious froze at first, Raven raised an eyebrow, Clarke frowned, and Marcus kept motionless on his seat, his blood cold as ice, stuck into his veins, his heart heavy and painful. Abby withdrew and printed two quick kisses on the man's cheeks. They shared few words that Marcus couldn't hear from where he was. Then Abby pointed her thumb toward the car where he was, the trio nodded, then Thelonious withdrew slightly and Abby turned toward Marcus again. Her smile faded and she raised her chin.

 

Marcus swallowed, observing the way Clarke and Raven guided the man inside the house. Then was when Marcus inhaled deeply and climbed off the car. “Abby, please you have to forgive me!” he started to say. Abby ignored him. Walking rapidly toward the trunk of the jeep, opening it, and taking her backpack out of it, without looking at him.

 

“Abby?” he said, hiding himself behind the car himself, facing her. Abby sighed out, and shook her head.

 

“I don't care Marcus.” she said, looking at him, turning so that she was facing him herself, raising her chin in defiance. “I don't care why you did what you did. I don't care.” she said, shrugging. Marcus frowned.

 

“You don't care?” he whispered, Abby pursed her lips and shook her head.

 

“No I don't. And you know why?” she said, approaching him even more, forcing him to take a step back to not collide with her. “Because it's stupid, and it's childish, and it's selfish, and I don't want to get mad over something like that.” she said, her eyes were heavy on him, burning with something that didn't look like anger, but he couldn't define what it was. “I am not mad, so relax, it's ok. We are good.” she said, faking a smile. Then she pressed her index finger against his chest.

 

“You betrayed my trust. That's true, but it's done already, and at least you told me. Yes you did it because Thelonious was here, and because you were afraid I was going to find out. But you still had the courage to look me in the eyes, and spit it out.” she said, she was still walking, pushing him backwards into the garden. Toward the tall trees in front of her house.

 

“You know why he was here?” she asked, knowing of course that he couldn't know. She tilted her head though. Waiting for him to say something. Marcus could only shake his head. Abby pursed her lips, “Because he was _worried_ for me. He was worried that something had happened. He had sent that message, when I didn't answer he thought I didn't want to talk to him. He sent another one you know?” she said, smirking slightly.

 

Marcus swallowed, his steps kept guiding him backwards, until suddenly his back hit a tree behind him, he stopped, so did Abby. “He sent me another one when we were reaching the peak. I didn't answer, because I was _with you_ and I wanted those days to be _ours.”_ She said, this made him clench his jaw. “He sent few others when we were up there, _fucking_ into that tent, but there cell-phones can't send or receive.” she said, her tone was growing heavy and bitter.

 

“When I kept ignoring him, he simply came, to pay a visit, to be sure I was ok, to know if I was simply ignoring him.” she said, tilting her head. They were hiding behind a tall tree now, her house was a whisper of colors between the branches, nobody but them could see each other. “He was worried.” she whispered again, her voice softened, sounding huskier, rough. “He came here to check on me.” she was leaning dangerously toward him now, her eyes were glued to his lips.

  

His head was spinning fast. His thoughts were confused, and he was feeling hot all over, his breath heavy in his lungs, Abby too seemed _affected_ by their proximity.

 

“You are such a jealous asshole.” she hissed, looking up at him one last time, before crashing her lips against his, her hands flew rapidly between his hair, and she swallowed up his growl. Their tongues started to fight between their lips, the kiss was messy, heavy, rough, hard. Marcus' hands flew to her waist and he squeezed her soft flesh as he knew she liked, taking charge of her, changing their position. Pushing her against the tree behind him. She gasped in his mouth when her back hit the wood, but he shushed her with another bruising kiss.

 

“Such an asshole.” she hissed again, biting at his lips, he groaned, her name flew out of his lips and she moaned. The keys of her house were hanging from her fingers, hitting his temple. Her backpack forgotten over the grass under their feet. They kept making out as _horny teenagers_ for a while, until Clarke's voice reached them.

 

“Mum?” she yelled, and suddenly Abby pushed him backward, startling him. She was panting heavily, her forehead glued against his, she wasn't looking at him, but at their feet.

 

“I have to go.” she whispered, and trapped his lips one last time between hers, leaving his blood burning in his veins. Marking his lower lip with a bite, then she withdrew, without looking at him, she took the backpack and ran away from him, toward her porch.

 

Leaving him breathless, growing _hard_ , his mind spinning. His heart had exploded in his chest.

 

When the wooden door closed, she was gone, and when he walked back to his car, nobody was on the porch anymore. He climbed in, confused, disoriented and with a lot of questions in his head. Then was when the door opened again, but he was too focused on his thoughts and didn't see it.

 

When the knocks echoed on the thick glass of the car window, he jerked on his seat and blinked. Raven was glaring at him. He lowered the window, and parted his lips, ready to say something, but Raven shoved a hand inside the car and took him by the collar of his shirt, her lips pursed, her cheeks flushed.

 

“I don't know what you did Marcus Kane, but I swear I am gonna kill you.” she simply hissed, glaring at him, then withdrew and walked fast toward the porch, throwing him a last burning glare, before disappearing inside the house.

 

And Marcus was left alone again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see where this goes. I know you are probaby like "Wuo what the hell? They were making love and then they are cold and tensed and then what?" but hey it's all for "plot reasons" keep reading this story and you'll see.


	10. In desperate need of a miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks had passed since their trip at Sunrise Peak. Two weeks in which they had avoided each other. Until Abby decides she wants to do something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, let me just say ANGST is good.

 

After their trip at Sunrise Peak, both Abby and Marcus spent endless sleepless nights thinking about each other. They never called or paid a visit though. The fact was that them both were still confused about what had happened.

 

Abby had avoided the topic with Clarke and Raven, hiding behind smiles and nods, saying over and over again things like, “It was a great place.” or “Yes, you should go.” or even, “We had fun.” but she never mentioned the fact that they had found Raven's alcohol and that they had used it to open up to each other, and that finally had made the thing that them both had _desperately_ wanted to do since months.

 

Clarke had listened and listened, smiling and nodding, ending every conversation almost immediately. She knew her mother well, she knew something else had happened, but respected her silence, and wanted to wait until she was ready to open up completely. Abby sensed it, they knew each other since ever after all, and appreciated it. Even if it was hard to ignore her heavy stares, her worried eyes or the warmness of her strokes, as if she was trying to say, “It's ok, you can tell me mum.” but Abby didn't want to.

 

It wasn't in respect of Jake, not completely at least. Yes of course Clarke could feel _weird_ at the thought of her mother with someone else that wasn't her father, but she wasn't a kid and surely could get that life has to move on. It was because honestly, Abby herself, wasn't sure what to say to her.

 

What had she done with Marcus? _Sex?_ Yes, but just that? _No._ This was what had restrained her from opening up, too many questions and doubts circled in her mind, was she ready to explain to her daughter what she felt for him? _No,_ because she wasn't ready to explain it to herself either.

 

Raven hadn't pushed either, and Abby suspected it was because she was about to do it with Marcus. They knew each other very well, and they also had _that_ kind of friendship. She knew Raven was about to ask thousands of questions, trying to take out from him the truth, she was the one that had left the bottle of scotch after all, she was the one that had _pushed_ them both, whispering that “ _Go for it.”_ in her ear before she left.

 

This made Abby sense also that Raven was feeling _guilty_ somehow. She could see it in the way she looked at her, sighing, stroking her back, leaning her head over her shoulder, never leaving her side. Abby didn't know if Clarke knew about the alcohol, she didn't know if her daughter had ever talked about her and Marcus with the others. She could guess that the other kids had done that, dozens of times, but her daughter had always been more _private,_ and she suspected she had avoided those kind of arguments.

 

So she had just shared sad smiles with Raven, knowing stares, as to say, “It's not your fault.” even because it was absolutely true. Also, it wasn't as if Marcus had done something bad or wrong, ok he had deleted Thelonious' message, but nothing more. Not to mention that the thought of Marcus taking her phone, reading that message and deleting it, honestly, made her feel hot and cold all over and always caused a shiver down her spine.

 

_He is jealous. He wants you for himself only._

 

This side of him, the possessive one, even if she didn't know yet how strong could it grow, made her feel _desired._ It was as if she could sense his warm big hands on her skin every time that she thought about it, his hot breath on her neck, his whispers saying over and over again, “ _You are mine_.” and this would also force her to take long cold showers, to clear her mind and to sooth her aching body.

 

She was _aching_ for him, she wanted to _have_ him again, and this couldn't happen, she couldn't do that, not again.

 

So she had kept the distance, no phone calls, no texts messages, no walking by him in Arkadia. And to her _surprise_ he had done the same. She had thought that after their last kiss, when she had basically jumped on him and had ran away _again,_ he was going to at least ask for an explanation.

 

But Marcus didn't. The reason why was that he had been too busy with asking himself how to survive another day without her, without falling asleep with her in his arms every night and waking up at her side every morning. Just as Abby had spent night after night thinking of his hands over her skin, trying to desperately erase the memory of him from her mind, he had spent night after night thinking of the taste of her lips, the warmness of her skin under his touch, the sound of her moans in the silence of the Alaskan nature.

 

He had kept hiding in his house on the lake, where Abby had never walked in. _Yes_ she had never paid a visit to his lake house, but the reason was simple, he had always been the one to go to her, and since he lived half an hour from the center of the town, it had always been more logical to never come here. Many times she had _begged_ him to show to her his house on the lake, where the sunset was amazing, according to Octavia. During the months the request had simply faded into silence, and she had been happy with just being able to spend time with him, wherever they were it didn't matter.

 

So now Marcus kept hiding in his house, where the _memory_ of her couldn't reach him, not physically at least. It was hard to walk outside with the fear of meeting her at every corner. She lived and worked there, and Arkadia wasn't that big, there were dozens of places where he could meet her, and he couldn't do that now.

 

The fact was that Abby had _destroyed_ him, completely, leaving him powerless, without an answer to the questions that filled his mind.

 

_She wanted more? Had it been just sex for her? Was it just attraction? She wanted to do it again?_

 

Without the beautiful landscape, the alcohol in the veins, the tent under the stars, maybe she didn't want to do anything with him. Maybe she had offered herself to him there, because _that_ place was far away from her home, her _safe place,_ and she had simply scratched an itch, she had satisfied her need as the woman she was. They were only humans after all, right?

 

But how to stay away from something that felt _so good_? He didn't know. It never happened to him before. He had never met another woman as her. A woman that was able to turn his body into fire with just a smirk or a stare, beautiful women where everywhere in the world, and he had met many... but she had been able to capture his mind, to intrigue him to his very core, taking his heart in her hands, pumping it to life and giving him a _reason_ to be alive, to wake up in the morning, to smile.

 

He had fallen in love, this was already clear, he loved her, badly, desperately, every inch of his body reacted to her voice, her scent, her existence in the world was enough to make him pump to life. Because Abby Griffin was a force of nature, she was everything he had never thought he wanted into a woman, into another human being, and yet... here she was, and here he was loving every part of her, every shade, every single perfect imperfection.

 

This, and many others, were the reasons why he had kept hiding, avoiding work, avoiding the town, avoiding his friends, and of course avoiding her. But Abby too had never once tried to reach him, he was glad, _oh so glad_ , that she had kept the distance between them. Because if she had tried to come closer, if she had taken even just a small step toward him, he knew he was going to fall on his knees, begging her to never leave him again.

 

 _So childish,_ and so stupid. Abby wasn't in _love_ with him, she had been turned on by him, _yes_ , she was attracted by him, _probably_ , she had liked their night of love making, _he liked to think that._ But nothing else was there, he knew it was impossible to get more. Abby Griffin was a loyal woman, and she had already loved a man in her life, and her love had flew away with him, getting lost into the unknown of the _other side_.

 

Marcus wasn't meant to be loved by her, and so he knew he had to love her from afar.

 

What he didn't know of course, was that Abby Griffin was struggling with the need to see him again too, tossing on her bed night after night, asking herself how was it possible that she had fell that hard and that fast for him, asking herself how she was going to keep living day after day without him at her side.

 

The worst part was that, unlike Marcus, she _knew_ and could _see_ that he wanted more too, that he already loved her, _desperately_.

 

This was _killing_ her.

 

Because Abby Griffin had always been sure that her _chance_ to love and be loved had gone with Jake. She had been _so sure_ that nothing more was waiting for her, she had adjusted to that idea, she had get used to it, and now what was happening was _startling_ her, scaring the hell out of her, leaving her with lots of questions and dozens of fears.

 

She wasn't ready to love again, how could she do that? She didn't feel as if she was betraying Jake, no. The love she had felt for him was still intact and pure, and that was _unrepeatable_ , her heart had loved him in a way that was very different from the way she was feeling toward Marcus.

 

She knew that it was possible to love again. She knew that it was just _human_ to love again, because humans can't walk into the world alone, humans need other humans to live. But she had always thought she had already done her journey into the world, she had loved and had been loved, she had brought to life another human being, and when the love of her life had died, she simply thought her time to love had ended. She had experienced enough joy to be able to live with the memory of it and nothing more.

 

_Right?_

 

 _No_. Apparently what Abby had always thought was her _destiny,_ had been wrong. She had been always wrong. Because humans can still love, it doesn't matter how much joy you can feel, it doesn't matter how hard and powerful you can love, you can't keep going on with just the _memory_ of it. Or you suffer enough to die, or you will need to feel it again to keep surviving, and if you are alive, your body and your spirit sooner or later will ask you for more.

 

More joy, more love, more happiness. The fact was that she had always thought that no other man was coming her way, giving her the chance to feel like that again, and then of course Marcus Kane had stepped on her path. And all of those feelings had started to grow again into her. And once you feel the taste of something beautiful, something _that_ good, you need to take it all, to keep it close.

 

That was why she had to avoid him, that was why she had to do something else than thinking of him, and how good he was able to make her feel.

 

 _You are just confused. You think you know what you want, but that's not true._ She kept thinking, trying to convince herself that she didn’t want something more, that whatever was going on in her wasn't related to _love._

 

So, to give herself the proof of that, Abby did the only thing that she _surely_ shouldn't have done, she called Thelonious, and asked him to take her out for dinner.

 

_If you will feel good with him, if you will be able to not think of Marcus, you will get that this isn't love._

 

She told herself, and with that thought she made the call, she asked him out, he said yes, and then she waited till the weekend, till that Saturday night, till that moment, when every answer her brain wasn't ready yet to process, were about to come to her, crashing on her as a wave crashes on a cliff in the ocean.

 

She waited for that Saturday night, her mind echoing with memories of Marcus over and over again, not even once she thought about Thelonious.

 

She waited, saying to herself that she was doing something good, something just to prove herself that she wasn’t in love with him.

 

She waited, ignoring completely her inner voice, that shouted to her to _not_ do it, because the man she wanted to see wasn't Thelonious, and she surely was just wasting time.

 

She waited, buying also a new dress, a fancy and sexy one, she wanted to look confident, to look beautiful, she wanted to attract Thelonious' attention on her. She wanted to see if the warm feeling Marcus was able to make her feel, when she was wearing just a heavy sweater and a pair of jeans, she was able to feel it when she was wearing something _meant_ to get attention, and when the eyes on her weren't his.

 

She waited, and bought another perfume, a new one, one that wasn't related to Marcus, one that he had never smelled on her, and she tried hard to tell herself it was just because she wanted to use something different, and not because that scent was _theirs._

 

She waited, and when Saturday came, she spent hours in her bathroom, taking care of every detail, from the make up, to the hair, to the color of her nails, to the way her body had to appear inside of that dress.

 

She prepared for the night, as if she was going to war, she had to proof to herself something, and she was going to use every weapon she had in order to do that.

 

And when her doorbell rang that Saturday night, she held her breath and opened the door, trying to look sexy and confident into that black clingy dress.

 

 

When Thelonious laid his eyes on her, and took in her wearing that alluring dress, with that teasing smirk on her lips, that she had trained in front of the mirror for almost an hour, his eyes grew darker almost immediately, he opened his mouth, then closed it, swallowed and blinked.

 

When his eyes traveled to her face, and he smiled, and she saw it, the _desire_ burning in his black irises, she knew already that all of that was a terrible mistake.

 

_You are such an idiot Abby Griffin._

 

He kept looking at her for a long moment, Abby cleared her throat and he blinked, “Gosh sorry, is just... you are _breathtaking_ Abby.” he said, nodding to himself, his tongue also darted out slightly, wetting his swollen lips. At that Abby fell silent, her smile faded. Her stomach growled, her heart squeezed, a shiver of clear _discomfort_ ran into her belly.

 

_Oh._

 

“Thank you.” she managed to say, her throat constricted, her mouth dry. When he offered her his arm, and she took it, her mind started to yell at her, _Stop this madness now!_

 

But she had to keep trying, even if it already felt as a terrible mistake, even if his eyes on her were making her feel uncomfortable and not _desired,_ she had to keep _fighting._

 

So she followed him to his car and smiled politely when he opened the door for her, and when he started to drive toward Arkadia, her heart kept jumping frantically in her chest, and her eyes started to fill with tears, and her mind kept flashing to her images of Marcus, and she wanted to disappear far away into the darkness of Arkadia, praying to be found by the only man she now wanted at her side.

 

_You love him, and you are an idiot._

 

 

 

_…._

 

 

When Raven knocked at his door, that Saturday afternoon, Marcus was sitting on his couch, looking outside at his window, observing the lake shimmering endlessly in front of him, how the still water reflected perfectly the shades of blue of the sky, and how the whisper of the green trees trembled when the wind stroked the still liquid, forming waves on its path.

 

He peeked at the door and spotted the mechanic waiting for him, an eyebrow raised, tilting her head, her hand on her hip. She was _angry_. He huffed and stood up, knowing that she wasn't gonna walk away without talking to him, he had avoided her, as everybody else, for two weeks by now, and it was time for him to face the world outside, even if it meant that he had to talk about Abby, because she was there for that reason, he knew already.

 

“ _Jeez_ , you really don't like razors anymore, do you?” she said, pursing her lips, when she spotted the full beard that was growing freely on his chin and cheeks.

  
“Is good to see you too Raven.” he said, walking again toward the couch. The girl snorted and closed the door at her back, crossing her arms in front of her chest, approaching him. He sat down and sighed out, fixing his gaze outside the window again, sipping at the beer he had kept in his hand for almost an hour by now.

 

It was hot and pretty disgusting, but at least he could busy himself while Raven kept observing him in silence.

 

“What the hell happened?” she said eventually, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. Marcus looked at her and raised an eyebrow, as to say, “ _Seriously?”_ but Raven raised her chin and kept waiting for an answer.

 

“Nothing happened.” he said, looking at the lake again, swallowing a great amount of warm beer, trying hard to not spit it out on the blue carpet under his feet. Raven hummed, shook her head and bit at her lower lip.

 

“Yeah, I don't think so.” she said, standing up, pacing the living room, her eyes gazing at her surroundings, she knew the place since years, so she knew every detail of what she was watching already, but kept roaming her eyes, searching for something she could put her attention on. “You know what I think?” she said, taking a little deer made of wood from one of the shelves, she had always liked it.

 

“No, what?” he said.

 

“I think you two had sex, and good quality sex if you want my opinion, and then _you_ did something and screwed it up.” she said, nodding to herself, putting the deer down again, clasping her hands behind her back.

 

Marcus grimaced, swallowed and bit at his lower lip. “Yeah... of course I was the one.” he hissed, shaking his head. Raven at that raised an eyebrow and approached him, leaning against the window, so that he was basically _forced_ to look at her.

 

“Oh, so Abby did?” she asked, tilting her head, frowning. Marcus blinked and looked at her. “What did she do?” she added.

 

“Nothing.” he said immediately, without thinking twice. Raven at that raised her chin.

 

“Oh right, so nothing happened, and that's why you two are avoiding each other since two weeks, right?” she said, approaching him closer. Marcus sighed out and rested the bottle of beer on his coffee table.

 

“Raven listen-” but at that Raven shook her head and raised her hands in front of her, interrupting him.

 

“Uh uh Marcus, don't you _listen_ me. You are gonna tell me what the hell happened, you are gonna explain to me what you did, or what she did, or whatever. Because I swear, I can't stand to see Abby like that any longer.” she said, her tone angry, her expression frustrated. Marcus at that frowned and looked at her.

 

“What do you mean with _like that_?” he said, looking her in the eyes. Raven at that clenched her jaw and pursed her lips, then smiled softly and sighed out, walking toward the window, her eyes stroking the landscape outside.

 

“Abby is a smart woman, but she isn't a good liar.” she whispered, from this angle Marcus could only see her black ponytail dancing in rhythm with every nod or shake of her head. “She thinks that we can't see it, but _gosh_ , it's so _obvious_.” she said, the ghost of a frustrated smile in her voice. “She is a mess Marcus.” she said, peeking at him from over her shoulder. “Of course not as bad as you are, she's a real lady after all, but she's a mess.” she nodded to herself and turned.

 

“You have to tell me what happened.” she said, walking toward him, sitting at his side on the slate-colored sofa. “You have to tell me that you did _everything_ you could to not screw this up, because honestly...” - she stopped, clenching her fists, biting at her lower lip - “I am really _this close_ to kick your ass Kane.” she hissed.

 

“Raven I-” he started to say, but she shook her head and glared at him.

 

“Don't.” she warned him, at that Marcus sighed out and rubbed his hands on his face.

 

“I don't know what I did.” he said, and shook his head, sighing out loudly, looking at the still lake outside, as if there, between the blue water and the invisible wind, he could find the answer to the questions that were filling his mind. “I don't know.” he whispered again. Raven kept silent, waiting for him to keep talking.

 

“We found your bottle.” he said, peeking at her, a slight proud smile appeared on her lips, but it faded almost immediately, replaced by a different expression that he couldn't actually name now. “It started as an innocent stupid game...” he said, his mind recalling images of Abby looking at him, searching for the answer to her unspoken question, trying to get if that was really what he wanted. “And then we were kissing.” he said, and his lips prickled to life, remembering every shade of her flavor, how warm and wet and welcoming she had felt.

 

He had to swallow and inhale deeply to not get lost into those memories, as he had been doing for the entirety of those two weeks, every single second of them. “We also saw the Aurora.” he said, a sad smile gracing his lips, thinking back at that _miracle_ that the nature had offered them, framing that night as the most beautiful, and painful, of his entire life.

 

“Then what happened?” Raven asked, and he knew she meant after what _obviously_ had happened. At that Marcus looked at her, Raven was focused on him, her black eyes heavy and intense.

 

“I don't know.” he whispered, because seriously he didn't know. “I-I don't know, she changed, something changed.” he said, shaking his head, his eyes traveling on the intricate decoration of his blue carpet, his mind galloping backwards to recall every detail of Abby's face that morning, when she had ran outside the tent, without looking at him, as if he had done something _horrible_ to her.

 

“You said something you weren't supposed to say?” she asked, tilting her head. Marcus pursed his lips.

 

“I said her name...” he whispered, looking at her. “Just her name.” his heart felt heavy, oh so heavy, and his mouth dry. He took the beer bottle in his hand and sipped at it, grimacing immediately when the warm liquid descended his throat. “Gosh, that's _disgusting_.” he hissed with himself, putting it down again. Raven sighed.

 

“When you were in the car, when you saw us waiting but didn't climb out, what happened?” she asked, and at that Marcus chuckled bitterly.

 

“I told her that I am an asshole basically.” he said, shaking his head, thinking back at how stupid he had been. Raven frowned but kept quiet, waiting. “I deleted a message from Jaha, he was asking her to spend the weekend with him. So I invited her to go on that trip with me, because I wanted her to not see him ever again.” he said abruptly, nodding to himself, as to say, “ _Yes, I am that kind of man apparently.”_

 

“Oh.” Raven said, raising her eyebrows in surprise. “Well, you surely are an asshole. But... Abby get mad for just that?” she asked, frowning, as if even just thinking of it made no sense. Marcus at that shook his head.

 

“No, she said she wasn't mad.” he whispered, and flashes of the hungry kiss came back to him, warming up his blood, making his stomach growl in need. “She wasn't mad.” he said, and his heart squeezed and relaxed in his chest several times, it felt painful. Raven at that hummed.

 

“Ok, so _why_ you two are avoiding each other?” she asked then, tilting her head. Marcus looked at her and then shrugged.

 

“I don't know.” he said.

 

_Liar._

 

Raven raised an eyebrow, “Don't lie to me Kane.” she said, and at that Marcus sighed out, standing up from the couch, heading toward his kitchen.

 

“I'm not lying.” he said.

 

“Yes you are.” Raven added, following him. Marcus opened his fridge and took out a new cold bottle of beer, offering it to Raven, the girl took it without taking her eyes off of him, opening it quickly, taking a long sip. “Stop keeping things from me, I'm trying to help you here.” she said. Marcus at that frowned and scoffed, taking a bottle himself.

  
“Yeah? And how are you planning on doing that?” he asked, sipping at the icy rich liquid.

 

_Better._

 

Raven at that licked at her lower lip, her expression changed, and her black eyes fell on the floor, she sipped at her beer and kept quiet. Marcus frowned again. “Raven?” he said, laying on his kitchen counter. Raven cleared her throat and inhaled deeply, squeezing her eyes.

  
“SheisgoingoutwithThelonioustonight.” she said, too quickly for him to get her words, he frowned.

 

“What-” he started to ask, but she interrupted him, repeating herself, slowly this time.

  
“She is going out with Thelonious tonight.” she said, swallowing hard, looking at him with sad eyes. “She bought a fancy dress, a new perfume, she is planning on doing something stupid Marcus.” she said, shaking her head, as if she couldn't believe her own words. Marcus blinked and licked at his lower lip.

  
“Uh.” was all that came out of his mouth, he stood up from the counter and started to walk randomly in his living room.

 

“ _Uh_? That's all you have to say?” Raven said, following him. “I just said to you that the woman you _love_ is going out with another man, and all you can say is _uh_?” she reproached him. Marcus pursed his lips and turned toward her.

  
“What do you want me to say?” he said, shrugging, the beer in his bottle jumped dangerously into the dark glass. “That I am _sorry_? That I am _jealous_? That I want to dive into the lake and never come out again?” he said, his voice growing heavy. Raven pursed her lips.

  
“Are you sorry? Are you jealous?” she just asked, Marcus clenched his jaw, glaring at her.

  
“You know that I am, don't ask me stupid questions Raven.” he spatted, turning and starting to pace the living room again. The beer forgotten in his hand. Raven scoffed.

 

“Well then you should _do_ something, or at least tell her what you _feel_.” she said. Marcus smirked bitterly and turned toward her.

 

“Do you think this will change anything? Do you think she cares about how I feel toward her? We _fucked_ , that's all we did, she doesn't care, she doesn't love me Raven, it's over.” he said, feeling angry, jealousy boiling up in his veins, forming tears behind his eyes, growing a heavy feeling in his heart.

 

“You are _so_ stupid.” she hissed, shaking her head, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Marcus clenched his jaw.

 

“I'm being realistic.” he said, peeking at her, Raven at that chuckled bitterly.

  
“You are being and _idiot_ Marcus, trust me!” she said, fixing her heavy gaze on him. Marcus at that turned completely toward her and raised his chin.

  
“Yeah? Why? She loves me and I am too blind to see it? Is that it?” he said, shaking his head, feeling hot with anger all over. Raven at that raised an eyebrow and tilted her head.

  
“Yes.” she said softly. At that Marcus froze, and blinked, then shook his head and took several steps back.

 

“Don't.” he said, pursing his lips, “Don't you even dare Raven.” he warned her. Rave at that smiled.

 

“I'm not doing anything Marcus. I'm just telling the truth. Abby loves you too.” she said, shrugging as if it wasn't _that_ kind of a big deal. Marcus at that frowned.

 

“Yeah? Then why is she going out with Thelonious, uh?” he said, knowing that he was acting as a complete idiot, but still...

 

“Seriously?” Raven said, raising an eyebrow. “Don't you know how women work Kane?” she said, raising an eyebrow, sipping at her beer, turning toward the window. “She is afraid.” she whispered softly. Marcus's heart in the meantime had started to race into his chest, his mind was spinning, and he was feeling suddenly dizzy.

 

“Why are you here?” he asked her suddenly, Raven at that looked at him and bit at her lower lip.

 

“I am here to help the two of you Marcus.” she sighed, “I am sick and tired of seeing you taking one step forward and ten backwards.” she said, approaching him, resting her beer bottle, already empty, on a table at her side. “You two really need to _adult_ more.” she said, nodding to herself.

 

“I don’t know how to do that.” Marcus whispered, feeling powerless. At that Raven smirked.

 

“That's why I am here.” she said, “Come on, we have work to do.”

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

Raven had came there with a _plan_ in her mind, and she wasn't going to let him ruin it.

 

The first thing she did was to force him to take a long hot shower, ordering him to “ _Clean that mess that you are_.” as she said. Then she forced some black and _casual_ clothes on him, “ _Because Abby doesn't like fancy stuff, trust me.”_ She had added, while throwing a pair of black jeans toward him.

 

Then, when he had took his razor in his hands, she had stopped him abruptly, “ _You really are stupid then! Don't you even dare to shave, Abby likes you with the beard!”_ She had shouted, glaring at him. He had frowned and she had shook her head, “ _Don’t ask, just trust me.”_ she had added, walking outside the bathroom, yelling something about how _loud_ Abby was when she talked in her sleep.

 

And then she forced him in her car, starting to drive toward Arkadia.

 

“We are gonna make this work this time, I swear I am gonna force the two of you into a _cell_ if I have to.” she had started to say, while driving rapidly into the empty road that headed to the center of the town. “You two have to talk about this.” she hissed, shaking her head in frustration.

 

Marcus had kept silent the whole time, his mind too busy with thinking of what was happening, and of what he was supposed to do. Since Abby was out on a _date_ with Thelonious, what was his part into all of this? Was he going to show up and beg her to not see that man ever again because he was desperately in love with her? If that was the plan that Raven had, well, then she had to come up with something else.

 

The mechanic seemed so confident though, as if she knew something that he didn't know, but that was just a typical Raven's fashion. He sighed out and tried to relax, closing his eyes, praying to every god he had never believed in to make it work, praying for some kind of _miracle,_ just as the early Aurora that had blessed them that night, as if the universe had time to waste with him. But he clenched his jaw, squeezed his eyes, and kept praying in silence.

 

_I need a miracle here._

 

When Arkadia came into view, pulsing with warm lights, he swallowed and his heart started to jump frantically in his chest.

 

_Please, I really need a miracle._

 

The universe was _listening_ , even if he didn't know. The universe was _planning_ , even if it didn't look like it was. The universe _saw_ , it saw what they were too blind to see. The universe was _working_ , but as always, it was doing it following its own rules. Messing up with the whishes of _simple_ _humans_ like Marcus Kane.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

The night had started bad. Abby was feeling uncomfortable, but it wasn't Thelonious' faults. The man was trying his best to avoid uncomfortable topics, and was smiling kindly, being charming and all of what a man was supposed to be to please a woman, to make her feel comfortable in his presence.

 

But Abby was still feeling that desperate need to run away, to hide into the darkness, curl up in a ball and cry.

 

_You are such a child._

 

She had tried to enjoy herself, picking her favorite food at the restaurant, some good wine, smiling and listening carefully at Thelonious' words, trying to get involved into the night, at least a bit. The dress she was wearing felt too clingy, it was beautiful that was true, but she wasn’t used to dress up like that, she wasn't that kind of woman. Yet, it was working for Thelonious, distracting the man several times, the neckline was deep enough to offer a generous view of her breasts, that were pressed tightly against her chest, the fabric was suffocating her slightly, but she was the one to blame for that.

 

The fact that her _plan_ wasn't working for her, was making her grow angry and frustrated. Since she had sat down, and had started to eat her dinner, listening carefully to the man in front of her, her mind had kept flashing her images of Marcus, memories of him, the sound of his voice echoed in her ears, the warmness of his skin on hers still caused shivers on her epidermis.

 

 _Two weeks,_ and still she couldn't kick him out of her mind. _Two weeks,_ and still here she was, thinking of him, _aching_ for his body, his touches, his kisses.

 

_Damn it._

 

She had also tried to see it as something positive, if you are desperate for the touch, it means it is just physical attraction. _Yes._ The thing was that, _of course,_ she wasn't desperate just to make sex with him again. She was desperate for him to fill the silence of her house, to hear his voice calling her name, to look him in the eyes, to have his presence close to her.

 

_Damn it, damn it, damn it._

 

Thelonious had sensed her discomfort during their night, but had avoided any kind of question, and for that Abby was grateful. When dinner had ended, they had started to walk slowly on the streets of Arkadia. Her black dress was so clingy that she had to push the fabric of the skirt down several times to not expose _too much_ to the man's already hungry eyes. She had smiled, and had tried to say something to fill her own silence, but her mind had wondered and wondered, and her feet had started to feel tired and heavy, her discomfort was strongly visible now.

 

Eventually Thelonious stopped walking, forcing Abby to stop herself, she blinked and shook her head, she had been so focused on the way her feet moved on the sidewalk that she hadn't paid attention to where they were going, she looked at him then, he was wearing a shy smile. When she took a better look at her surroundings, she got why the sudden change in the man's behave.

 

Behind his back there was a tiny white and blue house, standing quietly on a little green grass, with a white tiny porch and a warm light that showed her the dark wooden door, with the glass decorated with metallic colorful flowers.

 

_His house. They were standing in front of his house._

 

“I-I thought we could go in and have a drink, in a quiet place, without too many people around.” he started to say, his voice low, a feeble and shy whisper. Abby was speechless, still looking at the door at his back, her body motionless, her heart beating heavy in her chest. Her mind was working fast, pondering about her choices.

 

 _You can go inside and see what happens._ A voice said in her head.

 

 _Or you can simply walk away and go to Marcus' place._ Another one, confident and sassy, shouted.

 

At that she raised an eyebrow toward herself and pursed her lips, then she flashed him a bright smile and nodded. “Sounds as a great idea, shall we?” she said, offering him her arm.

 

 _What are you doing?_ Her mind started to ask, but she ignored her thoughts, and even the bitter taste that was forming in her mouth, or the way her heart had started to pound loudly in her chest. When Thelonious took her arm and started to guide her toward the entrance of his tiny cute house, Abby thought her body was going to turn off itself to stop her from following him inside.

 

But when he pushed the door open, and invited her in, with a warm smile on his lips, and something that looked like a blush on his cheeks, Abby managed to follow him, her body still working properly, responding at her orders.

 

 _Get out._ A voice said in her head. _Get out now._ But Abby had always been a stubborn woman, and so she ignored the voice again and closed the door at her back, finding herself into the dark living room of Thelonious' house.

 

 _This is madness, this is insane!_ Again that voice, Abby swallowed hard and tried to focus on something else. Family pictures hanging from the wall, flowers framing the table in front of a black leather couch, the carpet that invaded the wooden floor at her feet. Anything to not listen to her instinct, that was still trying to convince her to simply run away.

 

 _I'm not gonna run away again._ She thought.

 

 _But he isn't Marcus._ The voice said again. She closed her eyes and sighed out. Thelonious heard that and frowned.

 

“Are you ok?” he asked, and she nodded vehemently, faking another smile.

  
“Yeah, just tired.” she said, shrugging, at that Thelonious smiled and waved toward the couch.

 

“Sit down Abby, I will bring you something to drink.” he said, and Abby nodded mechanically, walking closer to the couch. She sat down and sighed out again, trying to relax her tensed body over the soft cushions.

 

 _You are such an idiot._ The voice again, she pursed her lips and cleared her throat, trying to distract herself with the hem of her dress, that was still traveling too high on her legs.

 

“Red or white?” Thelonious shouted from the other room. Abby blinked and inhaled deeply.

 

“Don't you have something stronger than wine?” she said without thinking twice. At that silence fell around her, she bit at her lower lip, waiting.

 

“Sure... scotch or vodka?” he asked, popping his head out from the other room, leaning toward her with a smile. Abby smiled back.

 

“Scotch.” she said, and bit at the inside of her cheek.

 

 _He isn't Marcus._ The voice again, she shook her head.

 

 _That's the point._ She told herself, roaming her eyes over the furniture around her. Thelonious liked fancy things, she could tell that lots of the objects in the house had been placed after the house had been created. The walls were warm and creamy, some of the pictures and the paintings emanated a warm _heat_ , as a glowing fire burning in a tiny cold house. The couches and the carpet on the contrary, just as some cabinets and a coffee glass table, felt colder, impersonal. It looked like someone had took away what had been there before, that probably matched the other few things that still made the place look warm and welcoming, and had switched them with colder objects, darker colors, shadows and something that she could define just as _bitterness_.

 

When Thelonious appeared again, carrying two glasses and a bottle of shimmering amber scotch, she smiled up at him. He sat down at her side and poured a bit of alcohol in her glass, offering it to her. She took it in her hand, trying hard to not let it shake too much, the glasses clinked when their hands met and she matched the smile he was wearing on his big lips.

 

The fact was that his looked genuine, hers looked fake, cold, just as a perfect imitation would look like. She sipped at the warm and burning liquid and let it flow into her throat. It was strong, but not that strong as the one she had drank with Marcus.

 

 _Here she was again._ It was frustrating how fast her mind could run to Marcus over and over again.

 

When Thelonious pursed his lips and smiled saying, “I never met a woman that could drink it without spit it out.” she smiled and chuckled bitterly.

 

“I'm not like other women.” she said, swallowing another great amount of scotch, at her words Thelonious nodded and hummed with himself.

 

“Yeah. I can see that.” he whispered, and the sound of his voice made her froze. Some kind of alarm bell started to ring into her head, her heart started to pound heavily. She swallowed rapidly the alcohol, praying it would help her get lost into that fog that was always able to bring her.

 

 _Come on, come on._ She pleaded in her mind, basically begging her body to get knocked out by the scotch she was swallowing down. When her glass was empty, Thelonious poured some more, and she thanked him with a smile. Then was when he relaxed on the couch, smiling at her, looking comfortable.

 

It was his house after all, he was meant to feel comfortable inside f it. On her side Abby was still feeling rigid and tense, her neck was hurting, she was so uncomfortable that she couldn’t relax, and her body was starting to send her shivers of pain, warning her that she needed to calm down sooner or later or her body would brake.

 

“I like the house.”

 

“I love this dress.”

 

They both said at the same time, Abby stopped and blinked, and he did the same. They both chuckled softly, and then he offered her to keep talking with a smile. Abby nodded and sighed out.

 

“I like the house.” she said again, leaning back, as if to put more distance between them.

 

_Why was he this close to her now?_

 

“Yeah, it doesn't feel like home anymore though.” he whispered sadly, looking around him. His voice had grew heavier, and Abby softened slightly.

 

“Yeah, I know the feeling” she whispered, and they shared a matching nostalgic smile.

 

“I would love to feel it as home again. But since Wells went to college, I feel as if I am condemned to never feel like at home for real, at least until he will get married and will give me grandchildren.” he said, with a sad smirk. Abby smiled.

 

“Oh I bet you will find a way to fill it soon enough.” she said, tilting her head. She realized too late how that had sounded though, when Thelonious leaned instinctively toward her, with a soft smile on his lips, a question in his eyes.

 

_Now what?_

 

She swallowed, he was too focused on her eyes to see it.

 

 _Well at least he isn't looking at your boobs._ She told herself, but this didn't help. Her blood started to shiver into her veins, her legs felt heavy, her stomach started to circle upside down, her mouth was suddenly dry.

 

 _Do something, quick!_ Her inner voice shouted, and so she did.

 

She leaned over and closed the gap, and in a matter of seconds she was _kissing_ him.

 

She pushed hard and roughly against him, with something that felt as _anger_ rushing in her blood. Squeezing her eyes tight, holding her breath, as if what she was doing _disgusted_ her.

 

And it was indeed disgusting her.

 

Her whole body shivered and jerked, her lips started to move randomly, without a real meaning, when he groaned she widened her eyes, he was luckily keeping them close, he was losing himself into the kiss, without getting that something was definitely wrong in the way _she_ was kissing him.

 

She closed them again and took some courage, her hands flew to the collar of his jacket, and she pulled him toward her, his tongue darted out, wetting her lower lip, the feeling was so uncomfortable that she parted her lips without thinking, and when his tongue dived inside of her mouth, warm, wet and feeling too big for her tiny mouth, she groaned.

 

Thelonious wasn't paying real attention to her though, and the sound made him push her on her back, so that she was laying on the couch. She wanted to protest, to say something, but his lips were heavy and frantic on hers, fighting against hers, leaving nor space nor time to protest or to even breath.

 

_It was the worst kiss ever._

 

Her stomach was still growling in discomfort, her mind was sending her warnings after warnings, her body was tensing under his touch. She wanted it to end, but she had been the one to start it.

 

_You are an idiot._

 

When she started to think he was never gonna stop kissing her, he withdrew and whispered her name against her lips, and _oh how bad_ that felt. She swallowed and kept her eyes closed, she couldn't look at him in the eyes.

 

Then he traveled south, and attacked her neck. The touch of his wet lips on her skin made her inhale deeply, no shivers of pleasure started to run into her system, no burning waves started to grow into her belly, nothing good started to happen.

 

She was feeling nothing at all, apart from disgusted and uncomfortable.

 

He started to suck at her skin and she groaned in discomfort again, and again he took it as a good sound and sucked again, biting hard. At that Abby hissed, and his hands flew to her hips, squeezing her flesh. But they weren't warm and soft as Marcus', they felt too big, too hard, as if he was touching her for his own pleasure, not to give some to her.

 

 _This is so wrong._ The voice said again, and this time Abby agreed. _You have to stop him._ And Abby did so.

 

“Thelonious stop, stop please stop!” she panted, opening her eyes, pushing her hands on his shoulders, forcing him away from her. The man blinked and looked at her.

  
“What is it? I did something wrong? Are you ok?” he started to ask her, panting heavily, his hands stroking her hair.

 

_Why was he stroking her hair?_

 

Abby shook her head and started to look at everything but him, the ceiling looked particularly interesting form where she was laying. “No, no you did nothing wrong.”

 

 _I did._ She thought.

  
“I just- I need a moment.” she said, nodding, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. He was frowning, confusion written all over his features.

 

“Oh, ok, sure.” he said, clearing his throat, standing up. When his weight lifted from her tiny body, she sighed out in relief, her body relaxed again and she inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with new oxygen. She could smell his scent on her skin, and this made her feel sick to her stomach.

 

 _Be nice._ She told herself, and stood up herself, fixing her dress, smoothing some folds, she coughed to clear her voice. Thelonious was frowning, looking at her with worried eyes. “Are you ok?” he asked her again. At that Abby froze and looked at him in the eyes.

 

Here he was, his jacket a mess of fabric hanging on his solid body, his pants _visibly_ too tight for his growing desire, his eyes dark but worried, his lips parted, his chest rising and falling heavily.

 

He was turned on and worried at the same time, his legs open, as to invite her to join him into having sex, and his hand was slowly reaching for her shoulder, as if he wanted to stroke her to be sure she was fine. He didn't know what to do, what to say, and this because she had been so stupid to ask him out, to smile, to go inside his house to _have a drink_ , sending him the wrong signals all along.

 

And all of this because she had been too childish to admit she was in love with another man.

  
“Abby?” he said again, this time his hand reached her skin and he stroked her shoulder. Her eyes fell on it, and she observed the touch.

 

She was feeling _nothing,_ except for the natural warmness of his skin on hers. And then was when she started to _laugh_. Thelonious froze and widened his eyes, but it was too late to stop it, Abby was covering her mouth with the palm of her hand, trying to control her nerves, but it was useless.

 

She was laughing hard and heartily, pushing out from her all the tensions, every fear, every doubt, laughing and laughing, she squeezed her eyes so strongly that tears started to roll down her cheeks, her heart felt full and empty at the same time.

  
“Sorry.” she managed to mumble at some point, wiping away some tears from her eyes, shaking her head. “Is not your fault, sorry.” she said again, choking on a laugh, taking her glass of scotch from the coffee table, it was empty. _The hell with it_ , and she took the bottle, taking a long sip from it directly, sighing out when the alcohol burned her throat.

 

Thelonious was speechless, looking at her with a question, more correctly _dozens_ of questions, flashing in his eyes. Abby licked her lips clean and hummed, then looked at him and smiled. “I have to go.” she simply said, and stood up, without waiting for him to react at her words. Thelonious at that blinked and frowned, standing up himself.

 

“What?” he said, and Abby adjusted her purse on her shoulder.

 

“I have to go, sorry seriously, but there's something I really need to do.” she said, smiling with herself, starting to walk to the door. Thelonious followed her and stopped her, grabbing her by the arm, right when she had opened the door and had started to walk outside.

  
“Abby wait, what the hell just happened?” he said, looking at her with confused eyes. Abby blinked, and shrugged.

  
“We kissed.” she said, smiling innocently.

 

 _Ok,_ maybe the alcohol was starting to work and she was _slightly_ affected, but she was _so_ happy in that moment, that she honestly couldn't care less of what she was saying or doing.

 

“Oh.” he said, nodding to himself, resting his hands on his hips. “So we kissed and now you just go back home?” he asked her, he was trying to sound angry, but Abby could sense that he was mostly _hurt_.

 

She smiled softly, and rested a gentle hand on his cheek, “I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to happen. I think I simply drank too much.” she said, nodding to herself, feeling her head light and her eyelids heavy. Thelonious looked at her lips while she talked.

 

“It's because of him, isn't it?” he whispered suddenly, looking up at her again, his eyes sad but soft on her. Abby parted her lips, ready to ask him what he was talking about, as her usual, but then her heart jumped in her chest, and she smiled brightly. She knew who he was talking about, and her body was pushing her to simply admit it, saying it out loud, because she was sick and tired of pretending it wasn't always because of him.

  
“Yes.” she whispered, her hand still on his cheek.

  
“Do you love him?” he asked her, smiling sadly toward her. At that Abby bit at her lower lip, tilted her head and widened her eyes, then a bright smile appeared on her lips and she laughed.

  
“I do, gosh _yes_ , I love him.” she said, nodding to herself, feeling stupid and relived at the same time, she finally had admitted it to herself and it was making her feel suddenly _free_. Thelonious at that pursed his lips and nodded, and then smiled at her.

 

“He is a lucky man.” he said, one of his hands resting on her shoulder. At that Abby smirked and raised her chin.

 

“The woman that will win your heart will be lucky too.” she said, at that Thelonious shook his head, his big eyes steady on hers.

 

“She isn't available at the moment.” he whispered, and at his words Abby's smile faded.

 

_Oh.  
_

 

She bit at her lower lip and he smiled, “Don't worry Abby, I will be fine.” he said, nodding, she couldn't tell if he was nodding more to himself or to her. She smiled then and leaned forward, printing a soft kiss on his lips. Gentle and caring, meant as a goodbye and an apology.

 

“Be good.” she whispered, smiling gently, and he sighed out, nodding.

  
“I will try my best. You too though, tell him to treat you good, or I will have to kill him.” he said, pointing his index finger toward her, grinning. Abby at that chuckled and smirked.

  
“Oh he always treats me good.” she said, and then withdrew completely from him. But before she walked away, she closed the gap between them once again and hugged him.

 

“I'm sorry.” she whispered, and she felt the way he snuggled into the crook of her neck, sniffing at her skin and hair, as to memorize her scent, knowing he wasn't getting another chance to do so, she let him.

 

_It was the least she could do._

 

“Don't be.” he whispered in her hair, and then withdrew, smiling warmly. Then was when a frown appeared on his face.

  
“I drove you here, how will you go back home?” he said, and Abby blinked.

 

 _Oh right._ But her dizzy mind and her warm belly answered for her.

 

“I can use a walk.” she said, smiling brightly and waving a goodbye, without waiting for him to answer and then walked away from his porch, a bright smile on her lips. And like that she headed toward the only place she still had to see in Arkadia.

 

Marcus' house on the lake.

 

 

….

 

 

When Thelonious smiled and shook his head, sending a last look at the woman he was head over heels for, waving a silent goodbye toward her, he didn't see the car parked at the other side of the road.

 

When Abby started to walk fast on the sidewalk, a bright smile printed on her lips, her eyes bright and filled with joy, she didn't notice the car parked at the other side of the road either, from where two people were staring at her, wide eyes, heavy hearts.

 

When nobody was walking anymore on the street in front of them, Raven and Marcus looked at each other. “I'm sorry.” the girl whispered. Marcus kept silent, pursed his lips and nodded.

 

“It wasn't supposed to go like that.” she hissed, slamming her hands on the wheel. Marcus nodded again, his eyes lost into the street in front of him. “I'm an idiot.” she sighed out, shaking her head.

 

Marcus nodded again, his ability to talk suddenly gone. Raven looked at him intensely for a long moment, then when she got that he wasn't going to say a word anytime soon, she started to drive away from there.

 

Away front that house, away from Thelonious, that had kissed Abby on his porch, smiling and hugging her, holding her tight. Away from Abby, that had smiled so brightly while walking away from him, waving a warm goodbye toward that other man that wasn't him, this had broken Marcus' heart into pieces. Away from everything and everyone. Raven started to drive, and she didn't stop, and Marcus let her, leaning his head against the car window, his eyes getting lost into the dark and undefined landscape outside.

 

She drove and drove, in the opposite direction of Marcus' house, wiping away a tear, swallowing hard, feeling a complete idiot. The car disappeared in the horizon, carrying the two of them away from the town.

 

 

….

 

 

When Abby knocked on Jackson's door, she was wearing the brightest of the smiles. He greeted her with wide eyes and a confused expression written all over his face, it was pretty late after all, she hugged him, startling him, and then started to talk without wasting time.

 

“I need you to drive me to Marcus' place.” she said, nodding, her hands clasped behind her back, she was still drunk. Jackson frowned, his eyes roamed rapidly over her body, taking in the clingy dress, and the make up, the long curly hair, the flushed cheeks.

 

“Now?” he asked, and Abby nodded.

 

“Now.” at that she smiled and walked down his porch and toward his car, “Hurry up!” she yelled, chuckling. The scotch was still flowing into her veins, making her feel dizzy and ridiculously happy without reason. Jackson frowned, disappeared in the house for a moment, said something to his boyfriend Nathan, and then walked outside.

 

“Ok then, shall we?” he said, opening the car door for her. Abby bit at her lower lip and kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Thank you.” she whispered, at that Jackson frowned and tilted his head.

  
“Are you drunk?” he asked, the smell in her breath was unmistakable, Abby looked at him with a lopsided grin on her lips.

 

“Maybe?” she said, giggling with herself. Jackson nodded at that and closed the door, shaking his head, smiling slightly.

 

Then he climbed in and started to drive toward Marcus' place, without questioning her any further.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

The _universe_ was still working, even if it looked all but that. The _universe_ knew. The _universe_ overwatched from above. The _universe_ observed the four people that night, carefully building a path for them, even if they didn't know it yet.

 

The _universe_ saw Raven and Marcus, that were sitting on her car's hood, looking at the dark horizon in front of them, where in the shadows the lake was hiding, the stars shining above them. Neither of them paid attention to them though, they kept sharing a heavy silence, Raven biting at her lower lip, Marcus clenching angrily his jaw.

 

 

The _universe_ saw Abby that was laughing in Jackson's car, while listening to some music, the young man was shaking his head to the obvious _state_ of his friend, but his heart was singing in rhythm with her smoky voice, because she had never looked happier.

 

 

The _universe_ was still watching when Raven leaned her head on Marcus' shoulder, when he started to sob quietly, clenching his fists on his lap. And _it_ saw it when Jackson started to sing along with Abby to the song _Fireflies,_ carefree as two kids on a school trip.

 

 

The _universe_ kept watching when Raven started to stroke circles on Marcus' back, his sobs growing heavier and sadder. _It_ saw how Abby laughed and bit at her lower lip yelling to the radio, _“I'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly.”_ her heart growing lighter in her chest.

 

 

 _It_ saw how Raven started to whisper soothing words against Marcus' jacket. _It_ was still observing when Jackson tilted his head toward the shape of the lake house that was starting to appear at the end of the road, and _it_ saw how brightly Abby smiled.

 

 

 _It_ was watching when Raven whispered, “I'm sorry.” into Marcus' arms, holding him close. _It_ saw it when Abby hugged tightly Jackson, whispering a, “Thank you for the ride, say hi to Nathan from me.”

 

 

The _universe_ was still working when Jackson started to drive away from the lake house, with the promise to hear from her friend in the morning, leaving a giggling Abby in front of Marcus' door, waving goodbyes and blowing kisses toward hm, still visibly drunk. _It_ kept working while Raven helped Marcus climb into her car, promising him she was going to take care of him.

 

 

 _It_ was putting together the last pieces of the plan it had builded for them, when Jackson parked his car in front of his house, and Abby kept staring at the stars above her head, visibly tired, but still too drunk to get pissed at the fact that Marcus wasn't answering at the door. She was sitting on the wooden little dock in front of his house, her feet dived deeply into the cold water of the dark lake. In the meantime Raven was driving fast toward Marcus' house, while the man had fallen asleep on his seat, his fists still clenched tight on his lap, his dry tears plastered on his cheeks. And the _universe_ saw all.

 

 

 _It_ was still observing when Abby started to feel tired of waiting, the fog of the scotch evaporating from her system, and when Raven parked the car on Marcus' driveway.

 

Then was when the _universe_ stopped looking, and let them follow the path that it had built for them.

 

….

 

 

 

When Raven opened his car door, his body jerked awake instinctively, dragging him out from the fog of his dreamless sleep. He blinked his eyes open and cursed under his breath the cold wind that invaded him, reminding him that he was still alive into a world where Abby Griffin didn't love him, and had just made love to another man that wasn't him.

 

“Come on.” Raven whispered, offering him some support to climb off her jeep. He refused with a groan, and she sighed out, taking few steps back. He stood up on the cold gravel, snorting and wrapping his arms around himself. Raven followed him toward the house, in silence. When he pushed the key inside the lock and turned the handhold, she sighed.

 

“I'm sorry Marcus.” she whispered, again, as she had done already thousand of times. Marcus clenched his jaw and tried to remind himself that it wasn't her fault, she wasn't the one that had forced him to fall in love with Abby, it wasn't her fault if she didn't love him back.

 

“Goodnight Raven.” he groaned, and the girl pursed her lips. “And for the future, if you will ever feel the need to _help_ me with something, please, don't.” he hissed, glaring at her into the darkness of the night. Raven parted her lips, and swallowed, but kept quiet.

 

He knew it wasn’t her fault, and that she surely hadn't thought this was how it was going to end, but putting the blame on her was easier then simply accept the fact that Abby didn't love him.

 

“Sorry.” he mouthed eventually, and with that sneaked inside his house and closed the door at his back, without waiting for an answer. Raven looked at him for a long moment, and then sniffed and started to walk away.

 

 

….

 

 

What Marcus didn't see, was what Raven saw, right before she had reached her jeep. Her eyes got a movement on Marcus' dock, and she squeezed them to see what was moving into the shadows. When she realized that she was staring at the silhouette of Abby Griffin, sitting on the dock, with her feet dancing into the water, she widened her eyes and rushed toward Marcus' door.

 

She was about to knock to get his attention, when she noticed that he was standing in his living room, right in front of his window, staring at Abby's shadow himself. She inhaled deeply and knocked softly on the glass, she had to do it several times before he actually heard her, but when he did, he turned toward her and widened his eyes.

 

“ _Go to her.”_ she mouthed, smiling and nodding, tilting her head toward the slim shadow outside. Marcus swallowed and nodded in silence, and then walked toward his window, opening it, and walking outside on the dock. Raven smiled and walked backwards to her car, praying every God in the universe to make it work this time.

 

 _They need a miracle._   She thought.

 

The _universe_ laughed at that. _They don't need one._

 

 

….

 

 

 

When his feet stepped on the wood of the dock, his blood started to rush into his veins, his heart started to pump adrenaline into his veins. The tip of his tongue prickled, his feet shivered, his legs trembled, his stomach felt empty all of a sudden, a wave of _fear_ grew into his system. He started to walk then, slowly, his eyes wide open in the pitch black around him.

 

The moon in the sky was shimmering on the wet and still surface of the lake, stroking the dark blue with whispers of bright silver white. He inhaled deeply, clenched his jaw, and kept moving. Abby was still looking at her feet in the water, but she knew he was approaching, because his heavy steps were loud on the wooden dock, making it _sing_ on the quiet water.

 

When she was so close that he could touch her if he wanted to, he stopped. And he waited. Time seemed to froze, the universe itself seemed to stop _moving_ , as always her presence in front of him made it hard to pay attention to the rest of the world. When he kept quiet for too long, standing still in front of her, Abby turned and looked up at him.

 

Even in the darkness of the night her smile was bright, and he got a glimpse of her dark eyes, shining in the shadows. She kept quiet too though and slowly stood up, taking her tiny feet out from the cold water. When she was standing on her feet, her shoes hanging from her fingers, her bare feet leaving wet tracks on the dry wood, she parted her lips, but nothing came out of them.

 

She exhaled softly, and pursed her lips, then she took a step toward him.

 

His heart stopped beating.

 

She took another one, his breath caught in his throat. She bit at her lower lip, bowed her head, and took the last step.

 

Now they were face to face, so close that her breath reached him, she had been drinking. He swallowed, she looked up. He then inhaled deeply, and collected the courage to talk.

 

“Abigail.” he said, his voice came out heavy, quiet, trembling slightly. At the sound of her full name coming from his lips, she widened her eyes but kept quiet. He wanted to say more, he wanted to fall onto his knees and cry, nuzzling in the dark fabric of the dress she was wearing. He swallowed again though, when flashes of her walking outside Thelonious' house came back to him, of her _kissing_ him, of her smiling, of _him_ smiling.

 

He wanted to be angry, to ask her why she was suddenly there, why she had appeared at his place, right after what she _obviously_ had done with another man. But no words came out of his lips. When she raised her chin, and slowly parted her lips, he swallowed again.

  
“Marcus.” she whispered, and the sound of his name, coming from her soft lips, stroked by her impossibly low and smoky voice, undid him completely, and he started to cry, actually _cry._

 

Abby said nothing, he kept looking at her, his tears flowing slowly on his cheeks, blurring his vision. If you weren't close to him, as she was, you couldn't get that he was crying, because his body was motionless, he was quiet, the only sign of his _desperation_ were the hot salty tears that were rolling down his face.

 

Abby reached for one of them, her warm hand landed on his skin, and her thumb wiped away a shimmering tear before it could get lost into his black beard. He closed his eyes instinctively, his muscles softened under her touch, his throat constricted, his lungs were unable to take in new oxygen.

 

He was out of breath, and she had done nothing more than wiping away a tear from his face.

 

She leaned closer then, without warning, and her lips followed the path of her fingers, she kissed his cheek, swallowing his tears, one after the other. Marcus was completely lost, unable to move, to talk, to breath.

 

He was as a _puppet_ in her hands.

 

She withdrew eventually, her hand fell on his neck, her thumb stroked his pulse point.

  
“Please, don't cry.” she whispered, so close to his lips that her breath made him shiver. He opened his eyes, he had kept them close the whole time, and when her _beautiful_ face appeared in front of him, he wasn't able anymore to restrain himself, and he closed the gap between their bodies.

 

And he kissed her on the lips. He wanted to be soft, to be caring, to make her feel his love and also his pain, but his body pushed on her with something that felt more as _anger._

 

He was _angry._

 

He was angry because she had slipped away from him after that night, he was angry because she had spent a night with another man, he was angry because she had basically _fucked_ him completely, leaving him breathless, unable to _live_ without her presence at his side.

 

He was angry with her, because he loved her with his whole being, and she didn't love him back.

 

When his tongue darted out, messing around with her lips, she opened her mouth and moaned, and he _hated_ her for that, because every sound he could draw out of her drove him mad. She was kissing him with passion, her hands lost into his hair, her breath hot into his mouth, her teeth playing with his lower lip.

 

Her whole body started to push him backwards, as always she was in _charge_ with him, as always she had to have _the upper hand_.

 

He wasn't gonna let her do that, not tonight, not if _this_ was gonna be their last time, _again._

 

“Not so fast.” he growled, and Abby blinked, parting her lips, ready to say something, but his mouth didn't let her talk. When his hands gripped at her waist, and he _forced_ her into his arms, her soft sighs turned into a loud gasp, her legs wrapped around his waist, he swallowed her moan and started to guide her toward his house. Abby didn't complain, her arms circled his neck, her hot core pushed against his groin.

 

He was _so angry_ with her, because she was making him feel so _powerless_ and so _powerful_ at the same time, she was boiling up his blood, making him grow hard and _needy_ and he wasn't able to resist the need to keep her close to him, even when he was angry at her.

 

When he pushed her against his glass window, she groaned and bit at his lower lip. He felt a shiver in his spine, his legs trembled, his heart lost precious beats.

 

“Where were you?” he asked her suddenly, his lips were now traveling on her neck, Abby was reclining her head back against the glass window. His hands were wondering over her curves, feeling her perfect slim body under the soft and clingy fabric of that _fucking_ dress.

 

“What?” she panted, rolling her eyes in the back of her head. Her hands were messing around with his hair, and he tried to ignore the way her fingers felt between his locks, he wanted to be in _charge_ now, he wanted to be the one to decide when and _if_ she was going to feel pleasure.

 

 _This is childish, stupid, useless._ He knew that he was behaving like a complete idiot, but he was just so _desperate_...

 

“I said, where. were. you.” every each one of his words got lost into a bite on her delicate skin. Abby shivered under his touch, her chest rising and falling hard and heavily.

 

“I- _oh god –_ I was out.” she panted, her breath shortened, her hands moving lasciviously into his thick hair, her back arching from the window, _desperate_ to meet his.

 

Marcus groaned in her neck, and sucked, _hard,_ as to _mark_ her. Abby gasped loudly, very loudly, and he had to restrain himself to not get lost into the sound of her pleasure, the pleasure that _he_ was causing her. “Out where?” he growled, his breath burning her soft skin. Abby was trembling in his hands, her legs were tight around his waist.

 

“What?” she asked, she wasn't paying attention to his questions, and this was making him grow even angrier.

 

He growled and sneaked inside his living room, taking her with him. Abby searched for his lips, trying to kiss him, he didn't let her. When the couch was close enough, he pushed her on it, she gasped, the sound of a smile in her smoky voice.

 

He leaned closer, hovering upon her body. She was panting heavily, the clingy fabric of her black dress had traveled higher on her thighs, exposing her bare legs to his hungry eyes. Her breasts were pressed against her chest, she was breathing with effort, but she seemed also to not care about it. Her eyes were wide and dark, her lips curved into a teasing smile, her cheeks flushed, her long caramelized hair a mess of curls that spread on the cushions under her body.

 

He swallowed hard, trying to not get lost into her alluring stare, Abby arched her back instinctively, to meet him, his hands pressed on her flat stomach then, the bones of her hips felt hard under his touch. He forced her back on the couch and then rested his forehead against hers, pinning her on her back, living no more than few inches of void between their lips.

  
“I saw you.” he hissed, looking down between their bodies. They were fully clothed, but it didn’t matter, his body was reacting at hers as if they were already naked and already one into the other. Shivering, pulsing, burning. Her stomach touched his, her core felt hot as fire, even between the fabric of his pants and of her dress.

 

“Where?” she asked, her voice husky. Marcus swallowed, withdrew slightly, and looked her in the eyes. She probably _sensed_ that something was off, and stopped smiling, her eyes grew worried.

 

“I saw you with _him_.” he said, his voice a soft whisper, he tried his best to not sound _desperate,_ but he was. Abby said nothing, her eyes steady on his. So Marcus swallowed and his hands started to stroke absentmindedly her long hair.

 

“I saw you _kiss_ him Abby.” he whispered, he wanted to sound angry, but he was just broken. Abby was still expressionless, listening, as if what he was saying wasn't affecting her at all. This made him clench his jaw.

 

He wanted to cause a reaction out of her, he had to cause a reaction.

 

“I saw you _hug_ him, I saw you _smiling._ You looked so _happy_. _”_ He said eventually, his eyes had started to travel over her features, she was _so_ beautiful, that this proximity was driving him insane. Abby at that parted her lips, her hand flew to his cheeks, she started to stroke his beard, and then smiled, actually _smiled._

 

“You saw a _goodbye_ Marcus.” she whispered softly, her thumb started to draw lazy circles over his skin, traveling to his lips, stroking the scar that was on his lower lip. “You saw me breaking his heart.” she said, a bitter chuckle escaped her lips. “You saw me kissing him for _pity.”_ She said, she bit at her lower lip and locked their eyes together.

 

Marcus was silent, trying to get what she was saying. Her dark eyes stroked his features, and she smiled brightly, dragging him toward her, their foreheads touched again, her breath stroked his lips, his cheeks, his beard. “You saw me _so_ _happy_ , because I was telling him that I am in _love_ with _you.”_ she said eventually, her hands were squeezing his face with strenght now, her fingers pressing almost _painfully_ into his hair.

 

Marcus' heart at that started to beat frantically, heavily, his throat closed in a tight knot, and his whole blood started to rush into his ears, pulsing in his temples. Abby was quiet, stroking his hair, the _hunger_ of earlier was suddenly gone.

 

“You what?” he managed to whisper eventually, because he needed her to say it again. Abby smiled and angled their faces so that her lips could stroke his.

 

“ _I love you_. I am _desperately_ in love with you Marcus.” she whispered, kissing him softly, _oh so softly,_ her tongue rested respectfully into her mouth, and as it had started, the delicate kiss ended and she withdrew.

 

He waited, for as long as he could, searching in her eyes for the truth behind her words.

 

 _It was there,_ in the way she was looking at him, in the way her chest was rising and falling under his solid body, she was _nervous,_ and _excited_ , _happy_ and _nostalgic_ , she was waiting for his reaction. Her heart was beating frantically, he could see it pulsing under the soft skin of her neck. She was waiting for him to say something, anything. But his mind wasn't able to process his thoughts, his lips weren't able to open up and his voice couldn't form any words.

 

So he did the only thing he could do, he leaned closer again and _kissed_ her.

 

Softly, gently and with reverence at first and then desperately, crying, tears wetting their lips, the saltiness of his relief and his fears got lost into their unspoken words, flowing between their warm lips. He kissed her and kissed her, and she kissed him back. Their lips kept dancing, gently and desperately, she started to cry too at some point, and so they started to kiss away each other's tears. Sucking the saltiness of their fear and their doubts away from their sweet skin. Cleaning their souls, soothing their worried minds.

 

Their bodies melted into an embrace, their legs entangled, their hearts glued, their minds were finally quiet, they let their bodies and their souls connect, they let them guide them to a state of peace. When their tears had dried, and their kissed had turned lazy and soft, their eyes closed and their breath slowed till almost no sounds came out of their lips.

 

Eventually they fell asleep in each other arms, in the silence of another quiet Alaskan night. Their _I love yous_ marked onto their swollen lips, melted into their delicate and trembling strokes, trapped into their dried tears.

 

Abby and Marcus didn't make love that night, but they fell asleep with many promises in their hearts, the promise to never let go again, to never leave each other's side. The promise to open up to the love that they both fell for each other.

 

They fell asleep with those promises in their hearts, and they truly believed in them.

 

Neither could know that their promises were _useless_. Because neither could know that the _universe_ was working again, intricating their fate with something that neither could control, and that was about to turn their world upside down once again.

 

They fell asleep, without knowing that something was coming. Something was coming to break their hearts.

 

The _universe_ knew, and _it_ was going to start with Abby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing, honestly. DON'T KILL ME YET THOUGH.


	11. She gives...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby and Marcus wake up after their confession of love, and they feel as if their "Happily ever after" is finally gonna be a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry if I hadn't been updating in such a long time, but with summer is always a mess, relatives always here, always busy with basically dying because is too hot. Also, i was in lack of inspiration and i was so mad with myself, but here I am, i finally found it again, and I would like to thank Dr. Quinn for that, that tv show is bringing back so many good old feels, and oh guys so much inspiration for future Kabby fics you don't even know! So here we are, with what I thought was going to be the last chapter, but nope, I have still few things I need to say, so yeah this will not be the last one, and probably not even the next one will, I honestly can't say which one will be the official end. But I prefer to simply write and see where I end up. So enjoy this new chapter, and please forgive me again for the lack of new chapters, but I want to write just when I feel is the right moment, I want to give you just good stuff.. or at least what I think is good stuff! So nothing, enjoy it and also.. FORGIVE ME (this time not for the lack of chapters.. but for what I wrote in this one... you'll see)

 

Abby and Marcus were still embracing on the couch when the new morning came, legs entangled, arms wrapped around their warm bodies, eyes closed, hearts beating slowly.

 

Abby woke up first, opening slowly her eyes, a smile gracing her lips. She turned immediately toward him once her body started working properly again, and her mind wasn't trapped into the fog of sleep anymore. She blinked her eyes open, clearing her view, and simply stared.

 

She stared at him as if she hadn't seen him in years. She stared at him in silence, taking in every detail of this man, this man she loved, this man she knew loved her back. The thought made her swallow hard, her heart started to swell in her chest and her eyes filled with tiny hot tears. Her throat closed for a moment, preventing her from breathing properly. She inhaled deeply and regained control over her body.

 

The word _love_ started to circle in her mind, making her feel dizzy all of a sudden. Marcus was sleeping heavily, his breath was almost burning her delicate skin, his solid arms felt heavy on her stomach, but also protective around her torso. It felt as if he was afraid she could somehow disappear, as if she was meant to go and leave him.

 

But there wasn't a single thing that could drag her away from him, not now not ever. Abby smiled, and her hand reached for his cheek, her fingers traced a path on his dark beard, her skin prickled to life at the contact with his thick black facial hair. He smiled in his sleep, and snuggled closer, so close that his nose pumped against her cheek and she smiled again, closing her eyes, inhaling deeply in his scent.

 

He smelled good. Even his morning breath and the dry sweat over his skin smelled good. Abby indulged in the moment a little longer, inhaling and exhaling slowly, her hot breath bouncing between his nose and hers. It felt peaceful, comfortable, familiar. She was content where she was now, and she hadn't felt like this in a long time.

 

Her stomach growled suddenly, reminding her that it was probably late morning, and that she was used to wake up early and have breakfast with Clarke.

 

_Clarke._

 

Suddenly her heart started to race, she hadn't informed her daughter about where she was going to spend her night, and now she was maybe waking up to an empty bed in her room, and no breakfast ready in the kitchen. Abby swallowed and cursed herself under her breath. She decided she had to call her, to apologize and to explain.

 

Slowly she started to lift Marcus' arm from her body, trying to not wake him up. He stirred in his sleep, and also frowned, she bit at her lower lip but didn't stop. She had to stand up, to call her daughter, she had to leave him alone just for a while. When his arm was on his side, she slowly stretched her legs and started to push herself up on her feet. Marcus groaned and mumbled something, Abby smiled to herself and stood up.

 

Now she had to find her phone. She looked around her, taking a mental note to observe Marcus' house for the first time later. She frowned and bit at her lower lip, her purse was nowhere to be found, so she started to walk slowly toward the glass door that leaded to the dock on the lake, and realized that it was harder than what she had thought to be quiet in that house. With every step she took the wooden floor creaked and crackled loudly, she cursed under her breath the beautiful but loud choice of decore and tried to be quicker as possible, sneaking outside the house and landing her bare feet on the cold dock.

 

The morning Alaskan wind welcomed her to the new day with a fresh swirl, and she smiled, looking up at the indigo sky, cotton candy clouds were slowly walking into the infinite blue of the horizon and she inhaled deeply into the sweet air around her. Here the smell of the wind was different from where her house was. Here she could sense better the richness of the pine trees, with the touch of morning dew coloring the persistent but delicate smell. The lake that was shimmering around her was quiet and still, the water a perfect natural mirror, the air slightly scraping the blue surface just from time to time, and it carried a sweet and slightly acrid smell, that reminded her of that day when she and Marcus had been swimming into a deep blue mirror as this one, right after their first night of love making.

 

She blushed at the thought, and shivered when the memory of his kisses and his touches on her skin made her all body tremble and _awake_ even more. She swallowed and reminded herself she had to do something else now, there wasn't time to indulge in such thoughts, she had to call her daughter. Her eyes started to scan the dock, searching for the purse she remembered she had when she had sat down on the wooden dock the other night.

 

At first she saw just the blue water, the creaking dock and the tall trees all around her, but then into a far away corner, right where the dock ended and you could dive into the lake, her bag appeared into view. She shook her head and walked toward it, trying to remember why she had left it there, outside of the safety of the house, where it could have been soaked with pouring rain or where it could have fell into the abyss of the lake.

 

Not that Abby cared that much for her materiel goods, but it was stupid to go around without her phone, her wallet, her stuff. She grabbed it and dived her hand inside of it, searching for the coolness of her phone, when she found it, right at the bottom of it, her fingers wrapped around it and she took it out of the little purse. It wasn't her usual bag, but for the night she had planned in her mind, she had needed it to be pretty and little.

 

She tapped the display and it came to life, the battery was still able to grant her one call, but nothing more than that. She huffed and immediately dialed Clarke's number, without wasting time in reading possible messages from her, she probably had been worried and she could already imagine the sound of her voice screaming something like, “What the hell mother? Who is the teenager between us?” she smiled to herself, waiting for her to pick up.

 

But when Clarke answered, she sounded all but worried.

 

“Hey mum.” she said, her voice sounding slightly sleepy, probably she was still in bed.

 

“Oh honey, I'm so sorry, did I wake you up?” she asked, walking slowly toward the house once again, careful to stay outside to not wake up even Marcus.

 

“What? No, I was already awake, don't worry. How's it going?” she asked, and Abby smiled to herself, picturing her daughter stretching and stirring between her blankets, her blue eyes blurred with the heavy fog of sleep.

 

“I am good. I am also sorry because I kind of disappeared last night. Are you ok? Have you waited for me all night long?” she asked, biting at her lower lip nervously, feeling ashamed all over again. Clarke mumbled something, but her words were muffled by what sounded as her pillow.

 

“What? No. Why? Raven told me you where with Marcus, I knew you were somewhere safe” she said into a yawn. Abby frowned.

 

“Raven? What does she know about that?” she said, without even protesting about the fact that she was with Marcus, it was obvious that everybody always assumed that they were together, whenever they weren't where they were supposed to be.

 

“She drove Marcus back home and saw you, that's all.” she said, yawning again. Abby hummed.

 

“I see...” she started to say, but suddenly Raven's voice came from the other line, sounding slightly far away from the phone.

 

“Hey Doc, how was your night with the sheriff?” she yelled, giggling when Clarke shushed her. Abby sighed out.

 

“Good morning to you too Raven.” she said shaking her head, but smiling fondly.

 

“Sorry.” Clarke muttered, whispering something to the other girl.

 

“For what? I have the _right_ to know woman!” Raven yelled and then chuckled again, when Clarke hissed something about kicking her out of her bed. That was what Abby felt as her clue.

 

“Ok then girls, since you Clarke are in quiet good company, I think we will see each other later.” she said, starting to approach the glass door. Clarke hummed.

 

“Yeah I think this girl over here can't keep her mouth shut, not even when it's about my _damn_ mother.” Clarke said.

 

“You're damn what?” Abby reproached her, raising an eyebrow, even if her daughter couldn't see her.

 

“Seems like someone is in trouble.” Raven yelled again, laughing and screaming. “Abby say something to your daughter, she is trying to kick me on the floor!”

 

“Shut up Reyes!” Clarke chuckled and Abby smiled herself.

 

“Kids stop fighting or you are both grounded.” Abby joked. Clarke chuckled softly.

 

“Hey Doc you can't ground me!” Raven yelled, Abby at that rolled her eyes and shook her head.

 

“Yes well, since you eat my food and sleep in my house, I think I have the right to do so.” she joked again, at that Raven fell quiet and Clarke laughed.

 

“Got ya!” Clarke said, then sighed out, a smile coloring her voice. “You should take a look at her face now mum! Seriously, is precious.” she said, Abby chuckled and bit at her lower lip, leaning over the glass window, closing her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the morning sun on her face, and the sound of her daughter's voice in her ears.

 

“We'll see you later?” Clarke added. Abby hummed.

 

“Yeah, I will take a quick shower and will wait till Marcus wakes up too.” she said, without thinking too much about what she was actually saying, or how it could sound.

 

“Oh well, thank you for the information _mother.”_ Clarke said, Abby at that blinked and coughed.

 

“Yeah... I didn't mean it like that.” she tried to repair, but her daughter and her girlfriend were already giggling.

 

“Have fun Doc!” Raven yelled.

 

“See you later mum, love you.” added Clarke with a laugh, before ending the call.

 

Abby smiled to herself, blushing slightly, and gave a last glance at her phone, before it died officially in her hand. The bright display turned black, signaling the end of the battery, and Abby sneaked inside the house once again.

 

 

When she had closed the door behind her back, leaving the sounds of nature at her back, she looked up at the couch, and stole one last glance at the sleeping man on it. She smiled to herself and sighed out. She wanted to wake him up, to share a breakfast together, their first breakfast into his house, she wanted to share many first things together. But when she took a better look at herself, her wrinkled fancy black dress, and touched her messy hair, she decided she had to take a shower first.

 

She tiptoed toward what looked like the kitchen, and searched for a door that would lead her into a bathroom, she found it in the farthest corner of the room, she turned the handhold and found herself in Marcus' bedroom. She tried to not loose herself into it, taking in the dark color of his blankets, or in the way his pillows seemed soft and comfortable. She also tried hard to not look for framed pictures, or intimate objects, or to linger too much into the rich scent she could smell trapped into the fabric of the long curtains hanging from the windows. She had just to search for a bathroom, nothing more.

 

When she spotted another wooden door at the end of the room, she tiptoed over there, because of course everything in that house was made with cracking wood and it was basically impossible to walk without being heard. She entered the bathroom and locked it behind her back.

 

But then she unlocked it once again.

 

Her mind was working fast now, she was fully awake. She opened the door once again and then took off her fancy dress, letting it drop on the floor of his bedroom, right outside the door. Then, blushing and biting at her lower lip, she entered the bathroom, leaving her black bra right on the door handhold, leaving it ajar. Then she tossed her black panties, leaving them on the sink, and without a second thought, she stepped inside the shower box.

 

The water jet hit her in full force, it was cold as ice, she yelped, she couldn't really help it. After cursing herself under her breath once again, she turned the knob and once the water reached the right temperature, she dived under it.

 

Her skin prickled to life when the warm water started to run all over her naked body. She smiled to herself, stroking the water into her caramelized locks, feeling the heaviness of every droplet being trapped between her long strands. Her hands kept massaging her head for a while, her back stretching under the heavy but pleasant water jet, feeling how her muscles relaxed and tensed with every movement. She sighed and let her head fall back, giggling softly when the warm drops of water tickled her throat, she kept her eyes closed the whole time.

 

That was why she didn't see when Marcus pushed the door of the bathroom open, her fancy dress in hand, her bra hanging from his index finger. His eyes were dark and heavy with sleep, he looked confused but even particularly amused. When he looked up though, and spotted her into his shower, completely naked, under the falling water, her silhouette covered into a thick vapor, his expression changed and her clothes fell on the wet floor.

 

Abby was now humming to herself, spreading some soap over her curves, it was his soap, she could tell by the rich and almost acrid smell of pine woods of it, that same scent that she had sniffed on him many times. She was smiling to herself, giving Marcus her back, looking at her hands, guiding them over her flat stomach, and stroking carefully every inch of skin. Smelling his soap over her skin made her heart swell into her chest, and her stomach felt lighter, her heart jumping happily in her chest.

 

She was so focused on the sensation of the warm water on her back, and on the smell of the blue soap all over her skin, that didn't see or hear Marcus approaching her from behind. When his hands joined hers on her stomach though, she felt surprised, but not shocked. She had purposely left the door ajar and had left her clothes where he could find them after all. Her heart missed a bit, just once, and her lips stretched even more into a bright smile, especially when he, without saying a word, plastered his naked body against hers.

 

He felt solid, hot and protective against her. She closed her eyes once again and leaned her head to the side, exposing her neck to his already hungry lips. He kissed her, one, two, three, four times. His hands were entangled with hers over her stomach, the slippery soap kept running down her stomach, sneaking between her thighs, making the floor of the shower slightly slimy.

 

But neither of them could care less. Especially now that Abby had turned her head and had captured his lips between hers.

 

“Good morning.” Abby whispered, opening her eyes once again, looking at him with dark desire, not ashamed at all to look all but turned on. Marcus said nothing at first, his eyes fixed on hers. Abby said nothing herself, until his eyes fell on her lips and he kissed her, passionately, strongly, hungrily. Every coherent thought flew out of her mind when his lips made contact with hers, her legs gave up under the weight of her body, and she almost feared to fall awkwardly on the shower's floor.

 

But Marcus felt her loss of balance and his hands flew under her thighs, with a groan he scooped her up and pinned her against the cold glass of the shower box. Abby gasped, and Marcus took advantage of that, his tongue sneaked inside of her mouth, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and he swallowed her next moan.

 

“Marcus.” she whispered, or at least tried too. Because the way he was kissing her, and gripping at her naked and wet body, was leaving her unable to think and breath properly, let alone talk. He felt _urgent_ and _possessive._ His hands were strong and hot on her skin, his lips hungry and frantic, and Abby was _loving_ it.

 

She had seen this side of him the night before, but he had felt _desperate_ and _broken_ back then _,_ now he felt just _hungry_ and in a _desperate need_ of _her_. Her body reacted at his by instinct, they had done this already that was true, but now it felt all different, as if it was another first time. So Abby let her body enjoy the moment, she let him guide her wherever he wanted to take her.

 

And when he pushed his hot and hard length against her core, she knew he was going to take her toward the edge and over it in full force. He looked at her suddenly, his black eyes dark and deep, she swallowed and nodded toward the _question_ that she could see into his stare, he nodded himself and kissed her. She let her hand dive into his black wet hair, and her tongue danced with his. The tip of his member started to tease her entrance and she swallowed a soft moan.

 

“Let me hear you.” he growled, and Abby smiled to herself, biting at his lips.

 

“Make me.” she hissed, looking at him. Her stomach flipped and her heart missed a bit when he groaned and pressed her even more against the cold wet glass. Abby kissed him, he tasted sweet and warm, she swallowed some warm droplets of water and bit at his lower lip when he pushed his body against her another time.

 

He withdrew from her lips and started to pepper kisses on her neck, Abby stretched her muscles and relaxed in his arms, she looked up at the ceiling and suddenly felt a wave of burning _happiness_ growing in her stomach. She closed her eyes and sighed out, her lips stretched into an instinctive smile and she giggled, because she was utterly _happy._

 

At the sound of her joy Marcus stopped suddenly and looked at her, his eyes dark as the deepest ocean, his lips parted, he was panting heavily. Abby looked at him and her joyful smile turned into a softer and loving one, she caressed his cheek. He stared at her and she stared at him. For a moment they didn't move or talk, the noise of the water falling on the marble floor the only audible sound around them.

 

Abby was breathing quietly, feeling safe and in the _right_ place. Marcus licked his lips and looked down, for a moment his muscles softened and his grip on her loosened, Abby remained quiet and kept observing him, trying to read his emotions into his features. Then her body instinctively leaned forward toward him, and their forehead touched.

 

She inhaled deeply into him, but his natural scent was hiding under the water jet and into the thick vapor, so she leaned even forward and her lisp brushed his nose. “Marcus?” she whispered, he shivered slightly and bit at his lower lip. So Abby pushed his chin up with her index finger and searched for his eyes, when he looked at her she saw some kind of trembling _fear_ trapped into them, she frowned.

 

“What is it?” she asked him, her heart starting to pump more rapidly into her chest, sending waves of worry into her system. Marcus pursed his lips, his dark eyes glued on hers, his hands gripping strongly at her waist, his touch was strong and hot on her wet skin. Abby frowned even deeper, but then one of his hands flew to her cheek and he stroked her sensitive skin, his fingertips tracing a path on her cheekbone, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth.

 

“I am just afraid this is all a dream.” he whispered, his eyes heavy on her now, he swallowed, Abby felt her heart braking into pieces in her chest. She shook her head, biting at her lower lip.

 

“That's not a dream Marcus.” she whispered, her heart swelling with every word, her blood rushing in her veins, burning her from the inside. “That's reality. I'm here, you're here.” she whispered, nodding at every new word that escaped her lips. Marcus kept staring at her, motionless. Abby bit at the inside of her cheek and shook him by the shoulders. “You understand Marcus? That's not a dream, I'm real.” she said, urgency growing in her words.

 

Marcus was breathing heavily and his eyes were watery now, she could tell that those weren't drops of water, but hot tears. Abby felt desperate for a moment, but then he nodded and his eyes traveled over her face, observing every feature of her, looking at her lips, her chin, her cheekbones, her eyes. His fingers followed the same path on her skin and then he stopped, looking her straight in the eyes.

 

“You are real.” he whispered, Abby nodded and smiled, a tear escaped her eyes. She hadn't even realized that she'd been crying herself.

 

“I am.” she whispered again and then he kissed her.

 

“I love you.” he whispered suddenly, his words hot and strong on her delicate lips. Abby smiled and sniffed, kissing him back with the same force, the same passion he was making her feel with his kisses.

 

“I love you too.” she whispered, and she meant it, oh she meant it with every fiber of herself. They kissed and kissed, enjoying each other's taste on their lips, repeating that same statement over and over again.

 

_I love you._

 

_I love you._

 

And they meant it, and they believed in it, and they thought this was finally what they had been looking for in all their life. They thought this was finally where they were meant to be, where everything was going to start all over again, welcoming them both into the new road that was meant for them.

 

They believed this was where they were going to be happy ever after.

 

They believed in this so strongly and so passionately, that when they made love that morning, into that shower, and then into his bed, and after that on his kitchen counter, ending eventually both short of breath and naked onto his couch, they felt as if indeed this was their happily ever after.

 

But they were _wrong._

 

 

….

 

 

When it happened nobody expected it.

 

When it happened many hearts broke into pieces.

 

When it happened many people felt as if their life was over.

 

 

Why it happened, nobody could tell.

 

How it happened was clear to all though.

 

 

 

When it happened it was a sunny day of September in Arkadia, it had been two weeks since Abby had confessed to Marcus her love, and had been two weeks when the both of them had learned how to love each other deeply and _repeatedly_.

 

Everything from there had kept going on easily, since they both now knew their true feelings for each other, had been quiet simple to simply live each other, enjoying their days together, not afraid anymore to open up to the other.

 

Every each one of their relatives and friends knew since basically _ever_ about their relationship, so when they saw them kissing on Abby's porch, right after their long day of love making, nobody said nothing, they simply smiled and did as nothing special had happened.

 

Even if, according to the cheering voices and the loud laughter that that same night had come from the Blake's house, they had all raised their glasses yelling something as “It was about damn time!” celebrating the fact that “Those two lovebirds” had finally did something about that “Obvious sexual tension”.

 

Everybody was happy, and those two weeks had passed away fast. Raven and Clarke had spent them by planning their trip around the world, they wanted to see as many places as possible and Clarke wanted to pay a visit to Los Angeles again, so hat Raven could see where she had spent her childhood, something that had brought tears to her mother's eyes.

 

Bellamy had spent those two weeks working hard and enjoying long trips in the woods with Lincoln, after what had happened he and his sister's boyfriend had started to grow fond of each other, and they now enjoyed to spent their weekends in the woods together, hunting or fishing, talking about Octavia and their future.

 

Octavia on her side had spent her time by enjoying her days, working more than what her boyfriend and brother both thought was right, even if both her and Abby had tried to explain that she was _just_ pregnant and could do as many things as she felt good to. Apart from that, she loved to feed her horses, working at Lincoln's farm, taking care of animals and nature, while telling stories about the world to her swollen belly, stroking it with care.

 

And Abby and Marcus? Those two weeks had felt as a _rebirth_ for the both of them. Their days had passed slowly and happily, from a trip into the woods to a bath into the lake, from a night into her house, talking and chatting with the kids, to another one in his lake house, making love until their bodies would start to burn under the sheets.

 

They discovered as many things as possible, from the way the liked to be kissed or touched, to the way the both of them liked to be woken up. For example Marcus loved the smell of dark strong coffee coming from the kitchen in the early morning, and he loved it even more when Abby was making it, wearing just his long gray shirt over her naked body, her long hair loosened on her shoulders.

 

Abby loved to wake up to Marcus' kisses running all over her skin, her side, her arms, her neck. And they both loved to share long hot showers together before work.

 

_Work._

 

That was what forced them to stay apart after the first week, when summer was long over and they both had to start all over again with their _routine._ Waking up early in the morning, dressing up as they were meant to, climbing in their cars and driving toward where people were waiting for them.

 

They surely still tried to see each other every day at lunch, but if it wasn't a medical emergency keeping Abby in her clinic, it was a robbery forcing Marcus for hours into his office, filling papers over papers. But even if they couldn't enjoy each other as much as they wanted to, they were still always greeting each other in the evening, with smiles gracing their lips, always ready to share a talk or a kiss, a stroke or even more throughout the night.

 

That was why when _it_ happened neither of them was expecting it, so lost as they were into loving each other entirely for the first time.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

That sunny day of September many things happened.

 

The first one in order was the emergency call that woke up Marcus at 5 in the morning, forcing him out of Abby's bed, while she was still sleeping quietly at his side. She had been feeling sick the night before and had had trouble falling asleep, so he tried very hard to not make a single noise while dressing up and swallowing his liquid breakfast.

 

Right before leaving the house though, he walked back to her room, looked at her fondly for a long quiet moment and then kissed her forehead, his hand stroking gently her hair. Abby stirred in her sleep and smiled, her eyes still closed, she also sighed out his name in a feeble whisper. Marcus smiled and quietly said, “I love you.” and then rushed outside her wooden house, driving toward the emergency that had dragged him out of his warm morning sleep.

 

When Abby woke up an hour after him, she found a message on his pillow, offering her an apology and an explanation for his disappearance. Abby sighed out and rubbed her hands on her tired eyes, then she stood up and stepped into the shower.

 

When she found herself in front of her morning coffee though her stomach betrayed her once again and she found herself kneeling on her bathroom's floor, throwing up what she hadn't yet threw up the night before. She cursed herself under her breath and sighed out.

 

She forced herself into new clothes and drove toward the clinic, her stomach busy into protesting for the lack of food and threatening to throw itself out of her mouth at the same time. She knew that as soon as Jackson would have seen her he would have kicked her out of the clinic, and back to her bed, but she had to keep herself busy to not feel the dizziness in her head, or the discomfort in her belly.

 

Jackson on his side woke up with a smile on his lips, kissing a loving good morning onto his boyfriend's lips, checking on Octavia to know if their appointment was still for that same morning and walking outside into that beautiful sunny day of September feeling lucky to be simply alive.

 

Octavia woke up feeling all but tired, since she was pregnant she had found a new kind of energy, a new desire to do things, to _live_ them entirely, without wasting a minute. She joined her boyfriend under the shower, and they made love with smiles on their lips, cleaning themselves completely, bathing their hearts with a shower of whispers filled with love.

 

When she walked outside her house, her brother was waiting for her with a cup of coffee in hand for him and one of juice for her, they greeted each other with kind smiles and drove toward the center of the town, where Octavia was about to know something more about her baby. Lincoln waved them a goodbye from their porch, the sadness to not be able to go with her was clear in his eyes and into his smile, but she blew him a kiss and Bellamy promised to tell him everything about what Jackson was going to say to them.

 

At the same time Clarke was laughing in her bed, while her girlfriend Raven kept throwing at her a pillow, they both kept lingering under the covers for as long as they could and then, when it was clear that they had to get up and live the day, they shared a long kiss and then shared a shower together, before devouring their breakfast and dressing up for the new day ahead of them.

 

 

And like that that sunny day started, blessed by a sweet and cool wind, that carried the scent of life and pine woods.

 

 

… _._

 

 

“I told you, I am fine.” Abby said, while sighing out and sitting on her chair. Jackson was pursing his lips, shaking his head.

 

“Someone that is _fine_ doesn't throw up into the bathroom twice in ten minutes Abby. You are a doctor, you should know that.” he protested, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Abby groaned and closed her eyes, recalling the bitter taste in her mouth.

 

“Yes I am a doctor, and you are too, you know very well that throwing up can mean a lot of things, and sometimes working can help focusing on something else. I just need some water and some mineral salts, then I will be fine.” Abby said, while standing up again, one hand rubbing circles on her belly. Jackson rolled his eyes.

 

“You are impossible, you know that right?” he hissed, Abby at that smirked.

 

“But you love me for that, don't you?” she said, tilting her head, one of her patient's medical records in hand.

 

Jackson shook his head and cursed her under his breath, before opening the door and welcoming in their first patient. Abby took a deep breath, trying to ignore the dizziness in her head and welcomed Octavia with a smile when she walked in, followed by her brother.

 

“Hey there.” she said, Octavia smiled and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Are you ok Abby?” she asked once she had took a long look at her, Abby sighed out in frustration.

 

“Yes I am, why are you all asking?” she said impatiently, while Octavia blinked and stroked her belly, shrugging.

 

“You just seem slightly pale.” she said, pursing her lips. Bellamy behind her back was nodding intensely, while Jackson looked at her with a stare that seemed to say, “ _See? Told you so_.”

 

“Ok, enough! Who's the doctor here?” Abby said eventually, raising an angry eyebrow. Both the siblings raised their hands in surrender, and Jackson flashed her a burning glare, Abby crossed her arms and after a moment he sighed out and waved to Octavia to lay down right beside the ultrasound machine.

 

“Come on, let's see how this baby is doing.” he said with a smile, Octavia at that smiled fondly and took her brother's hand in hers.

 

Abby smiled herself and approached them, leaving room to Jackson to do everything, but keeping an eye on him in case something happened.

 

When the blue gel was poured on her skin and Octavia shivered slightly, smiling to herself, Jackson started to move the transducer over her belly, looking at the black monitor in front of him. “Ok, let's see what we have here.” he whispered. Abby shared a smiled with the young girl, she smiled back, and then she focused on the black monitor herself.

 

Jackson kept moving the transducer over her stomach, searching for the little baby inside of her mother's belly, then was when the both of them stopped and frowned. Octavia must have sensed it because she suddenly froze on her spot and frowned herself, tightening the grip on her brother's hand.

 

“What is it?” she asked, her eyes moving frantically from them to the monitor, that was still turned toward them, so that she couldn't see it, it was normal to do so for them, to prevent any kind of shock into the parents if nothing was visible during an ultrasound. Jackson looked at Abby and she looked back at him.

 

They were both staring at each other in silence, millions of questions circling in their heads, when suddenly Octavia's hands reached for Abby's arm. “What is wrong?” she asked, her blue eyes were wide open, her skin was pale, she looked scared to death. That was when Abby blinked and realized that she had been quiet for too long.

 

“Oh nothing is wrong darling.” she whispered, looking at Jackson, whom nodded and stood up rapidly, Abby sat down in his spot and kept stroking the girl's hand.

 

“What's going on then? You saw something? There's something wrong with the baby?” she asked, her eyes were already filled with tears. Abby felt her heart braking into pieces in her chest.

 

“Oh dear no, the baby is fine.” she said, stealing a glance toward Jackson, whom was checking if the machine was working properly, he nodded toward her and she smiled, while he walked toward them once again. “Actually, you probably want to see this.” Abby said, nodding toward Jackson, whom turned the monitor toward them. Octavia seemed confused, but she blinked away the tears and turned toward the ultrasound display, frowning.

 

“What is that?” she asked, pinning herself on her elbows, Bellamy was leaning forward toward the display himself. Abby moved the transducer over her belly, trying to find the perfect angle and then smiled, pointing with her finger toward the screen.

 

“These are your _babies_ Octavia.” she whispered, stealing a glance from Bellamy, whom was blinking in confusion. Octavia was speechless, looking with what looked all like wonder toward the screen.

 

“ _Babies_?” Bellamy whispered, looking at her, Abby smiled and nodded.

 

“Yes.” she said, freezing the picture on the monitor, withdrawing her hand from the girl's belly. “I swear that it never happened to me in almost twenty years of career.” she said, shaking her head, a smile on her lips, “But we've mistaken, you are not expecting just a baby girl, you will have twins.” she said, searching for the girl's eyes.

 

Octavia was still staring at the screen, her right hand moved carefully toward it and she stroked the dark shapes of her babies, a tear rolled down her cheek. “Twins...” she whispered and suddenly burst out laughing, her cheeks were the color of fresh strawberries. “I will have twins.” she said again, tears of joy rolling down her cheeks. Abby smiled and nodded, sniffing back a tear herself, while the girl turned toward her brother, whom was crying himself.

 

Then was when Abby looked at Jackson, the young man was staring fondly at the siblings, fighting back his own tears, she stood up from her chair and then was when her vision blurred and her legs trembled, she blinked but her eyes went dark all of a sudden, she parted her lips as to say something but her whole body wasn't responding at her anymore, then was when Jackson turned toward her and widened his eyes.

 

Right when she started falling down on the floor, the world turning into pitch black, two strong arms caught her from her back and the sound of her name escaped Octavia's lips, followed by the voice of Jackson. She fainted so rapidly that couldn't catch what he was saying, and then everything fell simply quiet.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When Abby opened her eyes again, she was laying on the couch in her office. She was feeling as if it had been days since she had passed out, her mouth was dry, her head felt light and she felt as if she had been wrapped into a thick dark blanket and had slept for days. But when she focused on her surroundings she spotted Bellamy, kneeling in front of her, looking at Octavia, whom was still cleaning her belly from the blue gel for the ultrasound.

 

“Abby!” she said, smiling when she saw her awake again, then was when Bellamy turned toward her and took her hand, right when she started to sit up.

 

“No don't move, Jackson said you need to rest.” he said, Abby groaned and kept pushing herself up.

 

“I'm a doctor, remember?” she hissed, when her stomach growled and her head started to spin, the room kept circling around her for a while, so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Ok, maybe I will lay down just a bit.” she whispered, resuming her previous position. The siblings shared an amused look and Abby sighed out.

 

“I'm sorry if I scared you.” she said, looking at the both of them, Bellamy smiled and shook his head

 

“Oh it's not us you should apologize to.” he said, looking at his sister, Octavia nodded, standing up on her feet, covering her belly with her white shirt once again.

 

“You should have seen Jackson, he was mad with you, he kept mumbling something about how stubborn you are.” she said, smiling and approaching her. Abby chuckled bitterly.

 

“Yeah he is right. But what about you? How are you?” she asked, reaching for her hand. Octavia took it and smiled.

 

“I'm fine Abby. Now it's you we need to check on.” she said, nodding and sitting in a chair right beside her. Abby shook her head stubbornly.

 

“That will not be necessary, I just need some rest and dry food for a couple of days, I will be fine.” she said, standing up, this time checking if her body could handle it. When the room didn't start to turn on itself, she stretched her back and sat down properly, fixing some strands of hair behind her ears.

 

“Yeah well you will have to convince Jackson about that.” Octavia said, Bellamy nodded.

 

“He took some of your blood while you were unconscious, he is examining it now.” the boy said, Abby at that frowned and looked at her arm, where she spotted the white cotton swab, pressing in the inside of her elbow.

 

“Oh for the love of god, that's absolutely unnecessary, I am fine.” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. Bellamy smirked and Octavia shrugged.

 

“Well it's better to be sure, right? It's just blood after all.” Octavia said, at that Abby sighed out.

 

“Yeah it's just blood, but this doesn't mean that he can just go around and take samples of it without my permission.” Abby said, starting to stand up, fury growing in her. Octavia and Bellamy tried to force her back on the couch but she glared at them, and since they weren't that used to argue with her, they let her do as she wanted, then was when Jackson entered the room again.

 

“Oh you're awake.” he said, while walking inside and closing the door at his back. Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yes I am awake Jackson.” she said, resting her hands on her hips, the young man nodded and approached her. “Now can you tell me why you took a sample of my blood?” she asked, raising the arm where the cotton swab was still pressing on her skin. Jackson shrugged.

 

“I wanted to check on you, that's all.” he said, as if it sounded perfectly normal to him. Abby blinked.

 

“I beg you pardon?” she said, approaching him at her desk, ignoring completely the siblings that were still sitting at her back, looking at each other, half worried half amused. “You can't take my blood without my permission.” she said, crossing her arms. Jackson at that sighed out.

 

“I am a doctor Abby, this is a clinic, you passed out on the floor and had been feeling sick since yesterday, I can do that.” he said, clearing his throat and stiffening his back.

 

“Oh is that so?” she said, biting at her lower lip. “Well okay then, you'll see that I am perfectly healthy, and that those exams were absolutely unnecessary.” she said, nodding to herself. Jackson smiled at her.

 

“That's what I hope Abby.” he said, approaching Octavia. “Here's the pictures of your twins Octavia, you maybe want to show them to Lincoln.” he said, helping the girl up from her chair. Abby sighed out at that and shook her head, reminding herself that they weren't alone.

 

“I'm so happy for you.” she whispered to the girl, once she was close enough, she smiled and hugged her.

 

“I am too. But I want to know what those exams will say ok? Tell me if you need anything.” she said, squeezing her shoulders. Abby rolled her eyes but smiled gratefully.

 

“You'll see that I am just fine, but thank you, and I will.” she said, kissing the girl's forehead. Then was when Bellamy approached her, he offered her a smile and Abby pulled him into her arms. “You can't escape one of my hugs Bellamy, you should know that by now.” she chuckled, when he blushed and nodded.

 

“You want me to wait for you? So I can give you a ride back home?” he asked her, Abby shook her head.

 

“No, I have my own car, take her back home and celebrate the news.” she said, smiling fondly at the both of them. Bellamy nodded, smiling and waving a goodbye toward Jackson. When the siblings were out of her office, and they were alone once again, Abby turned toward the young doctor.

 

“Don't.” he warned her immediately, Abby at that raised an eyebrow.

 

“You can't expect me to say nothing Eric.” she said, leaning over her desk. At that Jackson sighed out.

 

“You passed out Abby.” he said, looking at her with worried eyes. “I just want to be sure you are fine.” he whispered, squeezing the papers in his hands. Abby at that sighed out and bit at her lower lip.

 

“I know. I'm sorry.” she said, turning toward him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “I am stubborn, you know me.” she said, smiling when Jackson nodded and widened his eyes.

 

“Stubborn isn't enough to describe you Abby.” he said, they both chuckled at that and shared a fond smile, then she hugged him tightly.

 

“Oh what I would do without you Jackson.” she said, withdrawing and kissing him on the cheek. “But promise me that you will not say a thing to Marcus, if it's nothing serious, ok?” she said, searching for his eyes. The young doctor nodded.

 

“Oh I would never say a thing to him, I can already picture him rushing over here, eyes wide in pure horror. Woman trust me, I am not that stupid.” he joked, and Abby smirked.

 

It was true, Marcus probably would have been scared to death if she had passed out in front of him, that was just his nature, she had started to know and also love this side of him. If he cared for someone, even the slightest problem seemed enormous at his eyes, like that time when she had sneezed four times in a row and he had started to mumble something about not leaving the house if it wasn't strictly necessary, afraid she was going to catch a serious cold with fever and everything.

 

The memory made her smile fondly, and at the same time worried her to death.

 

What if she was sick for real? What if what was going on in her wasn't just _nothing_ but _something_? She tried to sweep away those thoughts, surely she couldn't linger onto them, she had to be positive and hopeful, she probably just needed more vitamins and nothing else, a couple of days of rest and she was gonna be fine.

 

_Right?_

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

Half an hour later, when the results were ready, Abby was sitting in her office, drinking a glass of fresh juice, talking at the phone with her daughter, she had call to check on her since she had heard from Octavia about the accident. Abby was reassuring her that she was absolutely fine, that was when Jackson knocked on her door and entered, some papers in hands.

 

“Hey honey, Jackson is here, I'll call you later, ok?” she said, smiling and mouthing an “I love you too” back to her daughter, right before ending the call and raising a curious eyebrow toward Jackson. The young man entered the room and sat down in front of her, clearing his throat.

 

“So?” Abby said, smiling toward him. That was when he looked at her, and his eyes were darker than what she had been expecting, panic started to rush in her veins, she swallowed and blinked. “Eric?” she whispered, her voice trembled, she cleared it and clenched her teeth, preparing herself for whatever was coming.

 

“Can I ask you a question? A personal one?” he said suddenly. Abby blinked and tilted her head, feeling suddenly confused.

 

“Uhm... sure, what is it?” she said, leaning slightly toward him over the desk. Jackson cleared his throat and laid the papers on the table, she couldn't read what was on them though, because they were facing the wooden surface.

 

“Did you and Marcus ever... uhm” - he coughed, visibly embarrassed - “Did you ever... used... you know...” he was mumbling now, confusing her even more.

 

“What Eric? Spit it out.” she said eventually, her tone impatient and cold. The young man nodded and cleared his throat, swallowing hardly.

 

“Yeah, sorry. Did you and him ever used protections?” he said in a rush then, bowing his head, looking at his hands on his lap. Abby blinked, suddenly she was speechless.

 

“What?” she whispered, wide eyes. Jackson looked at her, biting at his lower lip.

 

“I'm sorry Abby, I know how may this can sound, but I am really in need to know if you ever used protections for... you know-” Abby glared at him at that and interrupted him.

 

“I know what protections means Jackson!” she yelped, looking around her, feeling exposed all of a sudden. She leaned over the desk even further, so that she could whisper to him and he could hear her. “What I am not getting is _why_ you want to know such a thing.” she hissed, looking at him in the eyes. Jackson was blushing, and she could sense his discomfort.

 

“I-uhm...” he opened his mouth other two or three times, but he could just make some nonsense noises, until he sighed out and turned the pages on her desk, pushing them toward her, so that she could read them. Abby blinked and looked down, putting on her glasses, trying to focus on the letters and the numbers on them.

 

“Go to page number three.” he said, looking down at his lap, “Look at the fibrinogen values, and the count of leukocytes.” he said quietly, Abby scanned all the values on the papers and blinked once her eyes had gotten every each one of them. She looked up.

 

“It can't be.” she whispered, shaking her head, her heart racing in her chest. Jackson tilted his head.

 

“Now could you answer my question?” he said, Abby glared at him, her blood rushing hot and fast in her veins.

 

“You know better than me that we haven't.” she said, biting at her lower lip. Jackson sighed out.

 

“Well then it is what it is.” he said, looking at her, leaning over her desk. “You know that better than me Abby.” he said, searching for her eyes. Abby shook her head, her head started to spin, she felt a burning wave growing in her belly, heading toward her throat, the wave of nausea kept growing and growing.

 

“It can't be. I'm too old, and... I can't, I'm not meant to-” her eyes were filled with tears now, a mixed up emotion was growing in her chest, leaving her breathless. Jackson pursed his lips, and reached for her arm with his hands, squeezing it gently between his fingers.

 

“I know Abby. I know that you thought you were never gonna experience this again in your life, but you know that sometimes... _things_ like this one can happen, we don't know why or how but they happen.” he whispered, stroking her arm. Abby took a long deep breath, swallowing back the knot that was painfully forming in her throat, she sniffed back some wild tears.

 

“But I wasn't supposed to get _pregnant_ again Jackson.” she said, looking at him firmly. The young man smiled.

 

“Maybe you were supposed to Abby, maybe that was meant to happen since the beginning.” he said, shrugging and chuckling to himself. “You thought you were covered, and that you didn't need to.. you know... use protections, so maybe this was meant to happen, maybe somehow you also hoped for it to happen.” he said, at that Abby frowned.

 

“What? No. I wasn't planning this, this wasn't in my head at all.” she said, shaking her head.

 

And it was true. She hadn't planned or _hoped_ to get pregnant again. When she got pregnant the first time, she thought she was just starting something, that she could have other babies after Clarke, she was young and healthy after all. But it wasn't what the universe had planned for her apparently, because right after Clarke something happened. It wasn't clear how it happened, but her body simply seemed to not be able to bless her with another baby anymore.

 

It was something that was probably genetic, even if it wasn't exactly clear why she had been able to get pregnant even if just once, doctors told her that she probably had been _blessed_ and that she had to stick to that, that she had to be grateful she had been able to have one.

 

No other kids, they had said, it will never happen again, they had whispered sadly over and over again. And Abby had believed them, not that she hadn't tried, she and Jake had kept hoping to have another one, to give Clarke a brother or a sister, but even if every day of every month for over four years they had tried, no baby had ever come. Exam after exam the doctors had kept saying to her the same thing over and over again.

 

No other babies. You are sterile Mrs. Griffin, we are really sorry.

 

They had kept saying to her this so many times, over and over again, that eventually she had get used to it, and had accepted that this was her faith. She had one beautiful and healthy baby girl, and that was all she was gonna get, but that was perfectly fine, because Clarke was the love of her life.

 

And yet... And yet the woman inside of her had suffered from this, during the years, when with every month her period came, reminding her that she wasn't gonna get another baby, she had suffered, and had felt somehow _useless_.

 

But both Jake and Clarke had been there, and even if there was that moment once in a month that could brake her for a while, they were there, collecting her pieces, reminding her of what she had been able to create, of what she already had, and that she was far from useless.

 

Then, when the universe had decided that things had to break even more, she had found herself alone. Her sex life was over, just as her desire to be a mother again... at least that was what she had thought, until she had met Marcus Kane.

 

She had told him about her _condition,_ especially when they had started to grow close, they were friends, and as friends are used to do, they had started to talk about kids. He had told her that he had always thought he wasn't meant to be a father, but surely he liked kids, and Abby could see that, especially in the way he took care of Octavia and Bellamy, and in the way he talked about the girl's incoming baby, or more correctly _babies._

 

She had told him she had been _blessed_ with Clarke, and that her body wasn't able anymore to bless her again, but she had also told him that it was fine now, because she wasn't that _young_ anymore, and she surely couldn't run after a little kid and a teenager at the same time, raising a baby was a beautiful job, but it was also exhausting. Marcus had laughed at that, agreeing that probably the both of them were _too old_ for that kind of job.

 

Abby had never believed in that of course, Marcus was a healthy man and he could absolutely have other kids, especially if he fell in love with a healthy woman, he was meant to be a father, she could see that, she could feel it.

 

When she had said that to him, he had kept quiet, and she had thought that maybe it had been too presumptuous of her to say something like that. When she had touched his arm, to regain his attention back, he had smiled and had shook his head, saying. “I don't need a kid. That's not what I am looking for in a woman.” and at that Abby had raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“Oh is that so? So, what is Marcus Kane looking for in a woman?” she had said, leaning forward, smirking. And was then that he had exposed himself for the first time to her, a blush had colored his cheeks and he had bowed his head, shaking his head.

 

“Oh Abby, It doesn't matter, I don't deserve that kind of woman anyway.” he had said eventually, at that a question had started to form upon her lips, but right then was when the kids had started to yell at each other, about who was meant to clean the dishes and had ruined the moment between them.

 

Abby remembered every detail of that day, and she couldn't stop the smile that that memory could bring on her lips. She knew that the first time they had made love they hadn't even thought about _protecting_ themselves. They had been reckless, even if they both knew that she couldn't have babies, they hadn't even thought about it, it meant that in any other kind of occasion it could have been _dangerous,_ even if a kid surely was everything but _dangerous._

 

They had been so lost into each other, that the thought of preventing a baby was far from their heads, they wanted to love each other, and that was all that was going to happen. But Marcus wasn't stupid, and he remembered. It was when they were in his shower that morning of twee weeks ago that he had stopped abruptly, his lips on her neck, his hands wondering on her curves. He had looked at her, widening his eyes and scaring the hell out of her.

 

He had withdrew immediately, starting to mumble something about how reckless he had been, that he was the man and he was supposed to take care of these things, and Abby at that had felt so sorry for him, and even for herself.

 

“Marcus? I can't have babies, remember?” she had whispered, the water jet still pouring loudly upon their heads. Marcus had looked at her and his expression had softened, his eyes growing heavier.

 

“Oh... right.” he said, sounding ashamed. Abby had smiled and had rolled her eyes.

 

“Don't look at me like that. I thought you remembered.” she said, shrugging. “You haven't thought about this the first time?” she said, biting at her lower lip. Marcus at that had blushed, literally, and had bowed his head.

 

“I was slightly distracted.” he had said, hiding from her stare. Abby at that had smirked and had chuckled loudly.

 

“Oh we are worse than teenagers.” she had said, cupping his cheeks, printing a long kiss on his lips. “If I was still _functional_ we would have been in serious troubles.” she had joked. Marcus at that had frowned and shook his head.

 

“There's nothing wrong with you Abby.” he had whispered, sounding serious all of a sudden. Abby had nodded.

 

“Yeah, right.” she had said, pursing her lips and forcing a smile on her lips. Her old feelings started to grow inside of her again. Marcus cupped her cheeks then and forced her to look him straight in his eyes.

 

“You are _perfect_ Abigail Griffin, you understand?” he had said. And Abby wasn't sure if it was the way his voice was resonating inside the glass shower box, or the way his dark eyes seemed to look right through her, or maybe the firmness of his length pressing hard and strongly against her stomach, but her legs trembled at his words and she could only agree with him.

 

“Yes...” she whispered feebly. And when he kissed her then, his lips printing the word _perfect_ over and over again on her naked skin, every other thought flew out of her head, making room just for the hunger that took over the both of them.

 

Abby was so lost into her thoughts, that when Jackson shook her arm, calling her name over and over again, she flinched and blinked, the fog of the memories dissipating slowly.

 

“What?” Abby said suddenly, putting her glasses away, trying to focus on her friend. Jackson was frowning.

 

“Maybe you need a moment alone.” he said, smiling gently. Abby shook her head and sighed out.

 

“Sorry.” she said, feeling the way her heart started to run once again, pumping heavily in her chest. “It's just that....” she tried to find the words, but they weren't there, then was when Jackson smiled and took her hands in his.

 

“It's just that you are pregnant Abby.” he whispered, looking at her fondly. Abby looked at him and smiled, instinctively.

 

“I am pregnant...” she said again, biting at her lips. “Pregnant.” she said again, tasting the word in her lips. Then was when her body gave up, and a laugh started to grow from her belly to her lips, and she started to tremble, trying to suppress it. But it was too late, and Jackson had sensed her _hysterical_ amusement, and he followed her. Then was when they both burst out laughing, holding hands and shaking their heads in disbelief.

 

“Oh gosh I am too old.” she said at some point.

 

“And I am too young to be an uncle.” he joked, they both kept laughing and laughing, until they both calmed down and then just the echo of their amusement was lingering in the room.

 

“Are you happy?” Jackson asked her suddenly, while Abby was wiping away few tears from her eyes. She blinked and stopped moving, looking at the young man in front of her. She hadn't to think about it though, her heart grew in her chest at his question and she could only smile and nod, new tears growing in her eyes.

 

“Yes, I am. _Desperately_ happy.” she whispered, sniffing and taking the hand he was offering her, while crying himself.

 

Then was when the door of her office opened and their receptionist, _Maya,_ stormed in, eyes wide open, breathing frantically.

 

Right when a reproach started forming in Abby's mind, the girl talked.

 

“Sheriff Kane has been shot!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if i should... I regret nothing.
> 
> (to get the title of this chapter you may wait for the next one)


	12. ...and she takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby just discovered she is pregnant, while Marcus has been shot.
> 
> (no beta reading as always, every mistake is only mine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I am terribly slow lately, but inspiration is kind of a b***h when is about the last chapters! But since I couldn't leave you like I did, here there is the new chapter, I know I know is not exactly what you wanted maybe but how can I say that? Angst follows me wherever I go, every universe has to be touched by it, so enjoy this one, while I go back working on Chapter 13, because I know how much you hate to wait! Also, love you all and thank you for all the comments and the kudos you left and for the ones I know you are gonna leave me, because you love me right? Right.

 

 

“The sheriff has been shot!” Maya said, her eyes red with panic, her hands were clenched in tight fists at her sides. Abby blinked, Jackson froze in his seat.

 

“What?” he said, the girl was looking at Abby but answered the young man immediately.

 

“Sheriff Kane has been shot, they are taking him here... He lost a lot of blood.” she said eventually, her eyes were filled with tears, her stare fixed on Abby.

 

Jackson stood up quickly and started to say something to the girl, but Abby couldn't get any of his words. Her mind was empty in that moment, the world around her was quiet and loud at the same time. Time was frozen and was speeding endlessly. She was burning and freezing under her skin, her heart was beating so slowly and yet it felt as if it was about to explode.

 

“Abby?”

 

She heard her name, but her vision was blurred, even if she wasn't crying... yet.

 

“Abby look at me!”

 

Her name once again, she couldn't say if it was Jackson or Maya whom was talking to her, she couldn't get anything right now.

 

“Abby for the love of god, look at me!”

 

Again she wanted to, but her body was motionless, it wasn't responding, she couldn't do as the voice asked. Jackson was shacking her by the shoulders now, her heart was missing precious beats, her throat was constricted, a painful knot was keeping all the new oxygen outside, her lungs were burning for the lack of it.

 

“Doctor Jackson we need you, the paramedics are coming...” Maya whispered, Jackson stopped shacking her and Abby tried to swallow, such a simple gesture was suddenly too hard for her, she coughed instead and squeezed her eyes, she could feel the burning growth of her tears behind her eyelids.

 

“Doctor Jackson?” Maya again, the young man withdrew from her, Abby couldn't see him because her vision was blurred, but she could sense the coolness of new air sneaking under her clothes.

 

“You stay here with her, I will be back as soon as possible.” he said, at that Abby blinked.

 

“No!” she said sternly, her voice sounded so distant and so guttural, that she almost couldn't recognize it as her own. Jackson froze and Maya held her breath.

  

“Abby I hav-” but she stood up rapidly from her chair and wiped away some unshed tears, sniffing slightly, shushing him.

 

“Let me.” she ordered, Jackson was looking at her with sad eyes, he opened his mouth as to say something back, but Abby didn't let him, rushing outside of her office, toward the entrance of the clinic where she knew the paramedics where coming.

 

When she found herself in front of few of her patients sitting quietly in the waiting room, she stopped, looking at them with glassy eyes, they all turned toward her, from the look on their faces she could tell they knew already. Abby swallowed and tried to recompose herself, walking slowly toward the clinic's door, she was going to wait for them outside, she needed to breath some fresh air.

 

Right when she was pushing the glass door open, one hand stopped her, putting a slight pressure on her shoulder. “Abby stop.” it was Jackson whom was now pulling her back inside, Abby turned her head toward him, every fiber of her being was prickling nervously with the need to be outside, away from those sad stares, away from the suffocating walls of that place.

 

“I have to be outside, they are coming.” she said, her voice was flat, no sadness, no panic, no pain, nothing else than few words in a sentence. Jackson nodded and smiled shyly.

 

“I know.” he whispered, turning her so she was facing him completely, since when she allowed people to move her around? Jackson swallowed and flashed a look to the patients in the room, everyone bowed their heads, giving them some kind of privacy. “He isn't coming here.” he whispered quietly. At that Abby frowned instinctively, then was when her heart started beating even faster than before, so fast that she couldn't breath, her eyes filled with new hot tears, the question hanging on the tip of her tongue.

 

_Is he dead already?_

 

But Jackson seemed to sense it without the need for her to ask, he shook his head. “They are taking him to Anchorage, he lost too much blood and lost conscious.” he said, while pushing her toward her office, Abby was listening carefully, her feet following Jackson without her really wanting to. “They will keep us informed, if anything happens they will call us immediately. They will be in Anchorage in no time with the helicopter, so you don't have to worry ok?” he kept talking, his voice was warm and calm, as if he was talking just about a normal patient, as if the one unconscious and with a bullet somewhere in his body wasn't Marcus, _her_ Marcus.

 

“Why don't you sit down for a while now?” he asked her suddenly, they where again in her office, her door was closed, it was quiet in there, this was a safe place, she knew every inch of this room, she was safe here.

 

“Abby?” he called her, trying to regain some of her attention back, Abby blinked, looked at him intensely, he smiled at her with sadness, he looked in pain... for her.

 

“I need you to drive me to Anchorage immediately.” she said, her voice again didn't quiet sound as her own. Jackson closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

 

“I can't do that Abby.” he said, looking at her again straight in the eyes. Abby tilted her head to the side.

 

“It wasn't a question.” she said, and then moved toward her desk, took her purse and opened her office's door. “I will wait for you outside.” she said quietly, heading toward the exit without looking back.

 

“Abby?” Jackson called after her, but his voice faded as soon as she had stepped outside, the sound of cars driving on the streets, some chirping birds, the wind in the trees, those were the sounds that invested her. She inhaled deeply, and closed her eyes, waiting for her heart to stop beating that fast, praying for her body to stop forcing new tears in her eyes. A giant painful hole was forming in her stomach now, she opened her eyes again and looked down at it.

 

Then was when it clicked, she looked at her womb and her hand instinctively covered it, the warmth of her skin sent shivers from her belly button to her heart. Then was when she started crying out loud, falling on her knees on the dirty sidewalk.

 

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

Nine months. Nine months and their life was going to be turned upside down.

 

Nine months and she was going to be mother a second time, all over again.

 

First word, first step, first bath, first Christmas, first birthday, first everything, all over again... but with another man at her side.

 

Nine months and a new life was going to be created, her body wasn't meant to give life to anyone else, and yet, here she was, carrying this new life in her small body.

 

Nine months aren't that much compared to a lifetime. Nine months aren't that much at all...

 

Nine months and she was going to carry a baby in her arms, her baby.

 

 _Their_ baby.

 

Will it be a boy or a girl? The question was always there, followed immediately by, how are we gonna call him? Or her?

 

So many names into the world, so many possibilities. They could go with a classic name, something like an evergreen, she liked evergreens... But then... a new pregnancy for her was something so special that she had to admit this future baby deserved its due. The name she was going to give to this blessing had to be special, it had to mean something.

 

Nine months are a lot of time Abby, you will find the right one.

 

_Together._

  

Together, because she wasn't going to do this alone... right?

 

 

 

“Mum?” Abby blinked and turned her attention to her daughter, that was sitting right beside her in Raven's car. “We're here.” Abby turned her head rapidly toward the car window again, and saw it.

 

#  _Providence Alaska Medical Center_

 

__

 

 

“Why don't you go in, while I park the car?” Raven said quietly, Abby said nothing, her eyes where glued to the hospital's entrance, Clarke sensed her discomfort and nodded toward her girlfriend.

 

“Come on mum.” she whispered, opening the car door, pushing her outside. Raven said nothing, her big brown eyes followed them both outside of her car, when Clarke closed the door behind her back, she nodded toward her and drove away. Abby wrapped her arms around herself and swallowed.

 

 _Here we are._ She thought, her eyes scanned the giant building in front of her, it reminded her of LA and the thought sent shivers down her spine, she closed her eyes shut and swallowed harder.

 

 _Not now._ Clarke was pushing her on the back, “Come on mum, we have to go inside.” she whispered quietly. Abby looked at her, her blue eyes were observing her carefully, she could see how she was restraining herself from looking sad and lost, she was being strong for her, because she knew her mother needed her to.

 

 _How can you do this to her?_ She reproached herself.

 

“It's gonna be ok.” Clarke said, nodding at every word, “There are real good doctors here, trust me.” she said, her whisper felt so heavy, her word felt so mechanical, as if even her didn't believe her own words, but she was just trying to comfort her, even if she didn't knew how to do that.

 

“I'm afraid.” Abby whispered, her voice came out as a broken whisper, it was cracking, her throat was dry, her mouth was dry, her heart as well. Clarke nodded and one of her hands started stroking her hair.

 

“I know.” she said, and then started pushing her again toward the ER's entrance. Abby followed her daughter's step, afraid that if she stopped now she wasn't ever gonna enter that damn building. When the glass door opened, the familiar sounds of the hospital invaded her, the smell too felt too familiar.

 

She closed her eyes and swallowed again, but it was hard, all the water in her system was gone by now, she had cried so much and for so long on that sidewalk outside of her clinic. When Jackson had called her daughter, asking for help, she had kept crying, and when Raven had helped her on her car, forcing her inside the vehicle with the help of Clarke, she had kept crying. Just when Arkadia was far away at their backs and the road to Anchorage had started form in front of them she had stopped, allowing her daughter to held her in her arms.

 

At some point she had also tried to fall asleep, if only her body could have allowed her to do that.

 

“We are here to see Sheriff Marcus Kane, coming from Arkadia, he has been shot and-” Clark started to talk to the nurse behind the reception desk. Abby was looking around her now, the white walls, the creamy couches, the plastic plants adorning the aseptic room. Nurses and doctors were coming and going, they seemed to know where they had to go, what they had to do. Abby was the only doctor here that felt as if she was out of place, not knowing what she was supposed to do, or where she was supposed to go.

 

“But you must know something!” Abby heard Clarke saying at some point, she was raising her voice, she was getting angry.

 

“I'm sorry but right now there's nothing I can do for you.” the woman said sternly. Clarke clenched her teeth and smashed one fist on the desk.

 

“We just want to know if he is ok or not.” she said, her blue eyes were burning now, she seemed so angry. Abby put a hand on her arm, Clarke turned toward her. She shook her head and looked at the woman behind the desk.

  
“Let us know when you can say to us where we have to go to see him, ok?” she said quietly, the woman behind the desk pursed her lips and nodded. Clarke frowned, but Abby forced her away from the reception desk and the woman, pulling her with her toward one of the couches.

 

“What are you doing?” she asked suddenly, Abby sat down and cleared her throat, trying to find a comfortable position on those consumed couches.

 

“I'm waiting.” she said, Clarke blinked, sitting down herself, looking around them as if she could find a way to get to Marcus without the help of the woman behind the desk. “That woman can't tell us something if we are not relatives, we must as well wait here.” she said, her back was hurting her now, she was tensing all of her muscles, as if she had to jump on her feet at any moment.

 

“I'm sorry.” Clarke said eventually, a sad whisper. Abby didn't dare to look her in the eyes, she knew what she would see into her daughter's blue irises, the same painful memories she was having now. Flashes of her husband, laying lifeless on a stretcher were echoing painfully in her mind, flashes of that hospital with those horrible random painting hanging from its gray walls, the smell of blood and detergents, everything now was so damn vivid in her head, that she felt as if instead of living another day into another moment of her life, she had somehow jumped back in the past, and was waiting for the doctors to come and tell her that her husband was dead.

 

But this, this was another day, and this wasn't Los Angeles, and he... he definitely wasn't Jake.

 

Here it was about Marcus, here they were in Alaska, so far away from home, another life, another city, another man fighting between death and life... another man she loved.

 

Was it her? Was it her fault? Had she done something _that_ bad into another life? Was this some kind of punishment for something she didn't know she deserved?

 

_Stupid._

 

It was juts _life._ Life is a bitch sometimes, as Raven liked to remind her all the time, one moment you are discovering love once again, after a loss so painful that it might as well have killed you, and the moment after you are waiting for the love of your life to be saved... or declared dead once again.

 

 _Damn it._ She was the only one to blame for this, she was the one that had allow herself to love again, she had opened up to a new man, she had trusted faith and once again... faith had given her the answer to the _big_ question.

 

_Will I ever be happy again?_

 

Apparently the answer was _no_.

 

“Finding parking in this place is harder than what I had thought, damn.” Raven snorted, while approaching them, as soon as she landed her eyes on the two women though, she fell quiet and bowed her head, sitting quietly beside Abby, since there wasn't another place available. Abby said nothing. Her eyes were fixed on the wall at the other side of the room, her hands were joined, caged between her thighs, her shoulders were tensed, her back was hurting badly, but she didn't really care.

 

Psychical pain is the best way to ignore the mess in your heart after all.

 

“So... do you know how is he?” she asked, even Raven was hiding her own discomfort, Abby could see that, the girl knew Marcus since a bit longer than her, even if their relationship was different from theirs, she was attached to the man, she cared for him, and surely she was suffering as much as her right now. But just as Clarke, she was trying to hide it all, because Abby now needed them to be strong.

 

At least... this was what they both thought she needed. Truth be told, Abby didn't really know herself what she needed from them, she just knew what she wanted, and that was to see Marcus again, alive, with his heart beating in his chest, with his eyes open, smiling at her.

 

She wanted to hug him so badly right now, the feeling of his skin against her skin, his arms around her body, that was what she wanted now, oh how much she missed his touch. The taste of his lips on hers... that was another thing she wanted to feel again, the wetness of their kisses, the warmth of the burning passion between their entangled bodies.

 

And the sound of his voice, whispering into her ears that she was beautiful, so beautiful... how much she loved the way he usually said her that.

 

“We have to wait.” Clarke said eventually, but Abby wasn't listening, she was aware of the girls' stares on her, waiting for her to say something, she could sense the heaviness of their eyes on her body, but in this moment she was lost inside of her mind, a cocoon of memories was pulling her away from that place, she was running away from the sadness and the pain now, she had to get lost inside of her mind to not get lost forever into the pain of that reality.

 

“Do you at least know how is he?” Raven asked, Clarke shook her head and Raven pursed her lips, then was when her eyes traveled toward the nurse behind the desk, she was looking at them and adverted her gaze as soon as the young mechanic had flashed her an angry stare.

 

“Hey you!” she said, raising from her seat, then was when Clarke widened her eyes and followed her.

 

“Raven don't!” but the girl was already verbally attacking the nurse. Then was when Abby realized she was sitting alone, her mind registered the information and her body started moving without her permission. She rose from her seat, and without wasting another second, started walking in the opposite direction of the girls and the poor nurse. Her feet walked her inside a hallway, a nurse was walking toward her, but she was focused on a medical records in her hand and ignored her completely.

 

Abby kept walking, her eyes were scanning the surroundings carefully, while her mind was lost into that cocoon of memories, her body was working for her, as if she had somehow activated the autopilot, her feet knew exactly where to go, her eyes knew exactly what they were searching for.

 

_Surgery room._

 

Then was when she turned and changed hallway. If Marcus has been shot, the first place they would take him was the surgery room, to take the bullet away. Abby knew that what she was doing was wrong, but actually... she didn't care. She needed to do something, she couldn't just sit and wait, because otherwise she was going to lose herself forever into that waiting area, on that stupid couch.

 

When she found herself in front of a closed door though, she stopped. _Now what?_ She knew as a doctor that restricted areas were forbidden to visitors and relatives, she knew also that she wasn't a doctor in that hospital, technically she was still a doctor, but she had no power there, she couldn't make decisions, she couldn't go wherever she wanted to go.

 

When the door opened though, her body moved for her, she hid herself behind the green door, while a couple of doctors came out, talking about medical stuff she wasn't really interested in listening to right now, then when the big heavy door started closing on itself again, she sneaked inside.

 

The door closed behind her back with a quiet _click_ and she was alone into the hallway of surgery, where she surely wasn't meant to be. She swallowed and inhaled deeply, she was here for a reason, she had to find Marcus, she had to know if he was ok. Her feet started walking again, and she started searching for a clue of where he could be.

 

The doors were all closed, as it was supposed to be, how was she supposed to know where to go? Where to find him? And did she really wanted to see him? In the surgery room?

 

When one of the doors opened though, all of her doubts fell quiet and she plastered herself against the wall, a nurse walked outside, medical records in hands, followed by a doctor, dressed in green, a _surgeon._

 

“We will move him to intensive care and will have to keep an eye on him during all night, we also have to call Arkadia to-” he stopped abruptly when his eyes caught her watching them, Abby didn't know when exactly she had started moving, but she wasn't plastered to the wall anymore, her feet were slowly moving toward them. “Hey, can I help you ma'am?” he asked, frowning and walking quietly toward her. Abby blinked but didn't answer to the question, instead she asked a new one.

 

“Is he ok?” she asked, even if the doctor hadn't said _his_ name, she knew he was talking about him.

 

“Who are you talking about ma'am?” he asked, tilting his head, he also gestured to the nurse at his back, Abby knew she was going to call someone to drag her out of that ward, but she didn't care right now.

 

“Is he going to be ok?” Abby asked again, her eyes were filling with tears, she could feel them growing. The doctor landed his hands on her shoulders, lowering his voice.

 

“Why don't you tell me who are you? And why are you here first? Then I can try to help you.” he said, managing a smile. Then was when the doors of the surgery room opened again, and a couple of nurses came out, one pulling and one pushing a stretcher, where Marcus was resting, unconscious.

 

“Marcus?” she whispered, her body reacted at what she saw immediately, she freed herself from the Doctor's hands, and sneaked under his arms, rushing toward the stretcher.

 

“Hey ma'am stop!” the man yelled, but Abby wasn't listening, she could only look at the man she loved, laying on that stretcher, his torso was bare, there was blood on the white sheets around his body, and a bandage around his shoulder and half of his chest, one was also around his head.

 

“What happened? How is he?” she stared to ask, to the two nurses that were looking at her with wide eyes, their muscles tensed, their hands gripping at the stretcher. The doctor approached them, and gestured to the two young man to go away, Abby wanted to protest, but the man was squeezing her arm now, forcing her at his side.

 

“Ma'am you need to come with me now.” he said, Abby blinked, a tear escaped her eyes.

 

“No, I need to go with him, I need to know if he is ok.” she said, she wasn't really talking to the man at her side, she was more talking to the empty hallway around her, to herself, to Marcus, she didn't really know.

 

“You can't go now ma'am, you have to come with me, he is in good hands, trust me.” the doctor kept saying, his voice was low, his tone calm, he was trying to reassure her, to make her feel comfortable. Abby was all but comfortable.

 

“Let me go!” she said suddenly, looking him in the eyes, her words coming out as an order, the man shook his head.

 

“I can't do that, you are in a forbid area.” he said, starting to pull her in the opposite direction of where the stretcher and the nurses were.

 

“No, no, no, no, please, no, no, no.” she instinctively started pleading, the man cleared his throat.

 

“Please ma'am, follow me now.” he said, his eyes were searching for help around him, Abby was tiny and emotionally broken in that moment, but she was resisting with such a strength, that the man suddenly had to stop to not hurt her any further. “Please ma'am, you must follow me now.” he said, pleading her with his eyes. Abby shook her head, biting at her lower lip, looking him in the eyes, she leaned forward, her hands gripping at his green coat.

 

“You have to tell me how is he, please!” she said, her eyes were filled with hot tears now, she was starting to see everything blurred and trembling, but she sniffed them back and kept pleading the man in front of her, he was silent, looking at her while shaking his head.

 

“I can't help you if you don't follow me, please.” he said again, then was when the doors where she had sneaked in from opened, and Clarke and Raven rushed in.

 

“Mum? What are you doing here?” she said, walking fast toward her, Raven was following her, beside her there was the nurse that had walked outside the surgery room with the doctor before.

 

“Do you know her?” the doctor asked, pointing at her with his index finger, Clarke focused her attention on him and then immediately on the arm that was squeezing her mother's arm, she glared at the doctor.

 

“Yes, and she isn't a threat, let her go!” she said sternly, the man blinked and did as she said, clearing his throat. Abby was silent now, looking at the man in front of her, her daughter, the entire hallway around her, she wanted just to follow Marcus, but she didn't actually know where he was or how to get to him.

 

“What happened?” Clarke asked, the doctor straightened his back and pursed his lips.

 

“She was wondering around here asking about one of my patients and-” but Clarke shushed him with another burning glare.

 

“I wasn't asking _you._ ” she said, turning to her, stroking one of her cheeks. “Mum? What happened?” she asked her quietly, her hands traveled on her shoulders, her touch was delicate and comforting, she was so warm. Abby blinked and licked her lips.

 

“I saw him.” she said in a whisper. Clarke tilted her head.

 

“Really? Is he alive?” she asked, her lips turning into a smile without hesitation, Raven approached them closer, widening her eyes as if like that she could hear them better. Abby nodded and then shook her head.

 

“I saw him, he was breathing, but they don't want to tell me how is he, I-I don't know where he is, Clarke I need to see him, please.” she said, starting to plead her daughter too, she was desperate as much as she looked apparently. Clarke pursed her lips and turned toward the doctor at her back.

 

“Where do we find Marcus Kane?” she asked, without letting go of her mother. Abby bowed her head at the mention of his name, swallowing hard. She felt the pressure of Raven's hand on her back at that, the girl was at her right side, while her daughter at her left.

 

“What?” the doctor asked in visible confusion.

 

“Marcus Kane, the sheriff from Arkadia that has been shot, where is he know? What are his conditions?” she asked, her hand in the meanwhile had started to rub circles on Abby's back, a comforting gesture that she had used on her many times.

 

“Are you relatives?” he asked, looking at the three of them coldly. Clarke clenched her teeth.

 

“Do you think this is really important? We have to know if he is ok, _she_ is his girlfriend, is that enough?” Clarke said, tilting her head toward Abby. The doctor sighed out, exchanging a glance with the nurse that was still waiting at their side, looking at Abby with heavy and sad eyes.

 

“Follow me please.” he said, starting to walk toward the same direction where Marcus had been carried away. Abby blinked and wrapped her arms around herself, Clarke and Raven started walking too, never leaving her side.

 

“We're almost there mum.” Clarke whispered in her ear, following the doctor into the hallway. Abby nodded but kept quiet, recalling the bright red of the blood on Marcus' sheets, he was breathing though, she had seen that, she remembered this detail vividly, she was sure about it.

 

He was still alive. _He had to be._

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

_Coma._

 

That was the word that was echoing in her head now. Abby was sitting into a chair, in the doctor's office, Clarke was sitting beside her, while Raven was on her feet, right behind Abby, her hands never leaving her shoulders, a comforting presence, at least that was what it was meant to be, but right now Abby was feeling just an enormous and consuming fear digging inside of her.

 

“How long before he wakes up?” Clarke asked. Abby was listening but she wasn't able to talk, her daughter knew she had to step in for her. The doctor looked at her for a long moment and then focused again on her daughter.

 

“We don't know.” he said, at that Raven snorted.

 

“What do you mean you don't know? You are doctors, you have to know!” she said, Abby could feel the anger and the pain of the girls in the way her hands were squeezing her shoulders now.

 

“Is not that simple miss.” he said, at that Raven snorted again, the man sighed. “When the sheriff-”

 

“Marcus.” Clarke interrupted him. The man blinked and bowed his head in apology.

 

“When _Marcus_ has been shot he had fallen down, we were able to remove the bullet from his shoulder, and stop the loss of blood, with no further tissues damages but unfortunately the fall caused an internal bleeding in his head, to prevent any further damage to his brain we induced a coma, the thing is that we don't know _if_ he will wake up again.” he said eventually. Abby at that looked at him, he was looking at her.

 

“ _When_ he will wake up you meant.” Clarke said, glaring at the doctor. The man licked his lips and nodded.

 

“When... right.” he whispered, his eyes were shifting from her daughter to her, he was in visible discomfort now. “We will keep him here until he _will_ wake up again.” he said, Raven at that squeezed Abby's shoulders.

 

“But we live in Arkadia, we can't come here everyday.” she said, her voice sounding confused and worried. Clarke sighed out.

 

“We have a clinic in Arkadia, can we bring him there?” she asked, the doctor shook his head.

 

“I'm afraid this will not be possible, we can't move him, is too risky.” he said, biting at his lower lip. Clarke sighed out heavily and swallowed. Raven withdrew from Abby and took few steps back, shaking her head. Then was when Abby cleared her throat, attracting the doctor's attention.

 

“You mean that we can't _now.”_ she said, looking at him carefully. The man tilted his head.

 

“Well-” he started to say, but Abby didn't let him finish.

 

“We can wait until his conditions will be stable once again, and if still hasn't wake up, we can move him to Arkadia with us.” she said, looking sternly at the man, she could tell he sensed she wasn't going to take a no as an answer.

 

“Technically yes, but is not that easy ma'am-”

 

“Doctor.” Clarke interrupted him again, the man blinked.

 

“Excuse me?” he said in confusion, Clarke tilted her head toward Abby.

 

“She is a doctor, just as you.” she said coldly. Abby said nothing, her eyes fixed on the man sitting in front of her. He pursed his lips and nodded.

 

“Well then... _doctor_ , you already know how it works.” he said, looking at Abby again, she nodded.

 

“I do.” she whispered, and with that rose from her seat. “I want to see him now, is it possible?” she asked quietly, she was tired, the fight in her had faded when the word _coma_ had escaped the doctor's lips, but she still wanted to see him.

 

“Sure.” he said, standing up himself, walking her outside his office, followed by the two girls.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When you hear the words, “ _Out of danger”_ everything should be easier, because you know it means that the person you care for isn't about to die at any moment. But when you hear the word _Coma_ there isn't a way to make it better. Coma means a lot of things, among all there's always the chance it is irreversible, and it means that the one you care for isn't gonna wake up, ever again.

 

When Abby entered Marcus' room for the first time, her feet felt heavy, the cold gray floor felt cold even if she couldn't actually feel it under her thick shoes. Her body shivered when the air in the room invaded her, everything was still in there, the lights were low and cold, it was so dark. She forced her eyes to travel from the floor to the bed where she knew he was laying, attached to a machine that was keeping him monitored.

 

He could breath for himself, but they had to know if his heart was still beating, they had to know if his brain was still working, they had to know if the internal bleeding was subsiding or not, because he couldn't tell them, because Marcus was now unconscious. All those thoughts were filling her mind now, and her heart was starting to beat loudly in her chest, her lungs were squeezing under her rib-cage, her eyes were filling with tears, but she had to look at him.

 

When the shape of his unconscious body took form in front of her, she held her breath. He was laying still, his beautiful dark eyes closed, his chest rising and falling quietly, his torso was now covered with one of those white patient gowns that she knew so well. She took a step forward, the machine at his side was quiet, apart from the steady _bip_ of his heartbeat. She licked her lips and kept approaching. The more she got closer, the more she felt away from him.

 

When her hip bounced against the metal of his bed she stopped, her eyes were fixed on his face now. His features were relaxed, his breath so quiet and calm that she almost couldn't catch it, but the machine at his side reminded of her that he was alive, he had to be, otherwise right now she would hear an emergency alarm, and not the silence that was heavily hovering upon the both of them.

 

Her eyes fell on his hand eventually, and she had to swallow hard to not cry when she saw that it was covered with a fresh bandage.

 

_What have they done to you?_

 

She asked herself, but then she took courage and took his hand in hers. He was warm, and she had to close her eyes really shut to not lose herself into that knowledge. She sniffed back a tear and smiled, a trembling smile.

 

“Hey.” she whispered. As a doctor Abby knew that it wasn't possible to know if a patient could hear voices during a coma, but she also knew how much they liked to encourage relatives and friends to talk, to keep the patients somehow _alive_ even if incapable of responding. She wanted to believe he could hear her, she had to believe he could hear her, because otherwise she was going to brake even more.

 

If that was possible.

 

Her right hand traveled slowly on his cheek, it was instinctive, she couldn't help herself, her fingers landed on his cheek, and on his beard, and she started to rub it carefully. A smile blossomed on her lips, her eyes were shining wit unshed tears, but she kept stroking his cheek, feeling the rough but familiar feeling under her palm.

 

“I'm right here.” she whispered, her eyes traveling on his features, trying not to think too much how she missed to see the color of his eyes right now. “I will not leave until you wake up, how does that sound?” she whispered again, leaning even further, then was when her lips touched his forehead and she had to restrain herself from bursting into tears.

 

“I'm right here Marcus.” she whispered again, withdrawing slowly from him. Then was when she saw her daughter moving outside of his room, she was talking to Raven, whom was writing something on her phone, probably informing the others about his conditions. The sight of her daughter reminded her of one thing Marcus had to know, something she had kept for herself only since she had known, well herself and Jackson of course.

 

She chuckled bitterly with herself and smiled at Marcus.

 

“You know... there's a thing I must tell you.” she whispered, sitting on the chair that was right beside his bed, it was too faraway from him though, she pulled it toward the bed, so that she could sit and still stroke his cheek, while feeling the warmth of his breath on her neck if she leaned closer. “You are gonna be a father.” she said in a whisper, kissing his cheek. “So you have to wake up, because I'm not gonna change all those diapers alone, did you hear me?” she joked, feeling the bitterness of her words on the tip of her tongue.

 

“You have to wake up Marcus.” she whispered again, pursing her lips, feeling the pain growing once again in her heart, she squeezed his hand, as if by doing so she could calm her racing heart.

 

It worked.

 

“You have to, because I can't live without you now, please, wake up.” she said again, and with that, she leaned her head on his chest, where his heart was beating quietly. Her eyes closed, her tears fell down his clean gown, and her hand never left his while she fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When night came Abby was still sleeping on Marcus' heart, she hadn't move an inch. Clarke had covered her sleeping form with a blanket, a sad smile gracing her lips. Hours kept passing by while Abby kept sleeping, until early morning came and she started moving.

 

“It's ok mum.” Clarke whispered, when she opened her eyes and started to roam them on her surroundings. She could tell by the look on her face that she had forgotten for a moment where she was and what had happened. It was heartbreaking to see her like that, but she had to be strong, she had to keep inside her own sadness. Abby blinked and cleared her throat, standing up and looking down at Marcus, he was breathing quietly, nothing had changed during the night.

 

“How is he?” she asked, her voice heavy with sleep, while she started to stretch her neck and back, she grimaced, probably sleeping on a chair, with your head upon someone else's chest wasn't that comfortable.

 

“Stable.” Clarke whispered, Abby nodded.

 

“Good, it's good.” she whispered, licking her lips.

 

“Do you want some water?” she asked, her mother was silent, her eyes focused on the sleeping man she loved. “Mum?” she whispered again, at that she blinked and turned.

 

“What?” she was visibly not paying attention to her now, Clarke smiled and handed her a bottle of water.

 

“Want some?” she asked again, at that Abby nodded, taking the bottle, sipping slowly from it.

 

“Where's Raven?” she asked, Clarke stretched her own back on the chair.

 

“I forced her to go back home, she wanted to stay here too, but Octavia wanted to come as well and so she went back home, they will be here again in the morning.” she said, while tilting her head to the side. Abby said nothing, her eyes fixed on the man on the bed.

 

“Octavia shouldn't come here.” she whispered, Clarke sighed.

 

“She is worried.” she just said, Abby nodded and hummed bitterly.

 

“She shouldn't come here.” she whispered again. Her eyes were fixed on his face, Clarke leaned her elbows on her knees.

 

“He will wake up, you know that right?” Clarke said, at that Abby blinked and turned toward her, closing the bottle, chewing at the inside of her cheek.

 

“Of course I do.” she whispered, her eyes fixed on a random spot on the floor. Clarke could tell her mother wasn't there with her right now, she was probably somewhere else, where she wasn't allowed to be, where her mother shouldn't be allowed to be either.

 

“He will.” she said again, this time Abby looked at her. “You need to have hope mum.” she whispered, Abby at that smirked bitterly.

 

“Hope. Right.” she said, nodding to herself, standing up from her chair.

 

“Where are you going?” Clarke asked, while her mother collected her purse from the floor.

 

“I need some air.” she said, and without waiting for her to follow, walked outside, the door closed behind her back with a quiet thud.

 

Clarke kept quiet for a while, until her eyes traveled on Marcus, she clenched her fists. “You have to wake up.” she hissed to the unconscious man on the bed. “You have to wake up.”

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

 

The first to came were Raven and Octavia, followed by Bellamy and Lincoln. They all wanted to see him, to be sure he was indeed still alive. When Octavia entered the room, and her eyes landed on his sleeping form, her eyes filled with tears, she stroked her belly and shook her head. Luckily Lincoln was right behind her back, his strong arms hugged her tightly, while she started crying quietly in his embrace, her tears wetting his green shirt.

 

Abby wasn't there to witness that.

 

When Bellamy saw him, he clenched his fists and pursed his lips, nodding to him, whispering, “You will wake up, we will be here when it will happen.” at his words Raven nodded, while Octavia kept sniffing quietly in her boyfriend's arms.

 

Abby didn't see that either.

 

It was when the doctor came, to check on his patient, that Clarke noticed her mother had been missing for almost two hours. She walked outside the room, and started to search for her in the hallways. She wasn't there. Raven joined her, searching and calling her name, sneaking inside every open room, worried eyes, fast feet.

 

When after twenty minutes of searching they hadn't found her yet, Clarke started to worry. They rushed toward the reception desk, asking to make an announcement, they did. Abby didn't show up.

 

When Clarke was starting to jump on her feet nervously, biting at her nails, her eyes glassy with worried tears, Raven bounced her on the ribs and pointed outside the hospital, toward the green meadow that was right in front of the entrance. Clarke widened her eyes when the shape of her mother appeared in front of her, she was sitting on the grass, her long hair were shining in the morning sun.

 

She walked slowly outside, Raven kept her distance, overlooking the scene from afar, while Clarke kept approaching her mother. She was looking at the sky, her legs crossed on the sweet meadow, while few nurses and doctors were drinking their morning coffee on some benches. Clarke said nothing and sat at her side, crossing her legs as well, looking at her for a long moment, then she followed her gaze on the sky, were few cotton candy clouds were hovering upon them.

 

“He loves clouds.” she whispered suddenly, her eyes never leaving the infinite sky. Clarke said nothing, leaving space to her mother to speak. “He always loved to point to me every absurd shape he could see into them.” she chuckled, biting at her lower lip. “He always saw so many things, from a dog to a piano, I swear... he has such a beautiful imagination.” she said, her smile faded, she bowed her head.

 

“I'm pregnant.” she whispered suddenly, her eyes fixed on the grass under her body, her fingers started to play with few blades. Clarke said nothing, swallowing and nodding. Abby looked at her, she inhaled deeply and leaned her head on her shoulder, enveloping her body in her arms.

  
“He will wake up mum.” she whispered, looking at the sky. Abby nodded, but Clarke could sense she was holding back new tears. So she turned her head toward her and kissed her shoulder. “You have to stick to hope mum.” she whispered against the fabric of her shirt. She smelled good, as always.

 

Abby said nothing, Clarke raised her eyes then and smiled, wiping away a wild tear from her mother's cheek. “You two are gonna be parents, is not a thing you can do by yourself.” she whispered, forcing a smile on her lips. Abby kept looking at her in silence, her chocolate brown eyes were filled with tears, she saw them tremble in the deep rich color of her irises. She was so sad, she could tell, and she couldn't do anything to help her ease that pain.

 

“He will wake up.” she whispered, and Clarke nodded firmly.

 

“Yes, he will.” she whispered back, kissing her mother's forehead, squeezing her eyes to prevent herself from crying. When she started to withdraw, Abby's arms enveloped her, keeping her close. At that Clarke gave up and hugged her mother tightly.

 

“He will.” she whispered in her hair, stroking her honey colored strands with care, closing her eyes, inhaling in the scent of her almond soap, trying to find comfort into that smell of her she knew so well. Her mother was crying quietly now, but Clarke didn't tell her to stop, didn't force her away, she held her there, comforting her trembling shape, giving her the only thing she could give her.

 

Her presence.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 is still a working progress, but since I am in the mood today, I am gonna work on it right now!


	13. Babies Names, Poetry and Everything in Between.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus has fallen into a coma, and Abby and the kids have to learn how to deal with it.
> 
>  
> 
> Hear the songs I named i this chapter:
> 
> Can't Help Falling In Love - Ingrid Michaelson  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sQeQC4hT10
> 
> Wonderful Unknown (YES) - Ingrid Michaelson  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyfrwf232FI
> 
> The poems come right from "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, chapter 13 is here (when inspiration comes I like to use every last part of it)

 

 

_A month later._

 

 

 

“Good morning Marcus.” Abby said, a smile on her lips. She approached him, while discarding her purse on the chair beside his bed. She tilted her head, while leaning over him, kissing his forehead, stroking his cheek. “Today we are going back home.” she whispered to his closed eyes, her hands stroked his beard one last time, then she withdrew completely from him, taking her bag again. “You must be really careful.” she said to the young man that had just entered the room.

 

“It's our job ma'am, you don't have to worry.” he said, smiling kindly. Abby raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah well since I am also a doctor I know that many things can go wrong, so sorry if I don't take your words for granted.” Abby said, while taking few steps back, allowing the young man to approach Marcus' bed.

 

“So, are we gonna take him to Arkadia Clinic?” he asked, while fixing the sheets onto his body. Abby shook her head, a smile on her lips.

 

“No, we are gonna take him _home.”_ She said, while taking her phone out of her purse. “Just go to the address on the papers.” she said, while walking outside of the room. “Honey? They are taking him now, we are gonna be there in half an hour, is everything ready”? She started to talk to the phone, while Bellamy approached her, she shushed him with a raised finger while smiling at the phone.

 

“Ok sweaty, that's great, tell Raven we surely would like something to eat when we get there.” she said, while smiling to Bellamy whom nodded. “See you in half an hour.” she said eventually, ending the call, shoving her phone in the purse. Bellamy smiled.

 

“You are radiant today.” he said at her, at that Abby smirked.

 

“And you are a flatterer as always.” she said, while shaking her head. “But thank you.” she whispered eventually, stroking the boy's cheek. “Come on, we can wait for them outside.” she said, heading outside of the hospital.

 

“Can't believe it's been already a month.” Bellamy said suddenly, while they were walking quietly toward the second entrance of the hospital, where the helicopter was waiting for them and Marcus. Abby pursed her lips.

 

“He's gonna be fine Bellamy, being at home will be helpful. This hospital is awful.” she said, shivering in her own arms. Bellamy nodded, then inhaled deeply and forced her to stop, squeezing her elbow.

 

“Do you think he will wake up soon?” he asked, even if Abby knew the real question was if he was ever going to wake up. She smiled, her hands landed on the boy's cheeks and she nodded, looking deeply into his dark eyes.

 

“Of course, he will wake up in no time, you'll see.” she said, smiling. The young man smiled back, and as soon as she had withdrew, giving him her back, her smile faded, she swallowed and closed her eyes.

 

_Please. Let it be the truth._

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

“Do you think he needs a second pillow?” Raven asked, tilting her head, observing the sleeping form of Marcus. Abby approached her.

 

“Give him one, so if he wants it he can use it.” she said, crossing her arms. At that Raven glared at her, and Abby smiled. “He's gonna be fine Raven.” she said, while stroking the girl's arm. “Now we should leave him alone for a while, he needs to rest.” she said, while forcing Raven and her daughter Clarke outside of the room.

 

“Technically-” Raven started to say, but Clarke shushed her with a loud, “Reyes shut up!” and Abby smiled, closing the door of the room, blowing one last kiss toward the man she loved, that was still eyes closed on the bed, unconscious.

 

 

It had been one month since Marcus had fallen into a coma, the internal bleeding had faded, but he hadn't woken up yet. After some papers filling, they whole had agreed on taking him at Abby's place, Clarke had offered her room, claiming that she could sleep on the couch, but Abby had forced her to move to her girlfriend's house, so she could take care of him without taking nobody's private place.

 

Of course Clarke at first had protested, saying that she needed to be there for her, she wasn't gonna leave her living all of that alone, but Abby had repeatedly said that if she had to go through all of this, she had to do it as if nothing bad had happened, otherwise she was going to brake. She had to live everyday as if nothing was wrong, that was why she joked about Marcus with the girls, because she had to pretend that he wasn't actually into a coma, she had to keep her mind away from the darkest thoughts that approached her when night surrounded her and she was alone.

 

She had to keep up with the life around her to not drive herself crazy. That was why she had asked to be left alone, it was easier to pretend if nobody was there reminding her of how a healthy person looked like.

 

Days kept passing by, Clarke kept living with her girl, even if she called her mother three or four times a day, paying a visit at least once a day. Raven too wasn't able to stay away, and Abby didn't want them to stay away, it was important for Marcus to hear all of them, to feel them around him. But when night descended, and everyone was sleeping in their private houses, she was left alone, and that was when she was the one that had to make him feel her presence.

 

At first she talked to him, telling him about her day, what she had done, also talking about the first signs of pregnancy, how her body had already started to change, a second child was always a faster process after all. Then after a while of talking without getting any answer, she had started to read him books.

 

His favorites.

 

Octavia had brought her some of the ones she had found in his house, Abby had decided to start with _Leaves of Grass_ by _Walt Whitman._

 

It was a quiet evening, outside was getting colder every night a little more, autumn was starting to turn into winter, and she hadn't yet experienced a real Alaskan winter, she knew the worse was yet to come. She was wrapped into a thick blanket, sitting in her favorite chair, right beside his bed. The scent of cinnamon candles was invading the room, and she had the book open on her lap.

 

“You like this one very much don't you?” she asked him, while observing the way the paper looked consumed by the touch of fingers, knowing he had been reading the same pages she was going to read, made her feel closer to him, less alone, less away. She looked at him, unconscious, still in his bed, the red blanket Octavia had made for him was wrapped on his body, she smiled and started to read.

 

 

“ _I CELEBRATE myself,_ ” she started... “Well I like that.” she added with a smile.

 

 

“ _And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me, as good belongs  
to you._ ”

 

She inhaled deeply, her fingers kept stroking the inked words while her eyes kept following every sentence, and her lips moved around them, while her vocal cords kept giving them voice in the silence around her.

 

“ _I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease, observing a spear of summer grass._ ”

 

She casted a glance at him, as if she feel observed somehow, he was still unconscious of course, she kept reading.

 

“ _Houses and rooms are full of perfumes—the shelves are crowded with perfumes, I breathe the fragrance myself, and know it and like it, The distillation would intoxicate me also, but I shall not let it.”_

 

She smiled to herself, inhaling again into the rich and slightly acrid smell that was hovering in the room, she closed her eyes and then shook her head, focusing on the yellowish page in her hand.

 

“ _The atmosphere is not a perfume, it has no taste of the distillation, it is odorless,” -_ she turned the page at that, her fingers stroked it with such care, as if she was afraid it could catch fire if she touched it too fiercely - “ _It is for my mouth forever, I am in love with it, I will go to the bank by the wood, and become undisguised and naked, I am mad for it to be in contact with me.”_

 

She kept reading then, without stopping, studying every word, feeling the weight of them on her tongue, as if she was able to taste them.

 

“ _The smoke of my own breath, Echoes, ripples, buzzed whispers, love-root, silk-thread, crotch, vine,”_

 

Her eyes kept roaming, and she kept reading, turning every page with the same care you would use while covering a baby with a blanket. Suddenly she reached a particular spot, and she saw a sentence was underlined:

 

“ _ Clear and sweet is my soul, and clear and sweet is all that is not my soul. _ _“_

 

She smiled, glancing at Marcus, she stroked the line he had made under the sentence, inhaled deeply, closed her eyes for a second and then resumed her reading, until she found another underline, more correctly a series of them:

 

“ _Loafe with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat, Not words, not music or rhyme I want—not cus-tom or lecture, not even the best, Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice.”_

 

She smiled, her eye started to fill with tears again, she kept reading out loud, even if her voice was now coming out as a rough whisper.

 

“ _I mind how we lay in June, such a transparent summer morning, You settled your head athwart my hips, and gently turned over upon me,”_ \- she turned the page once again, the scent of it invaded her, she kept reading - “ _ And parted the shirt from my bosom-bone, and plunged your tongue to my barestript heart, And reached till you felt my beard, and reached till you held my feet.” _

 

She smiled again, this time her lower lip trembled, she could suddenly feel the warmth of the ghost of his hands on her shoulders, her skin prickled to life, as if Marcus was right beside her, stroking her hair while she was reading to him his favorite poems. And so she kept reading, every page, without realizing how time kept passing by, how minutes grew into hours, and how with every word she read out loud, she was losing herself a little more inside of him. She kept reading until her eyes closed, her voice faded, and the book fell open on the floor, the last underlined sentences she had read still visible.

 

“ _A man is a great thing upon the earth, and through eternity—but every jot of the great-ness of man is unfolded out of woman, First the man is shaped in the woman, he can then be shaped in himself.”_

 

In that same page, in the right corner of it, marked with a pencil as a thought that had came up out of nowhere, in Marcus familiar handwriting, you could still read the name _Abigail._

 

 

 

….

 

 

“I'm just saying that _Gustus_ is a good name.” Lincoln said, his arms crossed, while Octavia was blinking, sitting on Marcus' bed, Raven was restraining herself from burst out laughing.

 

“I swear, I will never call my son like that, do you want him to hate us forever?” Octavia said, taking a sip of her hot tea. Abby smiled, leaning her head against her daughter's hip, whom was sitting on the armchair at her side.

 

“You have to admit is a pretty _hard_ name Lincoln.” Clarke said, while Octavia chuckled, hiding her smirk inside of her mug. Lincoln pursed his lips.

 

“Is a real good name, and I like it. I'm the father, I don't have the right to decide too?” he asked, looking at the room filled with women around him. They all kept quiet for a while and then shook their heads simultaneously, saying out loud a stern. “No!” before laughing all together, while Lincoln rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh come on baby, I promise you will pick up the kid's puppy's name, how does that sound?” Octavia joked, while Raven started to laugh loudly and Abby smiled gently at the sad expression on the poor boy's face.

 

“Whatever.” he muttered eventually, while Octavia printed a kiss on his cheek, stroking his shaved head, mouthing an almost inaudible _“Who's a good boy?”_ At that Lincoln turned to Abby, a gentle smile on his lips.

 

“What about you?” he said, at that Abby blinked, stretching her back on the chair.

 

“What about me?” she asked, leaving her empty mug on the cabinet beside Marcus' bed. Lincoln shrugged.

 

“Have you already started thinking about a name?” he asked, while his girlfriend started stroking her swollen belly, her icy eyes fell instinctively on Abby's stomach, she had entered her second month just now and her belly was still not visible.

 

“I-I hadn't, not yet no.” she said eventually, glancing at her daughter, Clarke sensed her discomfort and cleared her throat.

 

“I like a lot _Poseidon_ , but I don't think my mother is into Greek mythology that much.” she joked, while nodding and pursing her lips, while Octavia started chuckling at Lincoln's side. Abby smiled at that and nodded, following her daughter's lead.

 

“Yeah, I am more into Romans, so I think I will go with _Neptune_.” she joked, while Lincoln kept nodding as if he was actually considering those names viable for a kid. Then he stopped and opened his mouth, widening his eyes.

 

“Oh ok, you two are very funny.” he snorted, while his girlfriend started laughing at his side.

 

“I know right?” Clarke joked, while sipping her last drops of tea. Abby relaxed on her seat again, stroking her daughter's leg, mouthing an inaudible “ _Thank you”_ meant for her only. Clarke nodded and smiled. She knew that her mother hadn't started thinking about a name yet because she wanted to wait.

 

She wanted to _hope_ Marcus was going to wake up, because this was a thing they were supposed to do together. They were supposed to read dozens of books about names, joking and laughing about the most ridiculous ones. They were supposed to mock Lincoln together, claiming that their son or daughter was going to be named after some ancient Greek god or maybe like some rock star from the 80s.

 

This was something she wasn't supposed to do alone, this was something they had to live together. The thought as always was able to bring her a heavy sadness, that would cover her as a blanket made of stones, forcing her on that same chair were she was sitting now, staring at the void around her, asking herself what she was going to do if Marcus actually never woke up again.

 

“Why don't we all go get something to eat for dinner?” Raven said suddenly, she had sensed Abby's discomfort too, and was trying to find a way to release the tension. Abby blinked and cleared her throat. Clarke nodded, jumping on the floor.

 

“Sounds awesome, what do you think guys?” she asked to the couple that was arguing under their breaths again about names good enough for their incoming twins.

 

“Food? You don't have to ask me, I'm always ready for it.” Octavia said, stroking her belly. Abby smiled at that and Clarke chuckled.

 

“Mum?” she asked her, while sneaking inside of her blue jacket. Abby shook her head.

 

“I'm not that hungry, but you can go and eat something good for me too.” she said, smiling at her daughter.

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked, looking at her with worried eyes, as usual. Abby nodded, smiling.

 

“I am.” she whispered, squeezing her daughter's hand. At that Clarke nodded, printing a kiss on her mother's cheek.

 

“Ok then, call me if you need anything.” she whispered, her hot breath stroking the tip of her nose. “I love you.” she added before withdrawing completely.

 

Abby smiled, nodding. “I love you too.” at that Raven appeared behind her daughter's back.

 

“Hey, where's my kiss?” she asked, hands on the hips. At that Abby chuckled, standing up from her chair, dragging the young mechanic in her arms, the girl hugged her with strength. “Be good Abby.” she whispered in her hair, and Abby nodded, kissing her black hair.

 

“You too.” she said, at that Raven smirked.

 

“Hey doc I am too awesome to be _just_ good, you should know that by now!” she said, at that Abby nodded, raising her hands in surrender.

 

“My bad!” she chuckled, Raven nodded herself and started to walk outside, her chuckle never fading, followed by Clarke. At last Octavia and Lincoln approached her, the girl kissed her on the cheek, and Abby stroked her belly, mouthing a goodnight. Then was Lincoln whom hugged her, his strong arms squeezed her almost too tightly.

 

“Call if you need anything, I'm just at the other side of your yard.” he said, smiling kindly. Abby smiled herself and squeezed his shoulders.

 

“Oh I will call you sooner or later, you still have to paint me that wall in my room.” she joked, tilting her head to the side. Lincoln nodded while chuckling.

 

“Right. I come by tomorrow, how does that sound?” he said, while walking backwards toward the door. Abby nodded.

 

“Sounds as the same thing you said yesterday, and the day before.” she said, with a smirk. Lincoln chuckled, while Octavia pushed him outside, yelling a, “I will remind him to come, I can be persuasive!” then they were all gone.

 

And Abby was left alone once again. She sighed out, her eyes scanned the empty room, the echo of the kids' voices was still around her, she landed her eyes on Marcus, still unconscious on his bed. She leaned forward, her hands squeezed the thick red blanket on his still body.

 

“So, are you hungry?” she asked, smiling, knowing she had to feed him through IV and surely that wasn't the kind of meal you could share. She sighed out and walked outside of the room, inhaling deeply, trying to not think too much about the fact that the man she loved, was unconscious in a bed in her daughter's old room since two months by now, and seemed to not be in any hurry to wake up.

 

 

….

 

 

It was a snowy day of December, when Abby started feeling as if Marcus was never gonna wake up again.

 

Winter had come in full force, and she was forced to stay home, her belly was starting already to be visible, she had decided to clean the house that day, and of course she needed some music to keep herself company since Clarke wasn't there to help.

 

And of course she had to put her daughter's playlist in shuffle mood, not really knowing what she was going to listen to. After a couple of commercial songs, a series of Raven's favorites and also a couple of Christmas evergreens, she found herself on one single track she surely wasn't in the mood to hear.

 

It was Ingrid Michaelson's cover of _Can't Help Falling In Love,_ when it started to echo throughout the house, Abby was cleaning the sink in her kitchen. The hot water was steaming into it, her hands covered in her usual yellow gloves. She was scratching a particular stubborn stain, when the lyrics started to reach her from the living room, where the phone was playing.

 

 

 _Wise men say only fools rush in_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you_  
_Shall I stay_

 _Would it be a sin_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you_

 

 

Abby froze on her feet, swallowed and tried to ignore it, her hands kept working hard on that damn stain.

 

 

 _Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things are meant to be_  
_So take my hand, and take my whole life too_  
_'Cause I can't help falling in love with you_

 

The hot water jet started to fill the sink, she sniffed and dived her hands in, trying to ignore the feeling that was growing heavily and painfully in her chest.

 

 _Is just a stupid song._ She told herself, shaking her head, emptying the sink, the guttural sound of the water flowing away filled the room. But as soon as it stopped, the lyrics reached her again.

 

_So won't you please just take my hand, and take my whole life too_

_  
'Cause I can't help falling in love, in love with you_

 

 

Then was when she saw the foam of the soap trapped on her gloves, the sponge in her hand soaked in hot water, and then was when tears rushed to her eyes, starting to roll down her cheeks into an endless run. Her legs gave up eventually. Memories of the day she and him had played as kids in her kitchen filled her completely, flashes of his smiles and grins blurred her vision. The echo of his laugh filled her ears, leaving her breathless.

 

She took off the drenched gloves, scattering them on the now wet floor, she wrapped her arms around her legs, pressing them against her body. Then was when her swollen belly crashed against them, and then was when her heart broke even more. The thought of that life growing inside of her, the thought of him or her never meeting Marcus' eyes, not even once able to hear his warm voice, made her feel powerless against the bitterness of that fate of her.

 

Even when the song faded, it didn't get better, because of course fate liked to mock her, to play with her, and the shuffle thing had never worked that much, so another one of Ingrid's love songs had to pop up, another bunch of romantic lyrics had to fill the house, reminding her of what she had known and had then suddenly lost, once again.

 

 

_Here we go, dancing on our own, inside this house that we have never known, never known  
Here we go, going in alone into the dark and wonderful unknown, let us go, let us go_

 

_In the best way, you'll be the death of me_

 

 

Abby at that couldn't keep it inside anymore, and so it all exploded, coming out as a river, as a giant ocean wave, taking everything with it, leaving nothing back. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed. The song kept echoing with it's melancholic melody in the house, followed by the guttural and pained screams of Abby.

 

_Oh, got your father's wristwatch on, the one your mother gave him when they thought the world won't end,_

 

 

She screamed, for all the pain she had been carrying since that damn day of September, and even before. She screamed for all the tears she hadn't let fall down in front of the kids. She screamed for all those she had cried alone in her bed at night.

 

_Oh, we will be there one day with a smile and nothing more to say goodbye to a friend_

 

 

She screamed for all the things she hadn't been able to say to him. She screamed for all those he had said to her and she was starting to forget.

 

_Here we go, dancing on our own, inside this house that we have never known, never known_

 

She screamed for all the dreams she had every night, with Marcus awake at her side, holding her, kissing her, whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. She screamed for the baby she was carrying in her belly, that baby she wasn't ready to raise alone.

 

 

_Here we go, going in alone, into the dark and wonderful unknown, let us go let us go_

 

 

She screamed again and again, until her lungs started to burn, until her ears started to hurt. She screamed so loudly that she was sure everyone in Arkadia could hear her. She screamed as loud as she could, as if by doing so she could wake him up.

 

 

_In the best way, you'll be the death of me_

 

 

And when her lungs couldn't keep up with it anymore, when her body gave up completely and her voice faded to an inaudible whisper, she fell on the floor, her hands covering her belly, her eyes closed, her tears drying on her cheeks, burning her skin.

 

_In the best way, you'll be the death of me_

 

 

And she kept quiet, until the last note of the song came and faded, until her throat stopped burning, until the water on the floor was all completely soaked by her clothes, until her back started to scream in pain, until her whole body stopped trembling and shivering.

 

 

She waited, until her heart would stop beating that loudly and painfully for him, she waited and waited. But nothing happened, nothing changed. Because it didn't matter if it passed one day, a week, a month or even three. It didn't matter if she had to wait her whole life to see him open those dark eyes again, Abby knew she was never gonna stop loving him.

 

And this was the worse part of all.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

Poem after poem, song after song, Abby never stopped keeping him _alive_ at least in her heart. She kept reading every book they had found in his house, and when those books ended she bought new ones. She kept reading and reading, every night, everyday, every minute she could spend with him, she was there. Reading, chatting, even laughing. She also had started to watch movies with him, doing all the talking, laughing when it was funny, crying when it was too sad to prevent it.

 

She lighted a new candle everyday, every new day a new smell would invade the room, it could be vanilla or honey, chocolate or cream, wild flowers or cranberries, it didn't matter, the only thing she cared for was to smell good scents, to fill the room as much as possible with scents, colors and even sounds.

 

Marcus had always loved music, and so she had brought his music too, filling the room with it, it could be jazz or classical, even evergreens and some suggested by the kids, the ones he liked to hear to when he was driving. Everything she could do to fill the room with _him_ she would do it.

 

And so books, candles, music and movies followed each other, filling everyday, keeping her company, while he kept breathing quietly into his bed. Nothing changed, except for the inevitable growth of Abby's belly.

 

Everyday it seemed bigger and bigger, the more the baby grew, the more she needed him to wake up. When Jackson had asked her if she wanted to know the gender, she had whispered a quiet no and he hadn't ask it again. So the baby grew, without her knowing if it was a boy or a girl.

 

But it didn't matter, because it was theirs and that was all she needed to know.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

What broke Abby's heart the most was hearing the kids talking to Marcus when they thought they were alone. The first time it happened with Raven, Abby was making some tea in the kitchen, while the girl was waiting for her in his room. Right when she was about to enter she heard the girl's voice talking, and instinctively, even if she knew she shouldn't, she stopped and listened.

 

 

“ _Apart from that everything is pretty the same as always. Except that as you already know Clarke is still living with me, and I love it... but I am also worried. Abby is always here alone, well... not alone alone, but you know what I mean.”_ \- Abby at that held her breath, closing her eyes, leaning against the wall at the door's side - “ _She says that she's fine... but we both know her, Abby will never ask for help, especially when Clarke is the one offering it. Stubborn woman.”_

 

At that Raven chuckled with herself, and Abby couldn't help but smirk, especially when the image of Marcus nodding and grinning took form in her head.

 

“ _But she isn't fine, I can see that, Clarke can see that. That's the worse part, when we are at home I can feel that she isn't there completely... Every time that she leaves her mother here alone with you, she leaves a part of her behind... and I 'm afraid is the most important one, the one she needs to be happy... her heart.”_

 

When it was starting to be too much to handle, Abby sniffed back some tears and pushed the door open, trying to look everything but someone who had listened to the whole conversation, especially trying to not look too _guilty_ as she was actually feeling. Raven pretended she hadn't been talking with him till now and the both of them started joking with Marcus, chatting about everything they could think of, while sipping their teas, as if that was enough to make them both feel better.

 

 

 

When she accidentally eavesdropped on Octavia's talk with Marcus, it was a really cold evening of late December, Christmas was coming and the girl was approaching really fast the _big day,_ since she was carrying twins she already knew she was probably going to give birth earlier. That was something Abby had tried to reassure her on, as a doctor and a future mum for the second time she knew what she was talking about... and yet it always seemed as if Octavia wasn't able to relax, it didn't matter with whom she talked to.

 

That was when Abby discovered with whom Octavia had to talk to, to actually feel better.

 

 

“ _You should see me right now, I'm basically a fat balloon. I swear I don't eat that much, I also work every day at Lincoln's farm, but damn... I am huge! Abby says it's normal, since I am carrying two babies, but I swear it feels as if I am carrying something more like a football team.”_ \- at that the girl laughed, and Abby couldn't stop the smile that blossomed on her lips either - “ _I wish you could be here when the big day comes... I'm afraid it will not be the same without you.”_

 

Her voice was lower now, and Abby had to lean a little bit closer to the door to hear her words, not that she wanted to... but since she was there...

 

“ _I miss you Marcus. I know I never been easy with you, and you know that very well.. but I love you and I am grateful for everything you've done since our mother passed away. You were there Marcus, when nobody else was... you were there to feed us, to look after us, even when Bellamy claimed he didn't need any help... you were there, because you knew better... and you were absolutely right.”_ \- she was sniffing now, and Abby had sat down on the floor at some point, afraid her legs could give up under her own weight - “ _I miss you, and I can't wait any longer to hear your voice again. It's not fair for you to be stuck in this bed... You know, they said the guy that shot you will stay in prison for a long time... it will never be enough though, he stole from us all these months, he stole from you all this time.”_

 

Abby was leaning her head on the door now, silent hot tears gracing her cheeks, her heart was quietly beating in her chest, her hands were lovingly stroking her own belly.

 

“ _He stole from Abby her second chance, and this is not fair.” -_ she took a long breath at that - “ _Promise me one thing Marcus. Promise me that even if you can't be here when these two will come... you will be there to see your own child, because I have Lincoln, Bellamy and a lot of people will be there... but I know that the only one Abby will need at her side when the day will come, is you. So you gotta fight for it Marcus, it's about your own child, your first one... You can't miss something like that, especially when the mother of your child is a woman like Abby.”_ she fell quiet at that, and when the seconds grew into minutes, Abby blinked her tears away and stood up again, swallowing hard, she walked away from that door, her heart heavier and lighter at the same time.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

Christmas came and with it a lot of sadness followed. There wasn't that much to celebrate, except for the incoming twins, but how could you celebrate something that beautiful, when you knew that someone you cared for wasn't going to be there with you?

 

Octavia was always trapped inside that mixed up emotion, her happiness for the incoming babies was always there, in the color of her cheeks, in the smiles on her lips, in the sound of her voice. But the sadness wasn't that far away. It was always right behind it, it was in the shadow that appeared after every smile of her, or in the way her laugh would drop until it faded, leaving her speechless for a while. Everyone was the same, they felt so happy one second, and desperate the one right after it.

 

And when Christmas passed away, and Marcus was still unconscious in his bed, in his endless sleep, the new year came, and then was when something happened.

 

It was a cold but sunny day at the end of January, Arkadia was covered in snow as it was since November, Abby was sitting in her usual chair, at Marcus' side, reading out loud one of the new books she and Clarke had bought that week. Right when she started laughing at something she had just read, she looked at him, out of habit, as she was always used to do when she wanted to share something with him, and she saw the only thing she wasn't expecting to see.

 

A _smile._ Marcus was smiling, it was shy, tiny and almost invisible, but it was there, Abby was sure about it.

 

Her heart stopped beating, and she fell quiet all of a sudden, her eyes blinked one, two, three times, clearing her view, she needed to see it again. She swallowed and looked at the book in her hand, she read the line again out loud, her eyes glued to his mouth, she waited...

 

Nothing happened.

 

Abby inhaled deeply and tried again, reading the next sentence, and then the other one. Nothing happened.

 

Right when she was about to drop it, she stood up, and the book fell from her hands, right on his lap, when it happened his hand moved. Abby widened her eyes and froze on her feet. She was sure she wasn't crazy, Marcus had moved his hand. She swallowed hard, and started leaning closer to him, to take a better look at his fingers.

 

Right when she was about to touch him, her phone rang in her purse. Abby closed her eyes shut and cursed whoever was calling her under her breath. But when it kept ringing insistently, she huffed and walked toward it, taking it out and answering without checking the name on the display.

 

“Abby Griff-” but she hadn't the time to finish that sentence, that her daughter's voice came from the other line, trapped inside of a yell.

 

“Mum! The babies are coming, you have to come to the clinic now!” Clarke screamed, Abby blinked and it took her two seconds to connect the dots.

 

“Oh my god, already?” Abby started to talk at the phone with her daughter, casting a last glance at Marcus, she was so focused on the call, that when she rushed outside Marcus' room, heading toward the clinic as fast as she could, she missed the way Marcus' hand flinched on the blanket, right before his fingers wrapped themselves into a tight fist around the red fabric of it.

 

And when Marcus opened his eyes, Abby was already gone.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

“I'm not saying that Luna isn't a pretty name, sure it is. But _Nyko?_ What kind of name is that?” Raven snorted, while leaning against the wall, sipping from her energy drink. Clarke was shaking her head while Abby was smiling, sitting on a chair, stroking her belly.

 

“Is not up to us to judge. Besides... those kids are beautiful.” Clarke said, smiling with dreamy eyes, leaning against the wall right beside her girlfriend.

 

“No.” Raven said immediately, looking at Clarke with a glare burning in her eyes, Abby frowned, not getting what the girl was talking about. “No, no, no, no hell no! Sorry but no, I'm not gonna pick a crazy name for my kids, that's out of the question!” Raven said, withdrawing from the wall, leaving Clarke alone, a smug grin on her face.

 

“Since I will probably be the one carrying them, I can decide!” Clarke said, crossing her arms, tilting her head.

 

 _Since when Clarke wanted to have babies?_ Abby started to think, widening her eyes out of curiosity.

 

“Excuse me? Who said it's gonna be you? I mean I would love to have blonde kids with dreamy blue eyes, but I mean... have you seen me?” Raven joked, while Clarke chuckled sleepy, she was tired. They had been there for five hours after all, Jackson had been great at Octavia's side, and she herself had been amazing, but you can't rush nature. It takes its own time.

 

“Why don't we continue this conversation tomorrow? It's been a long day for all of us.” Abby said, raising on her feet, stretching her back, the belly was big enough to cause her pain now, and she could use a hot shower and a long night in her warm bed till the morning.

 

“We have nothing to talk about, we are not gonna name our kids Athena and Zeus, I'm sorry.” Raven said, while Clarke punched her in the side and started walking outside the Clinic.

 

“Well I can't surely tell you how to call your future kids, but you know... Abigail is a pretty name.” Abby said, smirking at them both, Clarke at that shook her head, while Raven stopped in her tracks and widened her eyes.

 

“I'm in!” she said, at that Clarke blinked and turned toward her.

 

“What?” she asked, while Raven rushed toward them with a grin on her face.

 

“Think about it Clarke, if we will name our first daughter Abigail, your mum will totally have to buy everything for her, starting with the diapers, finishing with college, seems a fair deal to me.” she said, nodding to herself, her grin growing bigger and bigger. Abby raised one eyebrow at that, while Clarke tilted her head and crossed her arms.

 

“Doesn't seem that bad.” she whispered looking at her mother. Abby at that rolled her eyes and pushed them both outside the clinic.

 

“Ok let's drop it, I'm too tired for this right now.” she said, while Clarke started to chuckle.

 

“It's already too late mum, we are gonna call her Abigail!” at that Raven laughed out loud, while Abby shook her head, smiling at them both, walking toward her car.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

When Abby parked the car outside of her wooden cabin, she couldn't take away of her face the smile that had blossomed as soon as she had seen the twins in Octavia's arms. She was _happy,_ and she hadn't felt this way since a lot. Even while she was pushing the door open, her mind couldn't stop recalling the look of pure love and awe that she had seen on Octavia and Lincoln's face that night. Yes they had missed his presence there, but the miracle of life had been so beautiful, that for a moment it had seemed as if noting wrong could happen in the world, as if nothing sad or bad was meant for them.

 

When Abby closed the door at her back, and left her coat on the hanger, taking off her shoes and walking quietly toward her kitchen, to boil some water for the tea she wanted to drink before bed, she didn't saw the door open in Marcus' room. And when she hadn't to turn on the lights to see where she was walking, she didn't stop to think about the fact that she had turned them off when she had left.

 

She had lived all her life with her daughter after all, she was used to find them on, and she was so lost into her thoughts that she couldn't actually care less. It was when she entered the kitchen that she finally got that something had happened while she had been at the clinic.

 

When her eyes saw him, standing there, in her kitchen, with a glass of water in hand, looking at a picture of her and Clarke hanging on the fridge, she froze. Her heart stopped beating, literally, for at least two seconds, and her lungs stopped working, she couldn't breath. It was when he turned toward her, and widened his eyes, that she blinked and her body started working again.

 

“Marcus?” she whispered, the only thing she could say was his name. He blinked and squeezed his eyes, as if he wasn't able to recognize her. Abby blinked again, and started to tremble. “Marcus?” she said again, her eyes were wide open now, her mouth was forming an _O_ of surprise, she kept walking slowly. Then was when Marcus looked at the picture on the fridge again, and then at her, in his eyes there was now a light that Abby could address just as _realization._

 

She wanted to say so many tings, she wanted to do them as well. But the only thing she was able to do now was staring in silence, wide eyes, heart beating frantically in her chest, legs shaking as if she was made of jelly. Marcus swallowed the water he was still holding in his mouth, and let the glass on the counter. He smiled and tilted his head, and how beautiful was he right now, even if he was paler than usual and also skinnier, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life.

 

She wanted to say his name once again, just because she knew he could hear her, but he preceded her, raising a hand in front of him, his index finger traveled in the air right in front of her face. His dark eyes were looking at her as if he was _studying_ her, then was when he frowned even deeper, and then was when he finally spoke, whispering the only thing Abby wasn't ready to hear.

 

“ _Who are you?"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am such a bad person, I know... but now imagine all the new possibilities ahead of us *winking with a lot of meaning*


	14. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus is awake, but he lost his memory. How Abby and the kids will react at this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. It's here.

 

 

It was hanging there, his question.

 

_Who are you?_

 

His black eyes were so honest and open, sincerely confused, trying to get a name out of her features, trying to place her in his life.

 

_Who are you?_

 

Abby was silent, quietly staring at the man she loved, while he was trying to remember who she was. How ironic that was, how desperate she was starting to feel. Marcus was silent, but his face was betraying his thoughts. He was observing with such care, studying every line and detail of her face, from the color of her eyes, to the shape of her mouth.

 

_Who are you?_

 

What kind of question that was? She was Abby, his lover, the mother of his incoming first child.

 

_Oh fuck._

 

Abby had to inhale deeply to restrain herself from bursting into tears.

 

_Don't freak out yet, talk to him._

 

She smiled, a weak and shy smile, her heart was beating with an intensity she had never felt before, it was a new kind of pain, it was a new kind of fear. She took a deep long breath and then opened her mouth.

 

 _Say it._ But what exactly? _Just say your name._

 

“I am Abby.” she whispered, her voice sounded so distant and fragile. She bit at her lower lip and waited. Marcus was looking at her with that same expression of confusion written all over his face. His black eyes felt so heavy on her, but she couldn't advert her gaze, she felt as if he was pulling her toward him with his dark stare, she wanted him to pull her close.

 

“Abby...” he whispered, her name coming from his lips after so long, made her feel weak on the knees, she laid one hand on the counter at her side, afraid she could fall on the floor. Marcus kept whispering her name for a while, his dark eyes kept roaming over her features.

 

“Should I know you?” he asked her, his whisper so gentle, warm, and yet so distant, so unfamiliar. Abby swallowed repeatedly, trying to ignore the urge to cry and scream, trying to maintain some kind of control over her emotions.

 

“Yes...” she said, her voice came out as a trembling desperate plead. Her eyes started to burn.

 

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

 

Marcus pursed his lips, and Abby had to force herself to not look at his mouth, to not think about how much she missed the taste of him on her lips.

 

“Why?” he asked her suddenly. At that Abby blinked, frowning in confusion.

 

“What?” she asked, because she was losing herself into the sight of him awake in front of her, and all the happiness and the joy for the twins was gone, all the tiredness of the long day was gone, she was feeling just a dull ache growing in her heart, and her legs were weak.

 

“Why should I know you?” he asked again, his whisper once again felt so warm and yet so cold, so inviting and yet so distant. Abby licked her lips and swallowed. It was getting difficult to stay lucid.

 

“I...” she tried to talk, but words failed her, she was speechless. She looked at him then, and shared his stare. He was waiting in silence for her to say something, he was waiting for an explanation, he looked so lost, as if he was trying to figure her out, as if she was an unfinished puzzle and he couldn't find the missing pieces.

 

“I...” she tried again, but tears started to roll down her cheeks, she couldn't stop them now, her heart was aching, her soul was shivering. Her lisp trembled, and when Marcus noticed her discomfort, and his dark eyes followed the path of her tears on her skin, and his expression shifted from confusion to sadness, Abby couldn't take it anymore. She shook her head, eyes red and glassy, the palm of her hand covering her trembling mouth, she rushed outside the kitchen and hid herself in her room, closing the door at her back.

 

_Who are you?_

 

She fell on her bed, her belly felt so heavy, she started crying. She tried repeatedly to suffocate her pain and sorrow, but it was so hard to keep it quiet, her tears kept rolling down her cheeks and her heart was beating so loudly in her chest, she couldn't hear anything else than the steadiness of it's rush inside of her body, it was so painful that for a moment she thought she was going to die.

 

But she didn't. And eventually the pain faded, and her tears dried, and her body stopped shaking. Eventually she stopped thinking, eyes wide open, she kept staring at the darkness around her. The house around her was silent, so silent that for a moment Abby thought Marcus was gone, she almost hoped he was gone... But then a kick inside of her belly dragged her back to reality.

 

One kick, and she closed her eyes shut.

 

Two kicks, and she swallowed, sitting up on her bed.

 

Three kicks and she stroked her womb, feeling the rhythm of her baby's feet against her stomach, kicking her with such a delicate strength. Her lips trembled, and then the kicks stopped.

 

_Who are you?_

 

 

Abby inhaled deeply, clearing her mind, she stood up from her bed and walked slowly toward her door. If she wanted to get her Marcus back again, she had to answer his questions, she had to be strong, for herself... for her baby.

 

 _Their_ baby.

 

She walked outside, slowly and quietly, trying to make less noise as possible. The house was dark, she didn't know for how long she had been crying in her room, but apparently it had been enough for him to hide himself in his own room, just as she had done. She walked toward that door then. Knowing she wasn't going to find him laying still on that bed, but probably awake, maybe standing, looking around himself, with that same confused expression on his face, trying to collect the missing pieces of his life.

 

_It's up to you Abby now. You have to help him remember._

 

She took a long breath and then knocked on the door, and waited. The silence around her was deafening, and right when she was starting to think he had fallen asleep, he answered.

 

“Come in.” his muffled voice came from the other side of the wooden door, and she closed her eyes, her hand pressed against it, she pushed it open quietly, keeping her eyes on the floor, afraid to meet his eyes just yet.

 

When the door was close at her back, she raised her gaze from her feet, he was sitting on _her_ chair, the red blanket made by Octavia was on his legs, and in his hands there was that same book of poems she had read to him so many times while his _sleep_. Marcus looked at her, and immediately, as soon as their eyes met, he smiled.

 

A genuine smile, warm, inviting, familiar. Abby tried to not get lost into it too much, the look in his eyes told her he still didn't know who she was, so she had to be strong enough to tell him everything she could to help him remember.

 

“Hey.” he said, and his voice felt so familiar once again, and he seemed so _him_ that she had to take another long breath to calm herself down. She managed to smile.

 

“Hey.” her voice came out as a rough whisper, she was tired in her body, but so awake in her mind right now. Marcus closed the book and put it on the nightstand at his side. Then was when he gestured her to come closer, to sit down on his bed. Abby said nothing and walked toward him.

 

With every step she took, she felt as if she could fell on her knees once again, crying in pain, pleading him to remember. But she had to be strong, for her, for him, for _their_ baby. When she had found her spot on the bed, faraway enough to not touch him, but close enough to hear him talking even if he whispered, she started staring at him in silence. Marcus said nothing, it looked as if he knew by now that he should knew her, and that seemed to make him aware that she cared for him, and that this was hurting her.

 

“I'm sorry.” she whispered, because she couldn't think of anything else to say. Marcus tilted his head in confusion, his expression was still soft and warm, he wanted her to feel _comfortable,_ he wanted her to take her time.

 

_Damn you Marcus, damn you for being this kind to me even now that you don't know who I am._

 

 

“I... I just needed a moment.” she whispered again, her fingers started to torture the fabric of her shirt, that was stretching on her swollen belly, and Marcus noticed that, because his eyes laid briefly on her lap, but then he focused his attention once again on her.

 

“It's ok.” he whispered, and smiled. And Abby couldn't help herself and had to smile back, because it was just so natural for her, it was so instinctive, it was so familiar. Marcus cleared his throat and leaned forward, and this gesture almost killed her. His eyes were so intense, his scent was too.

 

 _He smells good._ She thought, and reproached herself immediately after it, because she couldn't think that, not now, not until he still didn't know who she was.

 

“I'm sorry too.” he whispered, at that Abby blinked, trying to not think too much about how good he smelled, and how beautiful he was, and how close they were.

 

“It's ok.” she said herself, even if she knew it wasn't, even if he too knew that. His eyes softened on her and his smile made her heart miss precious beats, she swallowed. “It's ok Marcus.” she said again, and at her words, this time, his eyes widened, and she was sure some kind of _light_ passed through his dark irises.

 

“What did you just said?” he whispered, and Abby swallowed.

 

“I-I said that it's ok.” she repeated, looking at him intensely, her fingers never stopping the torture of her creamy shirt. Marcus kept looking at her in silence for a while, then parted his lips, his breath reached her, she shivered.

 

“It's ok Marcus...” he whispered, Abby nodded.

 

“Yeah...” she didn't really know what she was meant to say, so she just waited for him to say something for the both of them. He smiled, shaking his head.

 

“It's weird.” he said, leaning back on his seat. Abby wanted to protest, wanted to pull him closer again, but she restrained herself. “I don't remember who you are” - at this Abby had to focus really hard to not brake once again - “And yet... your voice sounds familiar.” he whispered, his eyes looked confused once again, and his expression looked so lost.

 

Abby inhaled deeply and chuckled bitterly, trying to release some of the tension that was growing around them. “Well... we talked a lot.” she said, smiling. Marcus raised his eyebrow.

 

“We did?” he asked, and now he seemed more curious than confused. Abby nodded, trying to follow his own _enthusiasm,_ trying to make it work for herself too, maybe if she focused on the way he responded at her information, she was able to not feel her pain, she was maybe able to keep going on as if this was some kind of _game,_ one that she surely wanted to win.

 

“Yes, and really a lot.” she said, tilting her head, trying to keep her smile in place. Marcus nodded, listening, he wanted her to talk to him, he wanted her to explain things he couldn't remember.

 

“About what?” he asked, leaning again closer, his elbows were now pressed on his knees. Abby smirked, and she noticed the way his eyes fell and focused on her lips at that, as if he knew he should remember that smirk, but couldn't quiet tell himself why.

 

“About everything we wanted to.” she whispered, leaning instinctively toward him herself. He smiled, as if he liked this notion.

 

“Are we friends so?” he asked her. And this question was probably even worse than the first one. Abby thought about it, how to answer at something like this? How to tell a man you love that he once loved you too? Even if doesn't remember you? Even if he doesn't know what your name is?

 

“Yes.” she said, because it was true, they were indeed friends. But Marcus seemed to sense she wasn't saying the whole truth. But he seemed also to sense her need to move carefully around this information, and so he smiled and didn't push her forward.

 

“How did we met?” he asked her, and Abby at this smiled, memories filling her mind. She couldn't help it, it was still such a good memory for her.

 

“We met the day I moved here.” she started to say, her voice was low but lighter than before, her heart started to open up again. “When a dog tried to _kill_ me, you saved me.” she joked, and at that Marcus chuckled.

 

“Really?” he asked her, tilting his head, leaning closer to her, his eyes widened, he wanted to know some more.

 

“Yeah. You are quiet a hero Marcus Kane.” she said, smiling.

 

And like that she started to tell him everything, from the first time they met, to the days they had spent together. The worse part was, that once she had started talking about Octavia and Bellamy, he couldn't remember them either. It was excruciating for Abby to feel both sad and relieved about this. On one side she wasn't the only one he had forgot, it was somehow easier to share the pain... on the other one though, she couldn't even think about when Octavia and the kids were going to find out this horrible truth for themselves.

 

They all missed him so much, it was so unfair to get him back like this, as if they had get back just half of him. But Abby kept telling him everything she could, avoiding carefully every detail about the way they had fallen for each other. She told him about the kids, and how he cared for them, she told him about his job, this one he remembered. She told him about how he loved to take her out in the woods, telling her everything she didn't know about Alaska. He listened carefully, laughing when it was funny, smiling when it was sweet. With every new piece of him that he could take from her stories, his eyes grew wider and brighter, with every missing moment of his time on this earth she told him about, she felt less faraway from him, and once again closer.

 

When night started to turn into early morning though, she could see he was restraining himself from asking her something. She smiled then and leaned closer, waiting for him to ask her, because he had to know, she knew he had to. Marcus looked at her in silence, and as if for a moment nothing had changed, he seemed to read her completely, and smiled, shaking his head.

 

“There's still a thing I don't know...” he said, and Abby wanted to tell him it wasn't true, there were many things he didn't know yet, but she wasn't ready to tell them to him, and he probably wasn't ready to hear them either.

 

“How you lost your memory?” she asked, knowing it wasn't a real question, she knew this was what he wanted and needed to know. He looked at her, his fingers stroking his beard, he nodded.

 

“Yeah... I don't remember-” he stopped, chuckled with himself, Abby shared a shy smile with him - “I mean... I don't _know_ how.” he said, and kept looking at her, waiting. Abby inhaled deeply and smiled, stroking her belly, at the gesture Marcus looked down, a smile blossomed on his lips, she tried to not think too much about it.

 

“It was an accident.” she started to say. “You were working and... a drugged guy shot you in the shoulder.” she pointed toward where she knew the scar still was, and Marcus instinctively stroked it through the fabric of his shirt. “You fell down on the concrete of the street. We brought you to Anchorage, they performed a surgery, it went well. But you had an internal bleeding caused by the fall, and so to prevent any further damage at your brain, they induced you a coma.” she said, swallowing at the memory of him laying on the same bed she was sitting on, trying to convince herself that from now on it could only get better. “Unfortunately when the bleeding stopped, you didn't wake up as you were supposed to.” she said, and smiled kindly. Marcus was listening carefully, she could tell he was both curious and both terrified to know all of this about him.

 

“We brought you here then, to keep you _home,_ and we simply kept waiting, hoping you would eventually wake up... and you did.” she said, smiling again. Marcus looked at the bed on where she was, and frowned.

 

“But why you took me in this house?” he asked her, tilting his head. Abby smiled, knowing she couldn't keep it for herself forever, but surely she wasn't ready yet to tell him all, but she didn't have to lie, not completely at least.

 

“Because I'm a doctor... and a friend.” she said, smiling and trying to sound convincing. Marcus looked at her for a long moment.

 

“Doctor...” he whispered, Abby nodded, smiling.

 

“Yes.”

 

At that Marcus exhaled deeply, his hand was still stroking the place where his scar was, hiding under the thick fabric of his shirt. He looked at her then, leaning closer once again. “Why haven't you named my mother yet?” he asked. This was a question Abby surely wasn't expecting.

 

“Your... your mother?” she asked, feeling confused herself now. Marcus cleared his throat.

 

“Yes, my mother. You never mentioned her, is she dead?” he asked, and Abby now felt as if she actually didn't know this man at all, because she couldn't answer this question, and surely if you are in love with a man, and he loves you back, you should know if his mother is dead or alive.

 

“I-I... don't know actually...” she whispered, Marcus at this frowned.

 

“You don't?” he asked her, Abby shook her head, feeling stupid all of a sudden.

 

“You never talked to me about her.” she said, and Marcus frown grew even deeper.

 

“I haven't?” he asked, Abby shook her head, feeling sorry for the look he had on his face now. “But this doesn't make sense...” he muttered under his breath. Abby wanted to help him, but she knew she couldn't do that, and this was killing her.

 

“Why don't we keep talking about this later?” she said suddenly, leaning a bit closer. Marcus blinked, nodding mechanically.

 

“Sure...” he whispered, managing even a smile. Abby smiled back.

 

“We both should rest a bit.” she whispered, and right when she was about to stand up once again, Marcus surprised her, laying his hands on hers, right on her lap. Abby froze, and her breath get caught in her throat.

 

“Thank you... Abby.” he said, her name once again coming from his lips, made her shiver. She nodded, trying to regain control over her lungs.

 

“You're welcome, Marcus.” she said, at the sound of his name, he smiled.

 

“I hope I will remember you soon.” he said, his voice warm and sincere, he seemed so honest, so open. Abby had to get out of that room quickly or she was going to collapse in his arms.

 

“You will.” she said, biting at her lower lip, standing up as fast as she could, walking toward the door without turning back. Right when she had opened the door, and was stepping outside though, Marcus called after her.

 

“Is a boy or a girl?” he asked her. Abby closed her eyes and swallowed, the hand that was gripping the handhold squeezed it fiercely. She turned, managing to smile at him. He was looking at her intensely, his hands cupped on his lap.

 

“I don't know yet.” she whispered, and with that walked outside, closing the door at her back.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

 

_Coma has a wide variety of emotional reactions from the family members of the affected patients, as well as the primary care givers taking care of the patients. Common reactions, such as **desperation** , **anger** , **frustration** , and **denial** are possible._

 

 

Marcus eyes were burning for the lack of sleep. Or maybe it was because of the laptop he was staring at since hours by now. Or maybe, and this was probably a fair thought from him, it was because he had been comatose for the past five months.

 

 _Coma_ , how weird was for him to even think about it as something that had happened to himself. But it wasn't just the fact that he had been _sleeping_ for months that was confusing him, the most confusing part of all of this was that he had no idea of whom that woman was.

 

 _Abby,_ this was the name she had given to him. She seemed kind, gentle, she had this thick smoky voice that sounded so weirdly... _familiar_ to him, and yet he didn't remember her. When he had woken up in that room alone, he had for a moment thought he had just slept all through the night, not even a thought about an accident or a coma passing his mind. But then, the blankets over his body had felt so unfamiliar, the smell in the room was a mixture of sweet notes of vanilla and feeble touches of pine wood that he couldn't quiet place in his memory. He had opened his eyes, adjusting them to the delicate warm light in the room, it was the same color of the sun right before the twilight.

 

It was when he had stood up that his head had started pounding, the pain had echoed between his temples until it had grew as a loud yell, his hands had cupped his head with fierce, trying to soothe that painful beating, but he had to wait half an hour for it to stop. When he could think again without screaming in pain, he had opened his eyes again, rolled on his back and had waited in silence.

 

Trying to understand where he was. Then was when he had noticed the machine at his side, and the needle in his arm. His eyes grew wide, his heart started beating fast. But it wasn't his fear of needles that scared him, it was the fact the the more his heartbeat increased the more a loud and shrill _bip_ kept coming from that machine, following the same rhythm.

 

Then was when he got that it was _his_ heartbeat, he was _monitored_ for some reason. Confusion had started to grow in his head at that, leaving him speechless, on that bed, heart slowing down lazily, until he had been staring at his own heartbeat for almost an hour, and had started to feel something else.

 

 _Thirst._ He was thirsty, his mouth and throat were so dry that they almost hurt. He blinked and looked at the needle attached at his veins. He had to pull it from his arm to get out of that bed, even if he didn't know where he was, and where he could find water, surely he wasn't going to find it there. It took him another great amount of time to find the courage to pull those things away from his arm, followed buy the _thing_ that checked his pulse.

 

He stood up and walked toward what he thought was probably the door that could lead him somewhere else than where he was now, he opened it and found himself covered in darkness. He walked carefully into the unknown expanding around him, his feet were bare and he could feel the cold and yet warm wood under his feet, creaking with every step, his weight leaving a path of noise behind his back.

 

Suddenly he felt a new sensation growing in his heart, _fear._ He didn't know where he was, and why, and this was starting to grow panic into him. He tried to stay focus and did the only thing he could do to calm himself down, he searched for a switch. It wasn't that dark to be honest, there were faint warm lights outside... _wherever_ he was, but still, it all felt too unfamiliar for him to feel safe. He searched for a while, his fingers traveling on the wooden walls, his heart beating quietly but heavily in his chest.

 

When he touched the first switch he turned it on, and light embraced the room around him. It was a living room, he was in a house, that was a matter of fact by now. He blinked his eyes for some seconds, trying to recognize the place around him.

 

He couldn't.

 

 

So he started walking slowly into the space around him, his eyes traveling fast and confused over every shape and color. From the big table in the middle of the room, with white flowers in the center of it, to the fireplace that seemed to still have embers in it, he could feel the warmth of them coming from that corner of the room. The floor under his feet was indeed made of wood, it was a light warm color that somehow made him feel less afraid, it looked reassuring in its own way.

 

He kept walking around, there was a door in front of him, it probably leaded outside, he swallowed, pondering in his mind what he could or couldn't do about it. Surely a door that leaded outside meant he could somehow _free_ himself from that house he wasn't able to recognize. Yet... if he was there probably there was a good reason, especially since he had been attached to a machine... Was he sick? Was he dying? Surely his head had hurt him deadly, but he was now feeling good, he could walk, breath, his heart was beating as it was supposed to, so why was he there?

 

He swallowed and walked toward the door, just to check it, just to be sure that if anything happened he could always step outside... even if he didn't exactly knew where this outside was going to lead him. His hand squeezed the handhold and he inhaled deeply, then he turned it, it was locked.

 

_Damn._

 

He tried again, nothing. At that his mind started panicking again, his heart followed.

 

_Calm down. There must be a reason why it's locked._

 

And Marcus tried hard to think of _good_ reasons for it, but that was surely hard, considering his situation.

 

_Someone locked you in here for some reason, maybe you are contagious, or maybe dangerous._

 

He reproached himself for his lack of optimism and turned his back to the door, trying to focus on his surroundings, trying to get where he was. Then was when his attention fell on some pictures hanging from a wall. He walked toward them instinctively, surely if someone had pictures hanging from the wall it meant they _lived_ there, so maybe he wasn't contagious or dangerous for other people.

 

He approached the pictures, until he could see them all. The first one he saw was a picture of a smiling blonde kid, laying between dozens of colorful flowers, he couldn't not smile at that. The kid seemed happy, and even if he didn't know who she was, he liked her, especially her smile, it made him feel safer, as if in a house where there was the picture of a smiling kid was automatically a safe place with good people.

 

He shook his head and moved to the bigger one, that was hanging right in the middle of the wall, right over the fireplace. It portrayed a couple, a married couple, wedding dresses were adorning the two young lovers. He tilted his head, trying to get if it was some kind of commercial picture, like the ones you find in the frame when you buy them. But no... it seemed too genuine to be fake.

 

His eyes traveled on the face of the groom first, he couldn't place his features in any memory, he didn't know the man. He frowned even deeper, and moved to the bride. And there he stayed, staring for a while. He surely didn't know her either, otherwise he was sure he would have remembered her. She was _radiant,_ her smile was so pure and bright. She was wearing this silvery white dress that seemed made for her only, embracing every curve of her body with gentleness, leaving exposed just the right amount of skin to look _desirable_ but not too _provocative._

 

He kept staring at the picture for a long time, studying the way the wrinkles around each other's eyes curved, and how their lips were forming matching happy smiles. The woman seemed as if she was laughing at something the man had said, or maybe she was just expressing her happiness, it was her wedding day after all, she was surely happy. And the man... the man seemed as the happiest man on earth. His eyes were fixed on the woman in his lap, looking at her with such a gentle _reverence,_ as if she had his heart in her hands, and probably that was true.

 

Suddenly a weird sensation filled him to the bones and he had to advert his gaze, as if suddenly he had felt observed by the picture, as if it had started to whisper to him that he wasn't meant to stare for so long at a private picture like that one. And it didn't matter if it was hanging on a wall that was visible to everyone who walked inside, he still felt as introducing on someone else's private life.

 

He cleared his throat then and landed his eyes to the other picture. The same woman again, this time he recognized her, but not because in his memory he had her but because it was the same woman of the wedding picture. She was smiling right toward the camera, her brown eyes were bright even in the little framed picture, she was _glowing,_ and Marcus could tell that the reason was probably the little baby curled up on her lap. She was holding what probably was her son or daughter, he couldn't tell.

 

When his eyes shifted momentarily to the other picture, the one with the little girl smiling on the grass, he told himself that they were probably the same kid. He smiled, because that picture seemed to demand him to, and when even that picture started to make him feel uncomfortable he adverted his gaze and started to feel how thirst he was again.

 

 _Water,_ he had to find some and drink it. He started to walk again, feeling more comfortable now, as if he had adjusted himself to the house around him, even if he had entered this room barely twenty minutes ago, it already made him feel less uncomfortable walking in it. He stepped inside another dark room that was probably a kitchen, he could tell it by the ghost of the smell of food that still hovered inside of it.

 

He searched for the switch and light embraced the furniture around him. It was indeed a kitchen, not too big, not too small, it was just the perfect size. He walked toward the sink, and without wasting another second he opened the water and dived his head under it, a moan escaped his lips as soon as the freshness of that blessed liquid touched his tongue. He drank until his lungs started to demand new oxygen, then he withdrew, closing the tap, wiping away some drops of water from his lips.

 

He then landed his eyes on the fridge, other pictures were hanging there, he blinked, focusing his attention on them. Again that woman, she seemed older in these though, her hair were longer, less curlier, she has the same brown eyes, even if they weren't that bright in these ones, she seemed sadder. Right at her side there was a blonde girl, that looked just like that little kid in the middle of the flowers, just older, was it possible that those pictures in the living room were older than what he had thought?

 

He kept observing them for a while, studying the detail of their faces, trying to recall them in his life. If he was in that house he probably knew that family... but then why he couldn't say what were their names? He kept observing every picture his eyes could land on in that room, and founded hard to not feel stupid whenever the same faces popped up around him.

 

 

This family was vibrating with life around him, this house belonged to them, and he was there, he had woken up in a bed into one of their rooms, ad yet... he had no idea of who they were. This was _ridiculous_. Suddenly he wasn't scared anymore, he was desperately frustrated, and was feeling stupid. He walked outside of the kitchen, he had to find answers. He rushed toward the room where he had woken up at first and started to scan it, searching for something he could use to light a memory in his mind.

 

There were books, many of them, he studied every title and cover, and then was when he recognized them, surprising himself _._ These were _his_ books. He blinked, his hands followed his eyes and he started to stroke the covers, he could recognize their smell, their shape, the way they were consumed right where he remembered they were.

 

He frowned, _so my books are here?_ This probably meant that he was indeed here for a reason, otherwise why his books where here and not in his house? He kept looking and searching for answers, apart from the books he recognized as his own, he found new ones, some random novels, a couple of poetry books he had never possessed but knew by name. He huffed in frustration, still nothing was coming in his mind, no memory of moving here, for whatever reason.

 

He turned toward the bed, he didn't recognize it either, nor the blankets over it, nor the pillows. That machine was still there, quietly waiting for someone it could check on. He approached it, his hands stroked the metallic and plastic shape of it, the screen was quiet and still now. The needle he had pulled from his arm was resting on the white sheets. He stroked the little red spot in the inside of his elbow, where it had been.

 

Then was when he took a better look at himself, and realized how pale he was. All of a sudden his hands flew to his waist and legs, his chest, his arms. He was also terribly skinnier, his muscles were nowhere to be found. He couldn't recognize his body anymore, and this was frightening him. He swallowed and closed his eyes. Trying to collect his thoughts. Using the information he had found till now to give some answers to the questions that were filling his mind.

 

He had no memory of this house, he couldn't say who this place belonged to, he knew their faces but couldn't give them a name or a place in his memory. He had found himself on a bed he surely wasn't used to sleep on, attached to a machine that was there to check his heartbeat, and that needle in his arm was attached to an IV and this probably meant he couldn't feed himself, so someone else had to, using that thing, pushing it directly into his veins.

 

Suddenly the only thing he could think of was that he had somehow fell into some kind of coma, and he couldn't even say for how long. He had to sit down at that, his legs were shaking, his head was pounding again. He needed answers, he couldn't wait any longer, but it also seemed as if nobody was there with him, nobody was there to give him the answers he needed.

 

He kept thinking as long as his head allowed him too, and when the questions and the fear started to leave him breathless again, he stood up. He was thirsty again. He walked toward the kitchen, that he knew where to find by now, in a house he had never saw before, how ridiculous this was?

 

When he took the glass of water, bringing it to his lips, and his eyes landed on the picture on the fridge once again, his heart stopped beating that hard. Somehow looking at those stranger's faces made him feel less alone into that crazy situation, it was as if those pictures were whispering to him that everything was going to be ok and that he was going to get answers sooner then later.

 

Then was when the door opened and _Abby_ came in.

 

 

_Comas can last from several **days** to several **weeks**. In more severe cases a coma may last for **over** **five** **weeks** , while some have lasted as long as **several** **years**. After this time, some patients gradually come out of the coma, some progress to a vegetative state, and others **die**. _

 

 

The first thing he had thought when he had seen Abby, was that he _recognized_ her but didn't know her at all. She was there, flesh and bones, gaping in front of him. Those rich brown eyes he had seen into those pictures were now staring at him. Those lips that were always stretching in bright smiles into those framed moments, were parted in surprise, shock.

 

He had tried to take a name out of her, looking at every detail of face, from the curve of her mouth, to the way her nose fitted perfectly between her eyes. _Nothing._ But she knew who he was, oh she knew. His name escaped her lips several times, whispers of pure surprise filling the deafening silence around him.

 

She walked toward him, with every step she took he felt more and more confused.

 

 _How is it possible that I don't remember you?_ _But you seem to remember me perfectly?_

 

When he had voiced these thoughts, whispering the only thing he could think of, he had seen it, inside of her chocolate colored eyes, into the line of her mouth, in the trembling shiver of her chin, he had seen the amount of pain he had suddenly caused her.

 

And he felt _so sorry_ for it.

 

_This woman knows you, and you just asked her who she is._

 

He still felt sorry now, even when she had entered his room again, appearing in front of him, holding her belly with care and something that looked like _fear_ shadowing her eyes, he had felt sorry as he had never felt before.

 

It was as if his heart knew he couldn't cause her pain, as if he was meant to remember her, to know who she was. But his mind in the meantime was still whispering to him how stupid that was, because he didn't know this woman at all.

 

When she had started to give him answers though, his mind had fell quiet and his heart had started to listen. He had discovered so many things, so many details, she had kept talking and talking, recalling memories that in her mind were still vibrant and alive, memories he desperately wanted to be able to share with her.

 

But he couldn't. Even these kids she talked about, as if they were some kind of _children_ to him, he couldn't remember them, and even for this he felt sorry.

 

Abby had kept talking, filling holes he didn't know he had in his mind, giving him pieces to complete the giant puzzle that his past was now. Her voice had lulled his worried thoughts, trying to reassure his worried looks, and he had found himself unable to stop listening and asking. Even if he couldn't know if any of her words were the truth, he still felt as if he couldn't stop listening.

 

Marcus couldn't tell if it was the sound of her voice, or the way her eyes shone when a particular funny memory came back to her, he couldn't tell what exactly was pushing and pulling him toward her, what strange force was gravitating around them, inviting him to lean a little closer, to listen carefully, to stare a little longer. Marcus didn't know who this woman was, apart from what she had told him about herself, but he felt as if every single word she had said was filled with truth. He felt as if she was indeed part of his life, and the fact that he couldn't remember her was _killing_ him.

 

He didn't know this woman, but was desperate to get to know her, or more correctly, to _remember_ her.

 

He also knew that she was hiding something, he could sense it in the way her voice trembled around some half truths she had said. He could sense it in the way her eyes shivered on his features, as if she was afraid to look at him but at the same time couldn't stop doing so, as if she needed to. He could sense she was hiding something in the way she had jumped when his hands had touched hers, and how warm she had felt, how _familiar_ somehow her delicate skin had felt under his fingers.

 

He knew he had to remember, he knew he _wanted_ to. Especially since this woman, that he couldn't remember but that looked at him as if he was her entire world, was pregnant, and he couldn't brake her into tears again as he had done, he couldn't.

 

 

 _People may emerge from a coma with a combination of_ _ **physical**_ _,_ _ **intellectual**_ _, and_ _ **psychological**_ _**difficulties**_ _that need special attention._ _Some patients_ _ **never**_ _progress beyond very_ _ **basic**_ _**responses**_ _, but many recover_ _ **full**_ _**awareness**_ _._

 

 

He had found himself incapable of sleeping, not that he wasn't tired, oh he was, but his eyes couldn't close, it was as if he had no power over his body anymore. This was particularly ironic considering he had been trapped into a coma for that long, and now was finally able to walk and speak.

 

He had started to make researches about coma and how it affected the body, and suddenly the loss of memory didn't seem that bad. There were many medical terms he couldn't laid his eyes on for too long without feeling sick to the stomach.

 

_**Supratentorial** , **infratentorial** , **metabolic, computed tomography, MRI, EEG...**_

 

He needed to stop reading. According to what he was reading he could had been dead already, he could had also forgot how to speak, walk, think. Instead he had _just_ lost his memory. Marcus sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He needed to do something, he needed to see someone that could help him regain his memory back.

 

Suddenly he felt terribly alone, as if nobody he remembered as part of his life was there anymore. Then he felt even worse, because he didn't remember so many people...

 

From what Abby had said he had a good amount of friends, of course there was her, then those two kids she had talked about, and the boyfriend of.. what was her name? O something... and she also had two kids now. Then there was Abby's daughter, Clarke, the blonde smiley girl from the pictures, then this Raven girl, a mechanic that was basically her daughter's future wife. He smiled at the thought of these memories he had just discovered and couldn't place in his own head.

 

Then he thought about who he actually could remember, there was Indra, his colleague from work, Abby hadn't mentioned her though... Then of course his mother.

 

_His mother._

 

Abby had reacted as honestly surprised at his question, as if she hadn't even thought at her, as if he had never actually talked about her. But if Abby was his friend, and they had shared so much time together as she had said, why on earth he had never once talked about his mother?

 

He had always been a private person, that was true, and still it was ridiculous how his mother had been out of the picture. Especially since Vera Kane was all but _private_ and liked to be introduced to his friends, he could try everything in his power to keep her out of his _other private_ life, but she would always find a way to get into it.

 

He smiled at the memory, and was happy to still remember her, she was his mother after all. He blinked and started typing her name on the keyboard of what was probably Abby's laptop, according to the picture of her and Clarke on the background. Nothing came up. Not even an obituary. This last part lightened his mood a bit.

 

He tried using his name, but then stopped. Suddenly a thought reached his mind.

 

_If you search for your name you will maybe be able to find something about your accident, do you really want to do that? Maybe you will discover that everything Abby had said was a lie._

 

He swallowed, doubts filling his mind, he didn't really know what to do now. His fingers prickled on the keyboard, demanding him to go on with his search, asking him to dig and find new answers for himself. He inhaled deeply and then pressed enter.

 

The screen loaded and then he started to search. At first nothing came up, he kept moving down in the browser page, until he saw a link that connected to the website of _Arkadia, a little piece of paradise in the beautiful wild Alaska._ He swallowed, closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and then entered the website. An article loaded itself in front of his eyes, and the more he read, the more he realized that nothing Abby had said had been a lie.

 

It was all true, words kept circling in random order in his mind for a while.

 

_Sheriff Marcus Kane. Arkadia asks for justice. Family and friends took him to Anchorage. Loss of blood. Reserved. No comment about it._

 

He huffed, closed the laptop and his eyes as well, the chair on which he was sitting on felt desperately uncomfortable, but he also felt terribly tired to stand up and walk to his room. Then was when his vision blurred, and his heart started beating faster again. He blinked, trying to regain control over his body, it didn't work. He opened his mouth and his lips formed a last whisper that faded as soon as he fell on the ground, unconscious.

 

_Abby..._

 

 

….

 

 

 

“What do you mean he was awake?” Raven was pacing the room, arms crossed, her face a mask of confusion and anger. Abby sighed, her back was hurting her, she hadn't slept that much, her cheeks still burned from the amount of tears she had cried during the night.

 

“It means that he was awake, we talked, I saw him, he couldn't remember me but he was awake.” she whispered, she was so tired, for a moment she had also thought it all had been just a dream, but when she had found him laying on the floor of the living room, she had realized it had all been real.

 

“So he had lost his memory?” Clarke asked, trying to keep her tone low, sounding calm and reassuring, basically everything that her girlfriend wasn't able to be now.

 

“Yes. It can happen.” Abby whispered, looking at her daughter. The pain in her features was clear, it was making her feel even worse.

 

“Why didn't you call us then?” Raven asked, approaching her, her voice was too loud, her head was pulsing with every word the girl _yelled_ at her.

 

“I-I didn't know what was happening, I was in shock.” Abby said, trying to look the girl in the eyes, she seemed so _hurt_ as if Abby had done all on purpose. Clarke approached her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Why don't we all try to figure this out together? Maybe I can make so coffee? We can all sit and... talk about it, gently...” Clarke said, looking at her girlfriend, at her words Raven blinked, as if she had noticed her just now. Then she looked at Abby and nodded, sighing out.

 

“Yeah, sure.” she said, shaking her head and walking away from them, right into Marcus' room. Abby closed her eyes and swallowed. She had saw that look on many too faces since she had woken up. The first one had been Bellamy, when he had came up to help her with Marcus' unconscious body on her living room's floor. Explaining what had happen, and how, had been hard and exhausting, especially when she was still trying to understand it herself.

 

“How are you?” Clarke asked her suddenly, making room for herself at her side. Abby managed to give her a weak smile, but her daughter knew her better, and started to rub a comforting hand on her back.

 

“I actually don't know.” she whispered, casting shy glances toward the room where Marcus was _once again_ laying unconscious. Clarke sighed.

 

“Do you think he will wake up again?” Clarke asked. Abby inhaled deeply, pursed her lips and started to shake her head, her eyes traveled from the floor to the ceiling, she started to quietly cry,

 

“I have no idea.” she said, her voice trembled. At that Clarke wrapped her arms around her, and remained there, holding her, while silent and burning tears rolled down her cheeks.

 

Meanwhile Raven kept staring at them from Marcus' room, her heart aching in pain, her mind filled with questions.

 

And Marcus kept _sleeping._

 

 

….

 

 

 

“The mother?” Clarke asked, frowning. Doctor Wallace, that was his name, nodded.

 

“Yes, you should find her mother, since according to Doctor Griffin,” - he looked at her - “He still remembered her, when he will wake up again, seeing her can help him in the healing process. Unfortunately we don't know what happened, and sometimes we have no power over the mind, he lost his memory in a specific period, as if something had happened between those.. how many years?” he asked, looking at Abby.

 

“Six years.” she whispered, doctor Wallace nodded.

 

“As if something had happened in those six years, maybe there's a reason why he can't remember you, but can remember her.” he said, cupping his hands on the desk in front of him. Clarke looked at her and shrugged, she didn't know what to do, or what to say. Abby cleared her throat.

 

“If I find this woman, do you really think he will wake up again? And will regain his memories back?” she asked, the man pursed his lips and looked at her as if she already knew the answer.

 

“We both know how these things work Doctor Griffin.” he said, at that Abby could only swallow and sigh.

 

“Right, we do.”

 

 

….

 

 

 

“I can't find anything about her on google, not even in the town's registry office. It's like she is a freaking ghost!” Raven spatted. Clarke at that glared at her, Abby sighed out.

 

“There must be something, if she isn't dead then she must be still alive right? People can't just disappear.” Abby said. Raven shrugged.

 

“Apparently this woman can.” she said, shaking her head.

 

“Have you tried to ask Indra?” Octavia said suddenly. The girl had finally came back home since a couple of days, with her two beautiful twins, just to discover what had happened with Marcus, and it was so painful to see the expression on her face, how she was trying to conceal every single emotion she felt. How every smile she offered to her twins was always shadowed, as if she couldn't in any way show her happiness, as if she felt somehow guilty to feel happy when Marcus was still on that bed.

 

“Indra?” Abby asked, Octavia nodded.

 

“She knows Marcus since he moved here years ago with his mother.” Octavia said, and suddenly Abby remembered that time he had talked to her about his mother, it had been a tiny information that had been enveloped in such a bigger conversation that it had slipped out of her mind.

 

“Right...” Abby whispered, Raven nodded.

 

“Good, we should call her.” she said, while rushing outside the door, right under the delicate white snow that was descending from the sky, her phone in hand. Abby licked her lips and turned to Octavia again, the girl was staring at her.

 

“She isn't that bad, you know?” the girl said. At that Abby blinked and tilted her head.

 

“Who?” she asked, even if she already knew whom she was talking about. Octavia smirked and shook her head, stroking Luna's forehead, that was sleeping in her arms.

 

“Indra. She is a real badass, I bet you two could be good friends.” she said, smiling kindly. Abby nodded, bowing her head.

 

“Yeah, I bet you are right.” she whispered, even if it sounded all but convincing.

 

Truth was that Indra and Abby had never get along together that well. She had talked to her just a couple of times, but both the times she had felt as if the woman had been judging her. Indra knew about her and Marcus, according to the kids, and Marcus himself, she had always knew. It seemed also as if she didn't like her at all.

 

Her dark eyes seemed to scan her every time she saw her, judging her in every possible way, from the clothes she wore, to the way she talked to Marcus. It always seemed as if she wasn't _good enough_ for him. Marcus had said multiple times that it wasn't true, Indra was just... a little _hard_ with the people she didn't know and didn't trust.

 

But still, Abby could _feel_ that something was off with her. That was of course why now she was the one that had to go to her and ask her something about Marcus' mother.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

Marcus' office was exactly as he had left it. Abby was sitting in a chair in front of his desk since five minutes by now, but they felt more like five years. It was all so _difficult,_ it was difficult to look at the framed picture of the siblings on his desk, it was difficult to see his jacket hanging in the far corner of the room, it was difficult to see the white mug she had given him, resting on his desk, empty, it still smelled as coffee.

 

How hard had he laughed when he had read the incision on it: “ _I hate being sexy_. _But I am a police officer,_ _so I can't help it._ _”_ It had been Raven's idea, she had seen it with her while they were doing some shopping and had immediately tried to convince her to buy it, Abby had blushed saying that it was _too inappropriate_ for two grown adults that were _just friends_ , the girl had shrugged saying, “Too bad though, it was pretty funny and so accurate.” and they had kept going on with their shopping.

 

When Abby had got back home and had found it in her grocery bag though, she had been only able to smile and shake her head. When Marcus had saw it, hiding in a cabinet in her kitchen, between champagne glasses and winter chocolate mugs, he had demanded to keep it. And since then it had always been there, a private joke between them that had always made her blush and feel that beautiful _shrill_ into her bones that only him was able to cause.

 

Abby inhaled deeply and tried to not focus her attention too much on his memory, but it almost felt as if he was there with her, as if his _conscious_ somehow was following her, as a ghost. Like in those movies where a comatose patient can see himself in the bed, and his _spirit_ can go around, following his friends and relatives. Abby shivered, closing her eyes, stroking her belly, trying to stay focus and put back some sense into herself.

 

Then was when the door at her back opened and Indra came in.

 

“Abby, sorry if I kept you waiting.” she said, her thick voluptuous voice startled her. She jerked on her chair and blinked her eyes open. Indra frowned at first, titling her head, then when a tear escaped Abby's eyes, and rolled down her cheeks, Indra swallowed and pursed her lips.

 

“No it's okay, I didn't wait that much.” Abby said, wiping away the wild tear, trying hard to not _seem_ weak in front of her, even if she was weak, oh so weak. Indra nodded and smiled politely, she took a chair and sat down in front of her. Casting a look at Marcus' empty spot. How many times she had seen them talking in this same office, and how many times Indra had flew out of the room whenever she had opened the door.

 

Abby sniffed, trying to smile. Indra was looking at her with that cold stare of her, her dark eyes seemed to dig into her, deeply, judging once again. Abby tried to not think about it too much, otherwise she knew she was going to freak out, she was tired, hurt, she had no time for this.

 

“Raven said you needed information about Marcus' mother.” Indra said immediately, her voice steady, not even a trace of discomfort in it. Abby nodded, swallowing back the knot that that damn office and that _stupid_ mug had started to form in her throat.

 

“Yes, we need to find her, maybe she can help Marcus.” Abby said, nodding at every word. Indra was observing her carefully, her eyes felt heavy, her lips were locked, not a trace of a smile, or a grimace, nothing.

 

“Why do you think I can help you?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. Abby blinked and parted her lips, then shrugged.

 

“You know him since he moved here, so... you are...” Abby failed at finding the right words, but she hadn't to search that much, because Indra filled the holes for her, even if not with the same words Abby had in mind.

 

“Because I'm the one that knows him better than any of you.” she said, it almost felt as an accusation, surely it wasn't a question. Abby blinked and widened her eyes.

 

“Well that's not-” but Indra didn't let her finish, raising one hand.

 

“Vera Kane is not dead, but probably you already know that.” she said, Abby closed her mouth again, rage was boiling up in her stomach, but she clenched her teeth and tried to calm herself down.

 

“Yes, we know that. But we can't find her.” she hissed. At that Abby was _sure_ Indra's mouth curved into a slight smirk.

 

_The nerve._

 

“I see.” she said, standing up from her chair. Abby followed her with her eyes while she moved in the office, until she had crossed her arms and had adjusted herself against the wall in front of her. “So, you want me to say to you where she is?” she said. Abby at that nodded.

 

_Wasn't it obvious?_

 

“Listen, I know that you don't like me that much but-” at that Indra frowned, stopping her.

 

“Who ever said that?” she asked, forcing Abby to blink and stare at her, gaping.

 

“I- uhm... I mean is not like we ever talked that much.” she said, shrugging, feeling suddenly pretty ashamed.

 

“We never talked because you are Marcus' girlfriend, not mine.” she said, her voice was still flat, not even a inch of anger or bitterness. Abby licked her lips, swallowing, this all thing was suddenly too hard but for very different reasons now.

 

“Ok, yes you are right. I mean, it doesn't matter if your best friend has a girlfriend right? Why would you even say hello to her? It was absolutely _presumptuous_ from me, you are right.” Abby said, noticing how her own tone was sifting from weak and tired to angry and frustrated.

 

_Is not her you are angry with Abigail, calm down._

 

Indra smirked at that shaking her head, as if laughing in her head about her. Abby glared at her and Indra bit at her lower lip, taking back her spot in the chair in front of her.

 

“Oh Abby, there are so many things you don't know about me.” she said, leaning her elbows on her knees, she seemed suddenly so less _threatening_ somehow.

 

“Just as you don't know anything about me.” Abby said defensively. Indra a that smiled, actually smiled.

 

“That's not completely true.” she said, leaning on her chair, changing position again, relaxing her back and legs, opening her arms.

 

“Oh is that so?” Abby said, arching an eyebrow, Indra smirked again.

 

“Marcus talked a lot about you.” she whispered, and at that Abby couldn't help but feel an aching pain right in the middle of her heart. Her expression softened, her legs shivered.

 

“He did?” she asked, in a whisper. Indra nodded, her expression was softer now, her eyes were no longer cold on her, she was looking at her with something that looked a lot like _empathy._

 

“He did, yes. He loves you, a lot. You know that right?” she said, and Abby at that couldn't stop her chin from trembling, or couldn't suppress the new tears that escaped her eyes, nor the choked sob that flew out of her constricted throat.

 

“I'm sorry.” Abby whispered, bowing her head, trying to recompose herself, while her body betrayed her, whimpering and trembling. Suddenly, without any kind of warning, Indra laid a hand on her shoulder, the slight touch forced her to look at the woman in front of her. Indra was looking at her with some kind of tenderness, her hand felt so warm on her shivering shoulder, that Abby couldn't exactly say who leaned first, but suddenly Indra was hugging her, holding her against her.

 

And Abby cried and cried, wetting the woman's shirt, letting it all go, once again. It was surprising how fast her body was able to produce tears again, how much pain could grow in her heart, so much that she could still feel it. It was surprising how excruciating all of this was, and how her body hadn't collapsed yet, how her mind could still work, how her heart could still beat.

 

It was exactly when that thought formed in her mind, that her belly _kicked_ Indra's stomach, and she withdrew, apologizing. But Indra was smiling, and her hand was traveling slowly toward her belly, she looked at Abby asking for permission, and she nodded, wiping away her last tears.

 

“She is strong, and tough, just like her mother.” Indra whispered, looking at her eventually. Abby was still consuming her last tears.

 

“She?” she whispered, Indra smiled.

 

“Yes. Trust me, it's gonna be a girl.” she said, giving one last stroke at her swollen belly. “Now, let's talk about Vera.” she said, smiling kindly. Abby nodded, sniffing and drying her cheeks with the hem of her coat.

 

….

 

When Abby walked outside of the Arkadia Police Station, she felt lighter and heavier at the same time. She had found out that Indra was a gentle soul in the end, caring and generous, even too much. But she had also got new information she surely hadn't expected to come. She took her phone out of her purse and dialed Clarke's number. After the second ring her daughter answered.

 

“I know where Vera Kane is, but we have to wait until the morning to go.” Abby said, her tone flat, she was tired. Clarke hadn't the time to say a word yet and so when she started talking, half crying and half laughing, Abby's heart dropped in her chest, especially for what she said.

 

“Mum, he is awake again!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so into "zan zan zan" moments so badly.


	15. Reminisce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus starts a long journey back to himself. Starting with his mother, ending with the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am again! I know, I know, I am really slow lately, but guys trust me is not that easy to end a work, especially after so many chapters, and so many words. It has been an amazing journey, and we walked so much together into this story... I am still sad at the idea of it ending, but hey... Everything has to end eventually. So, here we are with this new but "not yet yet last" chapter. I will probably write an epilogue and then everything will be over, for good this time. Don't cry, don't be sad, because if you are following me since the beginning, or at least since TWOM, you know that I have dozens, if not thousands, of ideas working in my little freaky head. So it wont be long for me to be back with another story, after this one is over. So have a nice day guys, hopefully you will enjoy this chapter, and remember that I love you ALL.

 

 

The _Eden Retirement Home_ was a huge white villa, hidden between dark green trees upon the ridge of Grace Mountain, three hours from Arkadia.

 

“ _Is a quiet place.”_ Indra had said, “ _Vera likes it very much. She has no idea what is it... at least most of the time.”_

 

The day was cold, as usual lately, Alaskan winters were rigid and long, but the sky that day was particularly clear, soft cotton clouds were hovering upon them, while they all climbed out the car in the huge parking lot between the woods. Abby was softly stroking her belly, her hands covered in black leather gloves, her burgundy scarf was trapping her hot breath between her cheeks and nose.

 

“You're sure about this, mum?” Clarke whispered, her hands in her pockets, her blue eyes scanning the building up on the hill in front of them. Abby said nothing and offered her a shy glance, her daughter nodded, laying one warm hand on her back, rubbing a random spot and pushing her forward.

 

Behind them Raven and Octavia were following. Them both weren't supposed to be there, but of course nor Abby nor Clarke had been able to persuade them to stay behind, they wanted to know, they wanted to see. Marcus was part of their lives since almost five years by now, and they felt as if they had never really known him at all. They wanted to know, they wanted to get answers, answers that Abby herself wasn't sure they all deserved to get.

 

But they kept walking in silence, until the huge villa was close enough to hear some voices coming from inside, they were muffled but echoed as laughs. Abby inhaled deeply and then her hand leaned toward the wooden door. It lingered in the air there, slightly shivering, for the cold or for the anxiety, she couldn't tell.

 

Clarke bit at the inside of her cheek and stepped forward, knocking for her. The sound echoed around them in the Alaskan silence, they all waited, holding their breaths. When the door opened, from inside a warm stroke of air invaded them, carrying the smell of fresh baked cookies and faint touches of sweet wildflowers.

 

“Good morning.” a young girl was smiling at them now, blond hair, light brown eyes. She was wearing creamy soft clothes, and looked somehow reassuring. Her eyes were scanning them all, she didn't recognize any of them of course, but her smile didn't fade, she was waiting for them to introduce themselves, her eyes lingered on Abby, as if she expected her to say something.

 

But Abby was quiet, suddenly unsure on what to say, unsure even if she should be there, she didn't want to be there.

 

“Hi.” Clarke said suddenly. “We are here to meet one of your... _patients_.” she said, frowning herself when the word left her lips. The girl shook her head and offered a gentle smile.

 

“We don't have patients here, we have _guests_.” she said, her smile brighter than ever. “Please come inside, it's warmer.” she added, inviting them all to follow her inside. Clarke smiled and nodded, flashing a look at her mother. Abby looked at her, her eyes were pleading her to do something for her, because she suddenly couldn't move a single muscle. Clarke took her by the arm and dragged her inside, Raven and Octavia followed in respectful silence.

 

Once inside, the crispy cold faded and the pleasant warmth of the villa sneaked under their heavy clothes. Abby's black coat felt suddenly too heavy, her hands were prickling with the need to be freed by those gloves, the scarf was burning her cheeks.

 

“Would you like to give me your coats? I can hang them for you.” the girl offered, her hands already stretching out to take them. Abby looked at her, she was still smiling, she asked herself if she was genuinely like this all the time, or if she was acting for them, as if she had to look _happy_ and incredibly welcoming to comfort their _guests'_ relatives.

 

“Sure, thank you.” Clarke said, unzipping her jacket, handing it to the girl, Raven and Octavia followed suit and then the smiling girl looked at Abby, waiting for her to do the same. “Mum?” Clarke nudged her on the side, Abby blinked and nodded, clearing her throat, taking off her heavy coat, her gloves and her scarf, feeling almost naked when the girl took them away, disappearing for few seconds in a corner of the room.

 

“Are you ok?” Raven whispered, leaning over her, Abby looked at the young girl and then nodded, managing a smile, but not a single word escaped her lips. Raven looked as if ready to ask more, but the _smiley_ girl was back once again.

 

“Ok so, first of all I must introduce myself.” she said, her smile still plastered on her peachy lips. “I'm Harper, and I'm here to help you with anything you might need.” she said, tilting her head to the side. She was indeed trying to make them all feel comfortable, but that wasn't working, no matter how hard the girl tried, they all felt out of place. “You said you wanted to visit one of our guests?” her light eyes traveled from Abby to Clarke, as if she had by now understood that the older woman wasn't gonna say a word.

 

“Yes. Vera Kane.” Clarke said, trying to match the girl's smile, without succeeding that much. Harper widened slightly her eyes and her eyebrows traveled up on her forehead, she looked particularly surprised now.

 

“Vera? Oh.” she nodded and crossed her arms. “I never saw anyone here apart from...” but then she fell silent and shook her head. “Are you relatives?” she asked, suddenly her smile had faded.

 

“Well... sort of.” Clarke said, her blue eyes were searching in her companions for some support. Octavia took a step forward.

 

“We are friends of Marcus, Vera's son.” she said, her left hand was now resting comfortably on Abby's shoulder. Harper blinked.

 

“Marcus? Oh... We haven't seen him in a while, we thought-” but Octavia's stare somehow made her words die in her throat. “I mean, good, I'm sure Vera will like to meet some of her son's friends.” she said, gesturing them to follow her. “Follow me, I'm gonna take you to her.” she said quietly. Octavia and Clarke pushed Abby forward with them, at her back Raven was silent, her dark eyes scanning the building.

 

The villa was beautiful, everything was white or cream colored, wildflowers were adorning the furniture, they were as colorful sparkling dots in the middle of a snowy landscape. The windows were huge, overlooking the forest and the mountain range around them, the snowy peaks were shining under the crystal sun.

 

The rooms smelled pleasantly, the trace of baked cookies was still following them, accompanied by the sweetness of the colorful bulbs that adorned the place. On the walls were hanging few paintings, some of them were beautiful Alaskan landscapes, others portrayed giant green gardens, dots of colors were all over it, as millions of red, blue, yellow and purple flowers dancing between the blades of grass. Suddenly the girl stopped and turned toward them.

 

“I must warn you about Vera. I guess this is the first time you see her after the _accident,_ right?” Harper asked, her bright smile was hiding now under a more serious expression, professional but not cold, she still radiated warmth and kindness. The four women nodded and the girl stepped forward. “Vera isn't always aware of her _situation_.” she whispered, her eyes found Abby's, and she let them on her, as if she had sensed somehow that she was the one that needed to know this more than the others. “She is healthy, but her mind is... let's say she is here but not completely.” with that she scanned them all one last time and then her bright smile was once again on place. “Let's go.” and with that she entered the giant room from where an echo of voices was coming.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The common room was beautiful, white spotless couches were placed against every wall, some of them were scattered in the middle, some in front of giant windows, overlooking a beautiful cold garden and the horizon, where the mountains ruled over the landscape. From the ceiling a beautiful crystal chandelier was hanging, the sunlight danced inside the prisms, scattering strokes of rainbow on the white walls. Abby was so lost into taking in every detail, that when Harper stopped and laid a hand on a woman's shoulder, she didn't notice. When Clarke nudged her on the side though, she blinked and realized they were face to face with Marcus' mother.

 

“Vera?” the girl whispered, leaning forward, the woman was toying with a bonsai tree, tiny green leaves were scattered over the glass table, the sunlight was showering the tiny plant. “You have visitors.” Harper said, at her words the woman hummed, her eyes never leaving the tree. Harper smiled at them all and tilted her head toward the chairs, inviting them to sit down. Abby was paralyzed, her stare was lingering over the woman insistently, as if she could somehow give her all the answers she needed.

 

Clarke sat down first, Raven and Octavia followed, leaving one single chair for Abby. It was in front of the window, at Vera's side. When Abby kept silence, without moving, Clarke pulled the hem of her shirt, her eyes pleading her to sit down. But Abby was motionless, then was when the older woman smiled.

 

“Would you like to sit down here with me darling?” she asked, her voice was soft and warm. Abby parted her lips, Vera raised her eyes toward her and smiled. She seemed all but vulnerable or fragile, her brown eyes were bathed in the sunlight and shades of amber were shining in her irises. She looked self-conscious, and radiated strength and wisdom. “Would you come and sit with me?” she asked her again, directly this time, her hand waving toward the empty chair.

 

Abby said nothing and lowered her eyes, doing as the woman asked. Vera kept her stare on her, her smile was kind and comforting, Abby swallowed and tried to smile back, but the woman tilted her head and frowned slightly. “Are you ok dear?” she asked, her voice warm, her words gentle. Abby was feeling suddenly a weird urge to cry.

 

“I am.” she whispered softly, at her words the woman hummed, and pushed the bonsai tree farther from her, making room for her elbows on the glassy table, entangling her hands under her chin.

 

“What's wrong?” she asked, as if they knew each other since ever, and were old friends. Abby didn't know why but she was feeling as if this woman actually knew her, and she didn't mind her asking, on the contrary, it was comforting.

 

“I...” Abby tried to put together the words, but she couldn't find them, and her hands traveled on her belly, as she was used to do whenever she felt unsure. Vera followed her gesture and her warm eyes landed on her swollen belly.

 

“You carry a _present_ with you.” she whispered, her smile brighter now, one of her hands moved toward her, she stopped and looked Abby in the eyes. “Can I?” she asked, Abby could do nothing more than offer her a nod. The woman smiled and her wrinkled hand landed on hers, Abby stopped moving. “She will be a tough girl.” Vera whispered.

 

“I don't know if it's a girl or a boy.” Abby said, Vera smirked softly, her hand squeezed softly Abby's fingers.

 

“You don't need to, I can feel her, she's a tough one, just like her mother.” she said, winking.

 

“What make you think I'm a tough one?” Abby asked instinctively, Vera giggled softly.

 

“Oh I know many things about you darling.” she said, then her eyes were focused once again on the little tree in front of her. Abby blinked, her eyes searched for her daughter, Clarke was staring back at her with the same confused expression.

 

“You know me?” Abby asked, leaning toward her, Vera kept smiling at the little tree.

 

“You know what I like about plants the most?” she said, Abby blinked, and shook her head.

 

_She is here but not completely._

 

“Plants have a soul, you know that?” Vera asked, looking at Clarke, the girl blinked and shook her head. “What do they teach you at school these days?” Vera said, shaking her head in disbelief. “Plants have souls and voices. If you listen carefully you can hear them.” she kept stroking the bonsai's leaves with care.

 

“And what do they say?” Octavia asked suddenly, Vera didn't seem surprised to hear that question.

 

“Oh they carry stories with them. Beautiful stories about the world, life, living creatures. Stories about love.” she said, her eyes were soft and warm over the little plant between her hands. Octavia smiled.

 

“And this one? What is it telling you?” Raven asked, following the flow of Vera's conversation. The older woman smiled.

 

“Oh this one talks to me about a little boy.” she said, her hands traveling on the wooden branches, her fingertips jumping from one green leaf to the other. “A little boy with a fervid imagination and a burning curiosity, but with such a sad smile.” she said, her eyes seemed lost between the leaves now, as if the words she was saying were written all over them. “He was so happy once, and then he wasn't anymore.”

 

Abby had the suddenly feeling that Vera wasn't talking just about a random boy, and this made her heart grew bigger and heavier in her chest. “What's his name?” she asked suddenly, Vera smiled.

 

“He loved to help me with the garden, even if he couldn't hear the plants talk.” she said, without answering Abby's question. “He said that he didn't need to believe in it to be gentle with them. He was so intelligent.” Vera said, then she blinked and tilted her head toward Abby. Her expression had softly changed, it was almost imperceptible, but it was there, something had shifted.

 

“He talked about you all the time.” she said, her eyes were serious now. Abby's heart was racing.

 

“What?” her mouth was dry, her hand traveled on her belly by instinct, the gesture didn't pass unnoticed by Vera.

 

“He will be a good father.” she said, smiling. Abby wasn't able to say a word now, her eyes were glassy, but she couldn't cry, it wasn't fair. “I am glad he found an amazing woman like you.” she said, her hand squeezed Abby's. Vera's smile was forcing new tears out of her eyes, but Abby forced them back, clearing her throat.

 

“I miss him.” Vera said, then tilted her head. “Could you tell him that I miss him?” she asked, and at her words Abby couldn't keep it anymore, she nodded and then squeezed her eyes, excusing herself, she jumped on her feet and walked fast toward the exit of the room. She felt ashamed for running away, but her heart was beating so fast, her throat was so constricted, her eyes were burning. She had to hide herself from the woman's stare, her words were painfully echoing in her head.

 

_I miss him. Could you tell him that I miss him?_

 

 

….

 

 

 

She was trying to recollect herself, to calm her racing heart, when soft steps reached her from behind. “Is hard, isn't it?” it was Harper's voice, soft and warm. Abby tried to not burst into tears once again, and sniffed quietly, without turning to the girl, trying to find her calm between the green pine woods outside the window.

 

“Vera is an amazing woman. When she came here the first time, I was just a kid, I was still training. But she liked to talk to me, we talked so much. Walking in the woods when the weather allowed us to. She has so many stories to tell.” the girl giggled softly. “She loves to talk about his son mostly. He's the love of her life after all.” she said, she was closer now, Abby could sense her few inches behind her, if she leaned back slightly she would bump into her.

 

“Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't know.” Harper said, Abby blinked at that and looked at the girl, she was looking at the trees outside. “You know what happened?” Harper asked, Abby shook her head, wiping away some tears with the hem of her shirt. Harper sighed out and walked few steps toward the window, she was now perfectly at Abby's side.

 

“She had always been healthy, she loved to take long walks in the nature, and she loved to take care of her garden, it was like a therapy you know? It kept her healthy for a long long time. But then... something happened. Unfortunately sometimes nature decides is time to simply... shut off everything, and your body stops working.” Harper said, a nostalgic smile on her lips. “When her son found her she was already gone. Something in her brain simply... disappeared, a part of her stopped working properly.” Abby nodded, she knew how these things worked, she was a doctor after all, but she wanted the girl to keep talking, so she kept quiet.

 

“I met Marcus many times during these years.” she said, at the mention of his name Abby had to be strong to not start crying again. “He was always here, talking to her, taking her for a walk, they also took care of the flowers that you can see all over the villa, and in the garden, especially in spring.” her smile was softer now. “Whenever Marcus was here, Vera would lit up, as if whatever was missing of her was able to come back with his presence.” Harper said.

 

“But I could see that something was off in him. He was blaming himself, and that was consuming him.” she said, turning toward Abby. “He thinks this is his fault, but is not. He couldn't know that she was going to... _change_ like that. She was a healthy woman, she didn't need assistance in any way. Nobody could know.” Harper said, Abby looked at her, she didn't know what to say.

 

“You have to tell him this. You have to help him understand.” then the girl smiled. “And you should also tell him to come back again, we miss him.” she said softly, and in her eyes Abby could see that it was true, it wasn't just her mother, she missed him too. Abby wanted to explain, wanted to say something, but then someone called for the girl, and Harper excused herself, walking away, leaving her alone.

 

 

….

 

 

 

When Abby walked back in the common room, she was surprised to see that the table was empty, nor Vera nor her daughter nor anyone else was sitting there. She blinked in confusion, her eyes studying the room, in search of them. 

 

Suddenly a glimpse of blonde hair from outside attracted her attention, she walked toward the giant window that overlooked the garden, and she spotted them all, looking up at a giant oak, soft smiles on their lips, while Vera was talking. All of them covered in heavy coats. Abby smiled, and leaned against the cold glass. Clarke noticed her and tilted her head, inviting her to join them. Abby smiled and withdrew from the window.

 

She wanted to join them, but at the same time she was afraid she was going to collapse once again. Vera was able to brake her with one word, her eyes were so soft on her, and if it was true that Marcus was able to give her back her missing pieces, then she was feeling even worse, since she had insisted to not tell him where they were going.

 

Marcus was awake once again, of course he didn't remember her still, nor the others, and he was confused, tired, his body wasn't able to handle an entire day out of the bed, but he was awake. When she had decided to come here, she had also decided to not bring him along, because she thought he wasn't ready. So she had left him behind at home, with Indra and the boys.

 

He hadn't ask her who she was when she had came back home last night, he knew she was Abby, he knew he had to remember her, but he still couldn't, and they had shared a quiet few hours before she had call it a night and had left him asleep on his bed. Once again.

 

She knew Marcus wanted to know something about his mother, but how was she supposed to tell him that the woman he remembered wasn't there anymore? She knew it was important for him to see her, that she could help him remember, he was able to give her back her missing pieces, she surely could do the same for him.

 

But how was she supposed to do that? Indra had offered to tell him herself, but Abby had refused. It was her, she had to tell him, she had to do that... he was the man she was in love with after all.

 

Even if he wasn't there completely, she knew he was going to come back and it was just fair for her to be the one.

 

But how was she supposed to do that?

 

It was when that thought echoed in her head, that she noticed him. He was walking slowly in the garden, his eyes fixed on Vera, while she was talking to the girls, gesturing toward the giant oak tree.

 

Marcus was there.

 

_Why was he there?_

 

The silhouette of Indra, remaining respectfully few meters behind him, gave her the answer. Abby grabbed her coat and stepped outside the door, rage boiling up in her stomach, walking fast and with heavy steps toward the back of the garden.

 

 

 

….

 

 

The crispy cold air was slapping his cheeks. The air felt heavy in his lungs, burning a path into them, his eyes were glassy, for the cold or for the view of his mother standing there, he couldn't tell. There was something odd in seeing her again. His memories of her were vivid in his brain, it was as if they had been together just yesterday, but according to Indra, this wasn't true.

 

The coma had kept him away from her for a long time, but even before that, he had lost her. Six years ago she had gone, and he had been left behind, collecting piece by piece what he could of her. His mother was gone, and yet she was standing few meters from him. She was exactly as he remembered her, even if it felt almost as if around her there was some kind of heavy veil, obscuring her from him, from the entire world.

 

Marcus had insisted for hours with Indra to know where Abby and the girls were, he knew it had something to do with his mother. And so eventually Indra had told him, she had given him all the details he couldn't remember, because they belonged to a present he still couldn't recall. His memory ended were it was more comfortable for him to be, in a safe place, where his mother was still lucid, healthy.

 

Everything after that was black, forbidden, he couldn't get to it. Just as he couldn't get to the kids that filled his room, or the voices that echoed around the house during the day, nor the smell those walls kept in. He couldn't recall any of that, and he knew that this was hurting everyone, even if they tried to hide their sorrow, it was clear as the sun.

 

His mother was talking to the girls he still couldn't remember as part of his life. There was Octavia, the brunette girl that had two beautiful baby twins, she was so young and yet made him feel little, tiny, because she radiated such a strength, such an amazing aura hovered around her. The other one was Raven, the mechanic, she was sassy they had told, he had seen that trait of her many times, she made him laugh.

 

Then there was the blonde girl that was named Clarke, after an Alaskan lake. She was Abby's daughter.

 

_Abby._

 

He knew he was supposed to remember her, it wasn't just because she had told him that, nor it was the fact that everybody looked so extremely sad whenever she was mentioned... it was a feeling he had. He could feel this need to remember her, because she was important, he knew that, but couldn't say why yet.

 

But he wanted to find out, he knew he would, sooner or later.

 

When he was close enough to hear his mother's voice, he stopped, his hands hiding inside of his pockets, his black coat felt too light over his fragile body. He had loss a lot of weight, his muscles were gone, he was weak, and he knew he wasn't supposed to go out, to be outside so soon, but he had to see her.

 

She stopped talking suddenly, as if his presence there had physically touched her, the other girls hadn't seen him approaching, and when Vera turned toward him, her eyes glassy, the girls widened their eyes in surprise, and took few steps back, as if afraid they could brake the moment if they were too close.

 

Marcus didn't pay attention to them though, his eyes were all for his mother. The older woman started approaching him slowly, her eyes filled with tears, he could see them trembling in her brown irises, and there, in that exact moment, she was his mother, she was the Vera he still remembered so well. Her lips were curving into a sad smile, carrying many words of love she hadn't been able to say. Her chin was trembling, she seemed so pure and so fragile, approaching him with cautious and slow steps, her hands traveling slowly higher, to reach for his cheeks.

 

He had a beard now, he didn't remember when he had decided to let it grow, and yet there it was, and it suited him, he thought, and he could say he wasn't the only one thinking that, he could see it in the way Abby's eyes traveled over his face, landing on it, as if his facial hair held memories only she could reach. How desperately he wanted to share those memories with her too.

 

“Marcus.” Vera's whispered, one single tear escaped her right eye, traveling down her cheek, her hands found their spot on his beard, she kept her stare on his eyes, and he couldn't hold it anymore, and let his eyes gave up under the pressure of that moment, and heavily, all of his bottled emotions flew out, invading him.

 

It was such a delicate moment, the crispy annoying air faded, he could only feel the warmth of his mother's hands on his skin, and could only see the look in her eyes. She was gone, but she was here, and he didn't know if she was meant to go away once again after that moment, or if she was able to come back more than just once in a while. So he lingered into that moment, memorizing her look now, the way her touch felt on his skin, knowing this could be the last time he would look into his mother's eyes.

 

It was so beautiful, and so delicate, so important and meaningful for him that he didn't notice Abby appearing behind his back, where Indra was waiting. He didn't notice the way she touched his friend's shoulder, and they way she parted her lips angrily, as to reproach her. He didn't even notice the way she stopped as soon as she had spotted them, standing under that oak tree, stroking each other's cheeks, tears running down their eyes, smiling softly, while walking into silence memories that belonged to them only.

 

He didn't notice any of that, until Vera blinked and turned, spotting her, a bright smile appeared on her lips and she waved at her to join them. Then was when Marcus followed his mother's eyes, and saw her.

 

Abby was panting slightly, her cheeks reddened, her eyes wide, her lips parted. Her brown eyes were traveling from his mother to him. He blinked, he knew she was there, but her presence still surprised him, and he couldn't say why.

 

“Come here darling.” Vera said, smiling so brightly, as if the two women knew each other since ever. Marcus was quiet, holding his mother's hand. Then was when Abby turned to Indra, quietly asking her if she was the one meant to go, Indra smiled softly, shaking her head and turning on her heels, leaving them behind. Abby blinked and turned once again, Vera was still smiling, her hand stretched out to invite her with them.

 

Marcus smiled, that bright light on his mother's face was beautiful, he knew Abby was part of his life, but he surely didn't know she was part of his mother's too. And then was when a thought popped in his mind, he remembered she didn't know a thing about his mother. He frowned, and looked at her again.

 

She was shyly approaching them, her hands on her swollen belly, her lower lip trapped between her teeth. She was shifting her eyes nervously between the two of them. “Come girl, I want to thank you.” Vera said, and as soon as Abby was close enough, she took her hand, dragging her toward her. Then was when she left go of Marcus' hand and enveloped the pregnant shivering woman in her arms.

 

Abby looked surprised, but not uncomfortable, she stiffened on her feet for just one second, relaxing almost immediately, her eyes closed, and her chin trembled. Marcus was confused, and yet that moment looked _right_ , as if it was meant to happen. He didn't know why, but in his heart something was telling him that he wanted this moment to happen.

 

_But why?_

 

Vera withdrew eventually, smiling brightly, stroking few strands of Abby's hair behind her ears. “Thank you for bringing him back to me.” she whispered, Abby looked at him and then shook her head, parting her lips.

 

“I didn't-” but Marcus stopped her, by instinct, resting one hand on her arm. The gesture startled her, he sensed it in the way her muscles shivered, her eyes widened, and her lips parted, her breath caught in her throat.

 

He smiled at her, trying to look reassuring. She blinked and then nodded, almost imperceptibly, and smiled at his mother, saying nothing, her hands landed on her belly once again and she left them there.

 

Vera looked at her belly and hummed to herself, then turned to him once again. “You're a lucky man.” she said, her smile bright, and it took him few seconds to get what she was saying. Then was when the thought hit him and he almost wanted to burst out laughing.

 

Abby wasn't his wife, and surely that wasn't his baby, because he wasn't in love with her, and surely he would remember such a thing, just as he remembered his mother.

 

 _It's ridiculous._ His mind was saying. _Come one, you have to say it to her, no matter what, this woman deserves the truth._ His mind kept telling.

 

Then was when his amused eyes landed on Abby, and then was when he noticed it. The way her eyes had lowered toward her swollen belly, the way her lips were pursed, the way she was trying to hide herself from his stare, trying to look everywhere but not at him. Her cheeks were even redder now, it wasn't the cold, she was actually blushing.

 

Then was when the thought settled in, and the doubt started to make room for itself inside of his heart.

 

_Is it possible that she is...?_

 

“I can't wait to see her when she comes.” Vera said, her hand stroking gently Abby's belly. Marcus frowned.

 

“She doesn't know if it's a boy or-” he started to say without thinking, but his mother dismissed his protest with a wave of her hand.

 

“I know what I'm saying Marcus. It's gonna be a girl, beautiful and smart, just as her mother.” she added, her hand lifted Abby's chin, so that she could look her in the eyes. Abby was holding back some tears, he could see that. And he could also see that her mother was right, she was indeed beautiful.

 

And that thought made him feel something different into his heart, something he hadn't felt since he had woken up. The way her eyes trembled on him for few seconds, to settle back on his mother, made him feel a new different pang in his chest. The way her hands were stroking her belly, holding it as if it could drop on the ground at any moment. The way her cheeks were colored, as spring roses, and the way her chocolate brown eyes were shimmering, as a lake at night, reflecting dozens of stars onto its calm surface.

 

Then was when his mind started working on the thought again.

 

_Why I feel as if I should remember you?_

 

He was so occupied with staring at her, that didn't notice when his mother started walking away again, disappearing into the garden, talking with the plants, as she was used to, even before. Then was when Abby blinked, few tears rolled down her cheeks. “You shouldn't be here.” she whispered, without looking him in the eyes. “But I'm glad to see that she remembers you.” she added, before sniffing and turning back in the opposite direction of his mother, walking away. Leaving him behind, alone, in the cold garden.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

_Six Years Earlier_

 

 

 

It was a rainy day when Marcus found his mother. She was sitting in her living room, her amber eyes were reflecting an odd dark void, she was silent, staring outside the window. Her lips so dry, she hadn't drank a single drop of water in three days. Her skin was pale, her limbs were sore, her bones trembled with every movement.

 

When his mother's neighbors had called him the first time, informing him that his mother hadn't show up in a couple of days, he had dismissed them, shouting that he was too busy to go and check on her, she was a grown woman after all, she could handle herself.

 

When they had insisted that she didn't answer her door, nor the phone, he had tried to call her himself. She had picked up, but she had remained silent, no sound had escaped the other line of the call. At first he had thought she had simply answered by mistake, surely nothing wrong could have happened...

 

When he finally decided to go and check on her the morning after though, and she didn't answer at his knocks on the door, nor his voice calling for her, the doubt had started to invade him. He used his spare keys and opened the door.

 

The silence inside the house was deafening, the air was heavy, it smelled as dry flowers, wet soil and something acrid, something too unpleasant to name. He took few steps into the morning light, his steps echoing on the marble floor, his eyes searching for her figure into every corner of the house.

 

When he called for her the first time, he almost thought to hear her answering him, as her usual.

 

Hers _“I'm in here honey.”_ reverberated in his head, as if she was actually there, waiting for him into one of her rooms, busy with some new flower or exotic plant of hers. But when he called the second time, he realized there was just silence around him, her voice wasn't echoing between those walls.

 

When he found her, in the living room, on that red chair of hers, at first he thought she simply hadn't heard him coming. He told humself she was probably too focused on something in her mind, she was old after all, maybe her hearing wasn't that good anymore, it could happen...

 

When he touched her shoulder though, and she didn't move, he thought she was dead.

 

But she wasn't. A better look told him she was breathing and she was too warm to be dead, he had seen too many dead bodies to not know that. But the thought to take a better look at her made him feel sick to his stomach. His mother wasn't answering him, she wasn't moving. Her hands were entangled on her lap, and then was when he noticed that the acrid scent he was smelling was coming right from her.

 

She had urine covering her pants, the chair was soaked in it. It was almost unbearable to be that close to her. When he took a better look at her face, and saw the void into her eyes though, he realized the worse was yet to come.

 

Nothing was comparable with the look on his mother's face. Nothing was like the way she was looking, without seeing. The way she was there without being there. Nothing was as bad as that.

 

And that was a memory Marcus was sure he would never forget, a scene like that one was going to be engraved into his brain for ever.

 

And it had been like that, for six long years.

 

Until that day, when his brain had decided it was time for him to forget, it was time for him to replace his guilt with something else, something even worse.

 

 

The void.

 

 

* * *

_Present Day_

 

 

When that faithful day ended, Abby found herself sitting at her kitchen table, one cup of hot orange tea steaming in front of her. The smell coming from it was rich and fragrant, and she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. Then was when memories of the first time she had met Marcus rushed back to her.

 

And tears started to roll silently down her pale cold cheeks.

 

It was devastating. Her heart was aching, calling for its other half. Her eyes were burning, her temples pulsing, her belly felt heavier than usual.

 

When the first kick hit her, she blinked her eyes open, and her hands covered the spot where her baby's feet had kicked, she smiled sadly toward it.

 

“I'm sorry.” she whispered to her own stomach, “I know. I shouldn't cry that much.” she sniffed and swallowed, closing her eyes, trying to recall better memories, visualizing every good thing she could think of.

 

When her efforts seemed to be useless, she heard her front door opening. And when he entered the kitchen, slowly and quietly, she still had her eyes closed, her right hand was secured around the warm mug, her left one pressed on her belly.

 

“It's mine. Isn't it?” he asked suddenly. That simple question made her heart leap, and she swallowed back a sob. Her teeth started to torture her lips, she hummed and nodded slightly, opening her eyes cautiously, her vision was blurred by dozens of tears, Marcus was just a shivering dark shadow.

 

“Why haven't you told me?” he asked, and once again her heart jumped, and shivered, as if it wanted to hide inside of her own rib cage.

 

“Abby?” he whispered, and the sound of his steps on the floor warned her he was approaching. She wanted to say something, she wanted to say many things, but every word died as soon as it reached her lips, it was too hard to even process his presence there, let alone talk to him.

 

“Please, talk to me.” he whispered again, and this time his hand found a spot on her shoulder. The contact with his warm touch, the smell of incoming rain radiating from his coat, the echo of his gentle whisper in the silence around her, every detail of that moment was braking her.

 

Abby had maybe be once a _tough girl,_ but she was fragile now, she was breakable, she was made of glass, and she needed just a touch to fall into pieces.

 

_His touch._

 

“I'm sorry.” she managed to hiss and then her tears took control over her, her emotions were as a river, flowing out of her tired eyes, soaking her heavy sweater. Her belly was an endless echo of kicks, reminding her to be strong, to be happy, to not cry that much.

 

But the more she felt them against her swollen skin, the more her sobs grew. Then was when he, suddenly and without warning, enveloped his arms around her, and there he staid.

 

His heart was beating fast, she could sense it against her shoulder, his thick beard was pressing against her hair, his breath was warm and hot, sneaking between her honey colored strands, invading the sensitive skin of her neck.

 

“I'm sorry too.” he whispered, and his arms tightened the grip around her, as if he wanted to protect her from her own sadness. The problem was that the more he made her feel _protected_ , the more she felt _broken_.

 

She wanted to ask him to not do that, to stop being.... _him_ , because she wasn't able to handle it, not now. But her body betrayed her, and instead of a warning, from her lips flew out the only thing she didn't want to say, but also the only thing she knew was absolutely true.

 

“ _I love you.”_

 

She froze on her seat, and she felt the way even Marcus stiffened, his arms felt too tight now, and too heavy around her shivering body. She wanted to erase that instant, go back few seconds and simply be quiet, shutting her mouth once and for all.

 

But instead of withdrawing from her, Marcus remained where he was and asked her, “You do?”. Abby wanted to turn and to slap him, as if it like that she could bring him back to his senses.

 

Of course she loved him, he was her life, her north star, her morning sun. But he didn't know that.

 

He couldn't remember.

 

It was even worse than knowing that he didn't remember he loved her too.

 

“I do.” she whispered, and closed her eyes, swallowing, trying to recollect herself, in the middle of that warm and yet uncomfortable embrace with him. He felt so familiar, and yet so distant. So warm and yet so rigid.

 

“And... I love you too?” he asked, and oh how painful that question made her feel. She wanted to nod and to yell that yes, yes he did love her too. But wasn't her place to do so, she was there to say the truth yes, but how could she told him something so personal about himself?

 

Wasn't him the one that needed to discover that? To remember that?

 

“I think so.” she said, knowing she was lying. Because Abby knew for _sure_ that he loved her, she had never been so sure about something in her life as she was of that. At her words Marcus finally withdrew.

 

The sudden relief Abby felt at the loss of contact made her feel guilty.

 

“So... we were? I mean... we are?” he was confused, tired, weak, she could sense it in the sound of his voice, in the way those words left his lips. He was unsure on what he was supposed to say, or think. He was lost, and she was feeling even worse.

 

“I think you should go to sleep now.” she whispered, finding the strength to turn toward him and look him into the eyes, even if just briefly. “It's been a long day.” she added with a tired smile, standing up from the stool she had been sitting on. Emptying her untouched mug of tea into the sink.

 

Marcus was silent, she could feel his eyes on her, while she moved quietly in her kitchen, avoiding his stare as long as possible.

 

“I'm sorry Abby.” he whispered. Abby's hands gripped instinctively the sink, her knuckles turned white, she clenched her jaw and inhaled deeply.

 

“Don't be. It's not your fault.” she said, and she knew it was absolutely true. But it was hard to not feel absolutely furious, at him? The universe? Herself? Hard to tell.

 

He took a few steps toward her, but then he stopped, as if changing his mind, taking those steps back, resuming his previous position. “I will remember. I promise you.” he said, and at his words Abby smiled sadly. Then she turned toward him, his expression was so painful, she had to suppress the need to hug him, soothing his worried look.

 

“I know you will Marcus.” she smiled shyly, the way his eyes lit up at the delicate curve of her lips made her almost blush. “I will be waiting.” then she looked down at her belly. “ _We_ will be waiting.” she corrected herself.

 

“I will be back.” he whispered, before turning on his heels and hiding himself in his room.

 

“I hope so.” she whispered, to the void he had left in the room.

 

To the void he had left into her life, into her heart.

 

 

….

 

 

 

 _Life is a wonderful unknown._ Vera Kane was used to say. _Life is a surprising gift, everyday is a new adventure, even if it doesn't seem like it._ She was used to fill her son's mind with those thoughts, growing him into a warm house, filled with love and joy, promises of a wonderful life.

 

When he joined the army though, and discovered how real life was, every castle his mother had built in his mind collapsed to the ground. The desolation he had felt when that had happened, the anger, the desperate sadness...

 

 

....

 

 

 _Life is a journey, you have to discover your path by yourself girl._ George Griffin was used to say. _Life is amazing, if you know how to make the best out of it, honey._ Elizabeth Griffin was used to say. They were used to give their daughter as many good vibes as they could. Without hiding the harsh truth about the world. Abby had to grow with the awareness of how things worked after all.

 

And oh she did. Falling in love for the first time, having her first baby, facing the death of the love of her life, facing the desperation of her daughter, her own... And then falling in love a second time, and losing that love once again.

 

Abby Griffin knew for sure how life was, how sweet and hard it could be. She was prepared, and it had brake her.

 

Marcus Kane knew for sure how life was, how sweet and hard it could be. He wasn't prepared, and it had brake him.

 

 

_Life is a wonderful unknown, it gives and it takes. Life is surprising, is sweet and is hard. Life is a journey and is a war. Life is a path you walk on, and is a cliff you jump from._

 

 

 

….

 

 

Memories take their time to come back. The human body is amazing, an intricate cocoon made of flesh and bones, connected with life one inch to the other. The mind is a wire of emotions, thoughts, dreams, nightmares. The mind is where thoughts take form, is where words come to life, is where logic lives.

 

The heart is where the love lingers, is where the affection and also the hate grow. The heart is where everything comes to life, it pumps as blood does into the veins, it grows as a flower in spring, and it takes life.

 

The heart is were the love is. The mind is where the memory of it it's shaped. The heart is where it echoes. If the mind is blind, the heart has to guide. If the mind can't remember, the heart has to do it for it.

 

 

….

 

 

 

Marcus was healing, at least his body. His weight was coming back, one meal after the other. His muscles were still weak, but with time and hard work they would grow once again. For the rest of him, his memories, along with his identity, it was still unknown when and if they would come back.

 

The hardest part now was that he knew _what_ he was supposed to remember, he now knew at least one part of his lost memories, he knew now why he was feeling the need to remember _that_ _woman._ That woman that filled his room every day, bringing warm food and shy smiles, keeping him company while helping him remember, as much as she could.

 

But Abby was devastated, he could see that. She looked so tired, her belly was growing fast, and she was such a tiny figure that it seemed even too big for her to carry. But Abby Griffin was a tough girl, she was able to handle herself, he had learned that already.

 

What pissed him off the most was the fact that he wanted to help her, to be there with her and support her journey trough those long heavy months. He now knew that the baby inside of her was his, he didn't remember when that had happened of course, he just knew that it was it.

 

Abby Griffin was carrying his baby, his first baby. The thought still made his heart jump into his chest awkwardly, it felt all so _surreal_. Being a father was a thing he had never thought possible, he had never thought he was going to fall in love, to build a family, and yet... It seemed as if he had already done that, with the Blake siblings, apparently, even if he still couldn't remember, he had helped those kids when they needed it the most, he had been there for them.

 

That was even more surreal, if that was possible.

 

Marcus Kane a father figure? It was surely something he didn't feel as his. But people change, don't they? So he surely could have changed too... the only problem was that he didn't remember that.

 

Another curious fact was that, even if his mind was stuck at six years ago, his behavior was different. It was as if his brain wasn't able to remember the details that made him... _him_ , but at the same time it was as if his heart still remembered.

 

He had changed during those years, the Marcus Kane the kids and Abby knew, wasn't the Marcus Kane _he_ remembered, surely it wasn't the Marcus Kane he _thought_ he still was. And yet, here he was, being different, feeling different.

 

It was an odd feeling, being able to recognize the difference into his behavior and thoughts, but not being able to place when that change had happened, not being able to recall any change at all.

 

It was frustrating, but he was determined to find his way back, because if the look on Abby's face was telling him something, it was that she missed him and that she needed him to remember.

 

And he was going to do that.

 

He was going to remember her, to remember everyone and everything.

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

The first time Marcus felt as if his memory were coming back, was a cold afternoon, and they were into the woods that expanded around Abby's and the Blake's houses. There was fresh soft snow on the ground, and their footsteps were following them inside the thick forest, the air was cold and icy, but the sun was high in the sky, shining upon them, inviting them to join the nature outside.

 

Abby was walking at his side, her breath was forming fluffy warm clouds in front of her lips, and her cheeks were red, along with the tip of her nose. Her chocolate almond eyes were shimmering with the sparkling reflection of the snow. Her honey colored hair were trapped under a funny black cup, long strands were stuck into her burgundy scarf, while some where free on her coat.

 

She was smiling while talking to Clarke, the rest of the kids were following few steps back, they were scanning the forest, pointing out every detail they could see, and suddenly, Abby laughed.

 

And right into the corner of her lips, in the sound of her laugh, in the sparkle in her eyes, a memory shivered.

 

Marcus stopped walking, when a flash hit him hard, it passed in front of his eyes, like a déjà-vu, it felt heavy and almost burning, but it was there. He widened his eyes, and then closed them, afraid the memory would disappear if he opened them again. But the image was there, vivid and crystal clear in the wires of his brain.

 

It was Abby, smiling and laughing at something he had said. She was beautiful, bathed into morning sunlight, sitting on her porch, laughing heartily, her lips stretched wide toward her cheeks, her brown eyes sparkling with joy... but it was more than that. It was the _feeling_ that fragment of a memory held.

 

The feeling of pure adoration that suddenly invaded him, the feeling of safety and beauty, the warmth of that carefree look on her delicate and elegant features. The sound of her joy echoing in his ears, as if she was there in front of him in that same exact instant, laughing with him. Marcus was feeling good, that memory was warming up his heart, his lips curved instinctively into a smile, his hands prickled with the need to stroke some of those strands of golden hair behind her ears.

 

It was a memory that held more than simple joy, the feeling he felt while looking into those rich brown eyes, while hearing that carefree and joyful laugh, it was more than simple happiness, that was something that felt a lot like _love_.

 

When Abby shook his shoulders, to regain his attention, he opened his eyes and found her looking at him with worry, her expression was a mask of concern. She looked like she was afraid he could fall onto the ground at any moment, she was afraid to lose him once again. He felt the need to reassure her immediately.

 

“Are you ok?” she asked, she was panting, anxiety was clear in the trembling sound of her voice. Marcus nodded, and a _stupid_ smile blossomed on his lips, confusion deepened into her features.

 

“I am really good.” he said, and that seemed to make her more curious than worried.

 

“You are?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, and the word _adorable_ flashed in his mind, making him chuckle softly.

 

“Yes. I am.” he whispered, and if his eyes landed on the only inch of visible skin under her giant scarf, in search of the curve of her lips, it was just a coincidence.

 

 

 

….

 

 

The second time Marcus _remembered_ , he was sitting in Abby's living room, reading his favorite poetry book. The fireplace was crackling quietly in front of him, a smile was on his lips, his eyes lost into words of love and life.

 

Abby was in the kitchen, the noise of her preparing some orange tea was lulling his mind. Then was when she yelled, “You want some lemon too?” and instinctively his lips parted, to answer her, and then was when another series of flashes came back to him, one after the other, without warning.

 

 

_The sound of the shower. The screen of her phone lighting up, the memory of a message, an invitation to go somewhere with someone else. His fingers moving frantically on the screen, deleting it._

 

_Him thinking, “Pleases, choose me.”_

 

_The sparkle in her eyes, while she says yes to the proposal of a trip in the woods._

 

 

When Abby walked in the room and rested her delicate fingers on his shoulder, he didn't hear her approaching, and so he jerked.

 

“What the hell, Marcus?” she yelled, one hand on her heart, the other one supporting her weight on the chair he was sitting on.

 

“Sorry. Sorry!” he said, standing up, his hands found a place on her hips by instinct. The slight touch made his skin prickle, she blinked and cleared her throat, and he was sure she was blushing, while withdrawing from him and nodding to herself.

 

“Sure. No problem. So, you want lemon too?” she asked, sighing out, walking slowly toward the kitchen, stopping birefly just to hear his answer. Marcus was aware that he was staring at her, without saying a word. Abby raised an eyebrow, turned on her heel to face him and rested her hands on her hips.

 

Then, a new thought formed in his head, and he felt the need to suppress a laugh.

 

She looked so _familiar,_ that position, the way her eyebrow had traveled higher on her forehead, the way her hands looked there on her hips, everything in her posture and in the look on her face felt extremely familiar.

 

“Marcus?” she said his name almost impatiently.

 

“Yeah?” he was feeling as an idiot, but it was _so good_ to feel that new rush of memories. He wanted to share that with her, but it was still too soon for that, he wanted to be sure first.

 

“Lemon or not lemon? Is a pretty simple question.” she said, and he nodded.

 

“Lemon.” he whispered, and with that Abby nodded and turned on her heel, before she could disappear once again inside the kitchen though, she stopped and tilted her head.

 

“You're alright, yeah?” she asked him, and once again he nodded, smiling brightly.

 

“I am.”

 

 

 

….

 

 

Like that, day by day, new memories started to come back to him. It wasn't just Abby, it was the kids too. The first time he had met Octavia and Bellamy Blake, the afternoons with them in their house, cooking and talking, living together as some kind of surrogate family. The days spent with Raven in her garage, talking about nothing in particular, while eating sandwiches and pointing out some beautiful women walking on the sidewalk. Memories felt heavy and it was tiring to remember, but they also felt good and refreshing.

 

It was as seeing again your favorite movie, recalling details and sentences scene after scene, or finding yourself lost into your favorite book once again, recalling how it felt the first time you've read that sentence, or how that particular chapter had made your heart shiver.

 

Memories were coming back, and were giving him back piece by piece his real identity.

 

Of course with the good memories, also the bad ones came. He not only remembered how he had felt when he had found his mother in her living room that faithful day, and oh how ashamed that had made him feel.

 

He also remembered how he had felt when Abby had started _dating_ that other man.

 

He still had difficulties in recalling his name, it was odd and surely didn't sound pleasant. But of course it was even harder to forget how he had felt, waiting for her to come back, feeling as an idiot because he had _let_ her go. As if he could had somehow forced her to do what _he_ wanted.

 

Abby Griffin was a stubborn woman, and oh he not only remembered that now, but he had also found it out all over again. It was hard to not get that particular detail of her, especially when you lived together every single day.

 

But the thing was that he didn't mind. Abby's stubbornness wasn't just familiar, it was also incredibly... _alluring_.

 

Maybe even a bit too much.

 

Because _yes,_ with memories came back also dreams. Dreams weren't now filled with black heaviness and a desperate emptiness, now his dreams were filled with all the memories he was getting back. The fact that they mostly focused on Abby was another thing.

 

He dreamed of her and him together, looking at the Aurora, the expression of pure awe on her face was amazing, even in dreams. But what kept him _busy_ the most during his sleeps, were the dreams of Abby and him together, side by side, sometimes one over the other, sometimes in a tent, sometimes into his bed, other times even against his glass door.

 

And mostly _naked._

 

 _Yes,_ he was having erotic dreams about Abby. And it felt as if it wasn't a new thing. On the contrary, it was almost _too_ familiar for him. His brain seemed to know exactly what to show him to make every morning more awkward. Because seeing her standing there in her kitchen, with her messy hair, the fog of sleep still lingering in her eyes, her large gray cardigans loosened on her shoulders... surely wasn't that easy to not feel awkward, when that image of her echoed in his brain at night, followed mostly by moans and good good feelings.

 

Not easy at all.

 

Especially wen she would turn to offer him a shy sleepy smile, as if she had been having _that_ kind of dreams herself, and was still trapped inside of their bliss, the blush that usually followed was the major hint, she was definitely having _dreams_ about him too.

 

They were having erotic dreams about each other, and they slept in the same house, and they were supposed to be a couple, but they couldn't make sex... and if that wasn't ironic.

 

Or more correctly _frustrating, sad,_ almost _excruciating._

 

He knew that even if he wanted to, even if they _both_ wanted to, they couldn't make sex or love, or have any kind of physical contact that went beyond the hug or the handshake. His body was still too weak, _yes_ it didn't seem so, especially at night or in the early morning. Then everything seemed to work just fine, his body reacted as a young healthy body, but he knew it wasn't that easy.

 

The effort of having sex would probably knock him out, it was too hard, he wasn't ready yet... but it wasn't just a matter of physical tiredness. Emotionally, sex meant too many complications... and he couldn't afford that either.

 

So he had to wait, until the day he was going to be himself again, completely, the day he was going to regain his identity, every single piece of it.

 

If only he could stop dreaming of her, and if she, somehow, could stop looking so beautiful and teasing, and stunning or sexy. But of course she couldn't, and that probably was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. One of the _many_ he was starting to remember.

 

 

 

….

 

 

He was in love with Abby. Marcus knew that by now, he had been in love, and surely he still was when the accident had happened. He still couldn't feel that passionate love toward her, it wasn't as if he couldn't imagine him with her, she was beautiful, intelligent, sassy, even funny when she was around the kids. She had a kind heart, a gentle soul, her eyes were so sad and a second after they were shimmering with love and something that sparkled as _hope._

 

She was an amazing woman, he could see that... the only problem was that it was still too soon for him. He could imagine his life without her, he could imagine himself alone, and her somewhere else. It was a sad thought, yes, but not devastating.

 

This meant he still had to remember.

 

 

….

 

 

 

If Abby had noticed something different in Marcus, she didn't say a word about it. She was hopeful that something in his little mind had started to work again, yes, but she was also pretty aware of how painful it would be for her to discover it was just the result of her imagination, of her need for him to remember.

 

So Abby kept quiet, and observed him, day after day.

 

Marcus looked healthier, that was for sure. He had started to take long walks into the woods with Bellamy and Lincoln, and every day he remained outside a little longer. His body was gaining weight and muscles, strength was once again pulsing under his skin.

 

But it wasn't just his body that seemed better, it was even his mind. If the look in his eyes was saying her something, was that he was feeling _better,_ more comfortable even. He looked relaxed around the kids now, he also had started to say he remembered them, and he had started to share details of what came to his mind with them, they all seemed to agree, Marcus was starting to remember.

 

And if sometimes Abby had seen Raven, or Octavia, or even Clarke, looking at her with sad eyes, whenever he shared a memory with the kids, without sharing one with her, she didn't mind that much. Because what the kids couldn't see, was what she could see.

 

He _remembered her_ , she knew that. The first time he had acted _weird,_ she had thought he was having another collapse, and fear had paralyzed her, making her feel sick to her stomach. But after that one episode, she had started to study him more carefully.

 

Whenever he stopped talking, and closed his eyes for a brief moment, opening them again to stare at her, with a _stupid_ smile printed on his lips, she knew he had remembered something. It was a feeling, nothing really concrete, but it was there, and she trusted it.

 

She trusted her heart, and it was saying her that he was coming back. Slowly, with some efforts, but he was coming back.

 

She didn't want to talk about it with nobody, as if by telling it out loud, she could brake the _spell._ So she kept that information for herself, and simply gave him his time and space, she was ready to wait forever for him, it didn't matter when he would remember, it mattered just that he would, sooner or later.

 

 

 

 

….

 

 

 

The day Marcus remembered, it was a snowy day of March.

 

The sky was gray colored, heavy thick clouds were hovering upon Arkadia since the early morning. The ground was covered in fresh snowflakes, that landed one upon the other with grace. Nature outside was quiet, time passed by slowly, as if snow had slowed down the entire world.

 

Abby was in the kitchen, busy with dirty dishes and leftovers from lunch. Marcus was looking outside one of the windows, his eyes busy into observing the snowflakes falling from the sky, dancing in the air, swirling between the pinewoods that framed the gray landscape.

 

When suddenly her warm voice called for his attention. “Marcus?”

 

“Mh?” he hummed, his eyes still glued to the window.

 

“Have you finished with your coffee?” she asked him, and then was when he recalled he was still holding his mug. He looked down at it, and swallowed down rapidly the last warm drops.

 

“Sure.” he walked inside the kitchen then. She was giving him her back.

 

“Could you give it to me? I have to wash the dishes.” she said. Marcus nodded and walked toward her. She stretched one arm behind her back for him, still busy with adjusting some plates into the hot water of the sink.

 

Then was when a flash hit him. He was used to them by now, but this time it felt different. Her hand was trapped inside of a rubber glove, some drops of water were spilling onto the floor, white foam was slowly falling down from her thumb to her wrist.

 

There, in that familiar and domestic scene of her washing the dishes in front of him, the flow of memories was shimmering. It happened fast, burning his brain, leaving him breathless. He felt a hit of nausea in the pit of his stomach, and in a matter of seconds his mind was a swirl of echoes and lights.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first time they met was a cacophony of images of _Blade_ running, everybody shouting, Abby falling onto the ground. Echoes of their first encounter were now marking his brain, coming back, feeling familiar and yet new at the same time.

 

 

“ _Are you ok?”_

 

“ _Come here, let me help you.”_

 

“ _Are you sure you are ok?”_

 

“ _Yes I'm fine.”_

 

“ _It had been a pleasure, thank you for rescuing me.”_

 

“ _I had to do something, I mean that dog was about to_ _devour_ you.”

 

“ _I'm Abby by the way.”_

 

“ _Marcus.”_

 

“ _Nice to meet you Marcus.”_

 

 

 

The little game they had shared on that first evening. The smell of his mother's tea was fragrant, invading his senses, his tongue turned liquid.

 

 

“ _It's an old recipe of my mother.”_

 

“ _And what's inside?”_

 

“ _You maybe can guess.”_

 

“ _I guess I can give it a try.”_

 

“ _Close your eyes.”_

 

“ _Let the ingredients come to you, one after the other.”_

 

“ _You are telling me that if nobody will guess this flavor, you will not tell us?”_

 

“ _That's the rule.”_

 

“ _Well, then I'll have to come more often for a cup of tea.”_

 

“ _Feel free to do that whenever you want.”_

 

 

The smell of sauce boiling on the stove, the way she leans toward it, a teasing gleam in her eyes, while she pours something in it. Their first goodbye.

 

 

“ _I put something in your sauce, let's see if you can get what that is.”_

 

“ _I will figure out yours before you will with mine.”_

 

 

And like that, one after the other, dozens of memories came back. The days spent eating lunch together. Their phone calls, the laughs, the smiles, the secrets shared over steaming mugs of orange tea.

 

The trip in the woods.

 

Truth or dare. Their first kiss. Them making love under the Alaskan stars.

 

The pain, the frustration. The fights, the tears.

 

The night on his couch, their first _I love you,_ their bodies entangled into a blissful dreamless sleep.

 

Everything was there, until the accident.

 

The pain in his flesh, the color of crimson blood flowing from his wound. Then the black void that came after it.

 

Everything belonged to him again, now everything was back into place, in the corners of his mind. Every moment, every whisper, every emotion.

 

He now knew. He now felt again. He was back.

 

He _remembered_.

 

 

 

….

 

 

When the empty mug crashed on the floor, Abby's heart missed a bit. She turned and saw the pieces of blue ceramic scattered onto the floor, drops of water were spilling from her gloves, wetting the wooden surface.

 

“Marcus? Are you ok?” she asked, but he seemed lost. His eyes were wide open, he seemed frozen on his feet, not a single muscle was moving. Abby blinked and tilted her head, he had an odd expression, he was almost frightening her.

 

“Marcus?” she tried again, this time with a gentle whisper. Slowly she took a step toward him, unsure if she should touch him, he seemed lost into some kind of trance. “Marcus?” and then was when he looked up at her. His dark eyes were shimmering, his lips parted. He frowned, tilting his head.

 

“What did you pour into my sauce?” he asked her suddenly. Abby blinked, it took her few seconds to get the meaning behind his words.

 

“What?” she said breathlessly. Marcus leaned forward, one of his hands rested on her wrist.

 

“What did you pour into it? I never figured that out.” he whispered, a new light sparkling in his irises.

 

“I...” Abby's heart was beating fast, her mouth was dry, she could feel the pressure of tears in the corner of her eyes. “You... you remember that?” she stammered. Marcus said nothing at first, his eyes were roaming all over her face, taking in every detail.

 

“You're so beautiful Abby.” he whispered eventually, and like that he leaned toward her, closing the gap between them. When his warm lips crashed against hers, all the questions, the doubts, every fear, every worry, all simply disappeared. As smoke into the wind.

 

The only thing that Abby could feel was him pressing his body against hers. His lips moving with care and gentleness against hers. She couldn't stop herself, when one of her gloved hands traveled toward his hair, and when his taste invaded her, she parted her lips, and their tongues finally met.

 

“I remember.” he whispered, his words muffled by their slow and warm kisses. Abby wanted to cry, and laugh, and she wanted to take off his clothes and hold him there forever. She wanted to say something, anything, but when his hands landed on her hips, and his fingers started to stroke the fabric of her sweater, she was lost. Every thought flew out of her head, every word died on the tip of her tongue.

 

“I remember.” he said again. “I remember.” his whispers kept echoing into their kisses, and Abby could only smile at that, he felt it, because suddenly he was smiling too. Their lips couldn't part now, it was too intimate, it had been too long, she couldn't withdraw, not now, not ever.

 

“I love you Abby.” he said, pushing her slowly toward the sink, being careful to not squeeze her belly between their bodies. Abby's heart was levitating in her chest now, her throat was constricted into a painful knot, her tears were sweet and salty, rolling down her cheeks.

 

When he started to kiss them away, she closed her eyes and swallowed, feeling relieved and happy as never before. He kept kissing her, until he stopped, pressing his forehead against hers.

 

“I love you.” he whispered, and Abby had to inhale deeply to not burst into tears once again.

 

“I love you too.” she whispered without thinking, and he smiled, a smile so beautiful, so warm, so familiar, that she couldn't restrain herself and had to kiss it away, to make it hers.

 

And so she did.

 

They kissed each other's smiles and tears away for a long time. Relieved to be back one to the other.

 

And when they eventually parted, he asked her again, curiosity coloring his voice.

 

“What did you pour into my sauce?”

 

Abby blinked, her eyes lost into his, he was so beautiful that she didn't know suddenly how to stop staring. Then was when a frown formed on her forehead.

 

“I... actually don't remember.” she simply said.

 

He was quiet, staring back at her. Then, his lips curved into a smirk, and hers followed, and in the blink of an eye, they were both laughing.

 

When he leaned again, kissing away her smirk, her laugh died in her throat, and turned into a soft moan. And like that they kept kissing, once again, for a long long time.

 

He was back.

 

Marcus was back again.

 


	16. Wonderful Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue
> 
> Listen to this playlist if you want to enter into this story's mood completely.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/11128821534/playlist/5NtpwIRpXI78GlHSVUaV07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Take this little epilogue just for what it is. The end of a journey, and remember that I loved to walk into this story with all of you.
> 
> Lyrics in this chapters belong to these Ingrid's songs:
> 
> Home  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB7G7FUB-Lg
> 
> Are We There Yet  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOYOce5iU0g
> 
> Wonderful Unknown  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyfrwf232FI

 

_This is my home. Where I go when I've got nowhere else to go._

 

 

Hope Vera Kane was born on a sunny morning of May. Peachy cheeks, black hair, blue almond eyes that would eventually turn into dark amber pearls, as her grandmother.

 

She was born surrounded by her mother, her father, and her big sister. When she was twenty minutes old, she had already met half of Arkadia. The fact that she couldn't remember them didn't matter, she was never going to be apart from them that much anyway.

 

 

_Even in the harshest of winter I feel so warm. Even when the marks climb up the wall I still feel small._

 

 

The first day she was brought home, she was four days old. Her mamma and papa loved to keep her between them at night, falling asleep all together when the sun hid behind the mountains. Every morning Hope would wake them up with a faint scream, and she was always welcomed by warm hands and even warmer smiles from them.

 

 

_I know everything about this place, it wears your face. Even when my body blows away, my soul will stay._

 

 

Hope was so much like her mother. She was stubborn and wanted to be independent, since the first day she had learned to walk. She was also a lot like her big sister. She liked to draw and paint, the colors and canvas Clarke sent her from Paris on her third birthday were very well welcomed.

 

But she was also a lot like her father. She loved to read, especially poetry, and loved to spend entire evenings on the couch in front of the fireplace with him, reading Whitman's words.

 

 

_They say that home is where the heart is._

 

 

Hope liked also to ride horses, and to help her aunt and uncle with their new farm, “ _The Eden Tree”._ She was good in taking care of the animals, just as her cousins, Luna and Nyko. The three of them would spend hours into the farm, petting the horses, feeding the sheep, playing with the chickens.

 

Hope also liked to watch aunt Raven working in her garage. After school they would eat their lunch in front of some old car or broken motorcycle, and they would talk about life and love. She was only seven years old, but she was way smarter than her peers already.

 

 

_They say there's linings made of silver. Folded inside each raining cloud._

 

 

At the age of twelve, Hope had broken already seven of her bones. If it wasn't for a fall from a horse, it was because of a tree that had _somehow_ convinced her to climb itself, to reach the top and take a look at the landscape from up there. Abby and Marcus were pretty aware of her _adventurous_ behavior, and even if they were always worried for her, they never once forced her to stay home. Hope liked her parents, and she was grateful, because they basically let her do everything.

 

Well... mostly mama did. Papa was slightly different. He thought that anything could hurt her, even just a walk in the woods, let alone climbing trees or riding horses, and so he couldn't restrain himself from following her everywhere she went. When Hope discovered that his father had been tracking her, she had gotten really mad. Mama had tried to calm her down, explaining that papa was simply worried, he loved her so much that he was afraid she could always get hurt.

 

But for Hope this wasn't an excuse, she was a grown up, she was already thirteen and surely didn't need him to keep track of her wherever she went. Mama was pretty amused when she had said that, and to her surprise after that day, papa had stopped following her... almost completely.

 

 

_They say you're really not somebody. Until somebody else loves you._

 

 

When Hope fell in love for the first time, she was fourteen. She fell for a cute boy that had moved from a big city far away from Alaska. The first person she talked to about him, was her sister Clarke. She promised to keep her secret, and she actually did.

 

Until the day her father saw her kissing him. When she went back home that day, her mum and dad were waiting for her. Mama seemed mostly amused, while papa seemed ready to explode at any moment. But then, as she was used to, mama rested one hand on papa's shoulder, calming him and she was the one whom started to talk.

 

After a long conversation about being honest with them, and also careful with boys, Hope agreed on introducing him to them. After a week they shared a dinner together. Mama was pleasant and kind, all smiles and gentle words. Papa on the contrary was trying his best to be accommodating, but the only thing he had been able to do, all night long, was flashing Hope's boyfriend angry stares and doubtful looks.

 

But when he had promised them to never brake their daughter's heart, them both had just smiled, in their eyes Hope saw gratitude, and also a not so subtle promise to kill him if he would ever brake that vow.

 

When they broke up, just a month later, it's not needed to say that Marcus was furious with him. But when Hope had reassured him that she had been the one to brake with him, and not the other way around, he had been able just to laugh, followed of course by her mother.

 

Those two were infuriating.

 

 

….

 

 

_Here we go, dancing on our own, inside this house that we have never known, never known._

_Here we go, going in alone into the dark and wonderful unknown, let us go, let us go._

 

 

Hope Vera Kane was born in a sunny morning of May.

 

She grew up surrounded by love, and many amazing people, that all along her journey into life kept her company, teaching her everything they knew about life and the world.

 

She lived in Arkadia till the age of 22, when she decided it was time to get married. Since that day on, she had traveled the world, along with her husband. Her parents lived the rest of their lives in Arkadia. Traveling themselves, until time allowed them to.

 

Clarke and Raven got married when Hope was 5 years old. They traveled too for many years. Until the decision of having kids forced them to settle in. Clarke had the first baby, a beautiful girl that they named Lexa. Raven delivered a baby boy, named Finn, just two years after. They kept living in Arkadia after they were born, but they seemed to never miss their travels, as long as they were with their kids.

 

Octavia and Lincoln were too focused on their farm to make other babies. But Luna and Nyko grew surrounded by other dozens of kids, and never felt the need of a little sister or a little brother. They all worked at the farm, and when they were old enough to do so, they took their parents' place, helping thousands of kids with pet therapy along the years. Their parents had never been more proud.

 

Bellamy met a girl named Echo during a trip in Berlin when Hope was two years old. They fell for each other almost immediately, and when they decided to come back to Arkadia together, she was already pregnant. After nine months a beautiful baby boy was born, they named him Roan. They decided to settle in Arkadia for good, and moved into a little house into the forest around the town.

 

When Hope had her first child, she was 25, and decided to move back to Arkadia, to give the baby a place to call home. Eden, that was the name Hope picked, was born in a cold afternoon of December, and was welcomed by the same love and warmth Hope had found at her arrival in the world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When her parents died, Hope had just turned 45, her daughter was studying medicine in Boston, and her husband was traveling for work since a couple of weeks. Clarke was in Paris, opening a new gallery. So she was alone when she found them.

 

It was a sunny day in Arkadia, and they had ended their lives peacefully, simply falling asleep together. Hope found them both dead in her father's house, sitting on his blue couch, facing the shimmering lake outside, their eyes closed, two matching soft smiles on their lips. She didn't cry at first, and sat down at their side, quietly observing the lake herself. When night came, a beautiful Aurora colored the dark sky, then was when Hope finally started to cry.

 

The funeral took place in Arkadia, on the lake's shore, in the open, under the shimmerin Alaskan sun and the deep indigo sky. Everybody was there, even people that Hope had never met. Eden had come back from Boston as soon as she had called, her husband and Clarke had done the same. When they all gathered around their coffins, it almost fell as if they were still there with them. Sharing a cup of tea, staring at the shimmering lake of Arkadia while talking about their lives. And with that thought in mind, Hope said her goodbyes. They were gone yes, but they had lived their lives at their fullest, and Hope knew that, because they had taught her how to do the same.

 

Hope Vera Kane was born on a sunny morning of May, her parents had loved her till their dying day, and her life had been wonderful, a _wonderful unknown._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that everything has to end eventually. Even life. This isn't a story about Kabby dying, this is a story of them living, and eventually ending their life together. Try to think of them living day by day with Hope, seeing her grow and become the amazing woman she is in the end of this story. I couldn't add too many details, because I know myself, and if I did that I would never be able to stop. So I kept it simple, giving you just what you needed to know, and that is that they lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Clarke is listening to is "Say it, Just Say it" by The Mowgli's, listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRn8Sl6-sRo
> 
> Source of Pictures: Google


End file.
